Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me
The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be
It was raining, hard, and I was going door to door at an apartment complex. The rain was pelting me, dripping down my face and body, but I didn't feel it. I knew that it was early morning, maybe 2, but I was wide awake and frantically searching; searching for the brown-eyed girl of my dreams. In my mind, this girl's round face was staring at me, smiling, with the most amazing and tender look in her chocolate orbs. Her lips were pink and full and I longed to feel them against mine.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! I pounded on the next door. My heart was racing as I waited anxiously for the next disgruntled person to answer their door.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! I hit the door again with more force. Somewhere in my head I felt bad for waking these poor people up, but I had to find this girl. She was my life, my everything. It felt like I might collapse or crumble in on myself if I didn't find her.
A short, overweight, balding man opened the door. He looked livid at the disturbance my pounding had caused. I couldn't blame him but I didn't really care either.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled. "Its 2 in the morning! People are sleeping. I was sleeping."
His fists were clenched at his sides and he was turning redder with each word that passed his lips.
"I just need to know if you have seen this girl. I can't find her, I've looked everywhere." My voice was panicked and my eyes darted around for the elusive woman in my mind. "I really need to find her. Her name is…"
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
My eyes shot open and my hand flew out to slam against my clock, effectively ending the annoyance. I buried my face deeper into my pillow and groaned. "Fuck."
I really, really hated that dream. I was depressed enough that at 27, both of my best friends were happily married and I was still regretfully on my own, sort of. It ticked me off to no end that I couldn't find that girl who was supposed to make everything perfect. I was just making do with the one I had right now.
Then, to top it off, I was having this terrible dream that reminded me just how much I wanted what it seemed everyone else had. It had been playing through my head on repeat for the last couple of months. I had about had it and I was quite close to ripping out every single strand of hair on my head. Maybe I would even do it one at a time, to prolong the process.
It was always the exact same too. The same beautiful girl, who I had never met, or even seen for that matter, was the object of my adoration. But who the hell was she? Her name never actually left my mouth in the dream. I was always interrupted by the alarm clock, or the fat man would slam the door in my face.
The apartments I was at were somewhere I had never been before. I woke frustrated every single time and I just wanted to know what it could all possibly mean.
With a defeated sigh I rolled over onto my back and relished in the comfort of my bed for a moment. I was trying to calm my nerves. Unfortunately, I rolled into something hard and quickly remembered my girlfriend had stayed over last night. Yes, I said girlfriend. She was around more so out of convenience than anything else.
Her name is Jessica. She's pretty enough, but nothing compared the girl from my dream. Jess is also highly annoying. Constantly fawning over me, overly affectionate, and it is really all I can do not to flip out her. To prove the point that Jess is nothing more than convenience...she cheats on me, regularly. Since I don't really care about her, I don't give a fuck about her indiscretions. They are just one more thing to remind me she isn't permanent. The infidelity also makes the over the top adoration that much more ridiculous.
I finally slid out of bed and glanced out of the window to find rain. It was the kind of pounding and unrelenting rain that had been in my dream; just another reminder of the damn dream.
I blindly turned on the shower and stripped down. My eyes avoided the mirror. I didn't want to know how bad I looked this morning. The warm water slipped over my stiff muscles and I massaged the soap into my skin. I washed my unruly hair and I could tell from the way my scalp felt that there would be no taming it today. While I toweled off, my eyes finally met the reflection of my face. There were bags under my eyes and I looked like hell. Fantastic, I thought sarcastically.
I glanced at my clock, realizing I had taken entirely too much time in the shower, and panicked slightly. Late is not a place I like to be. I rushed through the rest of my routine; brushing my teeth with ridiculous fervor, and throwing on the first thing I could find. Rubbing some gel onto my hands, I ruffled my hair. I took one last look in the mirror and decided with a sigh that this, was as good as it would get today.
I looked at my bed as I came back to my room and Jess was still out cold.
"Jess!" I yelled. I gotta go. Get up."
She rolled over lazily and tried to smile at me. I ignored her and threw her clothes at her. What? She had to go and I surely wasn't leaving her alone in my place all day. I don't exactly trust her.
Two minutes later I pushed Jess out the door with my messenger bag in hand and hopped into my car. My beautiful baby Eva was the only girl that had never let me down. She was a 1967 Shelby Mustang, charcoal gray, and made the most amazing sound.
I roared down the familiar roads, making my way to my usual morning stop. They knew my name and my drink at the Starbucks close to my office. I really loved those people. They made sure my day went smoothly. Without the guided assistance from those wonderful beverages, I would be shit out of luck. Usually, they had my drink about ready when I walked in so I didn't have to wait. A man could get spoiled with that kind of treatment.
Parking quickly, I cut the engine and jumped out of my car before jogging inside.
"Hey, Edward! Late start this morning?" called Angela. She was by far the best employee in this joint.
"Yeah," I said smiling.
"Here you go," Angela handed me my Caramel Mocha.
I slid my card through the machine and pushed the right buttons to get out of there.
"Thanks, you're a doll," I winked at her before turning to leave. I am a cocky flirt and she's a cute girl so I find it hard to help myself. I had been out with her a few times before Jess and she was a fun girl, but that was about as far as my interest went.
"Bye, Edward," she called with a wave. I could tell she still liked me but it just wasn't going to happen.
On my way out of the store, I almost ran over someone while trying to check my phone. I looked up to apologize and ended up being too startled to speak.
The most beautiful girl I had ever seen stood before me with a perfect smile on her face. Her long brown hard matched her eyes and I felt like I was drowning momentarily, sinking slowly into their depths.
"Sorry," she said brightly.
"No, no it was my fault." I barely recognized my own voice as I struggled to form words. The tone was quiet and it wavered, nothing like me at all. "I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry."
She laughed quietly and stared at me for a second. I couldn't look away or even make myself smile at her. But right now, I felt stuck, frozen, glued to my spot. This was even more unlike me. I normally have all the right words when it comes to a woman. Like I said, cocky flirt. Where the hell was that when I needed it?
Just then, my phone began ringing violently in my hand, breaking the spell we both seemed to be under. I jumped slightly and glanced at the screen. It was someone I didn't want to talk to right now, Cameron. I looked back up at her to excuse myself but she was already gone.
"Hello?" I answered, looking around for the brown haired goddess.
"Where the hell are you, Cullen?" Cameron barked. "You were supposed to have your article on my desk 45 minutes ago! How can I possibly print my paper when I don't have one of my front page articles?"
Just by the sound of his voice, I knew the veins in his neck were standing out and I laughed a little on the inside.
"Sorry, Cam," I was running out to my car, the mystery girl forgotten for now. "I'll be there, article in your hand, in ten minutes."
"Yeah, yeah, Cullen," and he hung up. That was Cameron's way. He tried to be gruff, no nonsense, and with everyone else it worked. I just didn't get scared that easily. Now, if I ever truly fucked up, I'd run for my life. Cameron doesn't mess around. Though I liked to act like he didn't faze me, I was slightly intimidated, even with me being a good four inches taller. There was no denying the rage on his face when things didn't go his way.
Cam is by boss at the Lewisville Leader, the local paper in Lewisville, TX, where I am a journalist and I absolutely love my job. It is fast paced and exactly the environment I thrive in. It is also really great that I can dress casually and spend my day writing while being paid for it.
Because I was so late traffic was nonexistent and I got to the building faster than I had promised to Cam. Whipping into my parking space, I threw the car into park and pocketed my keys. I took my bag and coffee with me and sprinted the stairs up to the 3rd floor. The door burst open with the force of my hand and I took my article out of my bag as I walked through the office. People were staring because of the noise I made, oh well. Cameron was waiting at the door to his office with his arms crossed, staring me down.
I smiled widely at him, in spite of the mood he was now in due to me, and handed him my article. Flattery gets me everywhere.
"I do believe that was less than ten minutes." I almost winked at him but he's not a woman and I didn't want to push my luck too far.
"Uh huh. Well you better fucking hope its print worthy because we don't have time for you to fix anything," he said quickly. He was still threatening me but he knew damn well that my article was perfect. It always was.
"You know as well as I do that the article is fine, Cam," I said backing away.
He ignored me, keeping his eyes glued to the paper in his hands as he slammed his office door. I just smiled and turned to face the office. Everyone was glaring because I got away with stuff and they were on a leash. But hell, I'd been here five years and never once did I turn in something that had to be given back to me for corrections. Cam knew he could trust my work.
I sat down at my desk, still smiling, and turned on my computer. Time to work on my next story. Cam wanted me to write something up about the recent surprising election in Massachusetts. Politics wasn't my favorite topic but I did what I was told.
Tyler was a co-worker of mine and he sat directly in front of me at an extremely disorganized desk. It drove me crazy so I tried not to look. Tyler spun around in his chair and joined in on the glaring everyone else was participating in.
"I don't know how you do it man. How do you get away with doing whatever the hell you want around here?" His tone was incredulous.
Rather than say because of my consistency, which was the truth, I decided to ruffle his feathers a little more. "Because I know how to get what I want, Ty." I chuckled and he just shook his head before turning back to the work on his desk.
Three hours and a whole lot of internet research later, I was beginning to get annoyed. I couldn't quite find the angle I wanted to take on the story and I kept getting random whiffs of coffee. I had thrown the damn cup away right after I got here in a trash can on the opposite side of the office. It didn't make any sense that the smell was lingering.
I looked down at my notepad for a second and noticed something not quite right out of the corner of my eye. Upon further investigation I got an answer to the bothersome coffee smell. There was a small, brown stain on my white polo. Great. How the hell did that happen?
In a rush the events of this morning came flooding back into my mind; the girl in Starbucks. I had run into her and then been stunned into submission. I suppose I didn't notice the hot liquid hitting my shirt because I was too busy drowning in her eyes.
She had really looked very familiar to me, although I was very sure I had never seen her before. So why did I feel like I knew those eyes, like they had been burned into my mind before our encounter today?
My mind ran in circles for the rest of day at work. I didn't get shit done and before I knew it, it was 5 o'clock and my fellow journalists were packing up to go home. I waved bye to Tyler as I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed for the stairwell. In all, it had been a very frustrating day.
I was exhausted by the time I got home because my brain just wouldn't quit. Jess was busy tonight, thank God, so it was just going to be me. Maybe I could sort this shit out. And by busy I mean she was out screwing some nameless bastard.
I decided frozen pizza was the best dinner I could manage because my current energy level was pathetic. I went to sit down on the couch after I had gotten the pizza into the oven. The TV came on and I zoned out to the sounds of death and destruction presented by my local news.
I was running through the rain, nearing that same damn door. I raised my fist to knock as her unnerving gaze flashed across my thoughts.
"Ding," my oven sounded.
I shot up off the couch and blinked a few times, trying to get my bearings. Twice in one day, really? How was anyone supposed to live like this; the girl of my dreams tormenting me in my sleep?
I angrily yanked the pizza out of the oven and tossed the stone onto the stovetop. My only thought as I sliced my meal was "Fuck my life." I was shaking my head back and forth and muttering to myself. Good thing I lived alone because right about now I assumed I looked like a crazy person. I wondered idly if hypnosis made dreams go away. Could be worth a try. My food slid onto a plate and I grabbed a soda from the fridge.
Sitting down on the couch again, I turned up the TV and tried to drown out my depressing thoughts. It didn't work. My mind drifted back to the eyes from the dream and began conjuring up other memories of this random girl; her mouth, her cheeks, her chestnut hair.
The pizza slice was halfway to my mouth when I froze. A thought so shocking, so unreal, hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't believe it. The girl from this morning, I knew her eyes and now I knew why. She was the girl from my dream. That's why she was so damn familiar!
"No fucking way," I whispered. The pizza dropped to the plate on my lap. I was stunned. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible. I know I have never seen her before, I would have remembered someone that fucking gorgeous. She was something my imagination had conjured up and yet, she was a real person. How had I imagined a real person? It was absolutely insane, but there it was. I was utterly dumbfounded by my discovery.
My dinner got cold and I ended up throwing out most of it. My appetite had simply disappeared and my brain was on overdrive. I decided the only way to know for sure I wasn't making all of this up was to go to bed and hope I had the dream again. I needed to reconcile the image from the dream with the one of the real life woman. Good news, tomorrow was Saturday so no possibility of the alarm clock waking me up before I could say her name. Now if only that asshole at the door would refrain from slamming the door in my face.
I brushed my teeth in a daze and climbed into bed in my boxers. My phone went off on the nightstand before I could get settled and I checked the screen. Jess. No, I don't want you to come over and give me whatever disease you just contracted. I ignored her call and rolled onto my side, welcoming sleep for the first time in a long while.
I've just seen a face,
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just met
She's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see we've met,
Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
And I'd have never been aware
But as it is I'll dream of her tonight,
Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
So, new story! I am pretty excited about it. Let me know what you think! I have already started on chapter 2 so it shouldn't take me too long to get it up.
Song lyrics are the words that have been bolded and italicized. You will see them in every chapter, it's how I get my ideas.
Songs for this chapter were: "Remembering Sunday" by All Time Low and "I've Just Seen a Face" which is a Beatles song but I used the Jim Sturgess version from the movie Across the Universe.
Reviews are appreciated!