SHORT STORIES OF INSANITY

Author's Note: These are little morbid bits of humor from my 'Breaking the Ice' story. Hope you enjoy them. My beta got after me for posting them without being checked first. I'm properly chastised, so thank's to Ulyferal here is a corrected form of my original posting. Reviews would be welcome.

SHE-KAT MISBEHAVIOR

Steele was sneaking around the jets parked on Turmoil's flight line looking for the right place to put a mine when he heard a conversation nearby that sent him into hiding behind some fuel barrels. He stayed very still and listened.

"Inga!" One of Turmoil's soldiers whined in a heavy Russian accent. "Could you turn off that generator? It's so noisy it's making my pounding head worse!"

"Don't be stupid." A second voice sighed in annoyance, her accent the same as her friend. "This powers the entire building! When we turn it off, Turmoil will come down here, tie us to this thing, and turn it on again!" She warned.

"I don't care!" The first shekat growled back. "I wish I was dead anyway. No more drinking for me, ever! I'm going to take a nap right here."

Steele made sure to not snort aloud at the pair's conversation but he couldn't keep the smile from his face.

"Stay put!"' The second she-kat ordered. "Don't you remember what they did to that kid from Minsk?" She reminded her friend nastily.

"Okay, okay! I'll stay here!" The hung over she-kat moaned in resignation. There was a moments silence until the first she-kat spoke again. "Inga...? Do you have any Tylenol?" She whined again.

The first she-kat sighed in disgust. "Yes, there's some in the first aid cabinet. Go take some and shut up!" She snapped.

Steele nearly laughed at the pair but he had work to do and they were in the way. He raised up cautiously from behind the barrels, sighted the pair just ahead of him and shot them both with two well placed head shots.

"There now you don't have to worry about the headache or the bellyaching." Steele said in a low voice, laughing with mirth as he hurried back out to finish the job he'd set himself before he and Felina were found by the rest of Turmoil's force.

Too bad enforcer training didn't include immunity to laughing... At anything really.

STEP INTO THE WEIRD ZONE

Morning shift had started and Steele was expected in the Commander's office. He had just gotten off the elevator and was heading down the hall toward the Chief Enforcer's door. They were going to discuss recruitment plans for more commandos.

Out of one of the other offices, an officer stepped out and shouted "IZA" suddenly at Steele and continued on his way. Steele blinked in confusion but shook it off but before he could get much further, from around a corner and walking toward him came another officer.

When the officer had nearly reached him he shouted "IZA" and from behind Steele came an answering shout of, "IZUAH" nearly in his ear making him jump.

Steele froze in place but the pair of officers ignored him and continued on their way. Totally confused, Steele continued on to the Commander's door and opened it.

He had taken barely two steps when the Commander welcomed him with a loud, "IZA! Report Steele."

"Uh, yes sir. I have the files on the new commandos." Steele said trying to ignore his Commander's weird behavior.

Feral looked at him oddly for some reason as Steele handed him the files, but Feral waved them off and said, "Good, just set them on the table."

As Steele walked over and did so, the Commander's personal Sergeant entered and...

"IZA!"

"IZUAH!" Feral responded. "Report!"

"Sir, the new recruits are ready for your speech before they start their first training." The Sergeant reported briskly.

Steele, now confused as hell, interrupted to ask, "Excuse me sir, but why are the enforcers shouting IZA every time they see each other?"

Feral eyed him in surprise. "It's our new greeting. You haven't been informed?" He asked with a hint of amusement.

"Uh.. no, sir. I guess not." Steele answered, blushing a bit.

Feral snorted. "Read the bulletins next time. Now let's go down to the training area. We don't want to keep them waiting." He said getting up from his desk, getting his coat and pulling it on then leading the way to the elevator.

Steele lagged far enough back to mutter in consternation, "Man! The Commander is sure acting weird.

"Like the Mayor?" The Sergeant said in amusement, startling Steele who hadn't realized the Kat had been behind him. He blinked at the older enforcer in dumbfounded confusion. 'What was he talking about?' Steele thought.

Once they reached the training area, all of the new recruits stood at attention. Feral gave a brief speech on what was expected of the recruits.

"Now before we get started, I want you to state your names starting with the soldier on the right. Sing out loud and clear." Feral ordered

"Devon Packster!" The first soldier barked.

"Billy Greenhorn!"

"Tory Shanks!"

"Buster Chops!"

"Woody Jonson!"

"Dick Hand!"

Steele followed Feral as they walked past each recruit as they sang out their names. There were twenty Kats and as they heard each one, Steele couldn't help but squirm in amazement at some of the outrageous names he was hearing.

"Willy Cock!"

Steele's jaw dropped, he stopped dead in his tracks and asked "Um, excuse me, is that really your name?"

The soldier nodded solemnly.

Steele felt the world blur suddenly. He jerked up and found himself in bed. 'Woah! That's the strangest dream I've ever had.' He thought. A warmth beside him reminded him he wasn't alone. His sudden movement had awakened Felina. She blinked sleepy eyes up at him.

"Are you alright, Jon?" She murmured.

"Uhm, yeah. Just had a really strange dream is all." He said self consciously then laid back down and cuddled up to her under the blanket. She sighed and went back to sleep and he soon followed.

END.