I was asked to add more to my previous fanfiction, Midnight and how Christina and Tobias got together. It can be an expansion to Midnight, but you don't have to read it to understand this one. Allegiant spoilers. Enjoy.
The first night Christina came into my bedroom for comfort, I was surprised. It had been about a month since I had lost Tris. I was dazed and confused from sleep, completely lost in the darkness, and I thought it may have been Tris seeking comfort, but I was a little disappointed and more-so shocked to see Christina standing at the foot of my bed with her favorite pillow clutched in her arms like a child holding a teddy bear.
I didn't know exactly what she wanted from me at that moment, but judging by those sad, sleepy eyes of hers and her shaking figure illuminated by the shadows of my bedroom, I knew she wanted to lay with me. I was hesitant at first. I'd already known her well enough to trust her, but was I ready to have someone who wasn't Tris laying next to me in bed? Was I ready to feel another human body breathing softly, their skin touching mine?
Christina didn't give me time to answer myself before she welcomed herself into my bed. She laid on the far left side, as far away as she could get from me, respecting my space. Her back was towards me, but I could feel her loneliness. I didn't need to see her face to know that. She curled up like puppy, her pillow still grasped between her arms, and fell asleep.
No words were said that night. I awoke in the morning without her beside me. I thought I had dreamed that entire thing up, but the wrinkled sheets and the scent of Christina was proof enough that she was indeed there the night before.
The second night was much different. Christina made sure to wake me with her footsteps before she peered down at me with questioning eyes looking for permission. The pillow was in her arms again, just like the first time, but it hung loose, not being pressed to her chest for dear life.
I lifted the blankets on the empty side of my bed, and she gratefully slid in and laid down. She laid there, a few inches closer to me this time, staring at me with her big doe eyes. I could see the tears shining in them. Her eyes were shining with tears. Her hands were trembling and jittery, gripping the bedsheets. The tears spilled over and dripped freely down her cheeks, her dark hair clinging to her face. She cried silently and brought her knees to her chest.
I had no clue as to what to do. Did I assure her she was okay? Did I hold her to comfort her? I didn't know why she was crying, but at the same time, I did. There were stories behind her tears, behind her scars. No one cries for no reason. Christina had many reasons to cry, so I let her in without judgement. She wasn't the only one who let a few tears go in the middle of the night.
She turned away from me and sniffled. I watched her in awe, a pang of sorrow in my chest. I wondered what was going through that mind of hers, what she was thinking about. Maybe Will or Tris and how she never got to live a life with them like she had dreamed of doing. Or maybe she was tired of life. What it really a life? It still baffles me that crying in the solace of my bedroom and trudging through each day like a robot is considered a life.
I took a chance, and brushed her back with my fingertips. She didn't object, so I continued to rub along her spine until she stopped trembling. I sat up, using one elbow as support, and peered at her. She was fast asleep, her tears dried on her cheeks. I tucked the blanket around her and laid back against my pillow, using the clock as a distraction from her.
Christina was still asleep next to me, but she had now shifted so she was facing me. The sunlight seeping through the curtains made her bronze skin glisten. A small smile twitched its way onto her lips in her slumber, and I spent the next five minutes watching it slowly grow. She must've had a happy dream, something I never had. But if she was happy, so was I.
It was storming on the third night. I was already awake due to the thunder claps and the rain hitting my window. The tree branches casted eerie shadows across my walls and scraped my window. It felt like I was in a horror novel, like the child who was too scared to sleep because of the storm.
I sat up against the headboard until I heard those familiar feet come into my room. The door creaked open and Christina walked in, sans pillow. She got into my bed but didn't lay down. Instead, she sat next to me and played with her fingers. She wanted to say something but her tongue was preventing her. Finally, she spoke.
"I couldn't sleep," she said over the thunder. "Sorry I keep waking you."
"I couldn't sleep, either," I said.
"I miss him," she whispered as the thunder died down, leaving nothing but the pitter-patter of the rain in my ears. "And her."
Their names were hard to say. We rarely ever said them out loud to each other. It was like saying a secret code; no one could hear or know about it. Their names weren't curse words or disgraces, but they hurt to say. So we didn't.
"I do too," I whispered.
We sat in silence for a few minutes until the rain died down to nothing. She laid down first and looked at me expectantly, her eyebrows raising. I followed her silent order and laid next her. We faced each other. It was a bit more comfortable than the previous night she'd slept in my bed. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, it was peaceful and serene.
I was a little surprised when she snuggled up to me, but I allowed her contact. She was warm and soft, something I had craved to feel. I brought the blankets around us and sighed into her soft hair, letting sleep take us both.
By the fourth night, I had gotten used to her next to me and crying silently throughout the night. It ceased to bother me. She welcomed herself in as usual and didn't wait for me to open my eyes. It was midnight that night, but it was greatly quiet, even when Christina got into bed. The sheets were cold and rough until she cuddled next to me. I felt her warmth and her skin next to me, and that made it seem a lot warmer altogether.
Her tears soaked my shirt until there was nothing left but a hot, wet puddle, making it cling to my chest. I didn't mind it one bit. She needed my comfort that night, so I gave it to her. I pressed my lips to her forehead, which took no effort and brought no guilt.
I began to feel something different that night, something I'd only felt with one person before. I denied it greatly. It couldn't be. Could it? I had no idea what to think. My heart was beating fast as Christina slept next to me, huddled within my chest. I let the feeling go and brushed it off, and fell asleep, thinking about what Christina needed from me. I knew exactly what she needed, but I was too knee-deep in denial to fulfill it.
The fifth night changed everything between Christina and I. It had been a good two months or so since the last night she'd slept with me. I had wondered and hoped when she would come back, and my wish was brought to life when she stepped into my room that cold night. Winter was approaching and it was getting cold, so the room had a slight chill to it. I was using two blankets this time.
Christina's illuminated body was almost worrier-like. Lithe and petite, but yet strong and confident. She was wearing fleece pajama pants and a t-shirt that hugged her body well. She wasted no time in entering the bed. It slightly dipped under her small weight, and she rested her head against the pillow.
Unlike the other nights, her eyes were dry but still tired. She had come for another reason, not just for some solace, I could see it in her eyes. Her face was hardened and longing for something.
Neither of us moved until my hand glided across the sheets and found hers. She took it with pleasure and grasped tightly. I stroked her hair and gently kissed her forehead before she pulled away and leaned up. I looked down at her with wonder. I knew what she was going to do. She pressed a wary kiss to my lips. Without thinking, I returned it. Her lips were soft and gentle. They didn't quite fit, but it was perfectly close enough.
When we pulled away, I expected to feel some sort of guilt or regret, but I felt neither. Instead, I found the one thing I had desperately wanted for the past few months: Christina. It was perfect, that moment. We laid together beneath the blankets, tucked away in our own bliss with smiles on our faces. I could not have been any more grateful.
Tonight marks the fiftieth night that Christina and I have shared my bed. We never sleep apart anymore, not since the fifth night. Christina lives with me now, and my bed is now ours. Sometimes we fight for the blankets and bicker about who has more on whose side, but we end up laughing about it and pressing against each other, not really caring about the blankets anymore.
I remember when I used to despise her. I remember when she was that Candor who couldn't seem to realize that her opinions were not welcome. But I appreciate them now. I appreciate her truths and her lies, and her big mouth, too. She still isn't afraid to speak her mind, which I can admire. Although she has held onto a few of her traits, she has become a different person, a person I have grown to love.
I have found the one and only thing I have been wanting these past few months. Christina. I don't know if it was fate or just some abrupt turn in my life that led me to her, but I do love her. She is what gets me through the day and the nights where I can't seem to fall asleep.
Somewhere in those five lonely nights, I fell in love with Christina. I'm not sure exactly what I fell in love with. Maybe it's her character or the way she takes the time to listen to me. Or perhaps, it's just her in herself.
I lay in the comfort of our bedroom with Christina curled against me. She's sleeping. I kiss her forehead softly and take in her sweet scent. She smells of fresh laundry and shampoo.
"Goodnight," I whisper. "I love you."
I wrap my arms around her and hold her to my chest. The feeling of her heart beating with a strong rhythm assures me of one thing; I will never be lonely again.