The Night I Mispelt Schnieder
Disclaimer: I don't own Rob Schnieder....slavery ended a long time ago.
The G sat atop his bed buried in a Steven King novel overwhelmed in suspense. As his heart raced he thumbed through each page with his trembling sweaty palms just to see the resulting horror that lay one page over from where he lay.
The G had just finished his latest fic, one about a group of lame super heroes. It involved a cameo appearance of Rob Schnieder. Little did he know, that at this moment, somewhere in the shadows of his house, Rob Schnieder sat waiting to slaughter him for such an awful sin as mispelling his last name.
A loud clap of thunder startled the G from his reading when he heard a strange noise....something echoing from his attic...almost sounding like an audible voice....the G approached the air vent in his roof to hear a familiar voice crying out in agony saying "fucking shit!!!"
The G was horrified and ran as fast as he could to escape his room into the lonely area of his living room. He sat on the couch terrified and waiting...waiting for someone to show up to save him from such a horror.
The G decided to pop in a movie to take his mind off the situation-"The Animal" starring Rob Schnieder. The G had just begun to get into the movie when his phone rang and startled him from his seat.
"The movie just started to get good!" said The G.
He lept from the couch and ran to the phone to see who it was. The Call ID said "Unknown Name and Number."
"Oh boy!!! My friends I never even knew! Let's see what they want me to buy for incredibly high prices!!!"
He answered and to his suprise it was that familiar voice.
"Hello???" said the G.
"This is Rob...I mean this is a telecommunicator from New York City and I would like to pole you on....uhhh....your interest in movies....yes, that's it....would that be okay at the time?" said the man on the phone.
"Sure, I guess. Why not I have nothing better to do. It's not like I have a life outside of buying useless crap through the phone with my credit card" replied the G.
"Okay here we go. Question numbero uno...."
"What? No ablo espanol!"
"Number One....sheesh....*in a deep tone* Do you like Schnieder movies? I'm in your house right now!"
"Where have I seen this before???"
"What are you wearing sexy boy? I mean, uh, I'm in your house...ha ha ha ha!"
"Who are you??? Who are you ?!!"
"I am Rob Sch....An evil telecaster from New York!!!"
The G slung the phone onto the hook in fury and fear. He was puzzled at who it could be even still as he sat back down on his couch and balled up into a wad as he recited the Lord's Prayer and hoped that the "telecommunicator" was bluffing.
"Hmmm...Who could it be? Rob Sch.....Rob Sch....Rob Schott??? Rob Sch....Rob Schouppe??? Rob..."
The door seemed to creak inward as the G thought. A sudden knock erupted at the door. A flash of lighting left an eerie outline of an entity outside the front porch window.
"Uhhhh...Come in, I guess.....Unless you're that creepy telecomminicator!" called out the G.
The door flung open to reveal Rob Schnieder in a black trenchcoat and ski mask. He held a gleaming object in his hand. The G fell to his knees in tears of fear as Rob came in for the kill. The object smacked Ghimpy G with little pain what so ever. He looked up in confusion at Rob Schnieder.
"Is That It?" he inquired.
"Uhhh...yup. That's it. Now pay me for my cameo and I'll get out of here." replied Rob.
He dropped the rubber chicken on the front porch and took the sum of money from The G's hand and into his pocket.
"Thank You very much, Mr. G."
"Uhhh.....you're welcome."
"I better get going then."
"Okay. Bye Rob."
"I'm leaving now...."
"Okay."
"I need to go home now."
"Yes you do."
"I'm walking away from the door and going home."
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, ROB, LEAVE THE HOUSE NOW BEFORE I CALL THE COPS ON YOU AND THIS WILL BE THE LAST GIG YOU EVER GET IN THIS TOWN!!"
"Can I ask you a question first?"
"You didn't give me much a choice, did you?"
"Which is better? Shampoo or Conditionor?"
"Shampoo is better! It goes on first and cleans the hair."
"No, Conditionor is better! It makes the hair silky and smooth!"
"What foo?"
"That's right!"
"Uh, No!"
"You wanna take this up in the ring?"
"Sure! why not?"
"Let me asure you I will go fully medievil on your ass."
"Bring it, loser!"
*The scene falls upon the Celebrity Death Match ring as a crowd of people gather to watch the battle of enormous proportions that is about to take place. Mills Lane steps to the center of the ring and prepares his pre-fight statement as the announcer comments*
"In the red corner, waying in at an undisclosed amount, the male gigolo, a wild animal....comedian Rob Schnieder!" he screams.
"In the blue corner, waying in at wouldn't you like to know, Ghimpy G aka G The Schitzo aka The Mexican Pirate aka Billy Bong Thorton aka Snail Sausage aka The GREAT G himself!!!!!" calls out the announcer.
"This is not fair!" replied Rob Schnieder.
"Now I want a good clean fight. You each can use one different character per round up to three rounds. Now let's get it on!"
The bell rang and the two warriors approached a black hat full of little torn slips of paper with their character's names on them. They each could draw one slip of paper from the hat for the first round.
Rob reached into the hat and drew his character. The slip read "The Animal". G's slip of paper read "Fido the Nuclear Bitch."
"Oh boy." said the G.
"Ha ha ha." said Rob. "That's one big bitch."
"Oh shut up." replied the G.
Rob began galloping around on all fours circling G/Fido in a fury. G/Fido used his new found dog body to spring into action and take a bite out of Rob/The Animal's earlobe. Rob/The Animal retaliates with a punch to the muzzle. Then, G/Fido breathes fire into Rob/The Animal's face until he melts his eyes and mouth shut. Rob/The Animal then stumbles aimlessly around the ring trying to kick G/Fido swiftly. G/Fido stands in Rob/The Animal's way and trips him making him fall flat on his face. G/Fido then hops on his back for a three count.
"Oh yeah!" cries out the G/Fido.
Round Two begins as Rob stumbles toward the hat alongside the G. Rob's slip reads "Male Gigilo" while G's reads "Walker: Texas Power Ranger."
"Oh boy, Rob. What are you gonna do? Favor me to death?" taunted the G/Walker. "Sorry, Rob. I don't roll like that."
"I'll make you eat those words, G." Rob/Gigilo replied.
Rob/Gigilo swings several punches to G/Walker's gut. G/Walker then proceeds to barf into Rob/Gigilo's face.
"Ha ha ha!" cries the G/Walker.
"That's gross!!!" groans Rob/Gigilo.
The two begin hand to hand combat with each other. Punch after punch and kick after kick is blocked by each other. No progress is being made. Then Rob/Gigilo gets a punch into G/Walker's jaw, knocking him down.
"I need zord power now!!!" cried the G/Walker.
A gigantic robot cowboy came flying into the colloseum and picked up the G/Walker to place him inside. The big robot lifted his foot to crush Rob/Gigilo to bits when a strange cry erupted from the middle of the crowd *cue "School of Hard Knocks" by P.O.D.*
Adam Sandler dressed as Little Nicky came running down from the crowd and pushed Rob out of the way. In the event Nicky was crushed. Little Nicky soon returned from the crevaces of his home in Hell next to the ring and held up his hands in a fighting stance.
"You can do it Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!" cheered Rob Schnieder.
"Yes, they are hairy." commented the G. "It's a varitable jungle down there."
"Unleash the Good." beconed Adam Sandler.
The G's huge robot became a pile of fluffy bunnies. He quickly drew his trusty revolver to shoot Nicky.
"Unleash the GOOD!" he called again.
The G's revolver became a lolly pop. He sat there puzzled.
"Unleash the AWESOME!" he called for the final time.
A giant bucket of Popeye's Chicken fell from the sky and crushed the G into tiny bits in the body of the ring.
"Little Nicky wins! Fatality!" says Noob Saibot with a cackle.
The Round Three bell rings and Nicky leaves. The two combatants approached the hat for the final round of tie breaking since the score was 1-1. Rob Schnieder pulls a slip out that reads "Schnieder from the MTV Movie Awards Opening Sequence" and G's slip read "Evil Jar Jar Binks."
"What a strange turn of events." said the G.
"Prepare to die!!!" said Rob.
G/Jar Jar sprouted vampire wings and flew at Rob. Rob reached up and grabed G/Jar Jar by the throut and choke slamed him. G/Jar Jar tried to swing his tounge and trip Rob, but a quick kickflip and a People's Elbow to his head caused him to bite his tounge off.
"Prepare for a Schniedal wave!" said Rob, quoting his appearance in MTV's "Mummy" ripoff.
A big wave with Rob's face flooded the arena and plowed the G/Jar Jar out into the crowd and slaughtered everyone. That was one hell of a fight.
"This proves quite a few things." said Rob. "I guess conditionor is better, I was right." he said triumphantly. "It also proves that you should never spell my last name wrong on a stormy night in a fanfic on www.fanfiction.net." he said solemnly. "It also means that the G will never ever EVER be able to write fics anymore because he's dead." he said.
UH NO the G lives forever!!!!!!!!!!
Expect more insanity and no piece from here on out!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Rob Schnieder....slavery ended a long time ago.
The G sat atop his bed buried in a Steven King novel overwhelmed in suspense. As his heart raced he thumbed through each page with his trembling sweaty palms just to see the resulting horror that lay one page over from where he lay.
The G had just finished his latest fic, one about a group of lame super heroes. It involved a cameo appearance of Rob Schnieder. Little did he know, that at this moment, somewhere in the shadows of his house, Rob Schnieder sat waiting to slaughter him for such an awful sin as mispelling his last name.
A loud clap of thunder startled the G from his reading when he heard a strange noise....something echoing from his attic...almost sounding like an audible voice....the G approached the air vent in his roof to hear a familiar voice crying out in agony saying "fucking shit!!!"
The G was horrified and ran as fast as he could to escape his room into the lonely area of his living room. He sat on the couch terrified and waiting...waiting for someone to show up to save him from such a horror.
The G decided to pop in a movie to take his mind off the situation-"The Animal" starring Rob Schnieder. The G had just begun to get into the movie when his phone rang and startled him from his seat.
"The movie just started to get good!" said The G.
He lept from the couch and ran to the phone to see who it was. The Call ID said "Unknown Name and Number."
"Oh boy!!! My friends I never even knew! Let's see what they want me to buy for incredibly high prices!!!"
He answered and to his suprise it was that familiar voice.
"Hello???" said the G.
"This is Rob...I mean this is a telecommunicator from New York City and I would like to pole you on....uhhh....your interest in movies....yes, that's it....would that be okay at the time?" said the man on the phone.
"Sure, I guess. Why not I have nothing better to do. It's not like I have a life outside of buying useless crap through the phone with my credit card" replied the G.
"Okay here we go. Question numbero uno...."
"What? No ablo espanol!"
"Number One....sheesh....*in a deep tone* Do you like Schnieder movies? I'm in your house right now!"
"Where have I seen this before???"
"What are you wearing sexy boy? I mean, uh, I'm in your house...ha ha ha ha!"
"Who are you??? Who are you ?!!"
"I am Rob Sch....An evil telecaster from New York!!!"
The G slung the phone onto the hook in fury and fear. He was puzzled at who it could be even still as he sat back down on his couch and balled up into a wad as he recited the Lord's Prayer and hoped that the "telecommunicator" was bluffing.
"Hmmm...Who could it be? Rob Sch.....Rob Sch....Rob Schott??? Rob Sch....Rob Schouppe??? Rob..."
The door seemed to creak inward as the G thought. A sudden knock erupted at the door. A flash of lighting left an eerie outline of an entity outside the front porch window.
"Uhhhh...Come in, I guess.....Unless you're that creepy telecomminicator!" called out the G.
The door flung open to reveal Rob Schnieder in a black trenchcoat and ski mask. He held a gleaming object in his hand. The G fell to his knees in tears of fear as Rob came in for the kill. The object smacked Ghimpy G with little pain what so ever. He looked up in confusion at Rob Schnieder.
"Is That It?" he inquired.
"Uhhh...yup. That's it. Now pay me for my cameo and I'll get out of here." replied Rob.
He dropped the rubber chicken on the front porch and took the sum of money from The G's hand and into his pocket.
"Thank You very much, Mr. G."
"Uhhh.....you're welcome."
"I better get going then."
"Okay. Bye Rob."
"I'm leaving now...."
"Okay."
"I need to go home now."
"Yes you do."
"I'm walking away from the door and going home."
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, ROB, LEAVE THE HOUSE NOW BEFORE I CALL THE COPS ON YOU AND THIS WILL BE THE LAST GIG YOU EVER GET IN THIS TOWN!!"
"Can I ask you a question first?"
"You didn't give me much a choice, did you?"
"Which is better? Shampoo or Conditionor?"
"Shampoo is better! It goes on first and cleans the hair."
"No, Conditionor is better! It makes the hair silky and smooth!"
"What foo?"
"That's right!"
"Uh, No!"
"You wanna take this up in the ring?"
"Sure! why not?"
"Let me asure you I will go fully medievil on your ass."
"Bring it, loser!"
*The scene falls upon the Celebrity Death Match ring as a crowd of people gather to watch the battle of enormous proportions that is about to take place. Mills Lane steps to the center of the ring and prepares his pre-fight statement as the announcer comments*
"In the red corner, waying in at an undisclosed amount, the male gigolo, a wild animal....comedian Rob Schnieder!" he screams.
"In the blue corner, waying in at wouldn't you like to know, Ghimpy G aka G The Schitzo aka The Mexican Pirate aka Billy Bong Thorton aka Snail Sausage aka The GREAT G himself!!!!!" calls out the announcer.
"This is not fair!" replied Rob Schnieder.
"Now I want a good clean fight. You each can use one different character per round up to three rounds. Now let's get it on!"
The bell rang and the two warriors approached a black hat full of little torn slips of paper with their character's names on them. They each could draw one slip of paper from the hat for the first round.
Rob reached into the hat and drew his character. The slip read "The Animal". G's slip of paper read "Fido the Nuclear Bitch."
"Oh boy." said the G.
"Ha ha ha." said Rob. "That's one big bitch."
"Oh shut up." replied the G.
Rob began galloping around on all fours circling G/Fido in a fury. G/Fido used his new found dog body to spring into action and take a bite out of Rob/The Animal's earlobe. Rob/The Animal retaliates with a punch to the muzzle. Then, G/Fido breathes fire into Rob/The Animal's face until he melts his eyes and mouth shut. Rob/The Animal then stumbles aimlessly around the ring trying to kick G/Fido swiftly. G/Fido stands in Rob/The Animal's way and trips him making him fall flat on his face. G/Fido then hops on his back for a three count.
"Oh yeah!" cries out the G/Fido.
Round Two begins as Rob stumbles toward the hat alongside the G. Rob's slip reads "Male Gigilo" while G's reads "Walker: Texas Power Ranger."
"Oh boy, Rob. What are you gonna do? Favor me to death?" taunted the G/Walker. "Sorry, Rob. I don't roll like that."
"I'll make you eat those words, G." Rob/Gigilo replied.
Rob/Gigilo swings several punches to G/Walker's gut. G/Walker then proceeds to barf into Rob/Gigilo's face.
"Ha ha ha!" cries the G/Walker.
"That's gross!!!" groans Rob/Gigilo.
The two begin hand to hand combat with each other. Punch after punch and kick after kick is blocked by each other. No progress is being made. Then Rob/Gigilo gets a punch into G/Walker's jaw, knocking him down.
"I need zord power now!!!" cried the G/Walker.
A gigantic robot cowboy came flying into the colloseum and picked up the G/Walker to place him inside. The big robot lifted his foot to crush Rob/Gigilo to bits when a strange cry erupted from the middle of the crowd *cue "School of Hard Knocks" by P.O.D.*
Adam Sandler dressed as Little Nicky came running down from the crowd and pushed Rob out of the way. In the event Nicky was crushed. Little Nicky soon returned from the crevaces of his home in Hell next to the ring and held up his hands in a fighting stance.
"You can do it Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!" cheered Rob Schnieder.
"Yes, they are hairy." commented the G. "It's a varitable jungle down there."
"Unleash the Good." beconed Adam Sandler.
The G's huge robot became a pile of fluffy bunnies. He quickly drew his trusty revolver to shoot Nicky.
"Unleash the GOOD!" he called again.
The G's revolver became a lolly pop. He sat there puzzled.
"Unleash the AWESOME!" he called for the final time.
A giant bucket of Popeye's Chicken fell from the sky and crushed the G into tiny bits in the body of the ring.
"Little Nicky wins! Fatality!" says Noob Saibot with a cackle.
The Round Three bell rings and Nicky leaves. The two combatants approached the hat for the final round of tie breaking since the score was 1-1. Rob Schnieder pulls a slip out that reads "Schnieder from the MTV Movie Awards Opening Sequence" and G's slip read "Evil Jar Jar Binks."
"What a strange turn of events." said the G.
"Prepare to die!!!" said Rob.
G/Jar Jar sprouted vampire wings and flew at Rob. Rob reached up and grabed G/Jar Jar by the throut and choke slamed him. G/Jar Jar tried to swing his tounge and trip Rob, but a quick kickflip and a People's Elbow to his head caused him to bite his tounge off.
"Prepare for a Schniedal wave!" said Rob, quoting his appearance in MTV's "Mummy" ripoff.
A big wave with Rob's face flooded the arena and plowed the G/Jar Jar out into the crowd and slaughtered everyone. That was one hell of a fight.
"This proves quite a few things." said Rob. "I guess conditionor is better, I was right." he said triumphantly. "It also proves that you should never spell my last name wrong on a stormy night in a fanfic on www.fanfiction.net." he said solemnly. "It also means that the G will never ever EVER be able to write fics anymore because he's dead." he said.
UH NO the G lives forever!!!!!!!!!!
Expect more insanity and no piece from here on out!!!