After the rebellion finished, Katniss didn't really know what to do with herself. She had Peeta of course; they had been together for real this time, not for the Capitol, not for anyone. And after that special moment in time, when she finally confessed her love for him, they had done everything together; Katniss just couldn't bear the thought of losing Peeta again, not after Prim. Peeta still had flashbacks but managed to work through the pain and she still had nightmares everyday but they had each other. Katniss still had her Mother and Haymitch, but she still felt like there was a big hole in her heart. Lately she had been feeling sick all of the time, just worrying about everyone. She found herself thinking about Gale sometimes but she hadn't spoken to Gale since the end of the rebellion, she just couldn't face him, after she thought that he was the one who had a part in Prim's death. And he obviously didn't want to speak to her anymore, as he moved away from District 12 to District 2.
No, the hole was made by her best friend, Cinna. There was no way to speak to him, obviously, but at times like these she found herself calling his old number to just talk, but the line was always dead. She also found herself looking through the sketchbook with her Mockingjay outfits in. She missed Cinna all the time; it was heartbreaking that she would never see him again. Cinna was always there for her when she needed him. And she could never do anything about his death. Peeta told her all the time, that it was never her fault, it was the President Snow, but she never believed that. She believed that if she had made it out of her tube that delivered her to the arena, then she could have spared her best friends life.
As she found the last page with the pin drawn on it, she shut it and went to put it back, but something fluttered out of the sketchbook. It was an envelope addressed to Katniss, with Cinna's handwriting on it. This made her feel curious as to how President Coin hadn't found it. It turned out it was in between two pages that had been stuck together to keep the letter safe and unread.
The seal on the back hadn't been opened, so Katniss guessed that she had been the first to find this unusual letter. She had to admit, she was scared about finding out about what was inside. Sure, she thought about him all of the time, but this was different as this was the last thing Katniss had that was personal between them. Yes, she had the sketchbook but she got that after she agreed to be the Mockingjay. This was real; it was just her and Cinna, No President Coin, No Mockingjay and No Capitol. It was just her and Cinna in her mind.
She left the letter in the sketchbook, as she just couldn't bring herself to face it yet. Peeta knew something was wrong because she was acting strangely, but just wouldn't tell him what was wrong. She felt that the first time she read it, it should just be her and Cinna and Peeta could know after but for now it had to stay this way. And, so she opened the letter without a second thought.
Katniss,
Girl on Fire, I know that by the time you will read this that I will have died. I'm sorry that I couldn't have stayed with you till the end. I know that you will most probably have won the war, even though it still pains me to think about the destruction that you might have suffered with. I knew that day, the day I saw you at the Victors Party that something would awaken Panem's unstable platform of society causing chaos to form in its wake.
But listen, Girl on Fire I know that right now you're flames are not ones that will die out anytime soon. From all I've seen, even without anyone knowing anything, they're growing stronger and stronger everyday. However it will all be over by the time you find this, hopefully anyway. You are rare Katniss, a real diamond in the rough. You would do well to remember that.
I know that tomorrow, Katniss, you will be heading into the arena again, but I'm afraid that you won't be coming out as victor. I know you won't be coming out as victor. For many reasons, my Girl on Fire. Mostly because you have already promised that Peeta will be the person coming out at the end. You haven't told me this, of course. But I know. I've always known about the bond you and Peeta share, its one like no other.
Now though, I have other questions surfacing in my mind, like the question of: Who are you going to choose? Don't even try to deny this to yourself; you know what I'm talking about. Peeta or Gale? Haymitch has been kind enough to explain things to me, because he thought that I might be able to help. I'm afraid that I haven't brought it up, though.
But the question still remains: Peeta or Gale? I don't know Gale, but he seems like a very nice man. There is more there with Peeta, of what I have seen. Every kiss you gave Peeta in that cave, I knew that they felt risky to you. But there was one, and I might be a sap from the Capitol for saying it, but the one small kiss right after you came back with his medicine from the feast. I knew then that you felt something, whether it be love or just friendship. Not only are you the Girl on Fire. Peeta is my Boy on Fire. You both have formed a team, an inseparable team that stole the hearts of the country. You can't have one without the other. You could try, but it wouldn't be right, would it? Please for me, just make sure that you let them in, you can't keep your heart protected and wrapped in chains forever.
I know I'm asking a lot of questions and I know that I won't be hearing the answer to them, I'm afraid. But I'll ask them anyway, because I know that you need to find the answers.
Bigger questions are now swirling inside my brain. This one has been on my mind ever since you went into that arena that first time. Why, Katniss did you trust me so much? Sometimes, I noticed, you trusted me more than Peeta. Especially in the first Games. You two are inseparable now. I am not jealous and I don't want you to think of me as a bitter man. But I'm glad you are closer, he may just be able to find the key to those chains around your heart.
When I came for the wedding dress shoot, I didn't even get to talk to you for more than five minutes. But I could tell. You try so very hard to hide, don't you? It doesn't matter how much you hide, I'll always be able to read you like a book. You love him, no matter what happens you will always love him in one way or another.
Another question that I'm now asking myself is: How did you feel when Peeta announced that you were pregnant? You're face was very revealing. Blushing, even. If I hadn't known better, I would've believed it just like the rest of the country. Now I believe that I'm starting to sound like that crazy mentor of yours, Effie, aren't I?
Anyway. If it were true, you would be an excellent mother, if you don't mind my saying so. You have an excellent skill with Prim. She loves you so much; I can see it in her eyes when she looks at you. They are bright and they twinkle at the sight of you, Katniss.
Like I said before, you are extremely rare. You do things for more than one reason. Not only did the berries mean that you didn't like the Capitol, but they were a token, exactly like you're Mockingjay pin. The berries show that you care about a boy who would've given anything to keep you safe. I know that deep down you know this to. But you need to trust yourself and your instincts. Katniss, you are a beautiful and intelligent young woman. Please, remember that for me. Okay?
And now, on the last night of your freedom from the Games, I write this letter. It may have gotten slightly off subject, but that's me. I pour myself into my work, that way I hurt no one but myself. And I'm afraid that I may pay for that soon.
Whatever happens to you my Girl on Fire, always remember that I'm with you. Can you please do me a favour though? If you ever do get married, wear something that makes you think of me. It'll be like I'm there with you. I have always wanted to see you getting married and just leading a normal life, for a change. I know that it will never happen now, not with the scars of your past but please just try Katniss. I would have liked to have been with you for that. How would've Mrs. Katniss Mellark coped though? Brilliantly, I'm sure.
My beautiful Girl on Fire. Whatever shall they do with you?
I'm still betting on you, love.
Cinna.
By the end of the letter Katniss, was lying down, whilst sobs wracked her body. She missed him so much it felt like her heart had been ripped out. She didn't know what to do after this. Feeling this way was not something she wanted. And she was wondering how Peeta would take it.
Later that night, Peeta came home from the bakery, which now stood proudly against the other demolished buildings. He heard a noise upstairs and thought it odd that Katniss didn't seem to be around. He approached their room silently, waiting for the door to open a crack. Through it he saw Katniss' tear-stained face and her hand curled round a piece of paper. He stepped inside the room and found her curled up in a ball. He asked Katniss what was wrong but she just passed him the piece of paper.
"Where did you find this, Katniss?" Peeta enquired.
"I-I-found it in t-that sketchbook."
"Oh, well that was such a great letter, are you feeling ill again though?"
"No, Peeta. But I know what was wrong with me." Katniss said in barely a whisper.
"What?" Peeta asked worriedly.
"I got the idea from his letter, about being a good Mother. Well it turns out we will have to see how we do at being parents, Peeta!" She smiled widely.
"Wait are you saying..."
"I'm having a baby!" Both elated they went outside with a blanket and stayed laying together, under the stars, just talking for ages about their soon to be new arrival.
A/N: Well I hope that was okay? I wanted to write about how Cinna felt, but then added a twist in the end! I hope you enjoyed it :) Please review :)