A Day in the Life of Uchiha Itachi

Another ficlet by Kisoku no Yanagi

Uchiha Itachi is many things. He is a murderer. He is a criminal. He is a minorly main character in the famous comic series, Naruto. He is an object to be lusted after.

And we are here to document one of his normal days.

Itachi: I demand compensation for this.

Shut up, you. And so, onwards!

Everyday, Itachi wakes up at exactly 4:00 AM. Because his blood pressure is extremely low, Itachi sits around in a daze for a while.

Before the Uchiha massacre, Itachi would then proceed to train for the whole day, unless he had a mission. He would eat dinner at 9:00 PM. Breakfast, lunch, recreation, free time, and enjoyment were not apart of his vocabulary.

Now though, since joining the Akatsuki, his day is usually much more interesting.

After sitting in a daze for a while, Itachi will then eat a stick of Pocky. It is always a single stick, and it is always eaten from the non-flavored side first.

Then, Uchiha Itachi will brush his teeth. Yes, even bad-ass uber-villains have to brush their teeth. How else do you think they all have those perfect chompers? And so, for the next thirty minutes, Uchiha Itachi brushes his teeth.

Then, it's off to the Akatsuki mess hall. Here, Itachi will eat another stick of Pocky. He will methodically remove the flavoring through long, slow licks, and then will swallow the rest of it whole.

After finishing the Pocky, Itachi will always go to the 'Fun Room' of the Akatsuki Lair. Kisame will always be there watching documentaries on shark mating, and so Itachi will stay there, and terrorize him.

When it's time for lunch, Itachi will first wash his hands, methodically polishing his skin with soap and warm water. He will dry them off with a fluffy pink towel, and then he will look in the mirror. If he finds his reflection satisfactory, he will go to the mess hall. If he does not, he will stay in the bathroom and primp himself until he does find himself satisfied.

After going into the mess hall, Itachi will receive a plate of food from both Sasori and Deidara, the Akatsuki cooks. Itachi will usually eat Deidara's, and will not eat Sasori's. More than likely, Deidara's would blow up in his face as he raised it to his lips, but Sasori's would probably change him into a puppet.

After finishing his lunch, Itachi will brush his teeth. He will floss his teeth too, removing any stray pieces of food. After doing so, he will take a crap.

Upon leaving the bathroom, Uchiha Itachi will head over to the Art Studio, and he will strike mortal fear into Deidara and Sasori by threatening to destroy their puppets and sculptures.

((Itachi: Hey! I did not take their lunch money!))

After that, Itachi will write a letter to Sasuke. Occasionally, he will send him a gift, like an eyeball, or a severed toe. On these occasions, he will usually also write an exceedingly long letter, detailing exactly how he got these things.

After that, Itachi will go to each of the other Akatsuki member's rooms and say goodnight. Then he will go back to bed, and practice putting in his contacts for half an hour, because his sight is going.

And then, he will go to sleep.

((ME:...Oh my god, that was pathetic! Is that really how you spend your day, Itachi!

ITACHI: ...Yes.))

THE END

Well. This calls for a celebration. I found inspiration. I know it's a bit short, but I couldn't think of anything else to put in.

Seta: I'll call a caterer.

Gojyo: I'll get the beer.

Kratos: I'll cook.

Itachi: I'll wallow here in depression, because my home life has been found out.

Oh, shut up, you big baby. Well, please review, as usual.

Itachi: And please flame, as well.

...I'm not even going to waste any time telling you to shut up, Mr. Pink Towel.