It was Kevin's annual weekend vacation, and as always there was nothing to do. He had run out of human sacrifices (the next shipment didn't come in 'til Monday) and his guitar was still at the cleaners. None of his friends would talk to him, as they were all too busy getting on with their lives, so he sat on his couch and stared up at his Wall of Reminders. Coded messages scribbled in red pen stared back at him, and through small breaks between words one could see more red peeking out under a coat of white paint.

He could write a song, but he'd need his guitar. He could clean up the place, but he was out of blood thickener and the stores were probably already closed. What he really wanted was to socialize, but everyone else was at work.

His eyes fell on a small name written in the lower left corner of the wall. Night Vale... his double would be on vacation, too. He could always use another friend, and Strexcorp could always use another loyal customer, so there wasn't a reason not to go. He grabbed his parasol and was out the door. It would be a five hour hike if all went well, and he knew that all would go well and so spent the whole walk practicing his smile.

Desert heat changed to cold darkness, and he arrived in a town lit only by a shimmering cloud overhead. From what he could see of the buildings, they were cheerless and unwelcoming, and everything was painted in dreary colors. A figure watched him from the shadows, and after a moment it stepped into the light.

Kevin felt a lump in his throat. There stood before him the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He immediately forgot all about finding his double and wanted nothing more than to take this man home with him. He turned his charms on full blast, smiling his infamous smile. "Hello, friend. I'm Kevin."

"Hm. I'm Carlos." The man took a step back. "What do you want?"

"I'm visiting for the weekend. I have an acquaintance here in town. I probably shouldn't disturb him at such a late hour, though... perhaps I could spend the night with you?"

Carlos took another step back. "I would, but I'm really busy. You should try Old Woman Josie, her house is just down the street and she's fairly hospitable."

Kevin took a step forward, and his grin grew. "I wouldn't want to disturb her, either."

Carlos paused. He seemed to be thinking. "Fine," he gave in. "I'll give you a bed to sleep in but it's just that. Don't do anything funny. And please stop looking at me like that. Follow me." He turned and started walking. Kevin walked a little bit behind, admiring the other's rear.

When they came to a certain house, Carlos went around and unlocked a side door, through which they entered. His living quarters were similar to a college dormitory in several ways; there was a bed in one corner and a minifridge in the other. Against the wall was a desk that supported strange scientific equipment, and off to the side was a set of stairs leading up to a locked door. There were hundreds of clocks on every wall, many of them broken and none of them ticking.

Carlos gestured to the bed. "You sleep there."

Kevin went and sat on the bed. "What about you?"

"I won't be sleeping." Carlos walked over to his desk. He whispered into an audio recorder, and though Kevin strained his ears he couldn't make out what he was saying. Carlos paused the recorder and noticed that Kevin was staring at him appreciatively.

"Do you ever sleep?"

"I'm more or less nocturnal," said Carlos, setting down the recorder. "So, Kevin, if you don't mind my asking, what are you?"

Kevin smiled. "Just your average guy. What about you? What are all these colorful instruments for?"

"Scientific experiments."

"What sort of experiments?"

He shrugged and sat down. "When something odd happens, I document it. I don't know about where you come from, but here odd things certainly do happen."

"Like what?" Kevin was finding himself intrigued, yet he couldn't care less. He just wanted to hear this man speak.

"Like, well... people go missing, and things that aren't of this world show up and cause mischief. I try and make sure everything's relatively safe and try to figure out why these things happen."

"Sounds like an exciting job. We don't have anything that exciting in Desert Bluffs, thank god."

Carlos leaned forward slightly. "You're from Desert Bluffs?"

"Yes, friend, I walked all day to get here. It's such a lovely town!"

"What's it like in Desert Bluffs?"

"It's not much like anything, really. We get up in the morning, we go to work or school, and we come home to an evening of family quality time. Well, not me, personally, I don't have a family, I just spend most of my time working."

Carlos fumbled behind him for his tape recorder and pressed play. "So, to reiterate, you're from Desert Bluffs. What do you do for a living?"

"Radio. I'm the anchor on the news."

"Really? I have a friend who works in radio."

"What's this friend's name?"

Carlos hesitated. He felt like he shouldn't be talking about his boyfriend to a man he just met. "I hope you don't mind if I don't tell you his name."

"Oh, no, that's fine, yes, I understand."

"How does the government in Desert Bluffs work?"

"Gov-ern-ment?" Kevin rolled the syllables around on his tongue. "I don't think I've ever heard that word. What does it mean?"

"Well... who runs the town?"

"No one," said Kevin. "It seems silly, doesn't it, for one person to run the lives of several hundred?"

"So... you're an anarchical society?"

"Yes, but we're very well behaved." Kevin flashed a charming smile.

Carlos knew something was very wrong here, but that smile made him feel so warm. "So there's no crime?"

"Of course not. We all get along just fine."

"And you all just continue normally on your own?"

"Well, Strexcorp's a big help."

"What does Strexcorp do?"

Kevin's smile grew sad, and he shook his head. "Oh, Carlos. Sweet, silly Carlos. I feel bad for you and your town that you don't know what Strexcorp is. I can't really describe how great they are, only that they make life so much more bearable."

"But can you tell me what they do?"

"They make things. Just... things. Maybe you could come visit us sometime. Strexcorp will make your life so much easier. But I'm here to visit someone. Remember the sandstorm? I never got a chance to meet my double. I think he might be that friend you mentioned who works in radio."

"You guys had a sandstorm too?"

"That's right."

"And our doubles came from Desert Bluffs?"

Kevin shrugged. "I don't know, but it seems rather irrelevant."

"Right...Well." Carlos ran his fingers absentmindedly through his hair. "I should probably get back to my watch. I'm on duty."

"Don't let me get in your way. I'll just stay here then."

"No, I'm not letting you out of my sight. No offence, but I can't be entirely sure of your intentions, and I wouldn't even leave someone I trusted alone in my labs for more than five minutes. Bring the blanket from off the bed, and the pillow, two, if you think you're going to fall asleep. C'mon."

They went out through the door they had come in through. The glow cloud was swirling with a rainbow of colors, and the streets swam in its light as Kevin and Carlos made their way to the eastern side of town. Kevin fluffed up his pillow and lay down, wrapping himself in the blanket like a cocoon. Carlos sat down on the curb, and he found himself watching Kevin, sleeping peacefully with a serene smile. He felt a sudden lazy warmth inside, and though he really should be watching for any more horrifying armies, he lay down, too. Kevin felt his warm breath on the back of his neck, and his smile grew. This was just too easy.

Carlos woke up. He was slumped in the corner of a strange room, both his hands and feet bound. Kevin was sitting on an ancient-looking couch a few meters off, staring into space, unsmiling for once. After a few moments Kevin walked over to him and leaned down, apparently examining him. Carlos sat up as best as he could, backed against the wall by Kevin's glance.

"Sweet, sweet Carlos." Kevin was much too close now, and Carlos could smell the blood on his breath. He was virtually straddling him now, and his arms wrapped around him in an embrace that was much too intimate for Carlos' liking. "Do you know what happens when I smile, Carlos?"

"What–? No."

"People just... can't control themselves." His hand trailed down until it reached the bit of rope that was tying Carlos' hands together. He slowly began to undo the knot. "And it can be tedious to smile all the time, but then..." He paused, grinning, having just freed Carlos' hands. He ground his hips against the other, guiding the hands up under his shirt. "The people just love it."

Kevin's smile wasn't anything like the warm one he had used earlier, but it did the trick. Carlos was filled with love for this bizarre man, and all of a sudden he wanted nothing more than to please him. He helped Kevin out of his shirt, and Kevin returned the favor, ripping off his lab coat and biting the buttons off the shirt underneath. They shed their pants like snakes shed skin, and Kevin mounted him, not bothering to pause long enough for lube. He ran his hands through Carlos' chest hair, almost as perfect as the curls on his head. Carlos thrust with a wild rhythm, and Kevin moved with just as much enthusiasm, and in a matter of minutes they came, seizing up and shouting nonsense words. Up until this moment Kevin had been smiling that hypnotic smile, but in exhaustion it faded as he collapsed.

The realization of what they'd just done came crashing down on Carlos. He sat up suddenly and tried frantically to get away, but Kevin held him firm. Carlos stammered. "We... we just...I..."

"Shh." Kevin placed his finger against the other's mouth. "You're safe now, sweet Carlos. Everything will be all right." He held Carlos as if he were a child. Carlos began to sob violently on his shoulder, and Kevin patted his back. "Shh, don't cry. I've got you."

Carlos realized how much he hated this man, this man that could move mountains with his damn smile, and this thought made him cry more. "I hate you," he hissed between sobs. Kevin said nothing.

Back in Night Vale, Cecil's inner psychic alarm system was going haywire. It only took a brief scan of the city to realize that Carlos was missing. He could feel Carlos' heartbeat miles off towards the east, towards... shudder... towards Desert Bluffs.

Cecil didn't actually know anything about Desert Bluffs, only that the council didn't like the place. And when the City Council didn't like something, that something was either very, very good, or very, very, very, very, very, very bad. But anything that took his Carlos away was, in his eyes at least, the latter. Taking a butcher's knife from his kitchen drawer, he talked aloud about where he was going in the hopes that the secret police would hear him and perhaps give him some help, but no such thing happened. In the end he set off at a run into the desert, alone and with nothing but Carlos' distant heartbeat as a guide.

Desert Bluffs was deserted. The buildings were made of sandstone, with gaping holes for windows and doors. A factory on the other side of town could be seen pouring thick grey smoke into the sky, and a recording studio, much smaller than the one he had, stood empty on the corner of Main Street. He took no notice of all these things as he searched, sniffing for Carlos like a blood hound. There was an apartment building nearby, the only building made of brick, and, yes, it was from here that Carlos' heartbeat was emanating. It took mere moments to break down the door and race up the stairs and into the apartment.

Kevin was sitting on the couch, waiting for him. He smiled. "It's only you. I was worried I'd have to fight someone today."

Cecil raised the knife. "You do."

Kevin's smile faltered slightly. "Why don't you put that down, friend?"

"I don't know what that smile does to everyone else, but it's not going to work on me."

The smile vanished. "What do you want?"

"You have a friend of mine."

"Ah, yes, the scientist. But I've grown quite attached to him... Have you seen his hair? Lovely, lovely hair. Oh, don't worry, he's just fine – I don't like to hurt the attractive ones too quickly."

Cecil looked around the room. His eyes fell on a door off to the side, and he made his way towards it.

In an instant, Kevin's fingernails were digging into his arm, holding him back. "I never said you could talk to him," he hissed.

Cecil hacked at the other with the knife, leaving hideous gashes in Kevin's skin. Kevin frowned and examined his injuries. "Well, this won't do at all." The wounds healed, leaving only faint yellow scars, and Kevin launched himself at Cecil. Cecil, who had been caught off guard, was soon pinned helplessly against the wall.

"Don't attack a man with StrexCorp on his side. I don't think we've properly introduced, friend. I'm Kevin, and you are?"

Cecil glared at him. "Cecil."

"Pleasure to meet you, Cecil. And now the question is what to do with you." Kevin began unbuttoning Cecil's shirt. Cecil clawed and kicked, but every scratch and bruise healed instantly. "Keep fighting, lover boy. Oh, this is going to be fun." He slammed his mouth against Cecil's, smothering the latter's cries of protest. He had successfully forced the shirt off now and violently tore at his pants until those, too, were removed. The sight of Cecil naked and vulnerable only made him hotter, and he took out his cock. He broke the kiss as he shoved himself inside, and Cecil shrieked, beating his fists angrily against him. Cecil was crying now, and Kevin stroked his cheek. "You're doing lovely, Cecil. Oh, so lovely, so damn lovely..." He thrust wildly, and Cecil gasped in pain. Kevin was being too violent, and there was a steady pitter patter of blood falling to the floor.

"Kevin, please stop, I'll kill you, Kevin, stop..." Cecil was sobbing and screaming, but Kevin didn't slow down. Kevin cried out as he came, and even after he pulled out Cecil was still begging for mercy. He fell to the floor, shaking. "Kevin, please, just let us go, just... please, no more."

"No can do, Cecil. You're so wonderful. Are all Night Vale citizens resistant to my smile, do you think? Are they all so physically powerful? Or is it just you, dear Cecil, powerful, marvelous Cecil?"

Cecil didn't answer. He closed his eyes, breathing heavily.

"I suppose we'll just have to keep you until we find out, then." Kevin grabbed Cecil by the arm and pulled him to his feet. He opened the door that Cecil had originally tried to get through and locked Cecil inside.

It was a closet, and it was dark. The carpet was wet and sticky, and Cecil remembered the horrific radio station he had visited so long ago and shuddered. He could sense that Carlos was in the room somewhere – probably in the corner, as that seemed to be where the heartbeat was coming from. He felt around until he found Carlos, and he gently put an arm around him.

"Carlos, are you okay?"

"C-Cecil?" Carlos reached out, and his fingers brushed against Cecil's face. "Cecil!" He embraced him, and for a while they just held each other in silence. Cecil pet his hair absent mindedly.

"He raped me, Carlos."

"Yeah. Me too."

"You alright?"

"I think so."

"Good."

Silence. There was nothing more to say.