Title: In Our Different Directions
Warnings: A bit sad, I suppose, at the end. 1+/x2, very borderline-leaning-a-good-bit-towards-shounen-ai stuff, (Is that how to spell it, by the way? Oo;;)
Disclaimer: The only reason I can say this moderately calmly and without collapsing is because I'm too tired too o_X I don't own Gundam Wing. *Collapses* Damn…being tired obviously doesn't work.
SI: I was listening to some music that sounded all sad-ish so I decided to write a quick sad-ish fic…oO; Though I don't know what it'll turn into. We'll just have to see. I made this part up I suppose oO; Don't really know. War's finished, pilots going their separate ways into separate worlds.
Shinigami: *Grabs a heap of tissues and nose spray, ready for the worst* I LOVE fluffy/sad/sap fics! *Sniffles enthusiastically*
Kame: Oh brother…*slaps turtle-hand-thing across turtle-forehead-thing and groans*
SI: ^_^ Onwards to ficland…! oO;
Another bout of almost hysterical laughter exploded from the little suburban house, and its neighbors were not too happy about the ruckus it had caused for a fairly large portion of the night, covering their ears with their pillows for what seemed to be the millionth time. Stars dotted the pitch-black sky spread over the collection of neat little houses, and the soft golden glows of lights shone in a few windows. Though the excerpts of laughter were issued mainly by two voices, it was loud enough to raise roofs. And yet they were under no influence of alcohol or similar. It was straight from the heart, breathless, humor inspired roars of mirth. In the white-walled, brick-roofed, one-story house in this quiet suburban area, simple yet cozy and very homey, it's owner Duo Maxwell and the other four Gundam pilots were having the time of their lives. The laughter was courtesy Quatre and Duo as they remembered a rather clumsy mess-up one mission, which had put them very far onto Heero's bad side. Even Heero had to laugh at the memory of promising a genuinely terrified Quatre that he'd be slaughtered like the clumsy cow he was, in a fit of rage. The mission HAD, after all, been an important one, and both Quatre and Duo had a lot of sucking up to Heero to do following the fiasco that they made of it. They could well laugh at it now, when it was long over, Duo had said when Heero had raised an eyebrow at the topic chosen to discuss. But after a few odd tales of the ups and downs of the pilot's lives during the war, he too loosened up.
A black cat with curious almost humanly colored eyes of an odd type of blue, affectionately named 'Shinigami' by Duo as a successor of himself, peered in from the windowsill outside. In front of the old-fashioned fireplace ablaze with a fresh log laid in the center, the former red bricks stained with soot and whatnot from wear, sat five young men on various pillows and sheepskin carpets thrown randomly on the carpeted floor. The room was washed with a soft golden glow that flickered from face to face of the jovial crew. The one with the messy dark brown hair and stern dark blue eyes was sitting cross-legged on a large pillow, his elbow propped up on his knee and his chin resting in his hand. An amused smile and the occasional snort of laughter would escape him as stories were sifted through. Sitting beside him on a grand pile of pillows, or reclined in a casual fashion more or less, was the one with a long chestnut braid and unruly bangs, with a happy grin interrupted only when he exploded into an unstoppable session of laughter. From time to time his breath would come short and he'd fall onto his neighbor in an attempt to knock some sense into his own head. Across from the two were two very contrasting individuals. A blonde with a soft glow in his childish eyes, whose silent laughing fits left his face flushed bright red, was sitting beside a man with rather curious hair arranged in a brown unibang, and a pleasant low laugh contributed to the calm sea of green that was his eyes. Central of the group, sitting in much the same fashion as the first man, was a Chinese. His hair was tied back so fiercely the sleekness made it appear almost porcelain in quality. His rich chuckles accented the fierce gleam in his ebony dark eyes. They appeared a happy group, the feline thought to itself with a twitch of gleaming white whiskers, and continued on its hunt for mice, to which he was merciless.
"And you wouldn't talk to me for WEEKS!" Duo exclaimed, slapping Heero lightly on the shoulder in a friendly gesture while steadying himself to gain enough breath to prevent himself from passing out.
"Ah, you well deserved it, -Maxwell-," Wufei added with a smirk, remembering this particular story as having infuriated Heero to no end.
"You did," Heero added quietly, "You both did," he finished off with a meaningful look at Quatre who recoiled slightly and cast his eyes down in belated shame. Duo shook his head at Quatre and gave a very exaggerated sigh.
"We made it out alright, didn't we? No need to feel ashamed about it –now- Q-man! It's in the past, over and done with, and I'm not going back to any such situation ever again," but when he reconsidered, it HAD been quite fun, if you counted off the life-threatening factor of it," then again…"
"Ah, I suppose…" Quatre said quietly, casting a glance at Trowa who nodded at him reassuringly. This put him in much better spirits and he smiled again with his head raised to a normal level. Trowa had a special way of being supportive in silence, a feat very few could pull off without looking stern and serious.
"You're one to talk Wu-man," Duo said with a triumphant victory grin as if he'd just struck gold. But in comparison to quite a few gold-diggers, all of his teeth were present and none were made of metal," You managed to make your Gundam TRIP of all things to do!"
Wufei flushed an uncomfortable red and glared daggers at Duo, who took momentary refuge behind Heero to avoid any pouncing and I'm-going-to-claw-your-eyes-out actions being taken against himself.
"That, was an ACCIDENT!" Wufei retorted, folding his arms over his chest. Anyone would have been embarrassed, really. He'd taken the Gundam out of the hangar when it snagged its great big metallic foot on a length of netting on the ground and literally lost its balance. It toppled in a most juvenile manner onto its behind and Wufei was too stunned to do very much for a good minute, giving the others a good laugh at his little 'situation'.
"Accident, sure it was, I believe you," Duo said with a great deal of sarcasm, but the twitch of Wufei's eyebrow and the threatening movement of a fist made him recoil once more to the safety of Heero, where he peered out from behind Heero's shoulder with his tongue poking out in Wufei's general direction, mocking him, daring him to make a move when Heero was between them.
"Ah, well I remember something odd that HEERO did once," Quatre piped up, giving Heero a wary glance. But the ex-Wing pilot simply raised an amused eyebrow, slightly surprised that anyone had found anything he did remotely hilarious. It was usually flawless, and he was curious as to what he'd done that had been so wrong. Duo, too, was brave enough to make himself a target to Wufei and rested his chin on Heero's shoulder while giving Quatre a perplexed look. So did Wufei and Trowa, both rather surprised that Heero of all people, the most hardworking and devoted soldier any of them had come across in their lifetimes, had made a mistake. Quatre went red again at having the undivided attention of his four friends.
"Well he had a good enough excuse I suppose, he'd been up for over three days if I remember correctly," Quatre began quietly, intent on giving Heero a good excuse in case any of them found his coming story to be a bit too extreme, though he doubted they would. He cleared his throat after his little prologue and continued.
"He was in Wing ZERO making a whole lot of adjustments as he always did, and I guess the time just got to him. He must've just passed out with fatigue or something, because he looked rather odd when I found him," Quatre continued, "Perhaps when I'm done he can show you but anyway. He'd somehow managed to topple over and was sitting upside-down in the pilots-seat, his seatbelt buckled while his head was where his feet were supposed to be and so on, hands on the controls, and if I'm not mistaken he was mumbling about orange juice. His shirt was on his head as if he'd wanted…long green hair and couldn't have it, or something. I found him because he was making Wing ZERO punch the air in his sleep," he finished unsurely, glancing around at the room of mute and blank faces looking at him with unblinking eyes.
Duo couldn't hold the expression any longer and fell over backwards in convulsions. Trowa and Wufei were snorting and coughing and very much in vain trying to stop themselves from taking on Duo's example. Having had a lot of practice at having to visualize battle scenes, they were fully able to see an upside down Heero with makeshift green hair, asleep, piloting his Gundam as if it were in a boxing ring. The picture wasn't something you got put into your head every day, and it was enough to having a dramatic effect on everyone.
"You and green…green…" Duo attempted, having found the tank-top-inspired green hair part to be the funniest thing he'd heard in his entire lifetime. Heero felt his cheeks grow a bit hot, but of course he remembered vaguely wondering why he was upside down with a shirt on his head, upon being woken by a confused Quatre. And thought it wasn't as idiotic as single handedly screwing up a mission, it was enough to humiliate him slightly. Of all the odd things he could have done, why the heck and he gone and done that? A question he'd considered many-a-time. He didn't have time to ponder it further before Duo's hands had grasped the edge of his shirt, and slid it halfway up his waist.
"Arms up Heero, I won't be able to see you with green shirt-hair again in my entire life-time after this, so cooperate or face stalking!" Duo joked, resting his hands on Heero's sides in the pause it took for Heero to accept. Not that it'd matter, he was going to see Heero with green shirt-hair, no matter what anyone said or did. Reluctantly, Heero nodded and glared internally at Duo, though him being out of sight at the moment was slightly disadvantaging, before allowing him to pull the tank top over Heero's arms to his hairline, and arranging it into a very Relena-looking style, minus the fringe and braids, in a matter of seconds.
He looked, to put it simply, downright ridiculous. Duo was once again in a seizure that lasted for a good five minutes, and all the while Heero had to endure wearing his new 'hair' on his head while he was heartily laughed at by those surrounding him. Or maybe it was with instead of at, because he couldn't help laughing at himself and his momentary lapse in sanity on that day in his Gundam.
Only when Duo had recovered did he permit Heero to get rid of his awful 'hair-do'. Helped by a still giggling Duo he managed to put it on inside-out and the wrong way 'round, which wasn't so easy to manage unless your name was Duo Maxwell and your sanity was temporarily flushed away by laughter.
"Ah, nobody will notice!" Duo assured him as he stared at the poor attempt Duo had made at aiding him dress himself again. He'd have been able to do it fine on his own, but at any rate, it didn't matter one bit, now did it?
No, it didn't.
The rest of the hours until approximately four am were spent talking and remembering, bringing back memories of wartime living at its happiest (And to add to that, most humorous) and Duo could have sworn he'd never laughed so much since…no, he'd never laughed so much, period. Bag after bag of peanuts and popcorn were devoured, and bottles of 'something' as Duo called it were downed to quench the thirst salt brought around. They had the time of their lives. Yet the thought they'd pushed away was still resting peacefully in the back of their minds, knowing the time would come when it'd become a reality. Now the war was over, but nobody wanted a repeat of last time's little come-back, and so all five pilots, needing employment after the era of fighting, were assigned to totally different areas of the 'universe' if one wished to put it at that, to work in a new division of 'Preventers'. Quatre, with his rich heritage, had a huge job ahead of him in post-war reparations and what-not from Saudi Arabia and Wufei would be returning to China. Heero, Duo, and Trowa were to travel once again into outer space. The house they were currently in was just where Duo was staying until the spacecraft left. As was unavoidable, they were assigned to different colonies, L1, L2, and L3, to be put into use there, and for any of the five pilots to see each other in the busyness of work was very near to impossible. Quite frankly, they didn't know if they'd ever get the chance to see each other again after this encounter. Something that made Duo feel dead inside, every time he thought of it. The idea of them splitting up again was something he'd always known was coming, but always thought was too far off to be real. He needed his little Gundam gang, more than he needed anything else, and parting with them would be the harder than war had ever been. Very, no, -extremely- reluctantly, almost to a point where he ignored it, he was aware that it'd bring up that horrible stir of emotions, the simmering pot of feelings that he'd kept from boiling over all this time with a joke and a smile. He looked onwards with a clammy feeling of dread.
And sure enough, like an exam suddenly being just an hour away yet on a much grander scale, the dull 'beep' indicated the time to the five who were void of its existence at the moment. Painfully, with regret written all over his face, Quatre reluctantly admitted.
"My plane leaves soon guys…" He said quietly, shifting where he sat. Wufei nodded in solemn agreement. His did too.
"We have to leave," Wufei uttered the words with a good deal of resentment, casting his eyes towards the floor. Duo's laughter had dissolved to nothing, and an uncomfortable silence filled the room. They sat in solemn serenity, each waiting for another to rise to their feet. Nobody did, and they ended up casting glances at each other from the corner of their eyes, not wanting to be the first to rise and break their sacred little circle. Duo was rooted to the floor, heart and soul, silently willing time to stop for him, just this once. It didn't.
To everyone's surprise, Quatre was the first to rise. Everyone stared at him as if he had been possessed, but he just smiled timidly at them all.
"Come on. See us off," he prodded Wufei's shoulder, and was joined by Wufei who stretched his tired legs and blinked some nonexistent sleep from his eyes. Trowa was on his feet next, a hand placed on Quatre's shoulder as the blonde bit his lip harshly.
"Drop me off at the bus station," He asked Quatre quietly, and was replied with a stiff nod. His hand squeezed Quatres shoulder reassuringly and a sad smile graced his lips. Quatre drew a long breath and smiled back, nodding with a bit more ease. Their eyes turned to Duo, who was still sitting on the floor, still praying to any force, be it the Boogie man or a miracle worker, to stall the moment just a bit longer. Everyone seemed to accept that this was the way it had to be. But he couldn't. He never would.
"Duo." He was woken up from his pleas by Heero's voice, and a hand was extended down for him to take. Staring at the hand of his friend, someone who'd been through thick and thin with him in war, been someone he'd looked up to and admired, protected and felt safe with, he had to swallow the queasy feeling building in his throat. Nodding slowly, he took Heero's hand and was welcomed by a tight grip that pulled him slowly to his feet.
It was a solemn group that trooped into the hallway and out the door. The cold night air nipped at the bare skin of their cheeks, and their eyes were cast down to their feet, not wanting to see the assemblage of two cars set up on the small driveway. Heero preferred walking to the bus stop a few kilometers off, Duo's was tucked neatly into the front, while Quatre's – he would be ferrying both Trowa and Wufei from the house – was closest to the exit. A silence followed the ceasing of gravel being crunched under five pairs of trainers, and the only sound that could be heard was hoot of an owl or the occasional sharp inhale of Duo. He was still holding Heero's hand, and Heero made no effort to shrug him off. Quite the contrary, his tight grasp almost matched Duo's.
"I guess…I guess this is goodbye…then," Quatre managed, drawing a shaky breath. Trowa nodded, and the others remained silent. Quatre decided that he'd have to try and make this easier on all of them, he'd always been the one to soothe things like this as best as he could.
"I'm going to miss you all," He blurted out in a strangely high-pitched voice. The next thing he knew, he was gathered with all of them into a tangled hug of sorts, himself being the centerpiece as he managed to quench the urge to sob. Duo had thrown himself into Quatre's arms and was hugging him fiercely. Trowa's wide arms were spread around both of them, joined by Heero and Wufei, until they were all involved in the many-armed embrace that lasted, torn between grief and a strange sort of happiness, for a good five minutes. They were all going to miss each other like a part of themselves, and though none said it out loud, it was obvious.
Once Quatre had emerged from the center, time was running short. That gripping feeling in the pit of ones stomach when time is running out was creeping up on Duo like a monster as the three pilots that were about to depart packed themselves into the car, Quatre at the wheel, Wufei in the backseat and Trowa in the front.
"Take care, Duo," his hand was grasped in Wufei's from the car window, and smiles were exchanged, silently forgiving all the time the two of them had come into disputes and arguments, wiping the sheet clean of all blotches ever added to it.
"You too, Wu-m…Wufei," he corrected himself, his hand quivering slightly. Wufei shook his head and almost grinned.
"Wu-man it is," He said, much to Duo's delight as he managed a choked laugh and
fake-punched Wufei's arm. He withdrew his hand and moved to Trowa, who was
smiling out from under his odd hair.
"I doubt anyone could ever forget the hair, Trowa, oh mighty unibanged clowny one," Duo joked, his hand being once again taken into a firm grip.
"Same to you, Duo," Trowa replied, indicating obviously to Duo's braid spilling out from the back of his head, and a silent look of the ones-with-strange-hair was shared between them both.
"See you around, buddy," Duo grinned, crouching down to look at Quatre through the window. His companion in cheerfulness and moderately edible cooking.
"I hope so, Duo," Quatre administered a quick one-armed hug to him and was close to teary-eyed when he withdrew. Duo nodded quietly and stood up, backing onto the law where Heero was already standing. The car engine started up, the lights flickered on.
"Good bye, Heero, Duo," Quatre's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. They both nodded, Duo clearly unable to speak clearly, Heero, well he was Heero. One could never tell with him, but Duo was pretty sure if he'd tried to speak, his voice would have been croaky too. He felt as if he would break down at any minute, as the car began reversing and straightened itself out on the road, all set to go. A calloused hand found his and held it reassuringly, with a comforting warmth Duo appreciated beyond anything at that moment.
"Bye…" he whispered, a word he hated and loathed. The three pilots in the car raised their hands in a salute and the car began rolling across the tarmac. Silent waves marked their departure as the car sped up, gaining distance. Further, and further, until they were no longer distinguishable against the dark of night. Duo didn't stop waving until the tiny pinpricks of the backlights disappeared completely around a curb, and even then he refused to stop until he found Heero's hand was on his shoulder.
"I guess it's time for you to leave too, huh…" Duo said quietly, reverting to staring at his feet again and half closing his eyes. He couldn't look at Heero, and only barely registered the nod he was replied with. He couldn't help it. His next inhale sounded too suspiciously like a tear-stricken sob. He'd known this would happen. He'd known he wouldn't be able to take it. His mask was worn and faded, showing the devastated Duo hiding behind it. The jokes and smiles were gone, and in its place was a Duo who felt he wouldn't physically be able to survive through this.
"I-…I-eh…" and he couldn't go on after that. His body shook and quivered with effort to keep from collapsing. Heero's dark eyes watched him sorrowfully, and the hand on Duo's shoulder slowly turned him the small angle to face Heero. Still he wouldn't, and looked with mock interest at the gravel that had collected at his sneakers from much pawing at the ground. The hand was still resting on his shoulder, the grip firm and trusting, something treasured deeply by Duo. He was so afraid it would be eternally lost, and didn't know if he would literally survive such a loss.
He couldn't help himself. He flung himself at Heero who caught him in his arms, letting the braided American bury his face in his chest as silent tears trickled down his cheeks and stained the fabric of Heero's green shirt a few shades darker. His arms were securely wrapped around Heero's waist, an iron grip that just dared anyone to try to loosen it. Heero was caught a bit by surprise, but adjusted quickly and let strong arms encompass Duo in a tight hug. A hand rubbed slow circles on Duo's shuddering back, in a frail attempt to calm him down, though both knew that wouldn't be possible. They stood there, arms wrapped around each other and Heero soothingly rocking back and forth as Duo's tears flowed ceaselessly from his now bloodshot eyes until he couldn't cry any more.
Silence remained between the two as Duo raised his head to rest his chin once again on Heero's shoulder, wiping his eyes furiously with the back of his hand. He didn't want Heero to see him torn. Swinging from the edge of his own sanity, because he really thought he would crack under this. Heero didn't stop the rhythmic rocking back and forth, until Duo had regained a normal breathing pattern again. It took twenty minutes.
Taking another painful breath, Duo grasped Heero's shoulders and straightened himself once more to look at Heero. He registered one last look at the now placid deep Prussian blue eyes hid by those bed-head bangs. Heero, too, watched the troubled lurching of purple-tinged blue washing across the depths of Duo's slightly glazed eyes. Pilot meeting pilot, soldier meeting soldier, friend meeting friend. One last time.
Not a word was uttered into the peaceful night air, where a turmoil to beat all others was taking place. Insides Duo's soul. He hated it, couldn't bear to see Heero leave, a friend he'd never thought he'd have to live a second without. His insides twisted as Heero made his way onto the road, hand shoved resolutely into his pockets and eyes raised doggedly forward. He followed, and stood with his arms wrapped around himself to keep the intense cold out, it had doubled now, yet the temperature hadn't dropped as much as half a degree.
He watched Heero's retreating back, biting his lip harshly enough to draw blood to keep from sobbing. He knew he could just run inside and pretend it wasn't happening, but he couldn't run and hide from this. He couldn't. He watched a vital part of his own being slowly being ripped away with every step Heero added to the distance between them. The kettle boiled over, the clock reached it's final tick, and the darkest depths Duo's soul, the ones he'd tried to suppress and keep hidden, sprung painfully into life. His mask cracked in two, and layer upon layer of jokes and laughter, grins and smiles, peeled off his skin until Duo was left bare, a vision of a human whose losses totaled up to something so immense, no person should be expected to live through it, to bear it, to cope.
His eyes didn't blink, even though all he now saw was the outline of Heero against a patch of light. Then, all too quickly, he faded into nothing-ness, and was all of a sudden, gone. He was still wearing his shirt the way Duo had left it.
The hollow feeling swept over Duo like a heavy blow, reminding him nastily of his past and all the bitterness, the grief, the intolerable anguish and guilt it held. He felt so insecure and lonely in a world that he could never forgive, nor could he forgive himself for all that he'd done in it. He was the bringer of death, he'd told himself, he held the choice of who would live and who would die in his hands. But it didn't matter. All that he treasured was ripped from him whatever he did, not even as the God of Death could he hold on to them. All those around him were always taken away, and he knew it. Though his feeble hope wished and prayed that it would be otherwise, he knew that everything he cared about was always pulled out of his reach at one time. And cursed as he was with this fate worse than itself, there was nothing he could do about it. And he realized, that as more distance was put between him and his friends, slowly, he was losing his will to live. The comfortable web they'd formed with him was disintegrating, and he was left with the loose threads billowing around him with nowhere to go.
The boy named Shinigami stared into the darkness, where silence and immobility now ruled the black scenario. Not a being stirred, and not a leaf rustled in the cool night. The echoes of Heero's footsteps had long since died down, and all there was now, was black emptiness, stretching far and wide around him, deeming him small and powerless in a world that held no mercy or compassion.
He never saw or heard from Heero or the others.
Fin.
A/N: Now I'm sad…x.x It' s late here…around 1am or something, I think I have to go to sleep now ^^ Um…review, if you can be bothered. I don't like this fic much…it makes me feel all sad -.- Heh. But that's what it's for.