Goodbye, My Love

I Love You...Mikan

Hello how are you?
Is your face still cute like before?
Pulling out my late regards and my last farewells

I walked down the hall of the highschool corridor and saw like always Mikan's beautiful smile with my best friend Ruka. They were always in that spot at lunch in the classroom, or in the halls instead of eating in the cafeteria. I guess I saw it coming, literally. They were kissing at the back of the classroom today and when I saw that my heart couldn't help but break a little. Boy was I turning into a softy these days. They were going out now and Ruka was oblivious to how I felt. He did guess when we were younger but i convinced him it was alright and that I gave up on her. I didn't want to tell him because he's my best friend no matter what and I don't want anything to ruin our friendship. He was even in the Academy because he felt like he had to come with me from that time. Those were some really bad times.

i write,
I wonder if you'll simply ask me why it's a letter
When messages on monihompy are more common
Firmly I pick up my pen
Just in case I can't convey my heart
I feel like I can't do this any other way
It was really hard when I loved you
Nothing happened the way I wanted it to

I was suppose to protect both of them, but when the Academy wanted Mikan to join the dangerous missions because of her steal alice, he went on and sacrificed himself for Mikan and now we went on missions together some of the time. That was proof that I couldn't even protect my best friend and my best mate! So to make up for it I would take some of his shift while he never knew. He would find out once or twice but he would eventually forgive me. Slowly, the more missions I did my alice kept making consequence out on his health. I felt himself slowly dying but never told anyone. Mostly because I didn't want to be seen as a wimp and be treated like im a peace of glass that would shatter any moment.

I keep promising myself to stop bothering you
Even though I waited until death, you still won't come

I knew there wasn't much time left for me, but I could never help but break myself more by taking glances in your direction, but smell your sweet scent while you passed by, but love you when you belonged to someone else. So here I am waiting for death and you still won't come. I'm glad for you and Ruka both. I saw them again at "our" Sakura tree late that evening. Soon it would only be theirs. "Hey Natsume!" cried the voice I longed for as long as I could remember. Ok well not "that" long ago. I looked up and gave her a half hearted smile and sat beside Ruka picking up the manga that I left earlier that day and climbed way up the tree. Few minutes passed and I couldn't stand it. I was irritated, I had to leave their lovey dovey states causing my heart to hurt more and more. I gave them both a nod and they responded with a "Goodbye."

Goodbye, My Love....
I'll let you go now
the remembrances and the memories
I'll forget them all
I'll erase and erase and empty out every drop of love
from my heart...

I try to forget you, but can't. I try to stop thinking about you, but can't. What can I do, but make you sad? You think I'm ignoring you because you think I'm mad at you for taking away my best friend but thats not the reason at all....the reason is that I love you. So I take it in silence. After all theres not much time left. We had a fight and never really made up did we? This was good anyways because then she could really be hapy when I take my leave from this world.

Saying that as bodies grow apart, the heart goes further apart as well
It's of no use to me and it's lies
Everyday I become more and more worn out....
I'm sorry for causing you trouble
Everyday I ask myself "Can't we go back?"

I think to myself over and over "what if" and always grow even less on time. Even if I get you now...will you survive it when I do leave you? I wonder what would happen to you and Ruka after. Whenever I look into your eyes your gaze is light on my darkness and I would always think "Can't we go back?" I still knew it would be no use trying to do anything now...soon it would be too late. You shouldn't cry too much.

Even if I wring out my distressed heart and cry out, you can't hear me
Now, at at the end of our memories, after I realized out separation
I'll let you go from my heart....
Goodbye.....

It was close to it. I thought last night was the last and I would drift off waiting for you to reach me, but I can't go back. I just wait and stay silent as I have always been. Nobody knows that I'm in this state already and nobody has to know. Persona is already trying to replace me looking for a worthy person who doesn't also have the 4th form alice. I wish my best for the next guy. It's going to be like hell for the next person after and so on. When will it end I wonder.

Goodbye My Love...
I'll let you go now
the remembrances and the memories
I'll forget them all
I'll erase and erase and empty out every drop of love
from my heart...

As time goes on I can't help but wish you good luck and hope you survive through it and stay happy and continue being Ruka's light.

I thought I would forget you as time goes by
But you keep finding your way back into my heart
again and again...

I tried to get you to hate me as much as possible but why does it seem like it's hurting you more than it hurts me? You don't understand the pain im going through everytime I see you together or when it seems like your gazing into the far depths of my soul but still seeing nothig but darkness. No, you don't understand and I hope you won't until it's too late.

I can't....I can't let go of my love
I have to forget you, you
No matter how much I try to erase
I guess your the only one for me
I'm sorry.....

It never occured to me that dying without the one you love or having many regrets would be so painfull. It was late at night and I was on my last mission. I did something that I shouldn't have done and I still don't know I why I did it, but I just did. I wrote my final words to the one I love on a letter. I hope she won't cry too much. Now I go without any regrets except that I wish I could have stayed by your side.

It was not until Natsume's body was back at the Academy that they stated he was killed by his own alice, but Mikan didn't believe that because there were no burn marks except on his chest where his heart lay. Mikan lay still over his dead body and cried out her eyes all day from morning to night and no one could have consoled her, but Ruka and he was grieving as well beside her. She finally decided to accept this fate and found a note in his cold hands that were once so warm. She opened it and it was stated to her and another to Ruka, but she read both carefully because she was mentioned in both.

Polka Dots,

I'm sorry to leave you like this and tell you only now....
Forgive me...

- I Love You-

So Goodbye My Love

Ruka,

You were always my best friend and I leave Mikan in your protection.

I'm sorry to tell you this now but I loved her like no other....
I always did....
Forgive me....
I always knew if I took your extra missions I would die like this..

-Dont blame yourself-

You will always be My Best Mate...