Disclaimer: I used to be Joss Whedon, but I looked in my mirror today and somehow I had become…not. I'm trying to get back into my original body, but until then…

Author's Note: First up is Buffy/The Annointed One. Which has to be one of the most random pairings in the history of the universe, so you know, kudos to my friend for thinking of it. I actually wrote two fics for this pairing, one angst and one crack, just for fun. I probably will probably never write two again. One is good.

He's so innocent, so sweet, even though she knows, she really, really does… But it doesn't matter somehow; he smiles and her heart breaks inside because he's just a little boy and this isn't right—

But the world doesn't care about right and wrong, that's her job, but she can't right this one, can't kill this little boy who never even had a chance to live—and she thought it was bad knowing she was going to die at sixteen?—can't kill the little boy who holds his hand out to her and smiles. And she doesn't know how to make it better, doesn't know how to do her job this time, because it's not just a vampire and somehow it's Angel all over again.

Because she can't seem to deny him anything, not when he's already lost so much, so when he holds his hand out to her like that, she can't help but take it. And when he kisses her and pushes her back with a strength she knows no child could have, and shouldn't that tell her everything she needs to know? But it doesn't because no matter what he does he's still just a little boy even while he kisses her like this—

And she's crying even as she kisses him back, because her world shattered ages ago and she doesn't even know where all the pieces are, or how to put it back together—

And she can't do this anymore, and sometimes—always, never, she doesn't seem to be sure of anything anymore—she wishes she had stayed dead when the Master killed her.

At least then it would all be over.

And now a little something to cheer you up from that downer…

"Giles," said Buffy, purring seductively and sliding across the library table. "Don't you think that lollipops are the sexiest things in the world?" She pulled one out of her mouth, and slowly licked it, looking up at him with smoldering eyes. Which, you know, hurt quite a bit, but she was willing to put up with a little pain.

Giles stared at her as his mind tried to catch up with his eyes. "Buffy… Are you sure you're feeling all right? You didn't…er, meet any strange demons you neglected to mention, did you?"

She pouted. "Of course not, Giles. You know I tell you everything. So won't you tell me what you think of"—she waggled her eyebrows—"lollipops?"

"Um, no, I really don't think I will. Excuse me while I go get lost in the stacks and try to turn this into a nightmare that is somehow far more pleasant."

Buffy stared at his rapidly retreating back. "He rejected me?" she sobbed, her beautiful orbs filling with tears. "How could he? How can he not think lollipops are"—eyebrow waggle—"sexy?"

"Buffy, I think lollipops are"—eyebrow waggle—"sexy!" said the Annointed One, jumping into the library randomly, and from no discernable starting point. "I'm about seven years old, so candy really turns me on."

"Really?" gasped Buffy, turning towards him with stars in her eyes, which hurt even more than when they were smoldering.

"Yeah."

"Oh, Annointed One! Surely we were made for each other! I love you!"

"I love you, too! And that lollipop is really hot!"

Buffy felt her heart expand, which practically killed her. Here was a man who finally understood her! "It's true love!" she cried out joyously. "Let's make out!"

"Yes, let's! With the lollipop!"

"Exactly!"

Author's Note: When you review, which I just know all of you are planning to do, or risk the fear of my displeasure, feel free to request pairings. If none of you do, that's fine, I've already got three done: Ms. Calendar/Oz, Giles/Darla, and Xander/Dru. But I would love to get requests, and if I do, I will choose the most insane one, and proceed to write it. I would like to request that people only request silly pairings. That is the point of this. Don't give me a pairing you're actually interested in. If you do, I will not write it. Well, unless you give me a silly pairing you're actually interested in. That's fine.

And just to remind you… PLEASE REVIEW. I need feedback desperately, and if I think no one is reading this story, I will lose the will to update. So please, please, please. Cheer me up, because finals are coming. The end is nigh, etc.