Whelp, I ain't got an excuse. At first I was busy, then I lost interest for a bit, and now I have Season 17 of Diablo 3 to deal with as well as a Spanish immersion program for the entirety of June. That, and I'm kinda a lazy asshole and have enjoyed school being out for the last two weeks.

So that's why neither of my current stories have seen any activity in over a year.

And here's a new one, for Familiar of Zero.

Fuck.

? - ?/?

"What?"

While it wasn't the most the most… eloquent way to break the silence, it is somewhat appropriate. I don't remember how I got here. Why would I, there didn't seem to be any doors... or windows... or anything.

No descriptive enough? Let me give you a rundown of my current surroundings: a black void for a ceiling, walls, and floor, albeit the last did somehow have a solid surface that I was (somehow) sitting on.

In an effort to at least find some way to entertain myself, I began to recount my day up until that point. Maybe I could remember how I got here.

? - ? Hours prior

"So could you repeat everything you just said?"

A sharp snap of a ruler on my head was the response. It didn't hurt exactly (thick head and all), and I knew she could (and would've, as indicated by the pissed off expression on her face) have done worse, but it still stung.

"Are you kidding me!? You walk over here, ask me to help you review for exams, on the day they're being held, and then after fifteen minutes of talking, you decided to forget everything?" My best friend/impromptu tutor reprimanded me, pulling one of my hairs out of a crack in her ruler. While I knew she wasn't really pissed, I still winced, since I didn't happen to like setting her off.

I just did, no particular reason. I don't know, blame one of the many mental I have and can probably give myself (I hear Autism's amazing for getting pity points nowadays). While I was listening to her, and trying to stay focused, I just couldn't find it in me to actually absorb all the info she was tossing at me. Of which there was an absolutely ridiculous amount of.

Seriously, what the hell is a "Law of Sines?"

She sighed in defeat, knowing that she couldn't truly get me to listen through pain. "You know, I just don't get it. You can memorize all this information that's useless in the long run, but the instant something that you'll need later in life pops up it's like you automatically redirect it from one ear to the other."

"Well maybe I'm actually memorizing the important things and ignoring the dumb ones? Ever think about that?" I asked, a grin on my face.

Said grin immediately died as a her face shifted into a deadpan, which typically meant she was about to make a point.

"What is the power pole's actual purpose?" She asked, my inner nerd automatically overriding my desire to keep quiet.

"To reach Kami's lookout?"

She nodded, "and what's the capital of Washington?"

I quirked an eyebrow. "Isn't it already the capital?"

Judging by the abrupt facepalm, I assumed that was not the answer.

"How in the hell do you expect to pass like this?" She asked me, the tone indicating it was not rhetorical.

I merely shrugged and returned to reading the book.

She sighed and joined me.

A few hours later…

After she'd resumed forcing information into my head, particularly more violently than before, she'd begun quizzing me. All the way to school. With her striking me in the knees every time I fucked up.

I have a fear of rulers now.

"¿Cómo se dice "cuánto cuesta esto" en Ingles?"

"How much is this?"

"What's does i mean?"

"Square root of negative one?"

"You remember what I said, right?"

"If I get less than a ninety you're going to open a can of whoopass?"

"Correct. Now get inside, it starts in half an hour."

With that she turned down a different path towards where they were holding the honor student's exams. I took the normal path (like hell I was ever getting into any advanced classes).

As most of the students were already inside, I only had to dodge a minimal number as I ran up the stairs.

That minimal number was all it took for me to miss the "wet floor sign."

Which led to me sliding across the floor and out the window.

Did I forget to mention I was on the fourth floor?

? - Now

'So that's what happened… holy shit I'm dead.'

I was silent for a few seconds before I fully understood what I had just concluded, my mind working overtime to fully plot out the events of the last few minutes (or at least what fit the bill from my perspective).

I had died, from falling out the window of a four story building while running to my exams by way of a wet floor I didn't know about because I was too busy dodging people to see the sign.

And so, after all that, I was able to summarize the entire situation in one word:

"Fuck."

As it was, I was quite accurate. The situation was fucked because I had no idea where I was, where I was headed, or potentially if I could head back, I was fucked because I was dead or in a coma, the latter of which would no doubt prevent me from attending my exam, fucking over my already shitty grades and preventing me from continuing (summer school was a no-go with my record), and even if I am still alive and wake up in time to attend, I'm still fucked because I don't remember anything I had studied!

"So basically I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Neat." I muttered, lying on my back.

I decided that to keep myself entertained and avoid going insane with boredom, I would start thinking of where I might be going.

Let it be known that one of the many 'useless' things I'd actually remembered was mythological stuff.

"Let's see… heaven would probably be nice, but my lazy ass probably wouldn't be let in. I guess being a cow might be interesting, but getting milked sounds weird, bleh. Unless it's like anime reincarnation. That would be kickass! But I have no idea where I'd end up…"

My mind momentarily drifted to my friends and family, but as I quickly began thinking of how cool it would be to be a Ninja or use a Bankai, it was ultimately snuffed out in the face of childish glee.

"Ah, but I'd have to come up with that speech thing… oh well. I'll get to it when I get to it."

A light then suddenly appeared below me, the invisible platform disappearing and dropping me into it.

Despite my excitement, I was still scared shitless as I free-fell through the anti-void, my body growing numb.

Did I forget to mention this hurt like an absolute bitch?

As I screamed, the light enveloped me, and my consciousness faded.

Halkeginia - ? Estate

The sound of two sets of feet on carpet echoed through the hall.

One of the pair was clothed in robes and a wimple, indicating her as a nun of the Brimiric faith. She walked rather quickly in an effort to maintain pace alongside her accomplice, although at some points she felt herself slowing down so he could keep up with her.

As if she would endanger herself by outpacing a noble.

The other was male, dressed in fine clothes befitting that of his class. While he was rather jubilant that the day had finally come, he still felt rather irritated that he'd had this obligation at all.

'Oh well, maybe I can end up with a good ally after all this. Might even prove to be somewhat amusing.' He thought to himself, a faint grin appearing at the corners of his mouth.

The nun misconstrued this as the usual joy one had when they were about to meet their firstborn.

"When I arrive, will it already be over? You know, the screaming and the crying." He asked the nun, who quickly formulated a response.

"Uh... yes, I suppose so. The screaming at the least. The child however likely will still be active however, as it is simply what one does when they are born."

The Noble slightly bristled, the sound of crying not exactly very appealing to him (unless you were counting his rather unorthodox methods of "stress relief"). Still, this would become his heir! He had to put on some kind of show, did he not? So he continued to act as though it was a joyous occasion.

The pair soon arrived at a pair of doors, and after knocking, they entered. Inside was a room seemingly converted to a maternity ward, the occupants relaxing from the flurry of action the room had been in only a few minutes ago. Oddly enough, the room had mostly been quiet, up until the Noble had entered, prompting all except the nun and his wife to stand and bow.

Truly, the wonder of being a noble.

He raised a hand and directed it in a manner indicating them to evacuate the room immediately, which they of course followed.

He moved towards the bed, "the child?" He asked his wife who silently (and secretly reluctantly) passed him the bundle that had been occupying her arms. Turning away from the bed, a grin reemerged on his face as he looked upon the gray eyes of his newborn son.

'So, I suppose I'm supposed to name you now, aren't I? Let's see… you're probably going to be the first of a few, so let's begin with A... Alain? No, something grand, Auron! But that doesn't exactly sound normal… Absalon? Hmm… that will do nicely.'

"Absalon. That shall be his name."

He turned to the nun, who he handed the child to.

"I trust you'll make it such in the eyes of the Founder?" He asked, although he already knew her answer. "Oh, and you may choose his middle name. As a sign of good faith.

She nodded. "Yes Milord." She bowed, and left the room.

"Absalon's" POV

'Absalon? The hell kinda name is that? Oh god, am I gonna be a fucking Dumble-destined? Oi, whatever deity this shithole brownnoses, don't make me the quest giver dammit!'

Nun's POV

The nun quickly hurried to the chapel in the mansion, desiring to finish her job as quickly as possible. She felt somewhat safe that her occupation would protect her (no sane-minded noble would openly attack a member of the church), but she had most definitely felt his gaze travel below her face.

She entered the room of prayer, setting the child down and fetching the holy relics she would need. While most nobles had their children publicly baptized, or at least surrounded by friends and family, this one was to be performed privately. Apparently the rest of his family was either dead or declined the invitation, although she felt that they had the right idea.

Now what would Lord Brimir approve of as a name?

Third Person POV

The child did not understand a thing said around him. He was only able to understand that he'd been named "Absalon" due to context clues and that it didn't sound like a work except.

As the nun began to speak above him, he began to listen. While he wasn't able to actually follow along, he did pick out one word that cemented where he was.

"Brimir."

'Oh for fucks sake, I'm in Zero no Tsukaima? This is just amazing. How can it possibly get worse?'

As he spoke the magic words, the nun began to finish, and for some odd reason, became slowly legible.

"...and in your everlasting light, we wish you to welcome and grace this young child with the power granted to his family. I hereby baptise in the name of the Brimiric church…

Absalon Danielle le Bleu de Mott."

The silence, although nobody was actually speaking at that moment, was broken by the young heir's first thought as a newly recognized Noble.

'That guy is my dad!?'

A/N: I will be blunt, I have no idea what was going through my head when I decided this was a good idea.

"Hey, what if a guy got reincarnated as Mott's son and [spoiler]?"

"That's a great idea, me! What's next, eggs, pickles and pork?"

"Funny you should ask."

Presumably they went off to do a bunch of stupid shit involving unholy abominations that Gordon Ramsey would personally lead a crusade against and stupid ideas that would somehow see the light of day.

Now you may be wondering, "why isn't this guy freaking out, he just realized he died!" Well the simple answer is that this is not exactly a very mentally mature individual, hence the frequent cursing (he still finds it funny and cool), and the lack of any concern for what has just happened. So as such, instead of breaking down and going apeshit over him losing all his past connections, he's instead getting excited at the prospect of becoming an anime character.

Don't worry though, he's gonna get a reality check to the face reaaaaal quick.

Anyway, I want to make a few things clear. This is a new project featuring a new character. I am not going to be abandoning my other stories although they seem dead as hell, I just don't have the drive to write them at the moment. I have no idea how the Brimiric Church actually works, so I'm just gonna adlib their speeches into the "holiest" things I can think of, complete with asskissing and false attributions.

Also, in terms of power/op-ness, I won't be saying anything for a while, due to potential spoilers.

Just as a hint though, I will be taking some inspiration from another series: DXD. If you don't know what that is, or what I'm talking about, then we have nothing to worry about. For people who do know what I'm talking about or what I'm hinting at, please don't spoil it for anyone. If you want to talk about please send me a PM.

I have no idea just how far ahead the next chapter is going to be. Might be a few minutes or hours, might be a few years.

Anyway, I'll see ya later. Please review if you like it, if you hate it (unless you're just gonna talk shit), or if you're mildly horrified.

Note: Dumble-destined is a term I (might) have come up with, meaning a character that was given such a stupid name that they're probably going to be destined to be the old man that starts the main hero's save-the-world questline.