It was all Sam's fault, which Dean was damn sure of. If he hadn't been going on and on, in one of his 'I'm gonna piss off Dean' moods, this would never have happened. And now Dean would owe Sam for the rest of his life. Dammit.
"I still think it sounds wrong." Sam said.
"Sam, I swear I will put you on your ass." Dean turned to see Sam sitting at the table while Dean was searching for a book on the link between coven witches and Romanians.
"Casean." Sam said, Dean sighed and looked down. "Deaniel." Sam looked up to Dean with a smile. "Dean-Cas?"
"Sam-" Dean started.
"Sam?" They both turned to the doorway where Cas was standing. "Did you require my assistance?"
Sam and Dean shared a look. "Uh, no Cas." Sam looked away awkwardly. "I was just… talking."
"Oh." Cas nodded. "You were talking about me and I interrupted."
"No!" Sam put his hand out.
"Yes!" Dean countered, glaring at Sam.
"No." Sam said back and turned to Cas as Dean sighed and looked at the book in his hand, wondering if he could lob it at Sam.
"It's perfectly fine, Sam." Cas stated. "I am not offended, I have often spoken about you both when you weren't present." He didn't even pause. "Dean mostly."
Dean looked surprised and a little confused. "You have, to who?"
Cas turned to Dean. "In no particular order – Raphael, Samandriel, Anna, Gabriel, Balthazar, Naomi, Metatron, Meg, Bobby, Crowley-"
Sam butt in as it seemed that Cas was about to run off every name he could remember, which would be all of them. "No Cas, we were talking about-about," Sam looked to Dean, "Chuck's books."
"Sam." Dean warned.
"Dean, I don't want him thinking we were talking about him behind his back like some high school clique."
"Fine." Dean stormed out of the room, passing Cas.
Cas turned to look at him practically running away then looked back to Sam and walked slowly to sit next to him. "Chuck's books?"
"The ones he wrote about us," Sam pointed to where Dean had disappeared to, "about our hunts and everything. They were posted online and gathered a kind of following, quite a weird following."
Cas just looking confused. "People are following the books?"
Sam scoffed. "No Cas, like fans. They read the books and then talk about it with other people who read the books and stuff. Anyway, we ran into a high school musical production of them, and apparently they read more into the books than is actually there."
"Like what?" Cas narrowed his eyes.
"Well, a lot of them seem to think that there are… Some things happening that… aren't." Sam looked to the side. "Some relationships."
Cas looked to where Sam had been looking in response, trying to follow his thought trial.
Sam brushed his hair back quickly. "Okay, there's… three that stand out. One seems to think that me and Dean are more than brothers…. If you underst-" Sam watched as Cas' head tilted. "Okay, they think that there are sexual relationships between either me and Dean, me and you or you and Dean."
"I see." Cas thought on it for a second. "And even though this is not the case, it still makes Dean uncomfortable?"
"Well, yeah." Sam shrugged. "You know what he's like."
Cas nodded. "Yes." He looked to the doorway. "Yes, I do."
Cas couldn't stop thinking about it and It was becoming a problem.
One morning Dean stumbled into the main room in the morning, Cas turned, midway through saying good morning and he paused, looking at Dean rubbing his hair, his shirt rucked up and his underpants riding up his the tops of his thighs.
Sam looked up when Cas didn't finish his sentence to see him turn away from Dean and look at his book again, Dean gave nothing but his usual pre-coffee grunt and Cas' eyes flickered to him as he walked past. Sam thought it weird that his eye line wasn't high, so he followed it, turning back quickly when he realized that Cas was looking at Dean's ass.
Sam looked at his laptop, refusing to believe it, there was no way he'd followed it properly.
Later, Cas would curse his existence when he turned to a knock at his door and Dean was standing there in just a towel, asking him something which Cas barely caught. Cas mumbled something and made an excuse before shutting his door in Dean's face. He leaned on it and looked up. He was developing a fever of some kind, it was his damaged grace, it had to be.
Cas began to wake in the night, as though from a nightmare, with confusion and something akin to fear on his brow and arousal in his pants. He would run a hand through his hair and pray to whoever was out there that if he could forget anything in his life, those images would be it.
And then the next day he'd go through it all again; his dreams getting worse, his sentences getting shorter, his head bowing more, his door slamming louder in Dean's face.
"What's up Cas' butt?" Dean said to Sam one day, finding him in the kitchen. "He doesn't look at me, usually I can't get him to stop looking and now he's locking himself in his room, shutting the door in my face."
Sam didn't even turn from the fridge. "Really?"
Dean narrowed his eyes. "What do you know?"
Sam looked to his brother, face firmly on screen saver mode. "What?"
Dean pointed. "You know something, what's going on, come on, spill it."
"Dean, I don't-" Sam started.
"I'll shoot you in the ass." Dean threatened.
Sam sighed. "Okay fine, but you can't blame me." He closed the door and turned to look at Dean. "I think," he swallowed, "I think Cas has a… crush."
Dean paused and then pointed to himself. "On m-"
"Yeah." Sam nodded.
Dean turned away. "No, I don't see-I mean, why would he-" Sam winced as Dean stopped and lifted his head before whipping it to Sam. "You." He turned all the way. "You and your Deanstiel nonsense."
"It's Destiel." Sam corrected.
"It's dead Sam." Dean rounded on him.
"Dean, it'll pass, it's just because he doesn't really get sexuality." Sam put his hands up.
Dean pointed in Sam's face. "If this becomes too weird and he has to leave then I'll-" he couldn't think of a word so he just grunted and stormed away. Slamming his door.
A few awkward days went by of the pair avoiding each other. Cas would leave a room when Dean walked in and Dean would try to make it normal, talk to him, ask him questions, but Cas would make excuses and leave. Until one day, Dean couldn't take it anymore, and neither could Cas.
"Cas, what the hell, can you just-" Dean looked as he scooped up his books and made to leave.
"I can't, I need to look at this, and I can't concentrate." Cas insisted.
"Cas, for god sake." Dean took his arm, standing up himself. "Please, stop this!"
Cas and Dean stopped when all of Cas' books fell to the floor. "I can't-I can't do this anymore." Cas whispered.
"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean dropped to the floor to pick them up. "I'm sorry, I just wanted you to stop avoiding me."
"I have to go-" Cas suddenly took off down the corridor.
"What?" Dean stood up and followed him. "Cas, this is ridiculous."
"Dean, I need to get out of this bunker and-"
"And what?" Dean followed him and put his hand out when Cas tried to close the door behind him. "Stop running away from me."
"You don't understand." Cas said, facing away from Dean as he closed the door behind them.
"I do." Dean stood there. "Cas, look at me."
"I can't." Cas shook his head. "I'll just-I'll find a motel room somewhere nearby and-"
"Hey." Dean took a few steps behind him. "You are not leaving now."
Cas glanced to him. "Dean-"
Dean looked to the floor. "We've been through too much for this to tear us apart now."
"What else can I do?" Cas lifted his hand to his forehead. "It won't stop. I look at you and I can't help it, I find myself attracted to you and my mind throws up these images." Cas was speaking breathless as he couldn't stop panicking.
"What kind of images?" Dean asked gently, his eyes on the floor.
"Inappropriate ones, I'm not going to embarrass you further-"
"From just a look?" Dean asked.
Cas nodded. "I only have to see you in the morning, you're not quite awake yet, your hair's all over the place and I just- Or when you come out of the shower and I- I can't handle it, that look all over you, of the hot air and your contentment, even if your just reading-"
"Reading?" Dean's brow dipped.
"-or eating, I don't know what it is. One minute my mind is throwing up these images and then I see that and they throw up different ones.
"Like what?" Dean took another stop, thoroughly confused.
"Well, just gentler images." Cas looked to the floor.
"Like…?" Dean asked.
"Embracing you and-" He shook his head. "It doesn't matter." Cas turned around to the right, walking passed Dean, head down and edging as far away from him as possible. "I'll get my stuff and-"
Dean grabbed his right arm as he passed and Cas stopped, not looking at him. "Cas, please don't go."
Cas swallowed. "I can't keep being here, wanting you and not-not-" He stopped and clamped his mouth shut.
Dean used his left hand to take Cas' right wrist and held it up to look at. "Not touching me?" Cas turned his head to see Dean move his hand to his neck, slowly wrapping it around it. "So, touch me."
Cas tried to pull away. "Dean, don't."
Dean kept him there. "Do it." Cas used his left hand to tried and push him away. "Cas, I'm giving you permission to-"
"I don't want to." Cas said and Dean let him go, it was so sudden Cas stumbled backwards and his knees hit the bed.
Dean put his hands out and grabbed Cas' arms, stopping him from falling. "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to-"
"I do." Cas snatched himself away from Dean and shook his head. "Too much. But I won't do it to someone who doesn't want it."
Dean slowly reached out his right hand slowly, Cas watched it sternly, wondering what he was doing. Dean's hand shook a little as it edged forward, Dean's fingertips touched just below Cas' clavicle and Dean edged them upwards, to let his palm do the same. His eyes moved to Cas' face as the angel's eyes closed.
"Dean, you don't have to-" He stopped and inhaled when Dean's hand ran up his neck.
Dean's mouth was open, he could feel the heat from Cas' skin, the heat had even travelled through his shirt, but the look on Cas' face, the look of sheer control. The angel of temperance, that was who stood in front of him right then, and he was shaking.
"Cas, why are you shaking?" Dean whispered.
"Dean, you have to-"
"I'm not going to stop unless you want me to."
Cas pursed his lips together and Dean knew what he wanted to hear, that Dean wanted it too. But Dean knew he could say a hundred words, none of them would fit what he wanted to say. So instead, he edged closer to Cas, nervous himself, he was finally going to give in, to do it, what he had wanted for a long time. Dean was still unsure, Cas wasn't responding to his touch in any way, every woman Dean had been with had been all over him by now, he hadn't had to corner them in a room and stop them from leaving before. But then again, it never mattered before.
Dean brought his lips slowly towards Cas' and Cas could feel Dean's breath on his skin. He swallowed and then opened his own lips, Dean looked at the movement. There it was – the only physical indication that Cas wanted him.
Dean closed the last gap and kissed Cas slowly and cautiously. He expected it to feel weird, to feel numb, to feel wrong. But it didn't. Cas let out a muffled sound of relief and Dean's other hand came up to Cas' neck, while Cas' arms wrapped around his back. Now that Cas had confirmation that Dean wanted to touch him, to kiss him, he seemed to be unable to stop himself. He held Dean's back, his sides and then he tucked his hands back around him, under Dean's open flannel shirt.
When Cas retreated, tucking his hands under Dean's t-shirt and rubbed up his ribs, Dean inhaled and moaned. He broke away and pulled Cas' hand to the door. He opened the door and looked out. Left then right. Then he pulled Cas' hand down the corridor to his room and tugged him inside and shut the door behind them, pushing Cas against it and kissing him again.
He broke away. "Cas, how far do you-"
"Whatever you want." Cas said quickly then ran his fingers through Dean's hair from the base.
Dean exhaled and Cas leaned forward, kissing Dean, dipping his tongue inside his mouth. Dean could do nothing but moan and push back with his own tongue. Then he leaned down, making sure they didn't break the kiss, using his hands to hold the outside of Cas' thighs, and picked him up. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and pulled his hands up to Dean's neck, running his hands through Dean's hair.
Dean turned around and moved towards his bed, to the side and slowly lowered Cas to the bed, bending over, right down to keep kissing him. Cas' left foot lowered carefully and he stuck it on the edge of the bed to push himself to the side, towards the head of the bed, taking Dean with him, or trying to. Dean stopped himself, looking at Cas as he moved up and shuffled along, he then bit his bottom lip. He knew this was probably crazy and probably - no definitely - irreversible, but he also knew it didn't matter because he wanted it. So, he quickly took his shirt off and began to take his shoes off, leaving them both on the floor before he crawled on the bed towards Cas.
"Any time you want to stop." Dean whispered as he settled above Cas, reaching to his night stand and opening the drawer. Cas looked up and watched Dean pulled a barely used bottle of lube out, shoving the drawer partially closed behind him.
Cas looked back to Dean. "I'll tell you."
Dean dropped the bottle on the bed and moved to kiss Cas' neck, fumbling with the buttons of Cas' shirt, Dean realized he was shaking a little and he smiled. He needed him but he wanted him. Every inch of his body was screaming out for it.
"Dean, are you okay? We can stop." Cas reached and took Dean's hands to stop him.
"No." Dean shook his head. "I've waited too long to stop now."
"What?" Cas leaned further to look at Dean, confused.
"Jeez, Cas." Dean leaned on his left hand and took Cas' own in his right, bringing it down to press against where his erection was straining in his jeans. "I've been hiding this for a long time." He moaned as Cas grabbed him and rubbed Dean on his own.
"You have?" Cas reached up and unbuttoned his jeans quickly, pushing the zip down. "Why didn't you say?"
"Cas-" Dean let out a groan when Cas dipped into his boxers and stroked his length. "Cas, you-you were all for taking off earlier and di-didn't say anything." He bit his lip and moaned through it.
"Dean," Cas tightened his hand and Dean gasped, "I can take our clothes off."
Dean shook his head. "It's part of the fun." Dean leaned to kiss Cas who moved his hand from Dean's penis and stroked up his stomach.
They rolled around kissing and pulling at each other's clothes, Cas had to admit, peeling Dean's clothes off was like slowly discovering a wonder of the world. They worked for it, they earned every inch of flesh that they found, they both took time to stop and inspect it, even if it was just a kiss or playful bite or a scrape of fingernail.
Eventually it was just them, grinding skin on skin. Dean thrust against Cas and Cas put his hand out to Dean's chest. "You have to-" Cas swallowed, panting. "I can't take much more."
Dean smiled and moved his right hand towards Cas' face, turning it around and letting the backs of his fingers trace down Cas' cheek. "You sure about this? It's gonna be difficult."
Cas shook his head. "I can-"
Dean shook his own head. "I mean, you can do that, use your grace if you want to, but-"
"It's more fun to take our own clothes off." Cas replied then nodded. "Okay." He looked to the side of his pillow where the lube had gotten tucked in all of the rolling around. "Do it."
Dean just paused and watched Cas close his eyes as he settled back into the pillow and try to get his breath. "'Kay." He took the bottle and moved down the bed, looking up at Cas' face, he was nervous, Dean could tell. Dean opened it and put some on his fingers and then held them out of the way, using his other hand to push Cas' legs further apart gently.
When they opened wide without hesitation, Dean leaned down and licked, smiling when Cas gasped and then relaxed so Dean continued licking, using his left hand to make space to do so. He felt Cas relax as he started to moan and writhe on the bed so he gently rubbed his slicked index finger from the bed and up towards Cas' hole, Cas tensed up but when Dean stopped he relaxed again. Dean teased at it, it was tight but Cas' face showed nothing but concentration – he was trying to relax without his grace.
Dean lifted his head. "Don't think about it, just feel."
Cas nodded and inhaled while Dean went back down. It took a while, Cas was a mess by the time Dean got a whole finger inside of him, just one. When Dean felt him relax around it he added a second and eventually a third. It wasn't long until a sweat-covered Cas was rutting back on the fingers. Dean was looking at him, more than happy to get him off this way if it meant he looked like that because of Dean. Dean leaned forward and took the tip of his cock in his mouth.
Cas moaned and opened his eyes. "Dean, if you do that I won't last."
Dean lifted off of him. "That's okay, I'll do this for you instead if that's what you want."
Cas moaned and then, as Dean was lowering his head, shook his. "No, no Dean. I want you to-" He shut his mouth, pursing his lips together then opened his eyes, Dean still moving his fingers slowly. "What is the correct term?"
Dean looked down and then kissed Cas' thigh. "It's still sex, Cas." He lightly bit the skin.
"Sex, I want sex." Cas nodded. "Now."
Dean nodded, kissed his thigh once more and then slowly removed his fingers. Cas exhaled at the feeling. Dean leaned forward to the drawer that was half open, and rummaged around. "No, no, no." He rummaged more, getting Cas' attention, then sighed. "Dammit!"
"What?" Cas sat up a little. "What's wrong?"
"I don't have any rubbers." Dean looked to him and let out a humorless laugh. "Of all the times I really wanted to have one, I don't have any."
"Dean," Cas reached up, taking Dean's face in his left hand and turned it back to look at him, "I'm an angel."
Dean's face relaxed. "Oh." He paused. "Does that mean-"
Cas nodded. "I have to say, if you make me wait any longer I might have to use my grace just to finish the job."
Dean paused. "You can do that?" Cas growled and Dean moved back over him. "Okay, sorry. But, I want to see that at some point." He shifted on his knees between Cas' legs and positioned himself, not asking if Cas was ready, before pushing in at a steady rate. When he was all the way in Dean's head hung, his forehead touching Cas' shoulder. "Sonovabitch." He muttered.
"Dean?" Cas looked down. "Are you okay?"
Dean nodded and lifted his head. "Yeah, damn you're tight." He bit his lip. "I thought I did enough." He exhaled. "Wow, okay." He tucked his arms under Cas' shoulders and the pillow, Cas running his hands through Dean's hair. "You ready?" Cas just looked at him. Dean slowly pulled out as far as he could go without falling out and then rocked back in, Cas' fingers automatically tightening in Dean's hair and a moan escaped his mouth.
Dean kissed the side of his lip and brought himself up to rhythm, in which they both managed to keep their voices low enough to be kept in the room, Dean's movements were met by Cas' hips and he dipped his head every so often to kiss Cas' neck and Cas would reach up to kiss Dean's lips. Dean watched him, in between kisses, looking for that reaction, he angled his hips this way and that, he'd all but given up when he angled more to the left and Cas let out an almost-shout of his name.
Dean smiled. "Ride it, Cas." Cas nodded. "Fuck." Dean muttered, Cas was rocking his hips more against Dean, his insides beginning to move differently against him and he had to close his eyes to bear it.
Dean felt it approaching so he reached between them and began to stroke Cas, which just kicked everything up a gear. Dean's rhythm became faster and harder, their voices got louder and words became less audible, and just as neither of them could take anymore Cas broke the silence first.
"Dean, I'm going to-" Dean chased him and it just made Cas moan more, "Dean, it's too much."
Dean leaned over him and touched his nose to Cas' cheek. "You're okay, get to the other side." Cas' eyes were scrunched tight and then his mouth opened, his closed eyes began to relax and his head began to tip backwards. "That's it." Dean had to close his own eyes. "Cas, I-I-"
Cas started first, Dean barely feeling the warmth splatter between them and over his hand while he joined him. His cheek was touching Cas' and he groaned as they slowly ground their hips through their orgasms, strained moans of the other's names fell to low whispers in the aftermath and heavy breathing. Neither had moved for a good minute, both with their eyes closed and mouths opens, calming down.
"It wasn't-" Cas spoke first. "It wasn't like that before." Dean exhaled, laughing. "Was it ever-" Cas started to ask then didn't finish.
Dean opened his eyes to see Cas, no different than any other time but with no intent in finishing his sentence clear on his face. "No." Dean answered. "No, it's-it's never been like that."
"Is it because we're men?" Cas moved his right hand down from Dean's neck, down over his shoulder and put it where his hand print had been.
"I don't thi-" Dean swore he felt a charge bolt through him and they looked up when both of them winced and pulled back. "What the hell was that?" Dean asked.
"I-" Cas looked back to it. "I don't know."
Dean looked down, realizing he was going soft, and pulled himself out, Cas exhaling at the feeling. Then he looked back up. "Do it again."
Cas looked as he slowly put his hand back over Dean's arm and closed it there. Both of them recoiled and looked at each other. "It's my grace." Cas said, his face as shocked as Dean's, if not more. "I can feel it, it-it knows you."
Dean's face relaxed. "Of course it knows me, you know me, it's your grace."
Cas shook his head. "No, it knows you're not-" He hesitated. "It can feel the mark and it's trying to fix you."
"You said you can't do that." Dean looked to him, still feeling like his skin burned.
"I can't." Cas said and then lowered his hand to Dean's skin again, pausing just before it. "Just a few seconds." Dean nodded and Cas closed his hand around the skin again, both of them baring their teeth as it hurt, after a few seconds Cas left go and Dean looked to his arm. "It's trying to reset you."
"Cas, you've been touching me for a while now, it hasn't been sore." Dean shuffled on his other arm leaning over Cas.
"It's trying to reset you to how you were when I raised you from Hell." He looked at his hand. "To my grace, it's your default setting, it's-it's trying to reboot you to a point in time when you were you. You without the curse."
"Well, why does it burn and why ther-?" Dean broke off. "It's where your-" Cas nodded. "Oh. It's trying to put it back." Dean looked to his arm. "Just uh, don't touch me there for a while." Cas looked at his hand and Dean used his right to take it in his and put it gently on his face. "Anywhere else is fine."
Cas smiled and stroked his face. "You should sleep."
Dean sighed. "That's right, you don't sleep anymore."
"I'll stay here." Cas lowered his head a little. "If you want me to."
"Yeah." Dean nodded and then leaned forward to kiss him. "Just keep that away from my arm." Dean gestured to Cas' hand and Cas smiled. "We need to clean up."
"Is it part of the fun?" Cas asked.
"No, it's a pain in the ass." Dean admitted.
Then Cas raised his hand, touching his fingers to Dean's forehead, closing his eyes and Dean looked up to it. There was a second before Dean looked down and Cas opened his eyes to look at Dean for confirmation. "Did you just-?" Cas closed his eyes again for a second and Dean looked down as all of the sweat and saliva that had been on his chest dried. "Did you just clean us up?"
Cas smiled. "Why get up when we don't have to?"
Dean laughed. "Thank God for angels."
Cas ran his hand through Dean's hair and smiled up at him. "How long?"
Dean's smile fell. "Honestly, I don't know." He looked to the side. "Does it matter?"
Cas shook his head. "No. I just wondered." He gestured to the pillow. "Come on."
Dean rolled to the side and pulled Cas to face him on his side too. "I just hope Sam doesn't come looking for us."
"Would you want to keep this a secret?" Cas asked, his face unchanging. "Because we can."
Dean shook his head. "No, but he won't let me forget that this would never have happened if he hadn't brought up those damn books."
Cas smiled. "Those damn books got one thing right."
Dean smiled too and lifted his left hand to take Cas' right, locking their fingers together. "Yeah, I suppose Destiel wasn't that farfetched."
Cas' brow dipped a little. "Destiel?"
In the main room, Sam wandered out of the kitchen, which he had gone to after at least an hour in the archives. He stopped when he saw the pile of books on the floor and drew his gun, he took a quick but quiet walk through the corridor until he got to Cas' room door, it was open and it was empty. Sam looked to Dean's room, walking to it to knock when he heard a laugh. He put his ear to the door.
Dean laughed. "Tomorrow." He closed his eyes, pulled Cas' hand behind him and placed it on his back. "Tomorrow." He lifted his hand to stroke through Cas' hair.
Cas kissed Dean. "I'll just wait here then." Dean let out a tired laugh, yawned and settled in Cas' arms.
Sam smiled and lowered his gun as he walked away, Cas' head moving to the change in light underneath, he then smiled and stroked up and down Dean's side.