"I woke up. I found her. That's all I know."
That's all I know? That's ALL I know? My left ass cheek. I know exactly what happened with Jane. I woke up. I found her. I realized I had killed her.
Yesterday her dad busted into our room and discovered the drugs. Jane cried, her dickhead father pointed fingers at me, and I was in a daze as he threatened to call the cops on us. Jane had promised him that she would go to rehab first thing next morning. Rehab. Yeah, we talked about it. Seemed like a good idea at the time. But, then again, shooting up sounded even better.
She found out about my meth dealing with "the Great Heisenberg" and exactly how much cash he owed me. That's when she flipped a shit and went crazy on his ass, blackmailing him into bringing the money over here. He got all defensive handing the money over, telling us that he didn't want it to be wasted. Jane grabbed the sack full of money, shut Mr. White out, and insisted that we wouldn't waste it, not on drugs, at least. We would get clean for us, she had said. We were gonna pack up and move to New Zealand with the kangaroos and shit. Something like that.
But then we walked into the bedroom and the needles sat there on the bedside table, looking tempting. I shook my head and Jane did, too, saying we needed to flush it down the toilet. If only we had. We looked at each other in a kinda daze. We were both still feeling the after effects of the smack from last night.
"Shit, Jane," I said. "I mean, I want to, but look at all this dope we got here."
She lowered her gaze. "Jesse, we can't."
"Sorry, you're right. I know," I said. "Listen – I'm really sorry for taking away your sobriety."
"My mistake. Not yours," she said.
"No, my mistake. I shoulda never smoked crystal that night. I shoulda listened to you."
"It's fine. No real harm done. We're going to clean up now!" she exclaimed, smiling. She looked at me with her dark eyes and I felt something crazy toward her. She was gonna paint stuff and I would fly a plane and we would see the koalas and have lives together. Travel the world and shit like that.
I put my hand behind her head and pulled her close to me, kissing her. She kissed me back intensely and I was totally into it as she started to take my shirt off. My head went spinning above the ceiling when she seductively unzipped my pants. Man, she worked her magic like no bitch I'd ever known could. Even Wendy couldn't blow like Jane. Even though she knew how to turn me on like a light switch, it still wasn't quite like the heroin high from last night. I had to stop thinking about the drugs though. We were done.
"Ohhh Jane," I moaned. "Fuck Jane!"
Suddenly, she stopped and stood up next to me, taking my hands. "I know this is crazy, but why don't we do it just one more time. One more time and then we're done. Just once," she said.
I kissed her in agreement. "It would be a waste to flush this shit," I said.
She nodded, "Jesse, do me first. Show me how much you love me."
I hadn't told Jane yet that I loved her, but I knew I felt it. I felt it where my heart was supposed to be. I wanted her to know. She lay down on her back as I prepared the heroin for her.
I woke up. I found her. I died inside.