A/N: Hello, all. It's been a little bit since I've put anything new up. Sorry about that. I am going to update From Gray to Black soon, I swear. I have the next chapter partially written. Things have just been a little busy. Anyway, here is a little Halloween one-shot. I've been a little obsessed with American Horror Story lately. And since it's almost Halloween, it did seem appropriate. I have a couple other Halloween one-shot in the works, so look out for those.
Also! NaNoWriMo starts so soon! Who's ready?
Enjoy this! Reviews make my day!
"What are you doing, blondie? Why are you just sitting around on Halloween when the house is full of people just waiting to be haunted?"
I make a point of rolling my eyes as I look up at the annoying ass red head, Hayden. She's standing there making that goddamn face where she thinks she's enticing or something. If only she knew she just looks stupid pretty much one hundred percent of the time. And her voice too. God, I'm starting to hate Larry even more than I already did for killing the bitch in the first place. She's like everywhere all the time.
"Why don't you just leave me alone and have fun scaring the new family yourself," I tell her. I mean it too. I'm not in the mood for some reason. Which is saying something since the new family is so easy to scare. It's actually hilarious. The twelve year old boy practically pisses himself every time I flicker the lights in his room on and off.
"Well, you're boring. Come on, Tate. It'll be fun," says Hayden.
At this point she starts advancing closer to where I'm sitting in the musky corner of the dark basement. Why she always acts seductive and horny is beyond me. It's not cute. More like annoying as hell.
"Stop, Hayden. Seriously. I'm not in the mood," I tell her, sighing out of intense irritation.
"Whatever. Be depressed forever. I don't care. Violet isn't going to forgive you ever. So you might as well get over it now like you should have a long time ago!"
"Shut up, Hayden!" And then I decide to throw the book I was reading at her because now I'm really angry.
Naturally, she avoids it, but it doesn't matter. The intent was still there.
"Damn, Langdon. Someone needs help…" She makes a couple more stupid faces before disappearing around the corner. Finally.
As I get up to retrieve the book I threw, I can't help but think about what she said about Violet. It's been just about five years since she told me to go away. She still hasn't forgiven me for what I did. I don't blame her really. It's just unfair. I haven't even done anything bad since then. Every time I've ever been about to kill someone or something, her goddamn voice starts talking in my head and I can't go through with it. I guess you could say that I'm better or that I'm getting better, but what does it matter if Violet doesn't even notice?
It makes me sort of furious that she has so much power over my actions. I used to do what I wanted all the time no matter what. But even now I can't get her flawless hair out of my mind. Or the way she looks smoking a cigarette. And especially not the way her voice sounded when she talked to me about all the bleak problems of her life. I loved listening to her talk.
But now I'm stuck watching. Always just watching. I can't handle all the watching. I need interaction. I need to not feel so rejected by her. I hate rejection. It's like the shittiest feeling ever. I just want to talk to her for a little bit. We don't even have to kiss even though that would be really nice.
I place the book back in my corner and decide to actually try to talk to Violet. I always thought that she'd be the one to come to me. That she'd forgive me when she was ready. But it's been a long time, and I might go crazy if she ignores me for any longer.
Suddenly, I start feeling nervous though because I don't know what exactly to say to make things better. All I know how to do is say sorry too many times. And what if I accidentally tell her that I still love her? What if she just laughs at me? Or what if her dad beats me up or something? I'd probably cry. If Violet laughed at me that is. I'm always so damn emotional. I can't control it. I don't mean to cry. I don't think anybody really means to cry. It just kind of happens.
Before I can second guess my decision any longer, I start walking to where I know I can find Violet in the abandoned guest room on the first floor of the house. She likes listening to music and playing with her little brother in there. I hope she's there now.
I trudge up the stairs of the basement and the light makes me squint. I've become accustomed to the dark basement. I've been hanging around there a lot lately. I don't know why exactly. I guess I just get bored of spending my days haunting the occupants of the house. Plus sometimes I just want to get away from the noise for a while. But then I start thinking about Violet again. And that's when I figure my life is just an endless cycle of bullshit. Except I'm not even alive. I'm dead. Dead forever. Fucking bullshit.
And oh, how fucking lovely. I should have known. The current family living here is hosting a Halloween party. What else should I have expected? Now this would excite me usually, except for I have to talk to Violet. So instead, I'm actually feeling pretty sick.
I walk past some adults laughing too loudly at some pathetic joke that wouldn't be funny if they were sober. Then past a group of teenage girls with slutty costumes that show more skin than is necessary. And a group of guys eyeing them hungrily. Bastards. Then there's the random kid running down the hall with a fake pirate sword. And finally, the room at the end of the hall.
I push the door open nervously. I just want things to be okay.
"Goddammit!"
I slam the door shut again. Violet isn't in there. But some teenagers making out are. They definitely heard me too. I'll bet I spooked them with the door and my yelling. Whatever.
Where is Violet then?
It doesn't matter. Why am I even looking for her? She doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to see me. She hates me. She doesn't want me around. And that really makes me mad. When did I suddenly get so mad? I run a hand through my hair and try to calm down, taking a deep breath. But then I think back on the teenagers making out in the bedroom. And why the hell can't I have that? Why do I have to be so alone and messed up?
Why, why, why?
I hate when I start thinking like this. It's what makes me want to do bad things. And that's why I need Violet. I need somebody. I can't fucking be alone anymore.
I'm so angry that I just go back to the basement, my feet pounding down on each step in frustration. I have to get away from all the people before I do something bad again. I've been so good. I can't now.
Fuck. I just fucking hate everything. And then I realize that I'm crying. Why am I crying? This is so stupid. Why is it so hard for me to be good? And why the hell does nobody try to help me? I ask for help. But everyone is too afraid I might try to kill them even though they're already dead.
"Violet!" The name comes out of my mouth without permission. And now I can't stop.
"Violet! Come on, Vi. I just need someone to talk to! Please! Violet, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Where are you? I need you, Violet. I need you to forgive me. Goddammit, Violet! Just please forgive me."
I'm crying more now. I don't even try to stop. I want her to know how I feel.
"Violet!" I call her name a few more time, desperate for her to come.
Then out of the shadows, I see her. She's walking toward me. And my eyes are so blurred with tears that I can't make out the finer details of her face, her hair, her body. I blink to clear my vision.
"Violet," I whisper. I will get my chance to make things right. I hope I can.
"Tate. What do you want?" Her voice is so low and lovely. I could never stop hearing that voice. I want to listen to it forever. I want that voice to follow me through the day. I want it to talk me to sleep. I want to hear it in my dreams and again when I wake. It calms me.
"Violet, I need to talk to you. I need to explain things," I say carefully.
"Okay…talk to me then." Her voice isn't angry which makes me relieved. But I'm still nervous, and I pick my words carefully. Each of them needs to mean something.
"Violet, please listen. It's been a long time since we have really talked. You always avoid me. But, Violet, how long can you keep this up? I'm so sorry," I tell her honestly and genuinely. I feel a few more tears slide down my cheeks.
"Tate, I—"
"Violet, please. I haven't done anything bad in years! I'm done. I quit. I'm good now. I just need you to forgive me so we can be happy again. Together. The two of us. I'm so lonely without you. I need you, Violet."
I move closer to her. Testing my luck, I cautiously grab both of her wrists and gently pull her toward me. She doesn't object, but her face reads slightly frantic.
"Violet. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry—"
"Tate. I know you're sorry. But how do I forgive you for what you've done? This is my mother we're talking about. And I miss you so much, but I can't. I can't be with you. That would be wrong," Violet says softly, but firmly. Her eyes are so intense. I can't look away from them.
"But we're all dead now. Your whole family is reunited. And you don't have to worry anymore. I haven't done anything. I mean it. I won't do anything. I swear. And it's because of you. I've told you before, but you've changed me. Violet, you've changed me so much." I can't keep the plea out of my voice. More tears.
"That's not the point. I told you that you have to pay for what you did," Violet says. I can't handle what she is telling me.
"I've paid! I've paid!" I practically yell. "This is hell! Seeing you. And not being with you. And not talking to you. Violet I'm sorry!"
I let go of her wrists and reposition my hands on her waist.
"Tate, no. You can't—"
"Why? Why, can't I? What's so bad? I love you, Violet! And you still love me, I know you do!" I can't control what I'm saying anymore. I can't control anything. I've never been good at control.
"You raped my mother! And you got her killed! You killed other people too! That's why!" Violet pulls away from my grip. She is slipping away from me. Farther and farther away.
"No! Stop! I know what I did! Don't tell me what I did! I'm different now!" I say. I walk close to her again. I walk toward her until she is backed against the wall, unable to escape.
"Don't do this to me, Violet. Please don't," I say quietly. "Don't you love me?"
"Yes. I do. I do love you, Tate. But it's wrong—"
"If you love me, then nothing should stop you. We can be together. We can make it work. I'll apologize to your dad a million times over. I'll help with your brother. I'll do anything," I say wildly.
"It's not that easy," Violet says.
"But it can be. Just say it's all okay. Say it's okay and everything will be fine," I say.
"Tate, I…I can't."
"Say it's okay, violet. Please!" Our faces are so close that I can finally see every detail of it.
"I can't…"
"You can," I say so quietly that had she not been so close, she wouldn't have heard it.
Violet is silent. She's just staring at me. I recognize her expression from long ago. This look means she's trying hard not to do what she really wants to.
I do it for her.
I lean in to kiss her. To prove to her that we need to be together. That it's meant to be.
She doesn't move a centimeter, doesn't even blink. She is going to let me kiss her.
So I do.
I kiss her with everything I've been holding inside for the last few years. And it feels exactly like it used to. It feels natural and right and passionate. It feels like something that could save me. It did. She did. Her lips are soft as they move with mine. My mind is in overdrive. I never expected this to happen. I'm not complaining though. I move my hands from her face down to her hips, and I hold her in place for as long as I can. Just kissing her. Kissing her for what feels like hours. And with every passing second, Violet relaxes more.
But then it ends when she pushes me slightly away, but not too far. My face is still only centimeters from hers.
"Tate…I want to give you a second chance so badly…"
"Then do it. It's what I want. It's what we both want," I breathe back.
"It's been five years. And you still haven't given up, have you?" she asks, smiling.
"And never planned to," I say.
"I should have known."
"I'm not a monster anymore."
"I know."
"I love you, Violet," I say.
"I love you too, Tate."
"Come on then. Let's go share a cigarette. It's Halloween. We need to plan our scare tactics," I say. I feel elated to the point of not knowing what to do. All I know is whatever I do, it has to be with Violet.
"Fine. But don't tell anyone," she says.
"Secret's safe with me," I say with a grin.
"I mean it. I don't know how I feel about this yet," Violet says.
"I promise."
And then I lead her out of the basement.
For the time being, everything is perfect. Violet and I are together. We are planning how to scare the house guests. We laugh. We kiss a bit too. It's a beautiful Halloween.
But how long will it last? What happens when her parents figure it out?
What will it mean for us?
I don't want to think about it.
I just want Violet to be next to me all the time.
I want it to work.
God, I wish I wasn't so messed up.
But I let it go for now.
And we smoke, surrounded by drunks, sluts, and pirates, the secret safe between us.