Wot youz lookin' at! ?
'Ork spelling is by far the most inferior in the whole universe…'
Jacques Mortensen, Ultramarines 2nd Company (Star Fox 40,000, ch 17)
Da 'oomanz called da planet Rispika. Wot a squig hole!
When Shiv'eata 'ad seen da Big Rok frum outta space 'e saw a lotta green, an' a lotta blue. Good sign frum 'ol Gork 'e thought. Good sign iz arse! 'e woz on a bit covered in sand. Bludy sand! Evrywun knew 'e 'ated sand. It woz weak when ya stepped on it, an' it got evrywhere- in all da crackz! Shiv'eata spat some gritty gob onta da desert, plannin' ta kick iz gretchin round fer all da sand in iz mouth. Why woz it dere fault? 'Coz it woz alwayz gretchinz fault, stoopid!
Da armour column woz made uv lotz uv stuff- buggyz at da 'ead, bikez on da wingz, trukkz at da back an' a orked up looted tank- good 'ol 'Ard Arse- in da middle. It woz a right orky mob- no krate woz alike, 'cept fer da paint job wiv old blood dat kept 'em flash, wiv 'eadz mounted ta brag dere killz an' jagged bitz stickin' out all over da place. Frum where Shiv'eata sat in da tankz gun turret, da columnz spikey bitz made it look like da tidez uv an ocean- a wave uv orkiness dat wud crash 'gainst anywun wot tried ta stand in dere way. Da sight improved iz mood fer a sec, 'fore 'e returned ta sulkin'.
"You doin' alright, sir?" Uglop asked in a fiercely steady voice az 'e mounted da tankz 'ull. Shiv'eata turned iz beady red eyez on da stormboy in wot looked like psykotik rage, but by orky standardz woz a wiverin' glare. Uglop woz second in command uv Shiv'eataz mob- a good fighta wiv a lotta killz, but a young'un- 'ardly grown enough ta fill da bootz uv da last second ork. Iz tuskz woz jus' stumpz in iz face, an' 'e woz barely burley enough ta get a propa orky 'unch.
"Ya bleedin' crag 'ead, Uglop," da commandin' ork boomed az 'e swivelled in da tank turret ta face da stormboy. "'ow many timez I gotta tellz ya? Ya leave dat prade ground dis'plin scrag back 'ome whilez yer in me mob. Next time I catch ya showin' me respect I'll givez youz a right scalpin'."
"Right, sor-" Uglop caught 'imself wiv a retch uv iz massiv' brik shaped jaw "I mean, woteva ya say, boss. Anywayz, 'ere'z yer ration." da ork offered an uglier-dan-most gretchin, lightly grilled an' wreakin' uv da last uv da fungus stalk stuffin'. Da gretchin moaned in agony an' let out a strangled whimperin' plea, but Shiv'eata ignored it az 'e bit down on itz 'ead. e' sneered at da taste- it'd come ta sumfing when dey 'ad ta start eatin' da grotz.
"Fer Gorkz sake, Uglop," da nob grated round iz meal. "Sumtimez I fink derez no 'elpin' you. I mean, look at me. Ya see all dis?" Shiv'eata ges'iculated at 'imself. Iz clothez consisted uv mos'ly armour platez welded an' bolted onta iz body an' strapz 'olding iz trophiez an' gear, dun up tight so'z no wun could nick nothin'. Iz keckz woz made uv ooman skin wiv big pocketz fer big gunz, an' iz bootz wur metal an' right stompy. 'e 'ad knuckle dusterz welded onta iz 'andz wiv skull facez on 'em, an' 'ad two great big red axe bladez comin' out uv iz shoulder padz, so'z no wun but no wun wud ferget wot clan 'e woz frum. 'e 'ad a pig-like face wiv a wide brow an' over sized jaw, an' da 'ooked tuskz pokin' outta it 'ad fingz like 'zog you!' an' 'gutta' scratched on 'em. Da orkz large 'elmet 'ad four spikez comin' out like kopta bladez wiv da pointz twisted up at anglez ta 'old da 'eadz uv iz four best killz.
"Ya see, dis iz wot an ork 'oo'z goin' placez lookz like. But youz- youz a shamblez, all dun up 'n' wiped down. Dat ain't no way ta be seen. Youz a traita to yer own kind. Youz fink yer gonna be a boss lookin' like dat?"
Uglopz kit woz squig leather dat 'ad been woven inna rough 'proximation uv a uniform, daubed in black paint so most uv it woz da same colour. Da suit woz cinched to 'im by chainz dat covered almost iz 'hole body az a sorta chain mail armour, a ded giveaway uv wun uv da stormboy battalionz uv Orkendom, all clinky-like when 'e walked. 'e 'ad none uv da iron studz dat peppered Shiv'eataz face, an' iz skin woz az light green an' unscarred az a yoofz. Da big rokkit pack on iz back went 'igher dan iz flyin' 'elmet covered 'ead, an' woz all polished an' fresh painted. Instead'a trophiez, 'e 'ad a neat line uv kill talliez on da side uv iz plasma shoota, ripped frum da 'and uv wun uv doze lion lovin' marine boyz 'oo thought 'dey 'ad any business wearin' green.
"Lookin' like dis ain't stopped me so far," Uglop replied haughtily "but fankz fer da tip anywayz, sir."
Shiv'eata nearly frew 'iz crusha at da back uv da stormboyz 'ead az 'e jumped down an' stalked away. Wot kinda ork didn't rize ta bait like dat? Insultz like dat could start a brawl, or even a 'ole battle on a good day. Shiv'eata didn't unnastand any uv da young whelpz deze days- all uptight and polite, wiv cuttin' wit instead'a mouthin' off. Still, least 'e could trust 'im not ta try 'n' take over- too dis'plined. 'Dat an' no ork worth 'iz spit'd take orderz frum a priss 'n' propa stormboy.
'Not like me last second ork,' thought Shiv'eata az 'e absently picked at da crusty 'ead on iz left frunt spike dat used ta be Euluuk. Euluuk 'ad been a right smart wun- alwayz 'ad 'iz finkin' cap on. 'e worked out dat if 'e pulled da pin on a stik-bomb den frew both endz, da blast wud alwayz splatta da uvva git, even doze 'e wurn't no stik-bomba. Dat woz dangerouz smartz fer an ork ta 'ave. 'e'd 'ad ta go.
Da column continued ta crawl through da sand doonz. Da desert woz like a big pot uv broff, wiv shimmery air comin' off, an' da mob woz da trottlecap seas-nin' just waitin' ta dizolve inna it. Da boyz in da opun back trukkz 'ad da wors' uv it- dere green bodiez woz all shiny an' sweaty, an' some'd even started ta get black tanz- orkz woz 'spozed ta be too thick skinned ta tan. Zoggin' sun woz so 'ot dat all da metal woz burnin', an' da ladz 'ad ta take dere choppaz an' shootaz off dere beltz an' leave 'um on da deck while dey tried lookin' up an' opunin' dere gobz ta let da 'eat out. Mos' da grotz 'ad fainted an' been piled up fer pillowz by boyz tuff enough ta make space ta lie down. Da wunz stillz awake wur tryin'a cool off by'z 'anging unnerneaf da trukkz in da shade. Dere woz a scream an' a grind az a'nuvva grot got all chewed up by da clanky bitz uv wartrukk Crump'a'Dump, leavin' a'nuvva little red spot in da columnz wake an' da air filled wiv ork laughter.
Dey'd been on da move fer days, 'eadin' to a oil pumpa dat woz 'sposed ta be suckin' fuel outta der ground fer dere horde, but 'ad stopped after sumfing 'ad got all da 'oomiez wound up an' made 'em start puttin' up a fight. Warboss Bludglut woz busy dealin' wiv da soldier boyz in da big cities, so 'e'd sent Shiv'eata ta sort it out. Da Blud Axe nob felt a swell uv pride despite bein' stukk in da bleedin' desert. Evrywun knew iz mob woz da toughest dere woz. Da 'Eavy Mob, az dey woz known, wur da go to ladz- dere wurn't no problem dey couldn't fix. Some said dey woz iffy in de 'ead fer 'aving a mob dat woz all mixed up 'stead uv stickin' wiv dere matez- dey 'ad Evil Sunz drivin' da lil' mechz, Blud Axez in da big'uns, kommandoz an' stormboyz led by Uglop an' 'ard boy Goffz mixed in wiv sum lootaz, dokz an' mekz in da trukkz. Wot da uvva mobz didn't get, right, woz dat dey 'ad boyz wot could do diff'rent fingz, so'z Da 'Eavy Mob could deal wiv diff'rent jobz. Shiv'eata 'ad a 'ard time uv puttin' da mob tagetha, but 'e'd 'ad da gutz ta stick it out- well, iz name did mean 'recklessly darin'- an' it 'ad paid off. S'far az 'e woz concerned, 'e woz well on da way ta bein' a boss uv iz own.
Az da column chugged along a black cloud 'ung above it- made by all dem mechz coughin' out smoke- warnin' anywun 'oo saw it uv da storm Da' 'Eavy Mob wud unleash when it found sumwun ta kill. More black smoke appeared 'igh above in big linz, followed by crashez frum uppa'ead. Meteor strikez came down like biggun fire, shootin' up da desert sand an' makin' da ground shaky.
"'Ere, look sharp, boyz. Da 'sply dropz 'ere!" Shiv'eata shouted az da mob started cheerin' az more rokz dropped down wiv da stuff dey needed to make dis fight a good'un. Not ta mention dey 'ad ta 'ave sum real nosh or dere'd be a mute'ny- grotz tasted az bad az dey looked, an' right now Shiv'eata wud kill fer a coupla squig bangerz.
Over ta der far left, a bike 'sploded. Shiv'eata didn't look round- wurn't strange fer 'sply dropz ta get too close, an' da bikea shoulda been lookin' where 'e woz goin'.
Den dere woz a 'splosion in frunt, an' Shiv'eata knew it wurn't no rok. A great big bang, red 'ot-like, took wun uv da buggyz right in da chopz, blew da frunt part ta bitz, an' flipped da rest onta a'nuvva wun. Da boyz all 'ad a good laugh at dat, till a 'alf trak got some an' all, blown so big dat scraggly bitz went flyin' like sting-fleaz. Dat got 'em all riled- da frag scratched up all da paintwork! Dey started shoutin' an' bangin' an' lookin' at each uvva fer sumwun ta blame, but Shiv'eata knew wot it woz. Damn trak zoggin' mine! 'e 'ated 'em! Only gitz wiv no bottle used foot zoggerz and trak zoggerz. 'cept fer Blud Axez uv course, cuz deyz only used 'em ta be sneaky.
While Shiv'eata woz makin' sure it woz alright fer Blud Axez ta use trak zoggers, a plume uv sand blew up inna da air on da right uv da column. Sumfing dark an' big moved in da dust, an' da ork chieftain drew iz weaponz.
"Watch it, boyz!" 'e shouted. "Derez a geezer, an' I ain't talkin' 'bout wun uv dem misty fingz!"
Where da sudden burst uv sand settled, a 'uge bloke woz standin' dere, all kitted out in 'eavy armour da colour uv bone. Iz 'elmet lenz woz black an' angry az dey checked out da column, an' da shoota in iz 'andz woz a big'un. Shiv'eata didn't know dat da lightnin' an' skull on itz shoulder woz da sign uv da Revileaz chapta, but 'e knew wot da fella wearin' dat sign woz.
"Fer Gorkz sake! Dere zoggin' marine boyz!" Shiv'eata raged az more space marinez in ded coloured armour shoved dere way outta da ground where dey'd buried 'emselvez. Dis wurn't 'sposed ta 'appen. Marine Boyz woz 'sposed ta line up an' fight so da boyz could get a good shot at 'em, not be all sneaky-like. 'sidez, Da 'Eavy Mob 'ad a job ta do. Shiv'eata didn't mind killin' marine boyz; aft' all, dey 'ad da best gear- iz crusha used ta 'ave been a red eyed dragon marinez- but if dey didn't get dat pumpa workin' again, Bludglut wud 'ave dere gutz fer garterz. Dey couldn't get inna a fight now.
Den wun uv da marinez lifted a rokkit launcha to iz shoulder an' pointed it at da tank. Dere woz a big whoosh an' a cloud be'ind da boy 'fore da war'ead went flyin' out da barrul, right at Shiv'eata.
Da bang woz so big dat da nob didn't 'ear it- iz earz bunged up rotten az da pressure 'it 'im. But 'e saw it, too right 'e did- big flash uv flamez, bigga da a squiggoff maw, 'fore 'e woz tossed back by da blast. 'e smacked iz 'ead so 'ard on da tank 'ull dat iz 'elmet rang, an' dem flashy bugz dat alwayz showed up when 'e took a whack in da 'ead woz crawlin' on iz eyeballz again. Shiv'eata woz so 'ead rattled 'e felt punch drunk fer a sec. 'e shook it off an' growled propa gnarky-like az 'e forced 'imself ta wake up, slappin' iz face ta kill da bugz.
E'd just taken a scratch ta da back uv iz noggin, drippin' red all down iz neck, but 'e could feel da muscle 'ad been crumped in bad. It'd only got 'alfway to iz brainz, but e' knew e'd 'ave a right big bump dere. Iz face woz feelin' bit crispy, but uvva dan dat 'e woz fine. 'e chuckled az 'e guessed da marine boy must be gettin' rusty.
Den 'e look down.
Da funnel uv black smoke comin' off da tank woz thicker dan any exhaust fumez. Dere woz a green 'n' red splatta where da rokkit 'ad cut deep enough ta off da driver, Grokrof, an' da 'ole left be'ind opened wide in a dyin' scream.
'Ard Arse, da tank wot 'ad carried Shiv'eata 'cross a 'undred battlegroundz, 'ad been wrecked.
Da bellow uv da nob cut through da fight dat woz kickin' off az da boyz werked out deyz woz under attack. Da marinez woz 'avin' a right carry on az dey let off dakka an' moved in formation like dey woz dancin' or sumfing, while 'ornz blared frum da trukkz az dey rammed each uvva aside ta be da first ta get at 'em, an' da buggyz an' bikez revved up tryin' get awayz frum da big 'oomiez so'z deyz could 'ave a good run up. An' through it all, Shiv'eata raged frum da turret uv iz smokin' tank, frothin' at da mouth, 'ead buttin' da armour platez in challenge.
"YA ZOGGIN' CRAG 'EADED SCUM SLURPA!" da ork trumpeted insanely. "I'LL FEEDZ YA YER OWN GUTZ! I'LL MAKEZ YA ARMOUR INNA 'UB CAPZ, YA… ZOGGIN'… SCRAG FACED…!" 'e punctuated each rant wiv a kick at da turret lip till it bent outa shape, an' 'e ripped 'imself free uv da wreck.
Shiv'eata roze to iz full 'eight uv three metrez. Green bicepz bigga dan iz own 'ead bulged az 'e 'efted iz 'crusha wiv itz sparkin', 'lectrifyed business end, an' a double drum fed shoota wiv da leftoverz uv a krootz skull round da barrul. Da nob took a step back, den frew 'imself forward an' jumped az 'e let out a furiouz battle roar.
"WAAAGH! !"
'e 'it da sand 'ard, da force absorbed frew iz sinewy body, an' woz off like a shot, chargin' da marine boy wiv da rokkit launcha. Da 'startez woz doin' dere run away while fightin' fing, an' sum little oomiez 'ad come out frum under camo netz ta join da fight.
"Uglop!" Shiv'eata 'owled az 'e sprayed a few slugz at da enemy. "Get doze Goff gitz sorted out! I want 'em off da trukkz an' up close, not 'idin' like grotz!" 'e sent a few roundz at da buggyz ta knock sum sense inna dem- dey woz all just 'anging about confused-like az driverz woz picked off an' dere ridez either stopped an' got in da way or went zoomin' off outta control. Da bikez woz even worse. A marine boy 'ad bought out a burna, an' wiv wun whump uv fire 'ad da bikeaz runnin' like branded squigz. Even az Shiv'eata charged, da grot lovin' gitz woz speedin' past 'im ta 'ide be'ind 'Ard Arse. Wun got too close an' gave 'im a bang on da shoulder. Da bike bounced off an' skidded awayz all wonky az Shiv'eata kept goin', promisin' 'imself 'e'd skin da zoggerz alive az 'e pointed iz shoota at da burna marine. 'e pulled da trigga, an' slugz da size uv ooman fumbz 'sploded frum da weapon. Da roundz jus' made lotz uv sparkz on da 'startez armour, but sum 'it dere target, an' a sec later da burna tank lit up an' a ball uv fire swallowed da git.
"Blud Waaagh!" da chief beat iz chest and roared iz vict'ry az a right orky feelin' welled up in 'im wiv da kill.
By now da rest uv Da 'Eavy Mob woz gettin' stukk in. Da kommandoz 'ad climbed on top uv da trukkz ta get all shooty, while da uvva ladz 'ad climbed out an' woz now rushin' da enemy. Little oomiez wur steppin' up wiv dere stoopid little lazer gunz, an' red waspz uv laz fire start flittin' about, stingin' da boyz an' hackin' dem off even more. A beam melted a 'ole in Shiv'eataz face. 'e growled, even az da smell uv cooked meat made 'im all drooly, an' 'e turned on da little man.
Da git woz decked out az a soldier boy, screamin' in iz whiney voice 'bout iz emprah, iz rancid sweat stinkin' uv fear. Shiv'eata bought iz crusha down an' squished 'im in wun go. Da 'ammer went a foot deep inna sand an' squirted blud 'n' gutz in fountainz. Gore splashed on Shiv'eataz face, an iz 'uge tongue licked it off. 'e pulled at iz crusha but da weapon woz stukk, an' now a marine boy woz squarin' up ta 'im while 'e woz strugglin' in da sand.
"Grow sum rokz ya git!" da ork spat, an' 'e pointed iz shoota da same time iz attacka raized iz bolta.
Shiv'eata fired first. Da marine took an 'andful uv dakka in da mush. It didn't kill 'im, but 'e jerked back wiv da blast an' iz shotz went over da orkz 'ead. Shiv'eata ripped iz crusha free wiv a snarl, but da Revila woz a quick wun- 'e slammed inna da ork chief 'fore 'e could swing da 'ammer. Dey locked tagetha, pushin' 'gainst each uvvaz strainin' musclez. Shiv'eata snarled inna da marinez metal face, lettin' iz crusha 'ead get close enough fer 'lectricity ta sting da git, even doze 'e got a couple uv zapz too.
Da marine didn't even flinch az da 'lectric bounced off iz armour.
"Dammit! Ya sneaky crag 'ead!" Shiv'eata yelled, 'fore pullin' iz 'ead back an' smashin' it inna da gitz face.
Da bash dented da orkz 'elm back inna iz fore'ead, an' all uv'z a sudden da flashy bugz woz back. Shiv'eataz 'ead woz ringin' wiv da blow, da bruised dent in iz brow poundin' sumfing awful. Da marine boy wurn't even bovvered- 'e 'ead butted 'im right back. Fer a sec, Shiv'eataz view woz uv flashy insectz an' da gnarky lookin' face plate uv da Revilea comin' at 'im. Den iz sight woz flickin' 'tween sky an' ground az da nob went arse over tit an' splashed inna da sand. 'e looked up, 'ead spinnin', ta see da marine levellin' iz bolta.
"Taste the Emperor's wrath, xenos!" da oomie buzzed in iz 'elmet. Part uv Shiv'eata knew da game woz up, but dat didn't stop 'im 'makin' wun last grab fer iz shoota, snarlin' iz 'ate fer da oomie wot woz gonna do 'im in.
Suddenly da marine woz gone, bouncin' 'cross da sand like a tumble weed. Da stormboy dat 'ad sent im flyin' skidded to an' 'alt, 'ot backwash frum iz rokkit pack blastin' Shiv'eataz face.
"Not bad, eh boss?" da ork grunted wiv a smartarse grin.
Shiv'eata shot da boy through da neck.
"Ya flyin' git," Shiv'eata stalked over to da corpse, itz 'ead 'angin' on by'z a flap uv skin. "Youz fink I needz yer 'elp ta off some marine boy? I'm da boss uv Da 'Eavy Mob! Anyfing youz can kill, I'z can kill betta, an' don't youz forget it!" 'e kicked at da cadava till 'e 'eard fingz go crack. Dat'd teach 'im.
While Shiv'eata'd been fightin', da 'startez 'ad been gettin' killy wiv iz boyz. Ded orkz lay in da sand where dey'd rushed da oomiez. Da rest woz losin' it az oomie stik-bombz put fire in dere way so'z dey couldn't get at da marine gitz wot wur now doin' a runer. Sum orkz tossed gretchin frew ta see 'ow 'ot it woz, gettin' madder each time da grotz got lit up, whilst sum stoopida boyz jumped frew demselvez an' started burnin' an' yellin' till a bolta out shouted 'em. Whooshin' incendry rokkitz woz makin' even bigga firez dat kept da spineless driva boyz frum chargin' 'em.
Dat meant da rokkit marine wot totalled 'Ard Arse woz still in da fight.
"AAARRGH!" Shiv'eata waved iz fistz stomped iz feet, blind wiv rage. "I wantz dat tank bustin' git! Get frew doze flamez or I'll'z be puttin' yo'z all frew a mincea!"
Uneaze rippled frew da boyz az sum looked at da fire wall, while uvvaz looked at dere boss wonderin' if nowz woz da time ta take 'im on 'stead uv gettin' burnt up, 'fore decidin' quick dey didn't wanna tangle wiv such a mad ork.
Seein' fingz gettin' nowhere, Shiv'eata pushed down on iz anger, finkin' iz way outta dis mess. Instinctz uv an orky leada pushed frew da rage, remindin' 'im uv propa Blud Axe tacticz an' cunnin' planz dat could solve stuff like dis.
"Get doze ded boyz!" Shiv'eata barked at da uvvaz. "Toss 'em on da fire tillz ya can seez ya way frew, den get after doze gitz!"
All da boyz reeled fer a sec, sum in awe uv such orky smartz, uvvaz confused by'z da idea uv a plan. But den dey woz off, snatchin' bodiez an' tossin' 'em on da fire. Little brawlz started az lootaz tried ta stop evrywun till dey'd swiped da kit frum da ded first, but da goffz chucked sum uv 'em in da flamez too an' dey soon cut it out. Da stink uv skorchin' gristle filled da air, an' boyz started whoopin' like dey woz at a cook off. Soon da fire started gettin' thin enough ta see wot woz on da uvva side- marine boyz an' little oomiez woz movin' away, an' 'startez speedaz woz flyin' over da desert surface so'z dey could go 'fore da orkz got 'em.
"Deyz tryin' ta fluw da koop! Get over dere an' stop 'em or I'll'z be makin' grot pantz outta yer skinz!" da ork leada swiped wiv iz 'ammer till boyz woz jumpin' frew da flamez, yelpin' in pain but gettin' past an 'eadin' after da oomiez.
"Uglop! Get ya stormboyz over dere an' slow 'em down. If dere ain't sumfing ta kill when I get dere I'll go after yer kommando gitz instead!"
"Roger, sir," Uglop saluted crisply an' turned ta iz fella stormboyz.
"'oo carez 'oo winz!" 'e shouted da battalionz motto.
"S'long az derez a good fight!" da ladz responded, an' next fing dey woz shootin' inna da air an' comin down ta bomb da oomiez 'fore dey could get away.
Even wiv all da killin' ta be done, Shiv'eata 'ad ta stop an' laugh. Stormboy mottoz- wot wud dey come up wiv next- marchin' bandz?
Shiv'eata stamped on a ded goffz back az 'e dived inna da flamez. Iz flesh started ta blista on iz armz an' face. 'eat stung iz eyez so'z 'e couldn't see, an' 'e got a smokey cough. 'e gnashed iz jaw ta 'old back screamz uv pain- 'e wurn't gonna be no grot in frunt uv da boyz, no matter wot.
Den 'e woz out uv da fire, crispy an' smokin' but ready ta fight. Iz 'elm woz burnin' 'ot an' da dredlockz uv iz ogryn trophy 'ad caught fire, but 'e ignored it, squintin' at da oomiez ta find dat git.
E' soon saw 'im. 'e'd dropped iz rokkit shoota so'z 'e could use iz knife ta fight off a stormboy. Dere woz no wun ta 'elp 'im out- da boyz 'ad got stukk in now, an' all da uvva marinez wur fightin' fer dere livez. Shiv'eata grinned all teef- dat tank busta woz ripe fer da takin'.
Da chieftain 'eaded fer iz target, covered by da kommandoz wot 'ad come frew da fire more shooty dan stabby, an' wur givin' da oomiez a run fer dere money. Da fight spilled inna iz path, but 'e kept goin'. 'e waded frew da scrum, sightz uv battle flashin' 'fore iz eyez- a soldier boy smashed in two by iz own crusha, an 'eadless ork thrashin' iz choppa a full ten secondz after 'e woz killed, Uglopz plasma pistol meltin' da 'elmet an' face uv a Revilea in wun shot, gretchin trippin' little oomanz under all da stompy feet ta dere deathz, a'nuvva Revilea guttin' a boy wiv a chainblade bayonet, laughin' az crazy az an ork. A mist uv dust an' blood kicked up by da fight washed over da warriorz, an' fightin' got frantik az evrywun struck blindly at silhouettez, not knowin' friend frum foe. Shiv'eata didn't break off fer none uv it, homin' in on iz target like a grot guided rokkit.
"Move it, zog face! e'z mine!" Shiv'eata barrulled inna da boy tanglin' wiv da marine an' 'urled 'im aside. 'e turned on da Revilea, 'oo took wun look at da nob an' plucked iz little shoota frum iz belt.
Shiv'eata lurched forward, swingin' iz 'ammer. Da marine got off a shot dat smashed in a armour plate an' drew blud 'fore da massiv' power weapon turned da pistol ta scrap, takin a couple uv fingerz wiv it. Da marine backed up all shocked-like, an' da ork bellowed az 'e went fer da kill.
Sumfing knocked da ork leader off balance at da last moment. Da ork wot 'e'd shoved aside woz back, barkin' 'bout 'ow nowun woz takin' iz kill. Shiv'eata put sum dakka in iz belly, an' wiv a spray uv blud 'e sodded off fer good.
While Shiv'eata 'ad been settlin' da debate, da Revilea 'ad passed iz little stabba to iz cut-up 'and, an' ad picked up a dropped chainsword in da uvva. Da git revved da chewy bitz an' squared up ta Shiv'eata.
"Youz busted 'ol 'Ard Arse!" da ork snarled at iz opponent, poundin' iz chest. "I'z gonna get a new tank, an' whenz I do, I'z gonna paint it in yer zoggin' blud!"
If da marine understood da gruntin' an' growlin' an' bashin' uv ork fist, 'e didn't give a toss. 'e leapt at Shiv'eata.
Wiv a "WAAAGH!" Shiv'eata fired iz shoota. Da roundz went clang on da armour, but da marine kept goin', shruggin' off da dakka. 'e took a big swing wiv iz buzzy chainsword, an' Shiv'eataz shoota went spinnin' frum iz jarred 'and. Da 'startez followed it up wiv a under'and blow wiv da stabba. Da little blade stukk between ribz. Red dropz squirted out, an' da marine twisted it, cuttin' up da gutz.
Shiv'eata howled, not wiv da pain dat bent 'im over but in anger. Da big git 'ad gone sneaky on iz mob, blown up iz tank, an' now woz tryin' ta kill 'im. Could ya believe da rokz on dis bloke?
'Lookz like I'll 'ave ta cut 'em off,' Shiv'eata thought.
Da ork frew iz armz wide in a roar, battin' da marine away 'oo took da stabba wiv 'im, leavin' stringz uv blud connetin' da pair.
"Gork zog it! Youz gonna pay fer dat," Shiv'eata growled. Iz gut 'urt rotten, but 'e forced 'imself ta tuff it out. While 'e straightened up da marine ripped off iz 'elmet wot 'ad been smashed by da orkz shotz. Iz dark skin woz all craggy frum radiation, but still squishy like all oomiez. Shiv'eata felt a bit uv puke boilin' up az 'e looked over da marinez close cut beard an' 'ead 'air, growin' outta iz skin like parasitez.
"By the Emperor's grace may I smite you from the face of the galaxy, ork scum," da oomie chanted at Shiv'eata. Da ork sneered an' 'efted iz crusha in both 'andz.
"Bloody oomiez. Alwayz wanna talk. Fight ya git!"
"For the Emperor!" da two fightaz attacked tagetha. Shiv'eataz 'ammer swung down. Da marine dodged an' da 'ammer cratered da ground. Da oomie aimed iz chainy choppa fer da orkz 'ead, but Shiv'eata tilted iz 'elm in da way at da last sec, an' da sword cut up 'ol Euluukz face. Shiv'eata flicked iz weapon sidewayz, an' a scatterin' uv sand burnt inna glass by iz crushaz 'lectric field fluw up. Da marine flinched like a panzy grot az da fulgurite got in iz eyez.
"Got ya! WAAAGH!" Da ork dived at 'im, takin' iz 'ammer in two 'andz ta smash da gitz 'ead in. Da marine got iz witz tagetha through an' struck out. Iz chainswordz teef bit da axe 'andle an' stopped Shiv'eata mid swing. Da nob shouted crazy-like az 'e tried ta force da marine back, but da boy wudn't give, an' 'e tried ta knife da ork again. Dis time Shiv'eata caught da marinez wrist. 'e crushed da oomiez puny 'and, feelin' da 'eavy armour go all creaky round da wrist. Da ooman couldn't twist free, but managed ta shove da crusha aside now Shiv'eata woz only holdin' it wiv wun 'and. Da crushaz weight pulled da ork ta da side, leavin' im open, an' da marine aimed da point uv iz chainy choppa fer da orkz belly an' thrust.
Shiv'eata screamed out loud az da blade punched through iz armour an' ripped im open. Da spinny chewy bitz uv da choppa caught flesh an' bone an' dragged da sword deep inna iz gutz, mulchin' up evryfing. Da pain woz sum uv da worst 'e'd eva taken. 'e felt iz innardz all go wet an' sloppy-like, flowin' out through da hole made by da sword. Stringz uv soft stuff got caught in da churny teef an' sucked in like a ship in a black 'ole, draggin' in more muscle an' skin frum across iz body, unravellin' iz flesh. Da ork sagged wiv da inj'ry, but da marine kept up da attack. Chainsword hookz grinded 'gainst bonez, crackin' sum inna chipz an' splinterz, an' da 'startez pushed in 'arder ta find da spine an' cut it in 'alf.
Suddenly da marinez 'and twisted. It made a sound uv a tree breakin' in 'alf, an' da git gasped an' dropped iz stabba. Da ork 'and let go uv da wrist an' caught da stabba in mid-air, spun it round, an' drove it under da marinez shoulder pad inna iz arm. Da ooman yelled good 'n' propa az iz arm went like a ded fish, all floppin' and flappin'. 'e went all cringy wiv pain, an' looked at iz enemy in shock.
"Youz fink dat little scratch iz gonna get da best uv me? I'z an ork! Dat just ticklez! I'll showz ya 'ow ta fight propa!" Shiv'eata growled. Den 'e 'efted da crusha again an' swung it. Da marine boy leapt back, rippin' iz choppa free az 'e did, but da 'ammer still gave 'im a little tap. 'lectricity burst frum da impact an' cracked da 'startez arm plate, but da chainsword took da worst uv it, mech bitz breakin' an' teef crackin'. Da attacka stumbled back, givin' Shiv'eata a quick breatha. 'e tried ta pull 'imself tagetha, but it woz too messy- innardz dat wur no longer in 'im woz all over da place, an' loopz uv gutz woz tanglin' iz feet. 'e groaned az 'e scooped sum uv da mess inna da stomach wound. Even fer an ork dis woz a bad-un. In fact 'e reckoned if 'e didn't see a dok soon 'e woz a goner.
'Gotta finish up quick. Not gonna let 'im get away 'forez I snuff it,' Shiv'eata decided firmly, no thought fer iz own life when 'e 'ad a score ta settle wiv da 'startez.
Be'ind da ooman side uv da skirmish, da land speedaz 'ad zoomed over an' wur shootin' up da ork side. A lotta boyz went down frum 'eavy bolta fire, but da speedaz wur outmatched; deyz woz just keepin' Da 'Eavy Mob busy whilst da oomiez piled in ta da extra troop space dug in da back or grabbed onta da sidez, gettin' ready ta escape.
Shiv'eata an' da Revilea ignored da scramble. Dey woz fixed on settlin' da score wiv each uvva.
Da 'starte frew away da stabba an rolled iz 'urt shoulder ta test it az 'e circled, lookin' fer da best way ta finish off iz foe. Shiv'eata told 'imself dere wurn't no easy way ta kill an ork, but at da back uv iz 'ead 'e knew dat even a banged up choppa could take 'im out if shoved inna iz gut wound. Da ork 'uffed an' growled all moody-like, but 'e woz checkin' out da oomie too, tryin' ta fink uv an orky smart way ta get wun up on im. Finkin' instead uv fightin' didn't come easy to an ork, even a good 'ol Blud Axe, but Shiv'eata starined iz 'ead, sweat poppin' up on iz overhangin' brow wiv effort.
Just az da marine boy tensed up ta attack, da ork spotted sumfing. Iz froth smeared lipz twitched in a grin.
Da marine charged in wiv a battle cry an' swung iz chainy choppa. Shiv'eata turned iz 'ammer an' caught da sword on da 'aft. Da oomie git pressed close ta 'old da ork in place, an' stukk iz 'and in da hole 'e made. A big rumblin' groan came out uv Shiv'eata az da marine ripped out gutz, puttin' a splash uv blud on iz gray armour.
"Now you die, xenos scourge!" da Revilea gloated. Shiv'eata smiled back grimly an' reached out.
Da pinz went 'ting' 'ting' az 'e pulled 'em outta da krak-bombz stukk on da marinez belt.
"Good luck workin' out which end ta frow in time," Shiv'eata sneered.
Wiv a savage crusha twist, da ork knocked da surprised lookin' marine back an' took off right sharpish. Da 'starte yelled all paniky-like an' grabbed da bombz. 'e managed to toss wun away wildly. 'e went fer da second wun.
It went off just az iz 'and closed round it.
Shiv'eata felt 'imself 'urled forward by a blast uv 'ot wind. 'e couldn't 'ear 'imself roar over da boomz dat 'it 'im. Da ork crashed inna da sand gob-first az dust an' smoke fluw past 'im.
Den da flashy bugz woz back again.
Da ork clambered up all dizzy-like. Iz gut 'urt sumfing awful. 'e thought iz earz must be on da blink az ev'ryfing woz quitea, an' 'e bashed iz 'ead a coupla timez. Den 'e realized da fight woz over- da Revileaz an' da little oomiez wur leggin' it in dere speedaz, while sum uv da boyz tried runnin' after dem or shootin'. Shiv'eata growled az da oomanz escaped inna da desert. 'e looked over at da tank busta marine.
Da sight cheered 'im up right good.
Da marine boy woz split at da waist, only 'eld tagetha by sum sticky stuff on wun side. Most uv 'im woz splattad all round da place, an' iz squishy face woz stukk in a look uv shock an' pain.
Shiv'eata stalked over ta da cadava an' sneered in itz ded face.
"Datz fer 'Ard Arse, ya git."
While da rest uv da boyz sorted demselvez out, Shiv'eata took a small choppa frum iz bandolierz an started 'ackin' da Revileaz 'ead off. Da 'ard chopz made iz wound ache but 'e ignored it, too caught up in finishin' da job.
Soon da oomanz 'ead came loose, an' Shiv'eata ripped it free, snappin' da neck bone an' sum skin. Da nob grinned at iz bluddy prize, den felt round da back uv iz 'elmet wiv wun 'and.
'e thought about da mashed up remainz uv a 'ormagauntz 'ead nailed ta itz spike, but dat 'ad been too good a fight ta ferget, even if da trophy woz a mess. 'e reached fer da uvva 'ead- a panzie eldaa wot 'ad been a quick wun wot killed a lotta boyz 'fore Shiv'eata got 'er, but doze skinny gitz wurn't tuff. 'e closed iz 'and, an' da weedy little 'ead burst an' dropped ta da ground. Shiv'eata forced da Revileaz 'ead onta da spike instead, a much betta trophy- da mark uv a right-'ard nob.
"Reportin', sir," Uglop rocked up, slappin' iz 'ead in salute. Little red spotz woz splattad on iz face an' 'andz, an' melted flesh soaked iz bootz. 'e stank uv rokkit smoke.
"Da uvva hostilez 'ave gotten away. Battle ann-" Uglop strained like 'e woz chewin' a gob-busta or sumfing "ann… ally… sis- showz deyz usin' 'it 'n' run tactikz, an' by'z da time da fast mechz iz sorted out deyz gonna be long gone."
Shiv'eataz mood turned foul az 'e glared at da dust where da oomiez 'ad vanished, den at da bikez an' buggyz dat wur only just showin' up lookin' fer a fight.
"Get sumwun ta round up da Goffz," da chief snarled. "We'z gotta teach doze speed boyz a lesson. Den we gotta get after dem zoggin', grot faced gitz. No wun runz frum Da 'Eavy Mob."
Da two orkz looked at da mob. Lotz uv 'em wur ded, but dey still 'ad enough ta put up a good fight. Four marine boyz an' a load uv little oomiez 'ad bought it, an' da boyz woz scufflin' over da best loot. Shiv'eata pressed a 'and ta iz stomach. It wud 'ave ta wait- e' could do wiv sum new gear.
"'ere, boss," da stormboy said az Shiv'eata stalked towardz da mob. "Shudn't we get on da 'orn ta Bludglut- let 'im know deze marinez 'ere wot want takin' care uv?"
Da nob swung iz crusha back wivout lookin' round. Da power weapon smashed inna Uglopz 'ead, evap'ratin' iz face az it bluw iz skull apart an' sent red gobbetz an' crunched bone out in a spray. Da 'eadless body went all shivery, blud shootin' out da top, den dropped like a sack uv dung.
"Bludglut can keep iz zoggin' snout out uv me beezwax," Shiv'eata hissed to 'imself az boyz noticed da kill an' all nervously tried sneakin' out uv iz eyesight. "Da 'Eavy Mobz gonna finish da job, an' all doze marine boy 'eadz er' mine!"
Now it made sense wot 'ad riled up da oomiez on dis part uv da planet- da marine boyz woz sneakin' in an' stirrin' da scrag-pot. Shiv'eata wurn't gonna let dat slide, an' 'e didn't need no 'elp frum anywun. Dis woz iz fight.
"Get sorted out, ya gitz," Shiv'eata yelled. "I want eveywun back on board an' after doze oomiez. Mekz an' dokz 'ave ta do dere fing on da way. An' az fer dis stormboy git," 'e jabbed a thumb at Uglop. "I needz a trukk. Wotz iz ride- Dakka Dakka Boom? Datz mine now. Anywun got beef wiv dat! ?" da nob bought up iz crusha again an' glared. No wun challenged 'im
"Datz right ya grotz. Now get to it. We'z gonna catch up wiv dem space marinez, an' whenz we do we'z gonna 'ave da biggest fight uv our livez! WAAAGH! !" Shiv'eata raized 'ammer an' roared, an' all round, Da 'Eavy Mob answered.
"WAAAAGH! ! !"