Life in the abbey was boring. Nothing new ever really happened there. The priests had long since given up on indoctrinating me with the Church's teachings, so I spent most of the days between visits just studying or training.
The priests never understood why I was adamant about not worshiping Martel, but I was never going to tell them. After all, saying that I was reincarnated into this world with memories of a past life already sounded crazy enough. Adding on the fact that, in my old life, this world was considered fictional? Yeah, I wasn't gonna spill the beans at any point, and especially not to the priests. While they were nice people, I'd always been a paranoid type of person, and I didn't want anything possibly being leaked to Cruxis.
There was only a week left before my brother visited again, though, and I was excited. Visits always meant new books and new stories, and I couldn't wait to show off the new spell I had just finished learning.
The visit also meant that time was running out. I would turn 18 just a few weeks after, which meant that my brother was already 21.
I wasn't sure of exactly when things would start following the main storyline, but I knew that he had been 22 when it began.
Was I ready for it? Hell no, but I had to do it anyways. I was not going to risk him dying on me, which meant that I needed to change things.
Which meant that I needed to get out of the Abbey.
For years, I'd been preparing for it. At first, I thought that maybe I could change things without having to do it. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could stop him being being an absolute idiot just by making it clear over the years that I had never blamed him for anything and that I would always care for him.
I should have known better though. Didn't I have personal experience with it myself? How my own brain could be my worst enemy. How, even when being reassured of how much other people cared for me, I doubted every last word. I wasn't even able to be there all the time to make sure that he understood how much he meant to me. For three hundred and sixty days a year, he was surrounded by the fake smiles of the Meltokio nobles, who only wanted to use him for their own benefit.
So when, a few visits ago, he accidentally let it slip that he was looking into a way to make me the Chosen instead, I knew that I had failed.
I carefully pressed his Cruxis Crystal back into his hands before hugging him tightly.
"Please don't say that again. Please don't say that I would be a better Chosen than you." Please don't think that things would be better off if you were dead.
His eyes widened a bit, but he didn't say anything to me.
The moment he left the abbey, I frantically threw myself into my preparations for Plan B.
Plan B was pretty simple. Get as strong as I could as fast as I could, and cram as much knowledge into my head as possible in the downtime between training.
I would be the first person to admit that my plan had many flaws. At the time, I had no idea of how I even wanted to change things. I had no idea how I'd even be able to get around without getting arrested (and possibly executed) for violating the terms of my house arrest. I didn't even know what I would do if and when I'd have to face my brother again.
But I was desperate, so plan B it was. I would just try and figure out the details before I had to actually leave.
And now, it was almost time. I had no way of testing my strength against monsters, but I had greatly improved my swordsmanship, and I could use a decent amount of the upper tier spells I'd read about. Hopefully, it would be enough.
I had a handful of gels stocked away in my bag, along with all the gald I'd ever been given.
It was hilarious, in my opinion, that I got a small stipend every month. Around 70% of it went directly to the abbey to pay for my stay, and the remaining 30% went to me.
How did they even expect me to spend it? Theoretically, I guess I could ask one of the priests to buy me something with it on the rare occasion when they had to leave the island for supplies, but my bet is that the people who sentenced me to live the rest of my life here were trying to appease the guilt from doing such a thing to the 5-year-old daughter of the previous Chosen. They probably told themselves that they were making my life a tiny bit better by giving me money that I could spend on things, without thinking about the logistics of how it would actually work.
Hmm. Or maybe, they wanted to taunt me with it, shoving money I couldn't even spend at me every month, making sure that I was constantly aware of how trapped I was. I wouldn't put it past them to do something like that, now that I think of it.
Either way, I was lucky, and I had a bit over 300,000 gald saved up since I had never spent any of it. I'd left enough for a few day's worth of food in one of the main pockets, but the majority of it was at the bottom of my bag, in a hidden pocket I had sewn in myself.
Now all I had to do was sneak out of the Abbey and take the next ferry back to the mainland. That could wait until after my brother visited though.
The week passed by at a glacial pace. Everything I needed was already assembled, so all I could do was wait. And wait. And wait.
I absentmindedly flipped through one of my old books. It described the basic steps to gathering energy for techs or spells. The book was one of many that my brother had brought for me after I had mentioned my interest in magic.
What could I say? I'd always been interested in magic, even before I ended up here. Being in a world where one could see immediate and tangible results gave me even more motivation to actually learn and master everything related to magic that I could.
While I could use other kinds of magic, it seemed that my natural affinity was towards ice.
It was oddly fitting. After all, that snowy day, thirteen years ago, was the day that changed both me and my brother's lives.
"Look! Zelos, Zelos - it's snow!" I squealed in delight. I'd never seen so much snow in a single place before in either of my lives. I tugged on his sleeve. "Let's go play!"
He grinned, ruffling my hair and ruining the half hour I had spent trying to tame it that morning, and ran away as I pouted behind him.
We both charged straight at the open door, then skidded to a stop right as it was slammed shut.
Zelos's mom stared down at us. "And where did you two think you were going?" she asked, a single eyebrow raised.
I tilted my head. "Out there, to the snow! Duh." Her expression remained unchanged, and she turned to Zelos.
"Me and Seles are gonna go play outside, it's the first time she's seen snow!" he said.
She stared a bit longer at us, then sighed. "It's the first time you've seen snow too, Zelos, unless you count the time it snowed when you were just a baby. Neither of you have ever been out when it's that cold, and you most certainly are not dressed for it."
The two of us were herded back into our rooms as she called for one of the butlers to bring us a change of clothes.
Once we were all suited up with boots and gloves and warm coats, we were finally allowed to rush into the sea of white that had fallen during the night.
Soon enough, Zelos had roped me into making a large snowman with him, while his mother stood watchfully from inside the mansion.
Eventually, after the fifth or so time he asked, Zelos's mom joined us out in the snow to help us with our snowman, which had grown too tall for us to actually work on.
I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. My gut instinct began screaming at me that something was about to happen.
Something that involved Zelos, and snow, and-
It hit me. How could I have forgotten? This was the first time either of us had seen snow.
I frantically turned towards where I had seen the shadow, my eyes jumping to and fro as I looked around.
There was a movement, and a hooded figure made themselves known as the familiar circle of a spell being cast blazed into existence around them.
In the next moment, two things happened.
First, Zelos's mom grabbed him and turned around, shielding his body with hers.
Second, I ran straight at the figure, screaming "NO" at the top of my lungs.
The figure's eyes widened, and their hand jerked up as their spell completed, the lance of ice that was created barely missing my head.
There was a sick squelch as ice met flesh behind me. I spun around, ignoring the figure, who was quickly tackled by nearby guards. Ignoring the person that I knew to be my mother, who had been trying to kill Zelos.
My arms flailing, I made my way over to where Zelos's mother was hunched over him.
Right as I got there, though, Zelos's mother fell to the ground, and I was left to stare at Zelos.
He was soaked in the red of her blood and he was trembling ever so slightly. His lips moved soundlessly as he mouthed something over and over.
I began sobbing uncontrollably, overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, and by my failure to stop a chain of events I should have known about.
At some point, I lost consciousness. I woke up a day later, locked in one of the rooms all by myself.
While I had been unconscious, my mother was tried and executed for her crimes. I was told the bare minimum about the situation and about what would happen to me.
Not even a week later, I was shipped off with nothing more than a small container of clothing and mementos to live out the rest of my life in the Southeast Abbey.
I had been alone with only the priests for company in the Abbey for a few years before he visited for the first time. It came as a surprise to everyone there when he stopped without any warning that first time, carrying a large suitcase with him.
He visited every other month after that, but as he grew older and his list of responsibilities grew longer, he was able to visit me less and less. Now, he could only spare the time to visit me once a year. I understood why though, and I tried my best not to resent him for it.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Now was not the time to think about that, not when today was the day Zelos was supposed to arrive.
Not long after, one of the priests came upstairs to fetch me.
"Is it my brother?" I asked, grinning.
He nodded. "Come along now, he's probably making a nuisance of himself to the others downstairs. Your brother isn't known for being the most patient of people."
I chuckled a bit but sped up as I made my way down the stairs.
As soon as I exited the stairwell, I saw a flash of red hair and lept forward for a hug. Zelos quickly sidestepped, and I fell to the ground groaning.
"Zelos, you big meanie!" I said as I pouted. "Is this how you're supposed to greet your beloved sister who you haven't seen in a year?"
He rolled his eyes. "If you haven't learned by now that I'm not gonna catch you if you charge at me like that, then I don't know what to say." Even as he teased me, he leaned down to help pull me back onto my feet.
"Anyways," I said, brushing off the dust on my clothes, "follow me to the back! I really want to show you a new spell I learned!"
"Seriously, Seles? I just got here, give me a break!" he said.
I tugged on his hand impatiently. He sighed, then slowly walked with me out of the door and behind the main structure.
Once we were there, I grabbed my sword and unsheathed it, grasping its handle firmly with my left hand with the point facing the sky. I focused, drawing up the energy flowing through me and channeling it into the palm of my free hand.
Using the sword as a focal point, I began to gather the mana in the air to supplement my own. As it passed through my body, I converted it to a form that I could use, then combined it with the other mass of mana in my right hand.
Overall, the process took me only a few seconds in total. With a tiny twist I assembled the mana into the correct matrix for the spell, then gave it a little push to send it out of my body.
The temperature around me dropped, and wind began to pick up. Within seconds, there was a small whirlwind around me, slicing at the leaves falling around me with blades of wind and shards of ice.
I held the spell for a bit longer, then let it dissipate. "So," I said, "what do you think?"
"That was Ice Tornado, right?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yep! It took me a while to figure out the wind portion of it, but it's pretty cool, right?"
"Hmm… Was it cool?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "It was cold, for sure, but could I really call it cool?"
"Oh, shut up. Just tell me what you think, already!" I whined.
"Fine, fine. You're so impatient, you know." he said. "It looked fine. I think you could work a bit on your speed though; you're getting faster at casting in general, but I know a few people who're still much faster than you."
I contemplated his words a bit. I'd thought I was pretty fast already, but it wouldn't hurt to try and get faster, especially since I'd be fighting off monsters by myself once I left.
I smiled. "Thanks, Zelos. I think I'll do just that."
Eventually, Zelos left, but not before he tossed a few new books in my direction. Two of them were fiction novels, and a last one was a short book that talked about uncommon uses of magic.
His parting words after I'd gotten a glimpse at the book were "It took me a long time to dig up that book, alright, so you better not lose it."
In my room, I quickly began reading through the pages. A few visits ago, I'd mentioned offhandedly that I thought it was stupid that pretty much all spells were made for combat. Sure, there was magitechnology, but even the researchers were still trying to figure out how that worked.
I hadn't realized that Zelos would actually try and find a book for me about it though. I grinned at the thought, before returning my focus to the book.
4 days later, while the priests were doing their morning devotions, I snuck out, arranging my pillows under my sheets in a way that it looked like I was just asleep under the covers.
The boat only came every other week, and it set off at noon. I had enough time to get there, but it was going to be close.
I took a deep breath, shifted my bag a bit so that it didn't dig into my shoulder quite as much, then ran.
Hi. My name, at the moment, is Seles Wilder. And I'm on a journey to save my brother from his own stupidity.
AN: if you think Seles has too much money, you can find my explanation linked on my profile. TL;DR I calculated that amount and am sticking with it. This story was written for three main reasons: 1) I really like self-inserts, and have wanted to write one for this fandom for a long time now, 2) I don't see enough ToS SIs that have the characters being reborn into the world instead of being dropped in as-is, and 3) because Zelos is my fave and I'm being incredibly self-indulgent by making myself related to him in this fic