Title: The Dating Game

By: Me, Annie Lune.

Summary: Sara knows she's dreaming, but now all she has to do it wake up. And she has to get Brass to realize that she is *not* going to pick one of the "lucky" bachelors, even if they are Nicky, Grissom and Greg.

Disclaimer: They were getting dusty on my shelf, so I decided to take them down to play with. Just to play with though, please don't sue. I've only got ten bucks and a Starbucks card.

Spoilers: Nope. I sure wish though.

A Note: This is what happens when I have too much free time on my hand, and then too much chocolate on top of that. I basically sat down at the computer and began typing, so this might make total sense, or no sense at all. But let's hope that it makes sense, okay? Okay. Sounds good. Sara might be slightly out of character here, but I would too if I were in this situation.

Flames will be mocked Under the Bridge.

*a.l.

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The lab was quiet. Too quiet. Sara stuck her head into the dark break room.

"Hello?" she called, only to hear no reply. "Okay, where is everyone?" she asked flicking on the lights only to reveal nothing.

"HELLLLLOOOOO?" Sara's voice echoed off the wall in there. She turned away from the room, and walked down the hall. No one was in any of the labs, or in the hallway, or collected by the water cooler. No one was in the lab at all.

"Okay guys, you can come out now. This isn't funny…" she called into the silence as she glanced over her shoulder. All of those horror movies that she had seen were starting to come back to her. A woman alone in an empty building… no one to hear her scream…

Sara quickened her walk as she made her way though the lab trail throwing open every door she came too checking for signs of someone. This was beginning to freak her out. The lab was never empty, never. Sara came to Grissom's office, only to see the door closed. Grissom must be in there, she thought, and slowly walked forward. She lightly pushed open the door just enough so she could turn on the light, and her hand crept towards the switch. Her fingers were on the plastic, and Sara took a deep breath. She flicked on the lights.

"Sara?" A cold hand was placed on her shoulder, and Sara, of course, screamed.

She whipped around ready to fight off her attacker, but came face to face with a startled Catherine. "Erm, what are you doing?" Catherine asked cocking one of her eyebrows.

"Where have you been?" Sara demanded, her heart still racing.

"We've been waiting for you. Come on, you're going to be late." Catherine said and walked down the hall. Sara had no choice but to go running after her.

"Catherine, were are you taking me?" Sara questioned as Catherine walked towards a door that Sara had never seen before. She recognized the part of the lab that she was in, but this door was unfamiliar. Sara knew the lab like the back of her hand, and she would have known about this door.

Catherine turned to face Sara, placing her hand on the knob. "Are you ready?" Catherine asked, but not waiting for Sara to reply, pushed the door open. A blinding light came though the other side, and Sara put her hand up to shield her eyes. Catherine took the other hand and led Sara through the door.

"You found her!" Warrick called, but Sara couldn't see her, for the light was still blinding her, and she had no idea where she was going now.

"Yeah, everything ready? Good. Let's her on stage." Catherine replied, still leading Sara.

"On stage?" Sara asked finally removing her hand from her eyes, but she immediately put it back up. It was like the sun was in the room. It was painful to open her eyes, and she wondered why Catherine wasn't bothered by it.

"There. Places everyone!" Catherine called, and removed her grip from Sara.

"Wait, where are you going? Where am I? What am I doing here??" Sara called to whoever was going to answer.

"We're on in five…" a voice from above boomed. "Four…three…two…"

Suddenly, the lights went out, and Sara lowered her hands. "Finally. Now does someone want to tell me what is going on?" Sara opened her eyes, and thunderous applause erupted from in front of her.

"Oh my…" Sara started, but she couldn't finish. An entire studio audience was sitting in front of her. Sara's first instinct was to run in the opposite direction, but she wouldn't have been able to. At that moment, Brass came walking over to Sara and took her by the hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I welcome our next contestant, Sara Sidle!" Brass said into the microphone that he was holding.

"Brass, what are you doing? Why am I here, who are these people??" Sara mumbled through clenched teeth to him, but it was as if he didn't hear her. 

Brass put the microphone back up to his mouth. "Now, whose ready to play the Dating Game?"

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"Would you like to explain to me what is going on?" Sara asked once again folding her hands across her chest. 

"Don't you want to meet your potential dates?" Brass asked in his unmoral perky voice.

"NO." Sara stated firmly. "What I want to you do is tell me why am I am here."

"You're here to play the Dating Game!" Brass said in a booming voice. He spread his hands out in front of him, and the audience erupted into applause again.

Sara had two thoughts in her head at this moment. One: kill who ever set up this mean and cruel joke and Two: if Hank is on the other side of this wall…

"So…let's get started!" Brass said turning to Sara and jamming his microphone into her face. "Miss Sidle, please, tell us a little about yourself?"

"Please tell me that this isn't happening." Sara replied dryly.

"Oh, come on? Where is your spirit? You're the lucky bachelorette and there are three lucky bachelors on the other side, just waiting to meet you! What woman wouldn't jump at that chance?"

"Uh, me?"

"She's a funny one, isn't she?" Brass said to the audience, and then turned back to Sara. "Play along Sara and you will win great parting gifts." Brass mumbled to her through clenched teeth.

"This is all a dream. I know it. Please, pinch me now Brass, and let me get on with my day." Sara responded back pushing the microphone out of her face.

"You can pinch yourself all you want, Sara, but this isn't a dream…. this is the Dating Game! Now, let's begin." Brass turned away from the audience, and signaled to Warrick, who was standing off stage with Catherine.

Sara saw Warrick pick up a microphone in front of him, and Catherine handed him cue cards. "Our Lucky lady today is none other than CSI Level 3 Sara Sidle." Warrick's voice boomed over the speakers on the set. "She enjoys work, and doing more work, and when she's not working – which is practically never – Sara can be found at home listening to her police scanner, reading forensic books, and flipping though mail-order catalogs. Sara enjoys long walks on the beach and romantic dinner dates, but don't order her chicken! Sara's strictly a vegetarian and can get pretty miffed when you bring up meat. But don't let that turn you off! She's a spunky girl, and any guy would be lucky to have her!"

Sara wore a perplexed expression on her face, and was still trying to process what Warrick had just said. "I do not enjoy walks on the beach, Brass." She said turning to him, but he wasn't paying attention. He was standing over on the other side of the stage next to a curtain.

"Sara, are you ready to meet the lucky bachelors?" Brass asked excitedly.

"No." Sara replied curtly, but Brass didn't seem to notice. He pulled a string, and the other side of the curtain illuminated. Sara could make out three people on the other side.

Brass turning back to Sara with a huge grin on his face, "Sara, get ready to meet your potential dates!"

"But I don't want to meet them. I want to go HOME." Sara cried, but no one was listening to her and her complaining. Warrick was reading descriptions of the lucky bachelors.

"Here's a guy who's not afraid to love his cable package. What he is afraid of though, is having a gun pointed in his face and people who stalk him. He's always hungry, thinks cows drink milk, and has a sometimes-horrible sense of fashion. He's from the state where everything is big…Give it up for bachelor number one!" Warrick yelled into the microphone as the audience applauded. Sara rolled her eyes.

"He's a soft spoken guy, but don't get the idea that he doesn't know how to communicate. He fluent in sign language and probably speaks bug too. He's got a soft spot for dominatrix-s, anthropologists and many more unusual people. In his free time he likes to listen to opera, race cockroaches, ride roller coasters and go to the shooting range. He's sporting a new look this year that makes him look like a cross between Santa Clause and…well, I'm not sure. But anyway… Put your hands together for bachelor number two!"

Sara wasn't listening. She was trying desperately to get Catherine's attention from off stage by waving her arms in the air, but Catherine didn't give her any notice. She was reapplying her makeup instead.

 "And finally, our last bachelor. He likes to surf and scuba dive. He likes heavy rock music and wishes he could be a rock start. But don't think this guy is anything less that what he really is! He's quite intellectual and has his own coin collection to boot. Our bachelor might not be good at doing fingerprints or dealing with the sight of blood, but he is one fun guy at parties. Give it up for bachelor number three!"  Warrick turned off the microphone and put it down. He then looked over at Sara, who was still waving her hands madly in the air, and gave her the thumbs up. She considered giving him another hand signal, but then Brass came back over and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Well Miss Sara, do you have any questions for our bachelors?"

"No." Sara replied dryly.

"Sara," Brass mumbled into her ear, "Play along with this and we won't have to hurt you…remember those great parting prizes…"

"Brass, the only thing I want to do right now is go home. I do not want to be here, I have no idea what is going on, none of this makes any sense, Nicky, Grissom and Greg are my potential dates, and you think this is a good situation or me to be in?? I am not going to play along!" Sara said getting to her feat. A silence came over the audience.

"Oh, she's just joking." Brass said, shooting her a nasty look out, and then turning to Catherine who came walking on stage. "Ah, the questions!" Brass took them from her and handed them to Sara.

"Sara, please pick which ones you want to ask each bachelor."

Sara opened the envelope that the cards were in and took them out. She flipped through the first few, and turned to Brass. "There is no way I am asking any of these guys what their favorite position is. I have really nasty images just saying that aloud."

"Fine." Brass said as his jaw tightened, "you can ask them different questions then."

Sighing, Sara picked up one of the other cards. She might as well play along with the whole thing. Brass did say that there would be parting gifts.

"Bachelor number one." Sara asked, not enthusiastic at all, "If you were a fruit, what would you be?" Sara rolled her eyes. This was so pathetic.

"Hmmm. A fruit…" Bachelor number one thought, but Sara knew it was really Nicky. Who else thinks that cows drink milk? "I'd have to say…a…banana."

"A banana?" Sara asked, and then Brass yelled, "Let the contestant finish!"

"Yeah, a banana. They start off green and then ripe as they get older, but they also bruise easily. And with a banana, you throw away the outside part and just concentrate on what's inside. That's what matters to me."

"Nicky, you're not a banana," Sara started, but Brass elbowed her before she could say anything else.

"Very well, next question." Sara said shooting Brass a mean look. "Bachelor number two. If you could only say three words to communicate your feelings, what would they be?" Sara read the question and then paused. "Wait, I take that back. Don't answer that."

"Sorry Sara, you asked the question and now it has to be answered." Brass said patting her on the shoulder.

"No. I do not want that questions answered by Griss-."

"SARA!"

"Sorry, Bachelor number TWO." She said emphasizing the word.

"Well, it's the bachelor's decision now, whether to answer or pass." Brass added.

"They can pass? Why can't I pass? Brass, this isn't fair." Sara complained folding her hands across her chest.

"Bachelor number two, are you going to answer?" Brass called desperately trying to change the subject.

"Hold on, I'm thinking." Grissom answered back. Sara shook her head.

"Brass, this is Bachelor number two we are taking about. He is not going to answer." Sara stated, looking over at the curtain that separated her from the guys.

"Chalk. Plant. This." Grissom's voice came from the other side.

"What was that?" Brass asked, walking over to the curtain.

"My three words: Chalk, Plant and this."

Sara was speechless for about three seconds. Then she came to her senses. "How poetic." She  spat.

Brass shot another look at Sara. "Do you care to explain your word choice, Bachelor number two?"

 "Well, those are three things that mean a lot to me…the chalk represents…

"If you care, I am moving onto the next question!" Sara called out, making Brass spin around to look at her.

"Bachelor number three." Sara read off the card. "Where would you take me on our first date?"

"Disney World." Greg's voice came from the other side.

"That's quite an interesting choice." Brass commented.

"Well, I like the place. We'd go on all the rides and get our picture taken with Mickey. I'm going for fun, not romantic." Greg contained, "But maybe there will be some fireworks."

"Yeah, you keep dreaming that." Sara chuckled. If by the end of this she had killed off Nicky and Grissom, the maybe she would consider an extended vacation to Florida with Greg. But just maybe thought.

"Well, that's the end of our first round, Sara." Brass said coming over to stand next to her. "Care to comment on the bachelors?"

"Must I?" Sara questioned, looking over at him.

"You don't have to." Brass replied.

"Good. Because the jury is still out." Sara sighed shrugging her shoulders. "So, now have I been put thought enough torture for one day? Can I go home now?"

"Why would you want to go home when we still have the final round to play?" Brass asked, and the audience erupted into applause again. "We'll be right back after this commercial break."

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And now, being the lucky contestant that you are, review!