How To Win A Dinosaur's Heart
This is my response to a monthly writing challenge on Reddit where I had to write a fic containing at least two of these three words randomly chosen for me; heavyweight, junkyard, and charming. This immediately made me think of the Alphys date, which takes place in the dump, so this little plot bunny happened, and I thought it might be cute to write it from Undyne's point of view.
...
After handing her carefully written love letter to the human, it took only ten minutes for Undyne to rethink her life choices.
What kind of coward sent a confession letter to their crush using a messenger?! She was a fierce Royal Guard Captain with more strength than a heavyweight boxer; why didn't she have the ovaries to take the letter to Alphys herself?!
And come to think of it, did she even remember to sign the damn thing?
She needed to get the letter back from the human and deliver it herself before she ended up looking like a dweeb! Alphys was the cutest, sweetest, smartest, and absolute coolest monster in the Underground! She deserved the best from Undyne, not Undyne hiding like a coward at Papyrus's house and being too afraid of rejection to actually confess her feelings herself!
Undyne ran to the river to get the River Person to take her to Hotland, but the boat wasn't there.
"Dammnit!" she muttered to herself. No matter, she would just have to run there! She could beat the human's puny little legs if she hurried.
She turned around and started running, only to nearly collide with Papyrus, who was walking to his shift.
"OH, SORRY UNDYNE!" Papyrus told her, then saw her face. "ARE YOU OKAY?"
"I need to get my letter back from the human!" she told him.
Papyrus gently grabbed her shoulders. "UNDYNE, CALM DOWN. ALPHYS WILL LOVE YOUR LETTER."
"I'm still going to give it to her! I just need to do it myself, like I freaking should have a long time ago! Plus, I think I might have kinda forgot to sign it..."
"OH! NEVER FEAR, UNDYNE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL HELP YOU!" He quickly dialed the human's number. "FRISK ISN'T ANSWERING..."
"We'll just have to beat her to Hotland! Come on, Papyrus!" Undyne called as she started running, Papyrus quickly following.
...
It wasn't until they reached the dump that Undyne spotted Frisk, awkwardly standing among the piles of junk beside a trash can. The girl looked like a Gyftrot in headlights as Undyne approached her, but Undyne quickly just dismissed that as her own natural powers of intimidation. She WAS rather scary after all, so she was used to it, plus she was too relieved to see her to care.
"Hey! There you are!" she called out to Frisk. I, uh, realized if you deliver that thing...It might be a bad idea. So I'm going to do it! Give it to me!" Undyne held out her hand expectantly for the letter.
Frisk looked even more nervous. "I can't. I already gave it to her."
"Huh?! You don't have it?! Ngggaaahhh!" Undyne clenched her fists, more frustrated with herself than she was the human. "Have you at least seen her!?"
"Yeah, just a few minutes ago." Frisk told her.
Undyne sighed, still frustrated but trying to calm down so she didn't scare Frisk more. "So she's somewhere around here...Thanks. I'll keep looking." She walked off.
After she was out of sight of Frisk, she punched a pile of trash, making banana peels and old soda cans tumble to the ground. Ugh, how could she have been so stupid!? Poor Alphys was probably so confused and upset. She had to do something! She was already at the dump; maybe she could get Alphys a very romantic gift. This was their absolute favorite place to hang out after all and they were always finding cool stuff down here. She could find something from Alphys' favorite anime, or some new parts or lab equipment.
Yeah! That was a great idea! She could shower Alphys with gifts and tell her about her feelings! She could make this really romantic after all and her accidentally unsigned love letter could be part of the surprise, like a secret admirer note!
Undyne felt a little better as she looked around the junkyard, searching for both Alphys and the perfect gift for her beautiful best friend and hopefully soon to be girlfriend.
"DID YOU FIND HER?" Papyrus asked suddenly from behind a pile of trash. She jumped, having forgotten he was there.
"Yeah, but Frisk already gave Alphys the letter." Undyne told him. "Don't worry about it though! I'm great with improv! I'll get Alphys some gifts and pretend the letter was a secret admirer note! It'll be the first step in my awesome ritual to court Alphys!"
"HMM, MAYBE YOU CAN SET UP A PICNIC FOR HER IN THE WISHING ROOM!" Papyrus suggested. "I CAN BRING MY VIOLIN AND SERENADE YOU WITH ROMANTIC MUSIC!"
Undyne's eye lit up. "That's a great idea, Papyrus! How should I get her there though?"
"JUST CALL HER UP AND ASK IN A HOT VOICE, ALPHYS, I NEED HELP WITH A..." he somehow audibly winked. "PUZZLE."
"Oh my gosh, no Papyrus!" Undyne protested, blushing bright red.
"THEN LET ME CALL HER UP! I'LL DO THE HOT VOICE!"
"That's even worse! I'll just..." She cut herself off when she thought she heard Alphys's voice. Motioning for Papyrus to stay back, she moved towards the sound.
...
"HOLD ME, UNDYNE! HOLD ME!" she heard Alphys yell and rushed towards her, soul pounding.
"What did you just say?" Undyne asked, almost thinking she had misheard her.
Alphys turned with a squeak. She was wearing the charming black dress with white polka dots that Undyne had helped her pick out, and it looked even cuter on her than Undyne had ever dreamed, clinging gently to the generous curves Undyne always wanted to wrap her arms around and flowing softly to her toes. "Undyne...I...was...just..."
"Hey...whoa...hold up. Your outfit's really cute! What's the occasion?" Undyne asked. Something then hit her and made her soul sink. Frisk's nervousness...Alphys's beautiful dress...the way they were standing together. "Wait a second...Are you two...on a date?"
"Uhh...Yes!" Alphys blurted out and Undyne glared at a now very scared looking Frisk. How could she?!
Then Alphys spoke again. "I mean, UHH NO! I mean, we were, but... I mean, we were only romantically roleplaying as you! I MEAN..."
"What?" Undyne asked dumbly, very confused now.
"Okay, let me clarify before you beat me up." Frisk held up both hands defensively. "As soon as Alphys learned the letter was from you, she really wanted to tell you how she felt, but she was nervous, so I was helping her out by pretending to be you so she could practice what she wanted to tell you."
Undyne instantly felt a whole lot better and gave Frisk an apologetic look. She turned to Alphys.
Alphys twisted her hands nervously. "Undyne...I...I've been lying to you!" she suddenly blurted out.
"What?! About what?!" Undyne asked in shock.
"About...well...Everything!" Alphys slid closer, looking up at Undyne nervously. "I told you that seaweed was, like, scientifically important. Really, I...I just use it to make ice cream. And those human history books I keep reading...Those are just dorky comic books! And the history movies...those...those are just, uh, anime." They aren't real." Alphys moved even closer, tears in her eyes, pressing up against Undyne. Undyne wanted to hug her, but she just listened, not wanting to scare Alphys more. "And that time I told you I was busy with work on the phone...I was just eating frozen yogurt in my pajamas. That time I..."
Undyne found her voice. "Alphys..."
"I...I just wanted to impress you! I just wanted you to think I was smart and cool. That I wasn't some...nerdy loser."
Undyne placed a hand gently on her head, trying to figure out how to tell her it was okay. "Alphys."
"Undyne...I really think you're neat, ok?" Alphys said in a tiny voice.
Undyne wrapped her arms around her. "Alphys...shhh...shhh..." She needed to show Alphys that she WAS smart and cool! She needed to show her that she loved her for who she was. All that other stuff didn't matter! It was the light in Alphys' eyes when she talked about her favorite anime, or how she threw her entire heart and soul into her inventions or helping her friends. Heck, she had mentioned once to Alphys that she absolutely hated cold food, so Alphys had made her a hot fridge so her food would always stay nice and warm for her! How could Alphys even think she was a nerdy loser when she was truly an awesome person?! She had to show Alphys how she felt!
And she did it as Undynely as possible, throwing Alphys up into the air in a flattery suplex.
Into the trash can.
Whoops...
"Alphys! I...think you're neat, too, I guess." Well that nervous speech wasn't quite cutting it. Undyne quickly continued before Alphys could misinterpret her nervousness as reluctance. "But you gotta realize...most of what you said really doesn't matter to me. I don't care if you're watching kid cartoons or reading history books. To me, all of that stuff is just NERDY CRAP! What I like about you is that you're PASSIONATE! You're ANALYTICAL! It doesn't matter what it is! YOU CARE ABOUT IT! 100 PERCENT! AT MAXIMUM POWER! ...So, you don't have to lie to me. I don't want you to have to lie to anyone anymore. Alphys...I want you to be happy with who you are! And I know just the training you need to do that!
Alphys peeked out of the trash can. "Undyne...You...Y-You're gonna train me...?"
Undyne waved that off. "Pfft...what? ME?" She motioned to Papyrus, who was standing in the background, talking to Frisk and making her laugh as the two gave Undyne and Alphys their privacy, though she could still see them both occasionally looking to them and whispering with smiles on their faces. "Nah, I'm going to get Papyrus to do it." Papyrus WAS the best person at helping others feel more confident about themselves. Undyne herself...well, she knew how to yell. And toss people into trash cans, but neither of those would help.
Papyrus said something to Frisk, then came running over. "GET THOSE BONES SHAKIN'! IT'S TIME TO JOG 100 LAPS, HOOTING ABOUT HOW GREAT WE ARE!
"Ready? I'm about to start the timer." Undyne asked.
"U...Undyne...I'll do my best!" Alphys told her and though she still looked nervous, Undyne could see her beautiful eyes sparkling with determination.
Undyne grinned and gave her a thumbs up. Her confession could wait. First, Alphys needed to feel better about herself. Then when Alphys was ready, she could try again, and give Alphys the super romantic date she deserved!
As Papyrus ran off with Alphys, she turned to Frisk, about to thank her bestie for helping Alphys when something occurred to her. "OH MY GOD! She was kidding, right?! Those cartoons...those comics...those are still REAL, right?! ANIME's REAL, RIGHT?!"
"I don't think so, but then again, I didn't think monsters or magic were real before I fell down here." Frisk admitted.
Undyne's eye glinted. "So...it COULD possibly be real! Giant swords...magic princesses, all that other cool crap!"
"I've never seen any of that on the surface though." Frisk said, clearly wanting to be honest.
"But what if you're not seeing it because they're keeping their powers secret like a lot of characters already do in the anime?" Undyne asked, practically bouncing as she thought of this.
"You might be right! Your stories did mention that humans once had magic, and since humans can be dicks to those that are different..."
"They had to hide it so their people wouldn't end up trapped like us or worse." Undyne told her. "But maybe they wanted to share their stories but the only way they could do that..."
"Is through a way everyone thinks is fiction!" Frisk answered, her own eyes sparkling.
"YEAH!" Undyne cheered. She then calmed down. "Anyway...thanks for taking care of Alphys. I didn't get to say what I wanted to, but things seem like they're going to get better for her."
"She is in love with you." Frisk reassured her. "She's going to say yes when you do ask her out."
Undyne smiled widely. "I WILL ask her, punk. I just..." She turned serious again. "I want her to be comfortable with herself first before I shove anything else at her. She deserves to be happy."
Frisk smiled at her. "She will be. She has you."
"Hey, don't get freaking sappy on me." Undyne laughed, pulling the younger girl into a noogie.
"Hey, don't noogie the human!" Frisk playfully protested.
Undyne laughed and let her go after a few seconds. "I'm going to go catch up with them."
Frisk nodded with a smile. "See you later."
Undyne waved to her as she headed off to join Papyrus and Alphys, feeling a lot lighter.
Maybe she did make good life choices after all.