Clothes Off!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't even own the title! Which is the title to a Gym Class Heroes song. The first line is also not mine, 'tis from mentioned song. Oh! I DO own the game though!
Rated for many sexual themes. I mean, come on, have you heard 'Clothes Off!'? There's no way a fan fiction based on it can not have sexual themes!
See, here's the thing…
The Gryffindor common room had one large circle of Fifth years and above sitting in the middle, all in various stages of undressing. They, most obviously, were playing 'I Never Strip Poker Go Fish Spin The Bottle' you may ask, "What the hell is that?!" So, I will tell you. 'I Never Strip Poker Go Fish Spin The Bottle' is a very simple compound of all those mentioned games. Each player, you see, has a bottle of Fire-Whiskey, five cards, and as many clothes as they could fit on their backs. First, you spin the bottle spin the bottle and see who it lands on, and then you ask if they have a certain card go fish. If they do not have your desired card, they ask you an I Never Question I never, the whole circle must drink if they have done it. If they haven't, they must remove as many articles of clothing as the card number the person was asked strip poker. Got it? Very simple, see?
So, back to the common room, we see one James Potter spin the empty bottle, it landing on his best mate, Sirius Black.
"Black,"
"Potter,"
"Got any… fives?"
"I never… kissed a guy"
And thus, all the girls in the circle took a drink, removed five pieces of clothing. Oh, as did one Remus Lupin.
"REMUS?" Said boy just shrugged.
"And all is revealed…" one girl with fiery red hair, only wearing a tie, under garments and one right sock said.
"Shut it, Evans." Sirius sneered, spinning the bottle. This time it landed on a busty blonde, who was most obviously a slut, due to the thong you could clearly see.
"Got any… twos?" The slut… I mean GIRL, handed over the card. Sirius spun again, this time landing on Frank Longbottom.
"Hey, Frank, buddy, got any tens?"
"Sorry, Sirius. I never… made out with the same gender, outside of truth or dare."
Unsurprisingly, the slut and her bitches drank, but, no a more surprising note, as did Remus. Who, sadly, was now just down to his boxers and tie.
"It's like we don't know you anymore!" James shrieked to his fellow maurderer. Once again, Remus just shrugged it off.
An hour passed, and one very naked tipsy werewolf had tied a blanket around his waist.
"I never… had sex" No one was surprised that Sirius, Miss Slut and her bitches, and her hoes, drank, or that Lily and James didn't. And, once again, Remus drank some more, but could not remove anymore clothes.
"Who ARE you? You most certaintly aren't My Remmykins!"
"First off –hic- I know no 'Remmykins', and second –hic- stop saying thing in a possessive way"
"Yep, it's Remus. Only he could be drunk and speak like that." James nodded sadly.
"No, seriously, when did you get laid?"
"Last –hic- year" Remus laughed.
The crowd started to die away at three am, leaving Lily, her cohorts, and the maurders.
"Any aces?"
"Sorry, Evans baby, but I never had sex with the same gender."
No one – but the naked tipsy Lupin – drank.
"Hot damn! Who have you been shagging?"
"Ravenclaws."
"The brains!? They've been sexing you up!?"
"Well, not really. More… getting sexed up." At this statement, Lily and her friends' faces grew red, getting the point of that statement.
"You mean-" James was cut off by one pissed of Black.
"HOLY MERLIN! MOONYS A GAY PIMP!"
"I'm not a pimp, Paddy"
"Hell yes you are! You're sexing up all of Homosexual Hogwarts!"
"Not true… there was a Bi guy last week."
"DAMN! You getting PAID or something?"
"…No."
One of the girls left fainted, all this Gay Sexz causing her brain to implode.
"You must be good! You've what, sexed all of Gay revenclaw?"
"Ab..Berdg-Therin."
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."
"I said, And Slytherin"
"Bloody hell! You sexed up SNAKES!? Please tell me you didn't shag Snape!"
"Ew! Never! I have Morals!"
James decided to rejoin this conversation, "Obviosuly not MANY!" Sirius made sure the girls had dragged the fainted one off.
"How much?"
"Oh god! Sirius! You've GOT to be kidding me! You cnat sex up Moony!"
"Why not? He's gotta be good!?
"But… He's MOONY!"
"Moony-shmoony! He's gonna be a good shag!"
"I'm still here, ya know."
"So, Moony, buddy-o-pal, How much?"
"If ya gotta ask, you can't afford it." At this, Remus stood up, and walked away in a very flaming gay pimp fashion.
"Damn. You just got told."
"I know. But I'll end up getting in his pants by Wednesday."
-Wednesday-
"I'm In Moonys pants!"
"Sirius… get your hand out of my pocket."