Title: Better Man
Author: snarkysweetness
Characters/Pairings: Severus Snape with strong references to Snape/Marlene
Rating: PG-13 (I know right?)
Warnings: None, but fluff and angst (okay, maybe some swearing).
When: 1991-ten years after Marlene's death.
Summary: Severus visits Marlene's grave and dwells on his mistakes and all of the things that he's lost. A Severus character piece.
Disclaimer: Jo owns.If I owned, things would have turned out differently for these two.
Author's Note: Reviews, like Severus, are love. Thanks to tangograce for being an awesome beta.

She'd had a smile that could light up a room. Severus didn't care how cliché it sounded, it was the truth. She'd been the most beautiful girl he'd ever known. True, Lily had been a close second, but no one had compared to his Marlene.

Pale, porcelain skin, like a doll, but she was anything but breakable. She could give anyone a run for their money. She'd died valiantly, fighting until the end.

He felt a sick lurch in his stomach, trying not to think about his failure to keep her safe. He'd focused so much on trying to keep Lily safe, that he'd neglected the woman who loved him. Stupid, adolescent fool.

Severus closed his eyes, recalling an image of her. Her legs immediately came to mind. He loved her legs. For someone so short, she had long, beautiful legs. And her thighs, they were like heaven. Voluptuous. He had never been able to figure out how someone so tiny could be such a real woman.

He missed the feel of her legs wrapped around him. The feel of his hands moving over them in her sleep to wake her up. He missed everything about her.

She hadn't been his first love, but she would be his last.

He ran his hand over the tombstone, closing his eyes. He'd never been good enough for her. Aside from his own selfishness, he'd told too many lies. His own pride and stubbornness had caused him to join up with Voldemort's ranks. He'd been so busy worrying about what everyone thought about his blood status, he'd never taken the time to really bother to understand that the one person that mattered didn't give a damn about any of that nonsense.

He ran a hand over his face. If he could undue the past, he would have done everything differently. Everything but fall in love with her.

He was a fucking failure.

"I'm sorry," he whispered finally. He would never stop blaming himself for her death. Not only her death, but the death of his unborn child. His fist gripped the headstone, his emotions getting the better of him. He hadn't even known until she was gone. He had betrayed her to the point that she couldn't even trust him with that knowledge.

No, he would never forgive himself.

"I wish I could change a lot of things, Mar, so many fucking things." He shook his head. "Most of all I wish I could have been a better man for you. You deserved so much better than me, you know that? If you weren't the brightest witch that I'd ever met, I would think you were a fool for loving me. I'll never understand what it was you saw in me."

He knew he couldn't change. He was a broken, shell of a man and he liked it that way. He had no reason to be happy; his happiness had died with here. His future, his life, everything that made him a man was lying six feet beneath his feet.

"I'll never stop loving you," he whispered, taking another moment before walking back towards the entrance, needing to be alone with his memories, away from her. It was too much to be near her, he didn't deserve it. He'd never deserved her.

He'd spend the rest of his life living in guilt because that was all that he deserved.