Johanna strutted down fleet street in her low-cut dress, smiling suggestively to old guys in bars as she walked. Occasionally, as women passed her, she heard them coughing, with the word "whore" in between coughs. Johanna just ignored it, because she knew they were all jealous of her because half her chest was popping out of her dress.

Johanna had a huge secret. She liked women as well as men. These days, she would have been accepted. But back then, it was unheard of. For months, Johanna had been longing to go to Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies, because she always heard the judge talking about the "sexy mama" who owned it. So today, her boobs swaying in the breeze, she had finally set off to meet the famous (in her pervy guardian's world) Mrs. Lovett.

Johanna pranced in through the old rickety door of the pie shop, her head, and boobs, held high. Mrs. Lovett didn't look up from her pile of dough and crusty rolling pin, but Johanna could see that Judge Turpin knew what he was talking about. That scrunched face, that mangled mop of hair. She was perfect.

"What can I do for ya, love? How about a pie? It's fresh!" Johanna made sure to be conveniently leaning forward (practically "pulling a Janet") right when Mrs. Lovett was looking up, so the old beauty could get a good look at Johanna's lady humps.

"Well, actually," Johanna started, licking her lips and taking step after step closer to Mrs. Lovett, "I think I'd rather have a taste of...woman." Mrs. Lovett gasped, her eyes widening.

"JEEPERS! MR. TODD! SHE KNOWS OUR SECRET!" Mrs. Lovett lunged at Johanna, still holding her rolling pin. "Hold still, dear. This won't hurt a bit!" Mrs. Lovett held the rolling pin to her head, ready to strike.

"Neither will this!" Suddently Johanna grabbed Mrs. Lovett's face with both hands and began kissing her passsionately. Mrs. Lovett's eyes went even wider, if humanly possible, and she hit the floor repeatedly with her rolling pin.

Just then, Sweeney burst through the door. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?!" he bellowed. Johanna stopped kissing Mrs. Lovett for a brief second, glanced at Mr. Todd, and shrugged her sexy little shoulders. Within seconds she had Mrs. Lovett pinned to the floor and was kissing her again.

Sweeney was so shocked, he just stood there. Wow! Sweeney thought to himself. If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought that girl looks a lot like-

"Johanna!" Judge Turpin burst in.

"Oh, crap," Johanna muttered.

"You gandered at my ward. You gandered at her. Yes, sir you gandered." The judge cornered Mrs. Lovett.

"I did more than that, sweety!" Mrs. Lovett excaimed, pulling up her petty pants.

"You...you...you ganderer!" Judge Turpin shot back at her. "She's mine!"

"Huh?" Johanna's eyes widened, and a huge smile spread across her face. "You mean you feel that way, also?"

"Also?" Judge Turpin leaped at Johanna, swooping her up in his arms. "My dear, sweet, sexy Johanna!" And with that, he began kissing her.

"Oh, Mr. T! This is enough to bring tears to me eyes!" Mrs. Lovett leaned her head on Sweeney's shoulder.

"You really think this is something to be that happy about, crackhead?" he replied, raising one eyebrow.

"No, I'm just sad that that sexy beast of a girl left me for that...that...old fart!"

"I know how you feel. He stole my bangin' soul mate, too."

"Oh, Mr. Todd! I love you! Hold me?" Mrs. Lovett begged.

"Eh, why not." And with that he scooped her up in his arms and started kissing her, too.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END