A/N: Been obessed with AWL lately and this what came out of it. (Don't ask about the title for the whole collection.) For starters, yes this will be a five-shot focusing on each of the girl's emotions to Jack proposing to Muffy. This one chapter is from Celia's P.O.V. while the next one will be Nami, Muffy, Lumina, and finally (possibly) Flora. I tried to get Celia's character just right, but it was extremely hard! Anyways, enoiugh of my rambling.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, they all belong to their copyrighted company.
I suppose I should have seen it coming, but for some reason I didn't. I should have never leaped without looking first. I'll probably never know why I didn't predict it or in some way prepare myself for the final blow. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to believe it was happening. I didn't want to acknowledge what was staring me in the face the whole time.
The late visiting he started doing.
The dingy flowers I received compared to the freshly harvested crops he use to give me.
The fake smiles that seemed to hide unspoken lies I began to suspect.
I just didn't want to accept it! I didn't want to admit that my perfect dream guy was just leading me on. That it was just a "heartbreak waiting to happen" as Vesta had told me. I just wanted to curl up into ball and stay in my land of fairytales and make-believe while holding on to my distant, but fond, memories.
I didn't want to accept the cold hard truth that everyone seemed to be pushing on me.
…I didn't want to believe that he proposed to her.
I did not want to picture that glorious blue feather that my heart ached for being given directly to someone else by my ex-lover's hand. I didn't want to image her cheeks flushing and that perfect blissful smile spreading across her features that should have been mine while she gracefully accepted.
But most of all, I didn't want to see the perfect, untainted love that flowed between them as they paraded around town and told everyone of their marriage. I knew they would soon come to our farm, but I sadly wouldn't be there to congratulate them. How could I when I wasn't happy for them? Maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't put on those fake smiles that the other girls wear and wish their marriage well.
I can't be something I'm not, even if it is for only a moment.
One of those demeaning traits about me, I guess. I somehow also have to be truthful; like the flowers that never open up until they're good and ready, no matter how much I will them to. I can't lie under any circumstances.
Even if lying will make him happy, I can't.
I'll just lock myself away in the attic and tear the naïve diary entries of a lovesick girl to shreds, making sure that their forever scared words remain unread. I had meant to save the entries as love letters deliberately whispered to him through unspoken words when we were old and gray. I had wanted us to capture the same love we (supposedly) had before marriage for many years to come.
Of course, that scared desire had been shattered the day she said yes.
I can't really say that I hate Muffy because she spoke those words that my lips longed to say to his sweet face. And I can't really blame him for choosing her over me either. The barmaid is gorgeous with her voluminous locks and attractive figure. I'm what you would call "the average Jane" or girl-next door. Always the friend, never anything more. Sure I know more about farming then she does, but love really has no limitations I guess. Anything goes when that little cupid is involved.
But… I thought we had something special that couldn't be broken. A fairytale modern romance I guessed is what I called it. Those times by the spring, talking me out of my arranged marriage, pledging his love to me as the first dawn rays struck the earth…
I thought those meant something to him.
Obviously, they didn't.
When I heard about their engagement, I thought it was some cruel, cruel joke. He was supposed to propose to me, wasn't that how those romance novels ended? No sudden twist in the love tale or anything, just straight honest feelings all the way through as you watched their love grow. Another girl was not supposed to pop out of thin air, fall in love with the main guy, and then get married to him a few weeks later.
That… That wasn't how this worked. Th-There's supposed to be a happy ending for everyone, including me.
…Look at me. Comparing real life to silly fantasies used to lull children to sleep… Only Jack could make me go to this level of pettiness. Only he could shake my perfect stable world to its roots and then leave me to fix it.
I can't deny the fact that Muffy really did deserve him more than I. Heck, Nami deserved Jack more than me. I had a great future ahead of me with family and friends that cared. I just saw him as an added bonus or another spectacular addition to my nearly perfect life. Muffy had been left heartbroken millions of times, held no real job that paid any money, and had several drunken guys hitting on her every day.
He was her savior in disguise just as much as he was my murder.
I put my heart out on the line for him and he knew it to. But instead of being there to catch my heart when it got to the end of the rope, he let it hit the cold, barren earth with a sickening thud. Jack never bothered to make amends for his mistake or help to heal my broken heart.
In the end, I ran as far as I could, tried the hardest at everything I did, and risked everything that made my world mine for something greater.
…And that something greater than the sadness I once knew was heartbreak. The feeling of someone stomping on your heart and then leaving it out to dry. The feeling of everything that ever meant something to you being ripped out from under you and leaving you to crash into the ground, alone.
Like the flowers in the fields at the beginning of winter, my petals have snapped shut and withdrew to their warm, secure place far underneath the frozen earth. I tried to get as far down as I could, but somehow the cold still managed to nip my bare fingertips.
When I bloom in the spring again, because of that one little nip, nothing will ever be the same. My petals will be tainted a darker color, my stem will be stiff, and the way I carry myself will be slightly wilted.
I won't be able to laugh and tell him how happy I am for him when I hear Muffy's pregnant. I won't be able to smile and act likes that kind and tenderhearted girl when he and his family come to the Harvest Festival, all with happiness I'll never have.
I won't be able to go back to what I was before he crushed me. I'll never get that untainted innocent back. Never…
I can only hope, and that's all I'll ever do.
Hope and pray that somehow, someway I'll be able to become that proud and majestic rose that once stood alert as the silent guardian of the fields.
And when I do find someone who can mend what is broken…
And when he asks for me to take that jump of faith…
I won't rush in headfirst. I'll look before I leap. I will see what's coming before it happens.
And that's a promise.
A/N: Pathetic ending, I know.I wanted to keep it short while diving into Celia's emotions as deep as possible, so this is what happened. Did you guys and gals like it? Hate it? Constructive cristism? Just click that little blue button down there that's literally pulling you into clicking on it and tell me what you thought! I appreciate all (if any) feedback and wish you all a very happy day!
Next Chapter: Broken Wander: Nami.