Ch. 1 Switzerland's Secret Journal

Aug. 1,

Lili got me this journal for my birthday, because I think she wants me to "express" my feelings. But this will be mostly for important information and work. I don't think she understands that I don't do that. So Lili, if you ever read this you might not find what you expect. So I'm just warning you ahead of time.

Aug. 2,

Today the world meeting was in Germany today, so Gilbert naturally, HAD to show up. I was right in the middle of my speech on, if America were to turn into a neutral nation, the world would be better, when suddenly; a paper airplane flew in my direction. I caught it, and opened it, here's what it said: "I'm bored. Want to go drinking w/ me & Ludwig later? -Gilbert." I wrote back, "What is the matter with you?" Has he completely forgotten that I don't drink (a lot)? Especially after what happened between me and Elizaveta back in '83 (Lili, if you're reading, then I'll tell you when you're older). Sometimes, I worry about Gil. He's not right sometimes.

Aug. 3,

Today, I brought Lili to a meeting so she'll understand what to do when she's older. Unfortunately, Niklas decided to bring his little brother Emil, and I didn't like the way he was looking at Lili (Her eyes are up on her face, Emil! You're looking too low!) How am I still mentally sane? Why are there so many boys fascinated by Lili? There's Emil, Peter, and Raivis! Nobody is fascinated by me, (except maybe Elizaveta, back in '83...but that's beside the point and that was Gilbert's fault, anyway).

Aug. 4,

Today, at the meeting, Kiku was being dull, so I yelled at him again to state his own opinions. But I was like, half-sober at the time (Gilbert), so I don't think it matters that much. But I scared the holy #*% (censored for Lili) out of him. It was hilarious. I love how Kiku is afraid of me, because I don't have to break my neutrality to scare him.

Aug. 5,

Lili got me a "late birthday gift" today. It was a pair of pajamas that she made herself. She said she would've given it to me sooner, but she wasn't done until this morning. But there's one thing about the pajamas that I can't say, in case Gilbert ever gets his hands on this.

Aug. 6,

I think Lili is a bit disappointed that I didn't write any of my inner feelings. So I'll play along with her little social experiment. But I'm not going to write any of my "true" feelings, because that's classified stuff. If it were to fall into the wrong hands (Gil) then I'm doomed.

Aug. 19,

It's been a few weeks since I've written, but I'm not going to let Lili down. Anyway, today, that stupid Italian, Feliciano, ran across my lawn, naked again. I had to cover Lili's eyes to keep her innocence. Then I chased him off my property with a Glock 18 (Lili wasn't looking). Feliciano just ran yelling "Ludwig! Ludwig! Vash, please don't hurt me! Ludwig!"

Aug. 20,

Today, I went upstairs to go to bed, and Francis was in my bedroom! He somehow managed to climb through my window. He must have thought it was Lili's room, which angered me even more! So I pushed him out of the window and landed in a rose bush. He had to pick thorns out of his skin for hours. He is such a creeper. I'll bet he'll come in to the meeting tomorrow covered in bandages.

Aug. 21,

I was right about Francis. He wanted me to apologize to him, so I told him, *censored-censored...censored* it was so bad that Raivis fainted, Kiku cowered in the corner, and Gilbert congratulated me, and said "Welcome to the club." I personally felt no guilt, especially considering what he tried to do to Lili. Francis has serious mental problems.

Aug. 25,

Lately, I've been wondering how to help contribute to the world meetings, because my neutrality prevents me from doing a lot of stuff. So yesterday, I stayed up all night fixing up the conference room in Italy, because that's where today's meeting is. I polished the tables, gave everyone name tags for their chair (I even remembered Matthew, he was happy about that). I also put little gifts on everyone's chairs (they were all boxes of .223 ammunition). I thought everyone would appreciate what I did. Instead, I got "Why on Earth would I need such a dangerous gift?" "Finally, someone remembered me." "Wanker!" "Ludwig, I can't tie my shoelaces!" Well, you get the idea, I try to do something nice, and it's mass chaos. I'm never doing that again, (I really thought the .223s would win them over).

Aug. 27,

Dear girly diary which I adore so much,

Today I was thinking about how awesome Gilbert is. Anyway, I really like chocolate; therefore, I ate some today. Lili, if you're reading this, tell the WORLD what happened with Elizaveta and I back in '83, Gilbert got us so drunk that we...in the...and it was awesome! Thank you so much Gilbert. Tell Rodderiech, especially. I would appreciate it very much. P.S. I still drink, a lot! It would give the German brothers a run for their money, and that's saying a lot!

Aug. 28,

Sorry about that last entry. Gilbert got ahold of my journal, and started telling LIES! I had to erase some parts about Elizaveta and me. And Lili, don't tell the world these lies, none of its true. I wouldn't appreciate I if you told Rodderiech. Don't tell Elizaveta either, because I don't think she can remember any of it. And I do NOT drink (at least not a lot. I am German, after all).

Aug. 29,

Lili didn't say anything, but Gil did. Rodderiech got mad when he found out about '83, but he can't fight. His punches felt like he was breathing on me. I wanted to punch him, so I did lightly. But I might've actually hurt him a little, because he's a wimp. So then Elizaveta hit me on the head with a frying pan. She said it was for punching Rodderiech, but everyone knows it was for what Gil told everyone. My head still hurts, and there's a giant lump on it.

Aug. 31,

Today, Gilbert found out the thing I tried to remain hidden about the pajamas Lili made me. So I might as well write it down, considering that Gil told everyone. The pajamas that Lili made me are pink and frilly; and I wear them because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Everyone at the meeting laughed at me, so what else could I do? Well, I'll tell you what I did; I punched Gilbert right in the face. That shut everyone up. Especially Kiku, who hid behind his older brother, Yao. I felt proud of myself for scaring everyone (except Ivan, only his sister can scare him), because then people will think twice before they take over my land.