Authors Note: I've changed the timeline a little here. Courtney conceives later than she did on the show, so there is no chance that the baby is Jax's.

Chapter One - I can't

Elizabeth hummed softly to herself as she pushed the stroller. It was a beautiful day in early October, probably one of the last pleasant days they would have this fall and she was determined to enjoy it, she was taking her son to the park. Elizabeth smiled as she watched the other children playing on the playground. Cam was still too young for slides and monkey bars but he did love the sandbox, and because of her work she rarely got to take him these days. Elizabeth was so preoccupied with getting her son settled with his shovel and bucket that it was a few moments before she saw the blonde sitting a few benches away. There was nothing unusual about a young woman sitting in the park, but something about this woman made her take a second look. Maybe it was the way she was watching the children without seeming to see them. It took Elizabeth a moment to recognize her but once she did, she was surprised that she hadn't noticed at once - that was Courtney.

It had been nearly a month since Elizabeth lost the child she had agreed to carry for Jax and Courtney and she still grieved for the loss of the little life that was never supposed to be hers in the first place. Perhaps it was her grief that had made her avoid Courtney the past few weeks, or made Courtney avoid her - she wasn't sure which. Or perhaps it was her lingering resentment over the fact that Courtney had come between Nikolas and Emily. In her more rational moments she did have to admit that Emily had pushed Nikolas away before Courtney ever came on the scene, but she knew that they would have worked things out if Courtney hadn't been there for Nikolas to turn to. Still, whatever difficulties lay between them good manners demanded that Elizabeth at least go and say 'hi.'

Leaving Cam gleefully throwing handfuls of sand into his bucket, he had long since dispensed with the shovel, Elizabeth nodded to one of the other mothers keeping an eye on the toddlers in the sandbox, an unspoken conversation only another mother could appreciate, and approached Courtney confident that the other would keep an eye on her son for a minute or two.

"Courtney," Elizabeth called with a forced smile. "Hi. I'm a little surprised to run into you here; I've never . . ." Elizabeth trailed off when Courtney didn't even turn in her direction or make any attempt to return her greeting. Having reached the other woman Elizabeth now noticed the blank expression on her face. Elizabeth reached out, touching Courtney lightly on the shoulder as she called her name again, "Courtney, is everything ok?"

"I can't," Courtney whispered, her expression unchanging. Her words were not directed towards Elizabeth; Elizabeth wasn't even sure now that Courtney was aware of her presence.

"Courtney," she called again, this time grasping Courtney's shoulder and shaking the blonde lightly to try and rouse her. But Courtney remained unresponsive.

"I can't," she whispered again. "I can't. I can't. I can't," the words became a mantra and were now accompanied by silent tears sliding down her cheeks unnoticed.

"Ok," Elizabeth said trying to soothe her, "you don't have to. You just sit here, ok? And I'll call Nikolas. He'll come get you and we'll sort it out, ok?" Elizabeth kept her tone calm hoping that on some level Courtney could here her. She didn't know what was wrong with the other woman, but figured the worst thing she could do would be to upset her further.

Elizabeth walked back toward the sandbox as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Nikolas's number, she let out a sigh of relief when he answered, unsure of what she would have done if he hadn't. "Nikolas, it's Elizabeth," she said quickly. "I'm at the park. Can you meet me here?"

She listened to him for a moment and then explained, "Courtney's here, and she's upset about something."

"No, I don't know what she's upset about. She's just freaking out, and I don't know what to do."

"No, she doesn't seem to be hurt," Elizabeth hastened to assure him, "She's just sitting there crying and saying 'I can't' over and over again. I tried talking to her, but it's like she doesn't even notice that I'm here."

"I'll stay with her until you get here," Elizabeth promised, "but hurry."

Closing her phone, Elizabeth smiled as she approached the woman she'd made eye contact with earlier. "Thank you for keeping an eye on Cam for me. I didn't expect to take so long."

"It's not a problem," the older woman assured her. "Is everything alright? I couldn't help but notice . . ." she trailed off nodding in Courtney's direction.

"I don't know," Elizabeth replied honestly. "She a - friend, I guess." Elizabeth stumbled, unsure of how to characterize her relationship with Courtney and certainly not interested in sharing the details with a stranger so she settled for a simplified description and continued, "I don't know what she's upset about but I called someone to come get her. I'm just going to stay with her until he gets here."

Elizabeth scooped up her squirming little boy and settled him back into his stroller. If she was going to wait with Courtney for Nikolas to arrive then she wanted her son where she could keep an eye on him. Digging a bottle of juice out of the diaper bag to quiet his protests, Elizabeth pushed the stroller back over toward the bench Courtney was occupying.

After a few more fruitless attempts to gain Courtney's attention Elizabeth settled down on the grass with Cam in her lap and began to read aloud. Perhaps the sound of her voice would be as soothing to the distressed woman as it was to the tired toddler. She was half way through Fox in Socks when Nikolas arrived.

She rose to her feet, lifting Cam to her hip and waved at Nikolas from across the park to gain his attention. Elizabeth could see the worry in Nikolas's eyes as they swept over Courtney's still form. She had stopped chanting some time ago but the tears continued to wend a slow path down her cheeks and her expression remained blank. She looked lost.

Nikolas spoke to Elizabeth first, "Thank you for calling me," he began, courteous under even the most trying circumstances. Elizabeth smiled brushing aside his thanks with a quick shake of her head and he moved on to the problem at hand. "Do you have any idea what happened?" he asked watching Courtney's still form.

"Not a clue," Elizabeth responded. "She was exactly like this when I got here."

Nikolas nodded and then went to sit beside Courtney on the bench. "Courtney," he called softly just as Elizabeth had done but he got no response. He lay his hand on her shoulder and tried again, "Courtney, it's Nikolas. What's wrong?"

At last Courtney responded, "I can't" she murmured again and then her silent tears turned into sobs as she collapsed into his arms. "Nikolas, I can't - I can't do it."

Gathering her into his arms he let her weep as he promised her that she wouldn't have to.