A gift from death

Set six months after Sam's death

"Hey guys how was your day?"

I asked as Dean and Ben made there way into the kitchen.

"Really cool mom, Dean taught me how to throw a curve ball this morning then we went fishing this afternoon." Ben said without even taking a breath. Having Dean here was fun for Ben but I wasn't sure just how much good it was doing either of them.

"Yeah Lisa this kid can sure throw one mean curve ball." Dean told me as he made his way over to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer.

"Yeah mom you should have seen me I was awesome, Dean struggled to catch a few of them I tossed his way."

Now I would have liked to think that that was because my son was going to be a great pitcher one day, but I didn't delude myself. Dean had been drinking, just like he had everyday since Sam's death and I just didn't know what I could do to help him.

"That's awesome Ben, now how about you guys wash up for dinner. It will be on the table in a minute, and I was thinking how about we all watch a movie tonight, what do you guys think?"

"Aw but mom Dean told me he was going to teach me how to shoot cans out in the back yard after dinner." Ben said sulkily. Over my dead body he was, there was not a chance in hell my son was going outside and playing with any damn gun.

"Dean Can I have a word in the other room please?"

"Yeah sure" he said as he took his second beer from the fridge and followed me into the living room.

"Dean just what the hell do you think you are doing? I don't want my son anywhere near a gun."

"Why the hell not Lisa? He's safe with me you know he is. I would never let anything happen to him."

"Safe with you huh Dean have you looked at your self in the mirror lately?"

"What's that supposed to mean Lisa?"

I could see he was starting to get angry, but hell I was angry. He wasn't in his right mind if he thought I would let him teach my son how to shoot a gun in the state he was in.

"Dean you are drunk! You're always drunk. And what person in there right mind would teach a young boy how to shoot a gun?"

"My dad that's who! He taught me and Sammy how to shoot…."

In that instant you could see all the pain Dean had been trying to hide over the last six months. Just the mention of his little bothers name brought it all back to him just like it was yesterday. I hated to hurt him, to see that pain in his eyes. But I had to put a stop to this now, It had been six months, and I know I sound harsh but he needed to start living again. Not just living at the bottom of a bottle.

"Dean I know he did, but he had his reason's, he wanted you guys to be able to look after each other while he found what killed your mom. Ben doesn't ever have to and you promised that this was all over."

"Over ha… It will never be over. There are still things out there that you couldn't even imagine, things that would make a meal out of little Ben. I thought you would have learned that after last time. And I might just not be able to protect him next time."

I knew better then most what was out there and what it could do. I could have lost my son last time, if Sam and Dean hadn't shown up when they did I would have. But I didn't want my son involved in this… Didn't Dean understand that the more we knew the more danger we where both in. Or was he just too far gone that he didn't care?

"Dean you couldn't even protect your self right now!"

"What the hell?"

"Dean you don't sleep, you don't eat. And god damn it your always drunk. If I was to go for you now you couldn't even defend yourself. So how the hell are you going to take care of us if you go inviting those things in our home? Do you think Sam would like to see you like this, just going through the motions not living well do you?"

I shouted at him. I know it was a low blow to bring Sam into this. But right now I would do anything for Dean to sober up and move on with his life.

"What the hell would you know about Sammy? Don't you dare talk about him?"

Dean said as he walked back into the kitchen and grabbed another beer and sat at the kitchen table and started talking to Ben. And I knew that our conversation was over for now.