Out of My Element

By Hootie Hoot

I thought I'd expand my horizons and give romance a shot. In my opinion, it turned out too cute not to post, but I'll leave that up to you guys. Please tell me how I do, as I am very new at romance.

Disclaimer: The only pieces of intellectual property under my ownership in this story are the portal masters (excluding Eon and Kaos), and the Skylanders and all other affiliated characters, settings, etc. all belong to their respective owners.

~Thank you, and enjoy!

Chapter 1 - I Aim to Flame

I'm Flameslinger, Fire Skylander and blindfolded archer extraordinaire.

And everyone, the Skylanders fan base on Earth especially, seems to wonder why I don't have a girlfriend.

It's hard to wrap your head around, I know.

Well, let me explain a few things.

Number one: I'm married to my work, for several reasons. Here's a little of my back story so you can better understand.

When I was a much younger elf, my eyes attracted a lot of attention. Like any normal elf, my eyes glow, but I'm a bit of a special case. For some reason, my eyes are really…bright. Like there's an actual bonfire lit inside them. People came from all over to see them, and it got very annoying very quickly.

I did the only thing I thought logical: I hid them. I first tried sunglasses, but they just reflected the light back into my eyes. The blindfold worked a lot better, so I stuck with it.

Well, blindfolds, I wear two, a yellow and a red one, to keep the light from leaking out, and so that people don't think I cheat at archery by seeing through them. To be honest, though…I still am kind of cheating.

While my eyes are kept from actually seeing my surroundings, I somehow have a special ability that lets me see through fire, which is to say even with the blindfolds on and my eyes closed, I can get a clear view of anywhere a fire is lit. I really don't know why I have this ability, but stranger things have happened in Skylands. Just ask Ghost Roaster.

Over the years, this mind's eye has gotten much more sensitive to my surroundings, to the point where pretty much all I need is a heat source, including my own body heat. My elven sense of hearing helps a lot too, so I can get around like any normal person.

But my mind's eye doesn't help me aim, so maybe it's not cheating after all. I will admit that I'm giving off the wrong message: people think I don't need to see to hit the bull's eye, when in reality, I do, just in a different way.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I wanted to get away, unnoticed, to practice archery, a sport many elves excel in.

Let me tell you: being good at something and getting exponentially better at it is addicting.

Archery became my life—I would always look for excuses to practice some more, going so far as skipping meals, losing sleep and forgetting to bathe (I stank for a while. I had to camp out in the woods because none of the other elves wanted me in town. Good times...) And that was before my rescuing the fire spirit, which granted me the ability to use my mind's eye whenever I draw my bow, but that's another story.

I found that few could even come close to rivaling my skills in tournaments. I got a big head, at least until Master Eon caught word of my success and made me a Skylander.

I was very surprised to learn that I was actually one of the weakest Skylanders (looking back, I think I was pretty stupid to think that arrows could measure up to guns, bazookas, and laser beams). I got over it quickly, because while I might've been comparatively weak, I was undoubtedly the fastest, next to Drobot. And I had the best aim, of course.

Which brings me back to my point. Now that I understand the handicap that comes with archery, I love to spend my time bettering myself. I never really thought about girls (or guys, that's not the way I roll, just FYI), because I've never needed to be in a relationship to be happy. Maybe I've been missing out, but I've felt complete as long as I have my bow, fully-stocked quiver and a challenging target.

Another reason is that the life of a Skylander is busy. There're only a few dozen of us, working all the time to keep Skylands safe and sometimes stuck on Earth as toys, so dating someone outside the Skylanders isn't really an option just because I would never get to see her.

And that leaves my options very narrow. There are few female Skylanders, most of which aren't even interested in dating.

Everyone thinks me and Stealth Elf ought to hook up, but I find that really shallow. People (humans on Earth, mostly) say that just because we're both green elves and that really annoys me: love doesn't work that way in Skylands. They don't give a second thought as to whether or not we're compatible personality-wise, and I don't think we are. (Fright Rider has the same problem: everyone thinks he and Hex should date simply because they're both blue, Undead elves when in reality, they're very different.)

Stealth takes her ninja training even more seriously than I do my archery training: in fact, I think only Chop Chop is more serious than her, and even then, it's close. She doesn't really let anyone get close, except the portal masters, but that's really just due to the bonding thing.

Chill…she's quite pretty, with a vibrant personality, and she's brave and smart with a strong sense of honor. But that's just it: she's so honor-bound, she doesn't allow herself to take it easy a lot of the time. Whenever she's not on active duty, she's doing everything in her power to find the lost Snow Queen. Poor gal…she really needs to stop beating herself up over that...

Flashwing is, of course with Bash. Kind of: I think they're still pretty platonic. It took a while for their relationship to kick off, what with Bash following her like a lost puppy when she first arrived, but they seem pretty happy now. Personally, I never even considered her as dating material for me: she's beautiful, yes, but she knows it.

I know I've previously been cocky, and I know now how off-putting that is, but Flashwing still has to work on her ego.

Then there's Hex. I'm gonna say right now that the whole Undead thing doesn't bother me at all: I still consider her quite attractive. Even moving past her obvious disinterest in dating, I just don't think we match up: she's not exactly mean-spirited, but she is distant and morose. She never quite got over what happened to her back with Malefor. I can tell that she feels like an outsider now, and that she really needs help moving on. Seeing as I'm one of the few Skylanders with a more fortunate back story, I'm not sure I could help her anyway.

Sonic Boom is about as incompatible as it gets for me. Don't get me wrong, she's a great friend, and I love her kids, but she's more of a mother figure to me, as well as many other Skylanders.

No one knows the story behind her mate: for all I know, he might be out there somewhere, wishing he were with his family. And even if this hypothetical dad did return, he'd come home only to find his children cursed…bless their little hearts…

*Sniffle*

…I better stop there, I'm staining my blindfold.

Ninjini is an elf like me, but she's just…like Stealth Elf, I guess. Too devoted to training to care about relationships. Her being a giant doesn't bother me: she feels more like a big sister, which is natural considering she's an Elder Elemental.

I actually like Whirlwind. She's adorable, in a dainty, pretty, unique way, not unlike Chill. She's bubbly and girly, which is why I feel like dating might…I dunno…ruin her, I guess. I really don't want to see (figuratively) her heart break, and her sweetness and innocence damaged.

…Not saying I'd be the one to break her heart, I just want her to stay the way she is.

Cynder is with Spyro. Maybe. I don't know; their relationship is a bit complicated. Regardless, I admire Cynder for her independence and strength, but I've just never been attracted to her. Not that I find her unattractive, I guess she's just not my type.

That leaves just one girl.

Sprocket is…something else. I don't mean that in a bad way, not at all! I mean, she's pretty, there's no denying that, but she's a tomboy, spending her time fixing and building things rather than primping….not that I have a problem with that!

She takes her job as a Skylander seriously, but she's optimistic and laid-back, and she knows how to have fun. I find that when I'm around her, I'm very self-conscious, like I'm always careful not to stutter, I stand up a little straighter, make sure my boots aren't caked in mud and soot before I talk to her, that sort of thing. It's very strange, because I'm usually pretty laid back about my image, and I know Sprocket probably couldn't care less anyway.

If someone said I had to date another Skylander, I think I would choose Sprocket. There're a few problems, though.

One, like I said earlier, I don't need to date to be happy. It's not exactly a priority for me, so even if I was in a relationship, I don't trust myself to donate enough time and energy into it to make it work. Because of this, I've never really seen myself as a prospective boyfriend.

Secondly, Sprocket's probably the least likely to start a relationship of all the Skylander girls. I have a hard time picturing her getting ready for a date, like putting on jewelry, wearing fancy clothes, putting on makeup, doing her hair...it's honestly kind of surreal to think about, considering she doesn't really care for any of that stuff.

Heck, what would I wear on a date? I don't own a single suit, and I spend most of my money on upgrades, so I probably couldn't afford to rent a tux for a special occasion. I guess I have enough money to buy a girlfriend gifts, but going off on that tangent, what would I even buy Sprocket? I just established that she doesn't care for pretty things much, at least as far as I know—

—wait, could I wear my blindfold on a date? That'd be weird for any girl, but then, so would my searchlight eyes. I guess I just can't win that one…

…Let's refocus a bit.

Lastly, we are very different. She's a Tech Skylander, which might sound shallow, but really, her life is building and fixing things, and she's about as knowledgeable as Drobot when it comes to Tech stuff. It kind of just goes over my head, like most of the other Skylanders.

She probably thinks I'm such a simpleton, seeing as the only things I ever fix are my bow, quiver, arrows and boots, and occasionally my archer's glove. Heck, even my blindfolds need patching up sometimes (a human girl portal master on Earth taught me how to sew. The loss of man points was worth it: I regret nothing.).

So, yeah, even if we gave it a shot, seriously, what would we even talk about? I'd bore her, and she'd probably get carried away and start talking about Tech stuff that I don't remotely understand, and then it'd be awkward, and…and…

"Flameslinger?"

"WAH!" I fell backwards off of the stump I'd been sitting on, my arrows scattering everywhere. What a sight I must have been, all gangly limbs flailing about trying to right myself.

And, of course, all in front of the girl I'd been thinking about while sharpening some arrowheads for my collection. (I make arrows as a hobby. My quiver magically respawns basic arrows, so I never need to replenish my supply, so long as the quiver's in good condition.) I'd been working by myself on one of the more heavily forested islands just off the Ruins. It wasn't a great place to train, which is what made it an ideal place to go for some quiet time.

Not that that mattered now.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" Sprocket offered me a hand, which I took just to make her feel better. How embarrassing…I'd been so lost in thought, she actually made me stumble from a sitting point! So much for my calm demeanor, not to mention Sprocket probably thought I was some high-strung loser now.

I stood up and brushed myself off, readjusting my red blindfold, which had slipped enough to let the yellow beneath it show. Sprocket set to picking up my dropped arrows and I made a move to stop her. "Oh, wait, you don't need to—"

Too late. She was already finished and offered them to me.

Fastest Skylander.

Right.

"Oh, uh, thanks," I accepted them and shoved them back in my quiver, trying to make it look like it wasn't a big deal that she'd made me drop them. Hopefully, she hadn't seen that a few arrowheads had snapped off the shafts.

"I'm really sorry, that was totally my bad!" Sprocket apologized again. Her goggles sat on her head, nestled comfortably into her short, clean locks of red hair, just behind the bangs. She had such a nice skin tone, even for a Golding: like morning sunshine that never fades…

…dear portals, I've got it bad if I'm spouting this tripe! I didn't think I was that smitten with her!

Ugh…anyway, she was wearing her usual dark blue and gold battle suit over her brown shirt and trousers. That huge wrench of hers was strapped to her back as well…how much does that thing weigh? How does her back not break?!

Focus, Flame!

"It's really no big deal, Sprocket, really!" Gah, make eye contact with her, you dork!

…Never mind.

"Uh, anyway," I said, crossing my arms to keep myself from fiddling. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah!" Sprocket grabbed her wrench and tapped it against her palm. "It's about my latest upgrade, Landmine Golf. It helped me develop Bouncing Betty Mines with delayed detonation, so they won't explode when I whack 'em, like this!"

She produced a mine and swung her wrench at it, sending it sailing RIGHT TOWARD MY FACE!

"Whoa!" I ducked just in time, the mine landing somewhere behind me and exploding. I rubbed my sensitive ears; they were ringing from the noise of the blast.

"And you wanted to try them out on my face?" I asked wryly, straightening up.

Of course, even if I had gotten caught in the explosion, more than likely I would've been sent back down to Earth to recover in toy form. So getting hurt for us Skylanders isn't really a big deal, it's just inconvenient, hence why I wasn't that annoyed with almost being blown up. (Of course, had it been Boomer, I probably would have been irritated no matter what the circumstances.)

Sprocket chuckled, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment. "That's my problem…I'm used to using my auto-targeting systems, so my aim is…well, yeah." She turned serious again. "And that's why I came to you for help. I thought our resident archer could show me how it's done."

"Uh, I dunno, Sprocket," I said uncertainly. "Golf isn't like archery..."

"I know, I know," she waved my comment off. "But surely you can at least give me some pointers. Please?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Could I? Golf used a completely different means of leverage and propulsion than archery, not to mention the varying weight and shape of the projectiles accounted for differing wind resistance factors and...

...am I secretly a nerd?

*Sigh* Oh, heck, why not? I ought to at least try. Apparent crush aside, it's my duty to help my fellow skylanders when they need it. "Well...I guess it can't be that different from my arrow volley..."

Sprocket swung her fist happily. "That's the spirit!" she enthused. "I've got a mission soon, though, so I can't practice right now. What time works for you?"

"Oh, how about two hours before sunset, at the Lockdown Islands before it gets dark?" I said before belatedly realizing that the dark wouldn't hinder either of us, what with her night-vision goggles and my obvious reasons.

She beamed at me, and I found myself wishing I could see her face with my real sight. "It's a date! See you later!" she twirled on her heel and strolled off toward the Ruins.

"Bye..." I waved, even though her back was turned.

A date? Wait, what? What did she mean by that?!

I took out my disheveled arrows and evaluated the damage. So, to sum up, I was going to be training, alone with a girl I apparently had a thing for, trying to help her with something even though I didn't even know where to start, and she called it a date? And I had to pull it off without looking like an idiot?

What had I gotten myself into?

Oh, boy...I was seriously out of my element.

So, how'd I do?

I'm not much of a shipper, and Flameslinger's already explained for me why I don't think shipping the Skylanders works, but if it did, this is how I think it would turn out.

...Sorry, I'm even confusing myself a bit here. I'm a hypocrite, that's all it really boils down to.

Anyway, I just wanted to try something new! If you like it and want to see more, be sure to let me know and I'll keep this going! If I failed epically…heck, I won't even mind flames on this one.

I know Stealthslinger is the popular pairing, and I actually like the pairing myself (but then, I like all the pairings, they're cute!), I just couldn't figure out how to make it interesting. Besides, I thought it would be interesting to pair Flameslinger up with the most tomboyish of the Skylander gals.

So, yeah, I'd like to see this little project gain some owltitude! Would you?

...Ouch, that pun was strained...see y'all later, I hope.