Candle Sick and Tired, a death note fanfic

I took a ride on a February morning, Just getting over it and dealing with the mourning, I started thinking out loud I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired, My baby's flying off the edge of the road, She's saying I'm so sorry about that note That left me all alone But I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired

I raked my fingers through my hair, pacing the house in silence, smoking another cigarette. It'd been days since the blond had spoken to me. I knew it was just another one of his fits, but this one was different. Not for the blond; for me. I leaned against a wall in the kitchen and lit another cigarette. I just don't understand, I thought, how you could "need a break" from a best friend. I leaned my head back until it hit the wall.

Somebody turn the lights on, Somebody tell me what's wrong, I'd be lying if I told you, Losing you was something that I could handle, Somebody turn the lights on, Somebody tell me how long, All this darkness will surround you, Because I'm burning for you, Burning like a candle

Lighting up yet another cigarette, I did a little more pacing before deciding to take a drive. I queued up the radio, and "Until The Day I Die" blared on. I shook my head, and turned it down to almost nothing. I didn't need to hear that now. I checked my pack of cigarettes; plenty for the trip. The engine turned over, and I was on my way. Where? To the beach, of course. Where else do I go when I need to think? I pounded the steering wheel. Damn that blond. I shouldn't be doing this alone; it should be with him, like it always has been. I rake my hand through my hair again and shake my head.

Seven days since I've seen your face, Seven nights I have laid to waste, I'm burning out now, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, I know we're hanging at the end of the rope, We've flown too high, maybe swung too low, I heard her screaming out loud, I heard her screaming out loud

Finally reaching the beach, I pull up on the rocks and park. I'm the only one here, I thought out loud. I decided to let one more song play on the radio. Paramore's "That's What You Get" started up, and I turned off the car. I didn't need to hear that. I put my filthy boots up on the dashboard, sat back, and thought. All right, think. How have we gotten through this before? All this running...I'm so sick and tired. I wish he'd just talk it out with me. But he always runs. Shifting my feet, I lit up another cigarette, and sighed at the thought that these would kill me someday. I'm fine. I can quit at any time. Really. I took my feet off the dashboard and got out of the car, checking the brakes to make sure they were out. Damn this car.

Walking on the beach was a lot easier in boots. I made a mental note of this, and continued on. Reaching the rocks on the shore, I started picking through them the way he did, just to feel like he was there too. Handing myself the small ones, and tossing the ones I didn't like. It's weird how I can replicate him so well, but not know a single one of his thoughts, I thought. I walked along the way he liked to walk, constantly fearing being caught. Matt here doesn't like fines. I pulled at my hair in frustration, watching bits of sand and strands of red hair fall away. Why won't he just talk to me!

Think, All the things that you say, What are the things that you mean, What are the things that you say say say to me, Cause you're tradgedy, A queen for his majesty, All this blasphemy, Your kingdom is crumbling, You're a tradgedy, A queen for his majesty, All this blasphemy, Your kingdom is crumbling,

I sighed again. It seemed useless. If he was going to keep running from me like this, and decide to not trust me, why were we even friends? I shook my head again. Maybe he doesn't want to be friends anymore, and that's what this is all about. I lit up another cigarette, hands shaking. I didn't need to think that. I walked back a ways and sat down on "our" log, watching the sea roll in and out. Was this really going to be it? How many years have we been friends? And this was really going to be it? Over some stupid blog that no one even read? I cursed my writer's side. I cursed my compelling need to write my thoughts. I cursed everything then, throwing all the shells and rocks I'd picked up towards the ocean. None of them quite made it.

I held my head in my hands then, and cried. Really cried. Sand got in my eyes. Sand got in my hair. Sand got everywhere, but I couldn't care less. Was I losing my best friend? I wept. I didn't care who saw. I heard kids laughing in my direction, but I just didn't care. This could be the end of my world. I was spiraling out of control. I cursed the heavens. I cursed god. I cursed hell. I cursed the devil. But most of all, I cursed myself. Mello was leaving. And there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it.

Burning for you, Burning like a candle, Burning for you, Burning like a candle