Title: I Still Love You

Author: alphacadet0520

Rating: T (Just to be safe).

Summary: Reno contemplates Aswari's infidelity and his relationship with her. Takes place during The Same But Different.

AN: This was written during Spanish and Maths today. It comes from a couple of original one-shots done by RavenWolf06 who gave me the idea and it's actually pretty good to say I constructed it during my lessons when I really shouldn't have been. Take places at the end of chapter 12.

Contains spoilers for The Same But Different in chapters 11 and 12.

I still love you. What spell do you have me under Aswari?

You are so beautiful and soft. You hold me close and care for me when I'm ill. You are there with me all the time…but not this time though.

You weren't there when I woke or when I needed you to tell me I was going to live to be with you. You were not there and I wondered who could possibly want to keep you away from me. When you were here, you held me tenderly and, even though you thought I didn't know, that you thought that you were hiding the guilt from me, I could feel you crying your heart out. I knew you were in pain.

I knew something was wrong and I wanted to ask what it what was wrong. I couldn't ask though. I could hardly breathe, never mind speak! You know full well that most of the time all I could say during your visits was the three words I know you love to hear from me (and I love to hear from you): "I love you."

I so wanted to help baby and support you. But I knew something was wrong baby, I knew.

At first, I thought Tseng had said something to you to upset you or it was something to do with the Turks but…you were reluctant to hold me as you once did and then I knew: it was something emotional.

You were so sad and I knew you were up to something to do with our relationship, something that was not right by us baby. I could tell you really did not want any part of it but you couldn't escape it or get out of it. I could tell, Assy, I could tell so you did not have to be afraid that I would think you did want something in it. It was the reason that I didn't dump you today.

When I found out how you had been violated by Rufus our own boss, I couldn't believe that he had taken advantage of you when you needed support, help and friends.

You don't know this, but Rude was keeping an eye on you for me when I couldn't. He noticed too that something really wasn't right. (I haven't told him what was wrong! I promise Aswari!)

He couldn't pin-point what was wrong and neither could I. it pained me so much knowing you were in emotional pain but I couldn't help you. You were so afraid and guilty. I so wanted to tell you that you were going to be okay and I wanted to help…but I couldn't.

I am going around in circles knowing this. Now, you lay a little always from me because you are so exhausted from work and terrified because of what Rufus did to you today, the terror he inflicted upon you. I want to be so close to you right now, to reassure and protect you but you shy away from me and I know it's because you feel do bad because of what you have done. You still can't understand why I haven't stopped loving you because you don't believe what I said, today, that I would always love you, no matter what. When I try to explain this though, you keep pushing me away because you are afraid.

I tired to hold you when I came to bed tonight, after you had gone, but you pushed me away in your sleep and I know you know what happened because you always know, as you put it, "steal kisses," from your lips as you sleep, Assy baby, so you'll know about this.

Aswari, I love you so much and your spell over me is so unbreakable so…

Please, let me hold you again as you once let me.