This is a challenge for CloudClan. And if anyone finds it weird, know that I wrote this in one sitting and is only intended as an incredibly short oneshot.
. . .
When I first started hearing the Voices in my head, I was a tiny kit.
I was three moons old, my mother was dead, my father was distant, and I woke up screaming.
A ginger-furred face, twisted with shock, was hovering above me. Their mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear anything other than the roaring in my own ears.
I tried to talk, to perhaps croak something out, but I couldn't. My lips were unmoving; they were lack with shock, like cold stone.
I saw flames.
They towered above me, twisting into hideous shapes and burning everything in their path. I heard shrieks and screams of terror, and-
What was happening?!
A scream burst from my throat, short and shrill.
I scrabbled away, my paws tangling in the moss underneath me. I fell against something cold, and I realised it was the wall behind me.
Voices.
I heard voices.
"Take… help… hate..."
They were in my head. Talking. Giggling. I heard voices other than them, outside the safety of my head. They were concerned; speaking in soft, sweet voices.
I was lost.
"-kit!" Mapletail gasped. "Nightkit! What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"
"Voices!" I babbled. "I heard voices. There was fire, too! Heaps and heaps of it! Screams, as well!"
Mapletail sighed, the air rushing from her lips. "Nightkit," she said gently. "It was only a nightmare. Considering what you've gone through, I'm not surprised."
I stared at her hard. The flames were illuminating her form, the firelight flickering around the soft edges of her face.
"Go back to sleep, sweetie," she coaxed.
I wasn't tired though. I don't think I ever could be again. Not after that. Never after that.
But I did anyway.
And it wasn't until I fell asleep that I realised everything was real.
So, when I became an apprentice, the other kits quite suddenly decided that they didn't like me.
After all, what was there to like?
To them, I was crazy. Not that I was. To them, I was someone who had nightmares every night, and screamed in terror. They didn't believe me when I said the Voices were real. To them, I was nobody.
I didn't care.
One day, they would face the truth, as I had.
Every night, when I went to sleep, the Voices raged in my head. I would see the fire, towering above me in all of its flaming glory. I would hear the screams, shrieking and roaring in my ears.
It was real. All of it.
I dreamed about it every night. I would wake the other apprentices with my screams. They hated me for it. I know they did. Every one. Every. Single. One. Of. Them thought I was crazy.
It was nice to know I was appreciated.
"Nightpaw!" Robinpaw screeched.
I turned to her with a slow, lazy smile. I could see the way that her face twisted that she was repulsed by me. I loved it.
"Yes, Ro-binpaw?" I deliberately drew out her name, liking the way she shivered in disgust. It was equal. Everything I did was equal. They paid for their treatment of me with my treatment of them. Everything was fair.
"You're insane," Robinpaw told me snootily, though she still seemed repulsed by me, even if she looked down her nose at me.
"I'm not crazy," I told her, my voice high-pitched and sing-song. "I only hear voices in my head."
The other apprentices shrieked in laughter. "She is crazy!" one said. "Who else hears voices in their heads?"
"Nightpaw!" another answered gleefully.
I couldn't help it. "Cuh-razy?" I said, drawing out the word. "I'm not. I only hear voices in my head! YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONES!"
The apprentices screamed, and I continued to babble: "They hate you, you know? The voices. They want to see you burn. There will be a huge fire, and then… everyone will scream with me."
The apprentices all looked at me. "She's insane," Robinpaw whispered. "Well and truly."
"Truly?" I smiled at them, revealing my teeth. They flinched, and I took it as a guide to continue. "They come from StarClan, you know?" I said, my voice completely conversational. "The voices, I mean. The Clan's taken something from them, and now, they want to see all of us burn. One. By. One."
The apprentices traded each other wary looks, one howling, "She's gonna get us!"
They scampered off, and I looked at their retreating backs.
I started to giggle. And once I started giggling, it was hard to stop. The voices had been urging me on, and I had been hearing them even when I was awake. It felt good. Everything. Truly. I wanted to do it again. Scare them, I mean.
I laughed until my stomach hurt and there were tears running down my face. And, somehow, as I made my way back toward the Clan, the giggles had faded into sobs.
. . .
My father was waiting for me.
I wasn't even laughing anymore, and Darkshadow frowned down at me disapprovingly.
"What have you been up to, Nightpaw?" he asked in his deep, rumbling voice. "Not your usual tricks again, I hope."
He was disappointed. I rolled my eyes. Why should he be? I was only being myself. The apprentices were only scared because they were mousehearts.
Besides, Darkshadow always avoided me. Apparently he couldn't stomach looking at the carbon copy of his dead mate every day. According to him, it was my fault that she was dead. Well, I wonder if he ever considered that I might actually want a mother. He was a dead-beat father, hardly worth anything.
I didn't have words for him. I didn't want to speak with him.
So, I said: "The voices."
Darkshadow sighed in exasperation. "Not this again, Nightpaw. The voices are nothing but a figment of your imagination. They're not real. Grow up already, would you, Nightpaw? You're not a kit anymore, so you have no need for these childish games your mind concocts."
"You think I'm crazy." It was a statement. Not a question.
I didn't need his answer. I could see it in his eyes. He thought I was crazy like Robinpaw and all the other apprentices. But I wasn't. I was perfectly conscious and clear with my actions.
So, Darkshadow sighed again. He attempted to placate me with words. "Listen, Nightpaw. I know that not having Shadefur in your life is hard, but you have to be considerate for others. Nightpaw, the apprentices are scared of you-"
I bared my teeth. "They should be."
"-and you shouldn't be doing what you're doing," Darkshadow continued heavily, not caring at all that I had interrupted him.
I didn't care either. I only laughed. And when he realised that I was laughing at him, he looked disturbed. I knew he couldn't take it. What a coward. I could take more than he could.
"The voices," I blurted. "They come from StarClan, from Mother. I know it. She's sending them to me to warn us. She wants us safe."
"Don't be stupid," Darkshadow scoffed, though his voice was shaky. He glared at me with disdain. Well, there goes the honourable 'Daddy image'. Now, only he remains. Darkshadow: the one who is not my father. He thinks I'm crazy. He doesn't believe me. He's done.
I was, too.
So, I told him exactly what I thought. "You're pretty dead-beat, Darkshadow. For a father, that is. I don't like you. You think I'm crazy. You think that the voices don't exist, when they do. I hope you have a nice day, Father."
And I left him standing in the dust.
That was the last time I interacted with him, even after I became a warrior.
They called me Nightwhisper. They thought it was ironic ever since I screamed at the apprentices, so they thought to give me a softer sounding name.
It didn't make any difference to me.
A name was a name. It didn't define you. Only your actions did.
The voices roared in my ears in every waking moment of every waking second of every waking day. The fire was there whenever I fell into the slumber of my dreams. The screaming echoed around me whenever someone spoke.
No one would believe me. So, I gave up trying. I didn't care what they thought of me. Robinfeather knew not to confront me. Not that she would. She was too scared of me.
"Fire," I whispered dreamily. "Flames."
Passer-by's shot me shocked, disgusted looks, but I couldn't have cared less.
I was smiling. I was happy.
The voices were still there, chanting in the background. "Burn… burn with me…"
They were gibberish most of the time, as if they were speaking another language. Not that I cared.
They all thought I was crazy, so, who cared? I knew that belief was a strong thing, but they still thought I was crazy.
Well, they would all learn one day.
So, that night, as I went to sleep, I didn't have a single nightmare. I woke up, blissfully happy, with the other warriors eying me oddly.
"She's not laughing," Robinfeather mumbled to the warrior next to her. "She always laughs."
"I'm not crazy." I smiled at her pleasantly. "I already told you. I only hear voices in my head."
"Oh." Robinfeather looked like she wanted to snort, but she held it in. My smile widened. Good girl.
Nobody talked to me. Not that they ever did anyway. They all thought I was crazy. They were actually scared of me.
I knew they were afraid of me. They were afraid of when I would 'snap', as they so aptly put it. I wasn't crazy, so I wouldn't 'snap'.
I emerged from the den with practised grace, smiling at the suspiciously still forms of my Clanmates.
They all regarded me with varying measures of horror.
It was incredibly hot, I noticed idly. But it had been hot all of Greenleaf, so I didn't really think about it.
Big mistake.
I saw the towering flames first, and then, the screams.
"Fire!" Robinfeather shrieked. "There's a fire! Fire, fire, fire! We're all going to die!"
And that was when I lost it. I laughed until I cried. I cried until I coughed. Then, I stopped altogether, regarding my Clanmates with triumph.
"I told you!" I cried. "I am not crazy! Ha! In your face!"
Robinfeather whimpered. I saw Darkshadow from the corner of my eye. He was approaching me, but I held my head high. I was not going to speak with him. I had made that very clear when I was an apprentice. He wasn't my father anymore. Not that he ever acted like one in the first place.
By then, the fire had made a ring around us.
The shrieks were like music to my ears. Robinfeather was screaming in panic, Darkshadow looked severely troubled, and me?
I simply smiled so wide that my cheeks nearly cracked from the pressure.
I wasn't crazy, and I had never been.
But, belief is a strong thing. I realised that that I had been warned. The voices were the cats accusing me, telling me that I was crazy. The shrieks were of Robinfeather. And the fire would burn all of us.
It had come from StarClan. I just knew it. Shadefur had sent it to me. She didn't hate me for killing her. She loved me.
And she wanted me to join her.
My name is Nightwhisper, and I am not crazy.
I laughed and let the flames consume me.