A Lover's Lament
It was all over now, the funeral, court proceedings, the life of his one true love. All of these things were gone and done with, lost forever in the sands of time. Now all Miguel was left with were memories.
He had a long full life ahead of him and no one to share it with. He would forever be alone and empty inside. He would continue to go to the family functions that Andy's parents insist he attend. The Christmas parties, and Easter and Thanksgiving get- togethers, that only felt empty and meaningless without Andy to share them with.
He could kill himself, but for the time being denied himself this easy way out. Andy wouldn't have wanted it. Although, in the long run, it might be better if he did commit suicide, rather than face this pain. Miguel would have to suffer such terrible pain until God deemed it time for his heart to finally stop beating.
Deep down in the very pit of his heart he believed this was all his fault, and no matter what assurances he was given otherwise this feeling wasn't likely to change. At first he had felt betrayed, not only had Andy cheated on him, but he was also cheated out of what should have been the best years of his life. He and Andy should have grown old together, and this had all been denied him. And, for what? A lousy blow job in a cheap porno theater?
But, now, after Andy's death all he felt was guilt. Hadn't he been good enough. What had he done to drive Andy away? They had gotten into an argument that night. Miguel didn't even remember what it had been about. Something that insignificant, and yet it had caused Andy so much pain. He lost his beloved job, which he loved enough to fight to his dying breath for. His family lost their son. Miguel lost his love. Had he just let it go that one time, had he been the one to leave, none of this would have happened.
And now he had a decision to make. Three items currently sat on the kitchen table in front of him, which one he chose would alter the course of his life: a glass of red wine, a 38mm. pistol, and a suitcase. He could drink the wine, listen to some opera and continue to be a son and a brother, an uncle and a friend to those Andy had left behind. He could choose the pistol and end it all right here and now. Or, he could choose the suitcase and leave all this behind him. He had sufficient funds, Andy had seen to that. The choice was his to make and his alone, if only he should choose to make it. Yet, when you reach the crossroads of life how should you choose which path to take if you do not have a map?