Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
A/N: By now most of you know what I do when my pain gets too much and I struggle too hard. Here is another ... story? More a wish I guess, to be allowed to ever feel like this in someone's arms. I wish, I wish I did not have to hurt like this anymore, so desperately, so so very much too much. Wishing.
Falling Apart
Blaine does not know, he has no, absolutely no idea what has gotten into his boyfriend.
This morning, talking on the phone like they have done every day since Kurt has transferred back to McKinley, things seemed fine. Nothing is fine now.
Nothing is remotely anywhere close to fine now, Kurt lying crying on the Hummels' living room couch as Blaine is ushered in by Burt, who had called Blaine an hour ago in the middle of Warblers' practice. "He has been like this for hours now," Burt still sounds helpless, maybe even a little hopeless now, "I don't ... I didn't know what else to do but call you."
Blaine quickly glances at Burt, gives him a greatful nod then turns back to stare at the boy still crying, '... still in deep pain,' Blaine fears.
He approaches Kurt slowly, kneels down next to the couch the boy has been trying, it looks from up close, to bury himself in, disappear into.
Blaine wants to reach out, to reach and touch, hold and comfort and never let go, not ever let go again.
Kurt has not always known touch gentle like his, and Blaine knows, because he too had not known he was allowed to feel worth of love until Wes and Jeff had been the first of new friends to hug and touch, to hold him through the first months at Dalton, the first year after Sadie Hawkins. And Blaine knows too, his boyfriend has never had any of that, no one to help him not just understand but trust that yes, there is warmth, adoration and love to be found in a soft palm coming to gently rest against your own.
Blaine knows all that, so he tries a sound he knows to be unmistakable to the boy still crying, still unaware of his presence."Kurt, I'm here."
Kurt grows quiet for a second, then the so far mostly quiet crying breaks into sobs loud and harsh, and Blaine cannot hold back anymore.
Blaine drapes his upper body protectively over Kurt's back turned to him, Kurt's face still buried deep in his own arms.
And then Blaine waits.
And waits ...
... and waits.
When Kurt turns over it is to drape his arms around Blaine's shoulders, in a death grip, and bury his raw-cried face in his boyfriend's dress-shirt, the blue Blazer lying discarded beside Blaine on the carpet the boy is still kneeling on even though his knees have started hurting quite some time ago.
"I'm here, Kurt."
Kurt's first attempt at words is a gibbering, shaky mess of letters utterly out of any order that could make sense in any of the languages Kurt and Blaine know between each other. Then, "Don't let go. Please, don't let go, Blaine. Please."
Blaine in answer tightens his own hold around Kurt's waist and moves in an manouver that can only look absurd to anyone not in love, slow and careful, almost in slow motion he moves up onto the couch, finally gets to pull Kurt deep into his arms, in the way he has been longing to comfort Kurt ever since Burt had walked him in here.
"Don't let go."
"I'm not letting go, Kurt. I want you in my life always."
Kurt's next sob is met with Blaine's lips pressed comforting into the brown hair of the boy in his arms. "I'm here. I will be here as long as you'll have me. I promise."
"Don't let go."