Disclaimer: Twilight and all characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer
Chapter one:
EPOV
Lying on the bed I bought for Bella, I count down the days until the wedding. I can't wait to be a married man with Bella at my side. What I could wait for was the wedding night; I'd agreed to try to take our relationship to the next level on our honeymoon. I had agreed to try to make love to my Bella. This is the one promise I have made to Bella that I have regretted. I know I can't take it back but it installs such gripping fear within me that I have a feeling I am going to break said promise.
It's not that I don't want to be with her in that way; hell, I daydream about claiming Bella as mine more times a day than I care to admit. Jasper knows of the longing I feel for Bella's body and he sympathises with me. He has imagined himself in my situation and knows he wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself if it was Alice.
The truth of it was that every day that passes makes it harder for me to refrain from touching her inappropriately. As I watch her sleep, I dream about sliding my hands across her luscious body, cupping her pert breasts and running my mouth over her skin. I often have to move from her side until I calm myself down. I hate that I don't have control over my body when Bella is near. If she ever became aware of my reaction to her presence I would be mortified; gentlemen do not act in such a way towards a lady and I know that if she ever discovered my dirty secret she would be disgusted with me. I understand that it is a normal reaction for a man in love but Bella and I couldn't be together like that, as much as I long for it. I would understand if we were in a sexual situation but sometimes just staring at her beautiful face, her scent or the way her t-shirt would occasionally rise and show a sliver of skin would set me off. It is humiliating to say the least; especially when Jasper is around to witness my predicament. He likes to taunt me in his thoughts about my need for her. Of course, I know he is joking but that doesn't make it any less disconcerting for me.
Currently, Bella is at her house having dinner with her father. He is on the late shift tonight so straight after dinner I can head over and we will have the house to ourselves. I'm awoken from my inner musings by my phone ringing in my pocket. Quickly answering it, I know it can only be one person: Bella. The whole family is downstairs and no one else has my number.
"Bella," I say as I answer the phone, already making my way off the bed, hoping this means I can finally join her.
"Edward, hey," she says nervously.
"Bella? Are you alright, love? You sound odd."
"Yes, I'm fine. I was just wondering if we could talk a while," she asks.
"Well, is your father still there? I would love to see you in person." I smile.
"No, he's gone to work, but I kind of want to talk to you on the phone." I can hear her voice tremble and I cannot decipher whether it is from nerves or if she is upset; either way, I do not like the outcome.
"What is it, Bella? You're scaring me. Are you alright? Are you hurt?" I frantically question her.
"No, no, I'm fine, really. Is your family there?"
"Yes, they..." I start before I hear my entire family exit into the woods, all with confused thoughts but one: Alice. Alice has her thoughts guarded and this makes me instantly fret. What is she keeping from me? Is Bella... is Bella calling off the wedding? Does she not want to marry me? Has she finally seen that she doesn't want to be tied to me for the rest of her life?
"Edward?" I hear a meek voice ask through the haze.
"Yes, er... they have just left. I am alone," I say warily. If I was human, my heart would be beating a thousand beats per minute. Is it possible for vampires to have panic attacks?
"Edward, I want to discuss something with you," she continues. "I have been thinking, well, you remember when we first met? Remember how you couldn't even be in the same room as me?"
"Yes," I say, confused as to where she was taking this conversation.
"Well, now not only can you tolerate it, but you can be close to me. I mean, you can kiss me now," she whispers. I nod before realising she cannot see me and answer her quickly. "Look, I know you are worried about the deal we made, Edward; I know you. You were probably thinking about it before I called you," she giggles. She is right; she does know me so well. "You have a tendency to over-think things, Edward." Again, she is right; I have always been accused of over-thinking things. Esme and Alice, both, always reprimand me for said habit. "Well, I think I came up with a solution that would make you more comfortable," she says timidly once more.
"OK," I say, the nerves growing with every word she utters.
"Well, I think the reason you are so nervous, Edward, is because we are not taking it slow. We are jumping straight into it, you know?"
"No, I don't. You may have to explain," I confess.
"Edward, what I'm saying is that we have never taken any physical steps in our relationship before. Jesus, I mean you've never even seen me naked!" she exclaims. I squirm at the thought of Bella exposed to me. I imagine what her soft skin would look like under the glow of the moon as she lies bare to me on our bed. God, not now; what is wrong with you? I mentally chastise myself. "Edward, are you still there?" she mumbles into the phone.
"Yes, I'm sorry, love. Please continue," I say, clearing my throat unnecessarily.
"Well, to help ease us into it, I was thinking we could take some smaller steps before the honeymoon," she mumbles again, so low I can just hear her.
"What smaller steps are we talking about, Bella?" I breathe.
"Well... I mean, there are other things we can do before actually having sex, you know...?" she trails off. And I understand what she is suggesting immediately; foreplay. Oh god. The thought of touching Bella anywhere is enough to get me immediately aroused.
"Are you suggesting we experiment... touching each other, Bella?" I say gruffly. I barely recognise my own voice.
"Yes," she says, letting out a breath. "Sort of, I mean, we can build up to that," she rambles.
"Build up to it, how?" I question.
"OK, so you are worried about your strength, correct?" I agree with her before she continues. "Well, if we can get used to being with each other in a sexual nature before actually touching each other, I thought that may give you a little more confidence. That way, you will know what your reactions will be," she stutters.
"How can we be together but not touch each other?" I ask quizzically, completely confused by where she was taking this.
"Edward, you're very naïve for a man of one hundred and nine years," she giggles. I don't know whether to take that as an insult or not. "Technology is a good method of communication, is it not, Edward?" Now she has completely lost me.
"Huh?" I say.
"Edward, have you ever thought about using the phone or Skype or something else to communicate with me?"
"Bella, I'm going to be honest; I have no idea what you are asking me," I sigh.
"Edward," she whines, "you're making this very hard for me." You and me both, I think. "What I'm trying to say is: have you ever thought of talking to me on the phone while we... experiment?" she squeaks out the last word. I know this is difficult for her; I know she is probably as red as a tomato right now.
"Bella, are you suggesting phone sex?" I gasp.
"Well, why not?" she huffs. "This way we can get used to each other in a sexual way while you're nowhere near me so you cannot use your strength or thirst as an excuse. If we do this then build it up so we can be in same room then hopefully before the wedding we can practise what it would be like to actually touch each other, Edward" she explains. She makes perfect sense; this would be a great way to put my mind at rest and keep Bella safe. It is a logical way for our strange relationship to progress except for one thing.
"Bella, when you say phone sex, do you mean… do you mean for us to talk to each other while we perform acts on ourselves?" I gulp.
"Of course that's what I mean, Edward," she snickers.
She wants me to do that to myself while she listens? Surely, I must be mistaken; my Bella would never suggest such a thing. I'm not going to deny it, I have always wondered if Bella's done things like that but I would never ask her such a question. And the thought of listening to her while she does such a thing is beyond arousing to me; it shames me to the core that I would objectify Bella in such a way. But she's asking me, not the other way round, so she must be comfortable with it. Then it hits me: I will have to return the favour. Can I do that? I'm not sure. I am not as naïve as Bella seems to think; I am quite aware of what phone sex entails. Could I say naughty things to Bella while I pleasure myself? Absolutely not. What would she think? It is such a brutish thing to do, I would not bring myself pleasure while I thought of her, it is so disrespectful. Yet, the thought of her thinking about me like that while she pleasures herself is beyond stimulating. Is that how she feels about me?
"Bella, I've never… I mean, I don't... you know..." I stutter.
"You don't what, Edward?" she asks curiously. God, she's going to make me say it.
"Bella, I don't… I have never masturbated before," I confess, scrunching my eyes in embarrassment at my words. I hear her gasp and I know I have offended her.
"Never? I mean you've never, ever, Edward?"
"No, Bella," I sigh.
"Jesus, Edward; no wonder you're so afraid!" she laughs and I am lost at her words. "Are you saying that in one hundred and nine years you have never had an orgasm?" she chortles. I cannot believe she is laughing at me; this is embarrassing for me and she finds it amusing.
"Bella, this isn't funny," I say, the hurt lacing my tone.
"Oh, Edward, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings but I was so taken back by it. I'm sorry. I just don't understand, I mean you must be in physical pain!" she giggles once more and I can't help but smirk with her.
"No, I'm not in physical pain," I chuckle. "I just never felt the need before and, well, when I finally did find someone I was attracted to, it just felt wrong to do that. It felt like I was disrespecting you," I admit.
"Edward, that's silly; I would take it as a compliment, not as an insult. Do you think I am disrespecting you if I do that while thinking of you?" she whispers. My breath catches in my throat at her confession.
"You think of me?" I say hoarsely.
"Who else would I think about?" I can hear the smile in her voice and I cannot help the grin that spreads across my face.
"No, I don't feel disrespected," I state.
"Then why would I?" I agree with her instantly and her point is clear.
"OK," I respond.
"OK? As in'OK, let's try this'?" she urges.
"Yes, let's try this," I confirm.
hey everyone, hope you like my new story, i know it wasnt the one i promised but it just came to me. im still working on the others. i want to say a big thank you to my betabexie25. Let me know what you think xoxoxo