Originally published on Feb 6th 2018 on AO3

"Does it ever go away, Remus?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like… Well… The p-pain."

At first, he asked himself what the boy was referring to. But then… Like a bomb smashed to his face, the culpability resurfaced and his lunatic thoughts went away in a few seconds. Sirius. He was here, in this moment, for him. They were all there for him.

Someone had the brilliant idea to throw a ceremony for the fallen one, even though they would never grieve properly without a body to burn. Most of the people attending were the Weasley's and a couple of the kids' Hogwarts' friends, some members of the Order of the Phoenix, too.

It was a small thing. A moment of rest in this scary war that was coming. Around familiar people.

And there he was, blacking out, again. Damn. Too many emotions. But he was an adult, for Dumbledore's sake. With a 15-year-old kid at his charge, now. He was supposed to be strong.

Now, it was getting late, most people were gone, home or crashing in someone's bedroom for the night. So even if the Weasley's house was full, warm, yet they didn't feel any better. They both felt, truly, like something was missing. Indeed, it was- Sirius was gone. Through the veil. And no one could do anything about it beside celebrating- celebrating? – that's what the ceremony looked all night, a celebration. Of life? Of death? Remus didn't want to think about it anymore.

Yet, someone was waiting for an answer…

"I don't think… They say it goes away with time, but- I don't think it disappears. In fact, it doesn't at all. I'm sorry, Harry, I-"

"Don't."

"I wish I could be more helpful."

"You've been great so far, Remus. You've been… even, more than great, really."

"I'm sorry."

"Remus", whispered Harry. "Stop."

The future was scarier than ever.

Voldemort's comeback.

The war.

A life without his best friend.

And a teen to protect from everything. His new pup (well, that's how Sirius would call him)

The darkest future he'd imagined by now.

« Does it ever go away, Sirius?

– The pain? I hope so. They say time heals everything, but I've never seen any proof before my eyes. We'll see, I guess. »