Squall walked along a path in Esthar, hand in hand with Rinoa as he took a bite of the rainbow colored snow cone that was in his hand. He couldn't help but squeeze her hand every now and then as he sometimes liked to do. Except this time it was his way of showing his gratitude to her for accompanying him today.
And just being this intimate with another person made his heart flip flop inside his chest. How he loved hearing the tinkling sound of her laugh... Even if it was him she was laughing at.
"You know, I still can't believe you're actually going to do this, Squall. Enter the dreaded evil lair of "Sir" Laguna," Rinoa said, her voice taking on an eerie tone.
It did well to make Squall suddenly suppress a shudder as he, for the briefest of seconds wondered if maybe it wasn't too late to back out now. He shook himself, though, telling himself to get a grip.
"You sure Laguna didn't pop something bad into a drink you might have had with him? He probably told you it'll loosen you up, didn't he?" Rinoa teased.
Squall sighed. She was enjoying this just a little too much. Although he couldn't help but look at his snow cone just a bit too long as he pondered this for a few seconds. Then, laughing a little, he shot Rinoa a look.
"Trust me. If Laguna really wanted to make me switch my opinion of him that badly, he'd probably make it illegal for me to not hang out with him at all times." Yes he was actually joking, but a part of him couldn't help but wonder if maybe that wasn't too accurate of a prediction.
As they walked along Esthar, Squall caught a couple of people looking in his direction. Not surprising. He was recognized as being the guy who led his team to save the world just recently, after all. To be honest, he wasn't too fond of the attention as it often made him squirm and want to run away from the stares. Squall preferred to be lowkey and under the radar. He was the guy who'd shrink into himself when someone called his name, not the guy who'd jump out of his seat, waving his hands in the air.
And he knew that Rinoa actually liked this about him. She liked their contrasting personalities and had commented on this many times. It helped to comfort Squall somewhat, feeling loved in such a way. She accepted him for who he was and often told him there was nothing wrong with not being a social butterfly. He was simply who he was and that was okay.
And now Squall had decided that they were going to drop in on Laguna, surprising him with a visit.
After spending time considering Laguna's invitation in the past for him to stay over with Rinoa, Squall had finally decided that maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. His most recent visits with Laguna, after they'd confirmed their roles as father and son, had gone shockingly well. The two of them were getting along and Squall actually felt like he could maybe even use a friend like Laguna, considering how outgoing the guy was. Maybe he could learn a thing or two from him as to how to better socialize with others. And not be so brisk and irritable all the time.
They were beginning to near the Presidential Palace. Squall could already feel his palms begin to sweat. He hoped Rinoa wouldn't notice, but then again, that was probably a stupid wish because she obviously could. She was holding his damn hand.
"Did he get a leg cramp when you had that talk with him?" Rinoa asked, making Squall blink in surprise. "He has those all the time, doesn't he? You told me."
"Um, no, actually. Shockingly, he didn't." Now that he thought about it, Squall found that unusual since Laguna had been a bundle of nerves around Squall before their talk. The man often looked like he could hardly look Squall in the eye, as though Squall might lash out at him for it.
Rinoa squeezed Squall's hand then. "It's a bit weird to get a leg cramp just because of anxiety, don't you think? I've never heard of anyone having that before."
Squall could see a couple of figures standing outside of the palace in the distance. As they closed the distance somewhat, Squall recognized Laguna standing outside with Ellone at that moment. The two of them appeared to be talking and he saw Laguna cover his mouth as his shoulders shook with laughter. It appeared that the man wasn't busy with anything presidential at least. At that, Squall relaxed a bit.
"It's not that strange," Squall said. "Some people have such intense anxiety that their whole body goes numb. I've heard of that happening to some SeeD's in the past when they had panic attacks."
"Can't wait to see how happy he's going to be, Squall. You're taking a big step forward, you know. Trying to get along with him and forgive him and all that. I know how you feel about him. And how you felt about him. Honestly, I would have thought you'd be more scared of confronting a situation like this, than, you know, Ultimecia."
"Yeah, well, what choice do I have?" Squall said uncomfortably, as he took a bite of his snow cone. He hated being complimented at times. Like he was doing something that was a big deal. "It's not like I'm going to-"
Squall stopped abruptly as his eyes practically popped out of their sockets. The snow cone he'd just bitten into nearly toppled to the ground as his hand trembled violently.
Laguna had leaned forward to kiss Ellone. And not just a fatherly peck on the cheek as he'd seen him do once or twice. No, it was the type of kiss that was reserved for, well, a girlfriend. He even saw him place a hand in her hair, his fingers tangling in it with passion.
Squall actually whipped his head aside, grimacing as though he'd seen someone vomit profusely right in front of him. His own stomach turned as the image kept replaying in his mind as though some evil demon was tormenting him mercilessly. Laguna shutting his eyes, leaning forward and-
"Uh, Squall?" Rinoa asked, some worry in her voice. "Are you okay?" She had stopped along with him, clearly recognizing that this turn of events may not be a pleasant one.
"No, no, I'm not okay," Squall said, his breaths growing labored as he threw the snow cone onto the floor, not caring about littering. "Not okay. This is not okay." He felt a sudden urge to sprint at Laguna and land a punch against the man's stupid face. And then choke the life out of him.
Squall watched, still reeling from shock, as Ellone walked away from Laguna and the Presidential Palace, waving goodbye at him. Laguna waved as well, then tucked his hands into his pockets as he was left standing there, watching her walk away. After a few seconds he turned towards Squall and Rinoa, possibly sensing their eyes on him. Even from this distance, Squall could see the recognition. Laguna actually took a step backwards in surprise, even looking again in the direction Ellone had walked in before looking back at them. He then began to rub his hands together anxiously.
Great, just great, Squall thought acidly. Now things were going to be awkward. Incredibly, incredibly…
Laguna walked up to them, a much too cheerful smile plastered on his face. "H-Hey, Squall! Rinoa," he said nodding politely at his girlfriend. "What in the world? What are you two doin' here today? Just going for a walk, huh? Nice weather, isn't it? Just...beautiful..." Laguna's words died in his throat at the look on Squall's face.
Squall instinctively reached for where he normally kept his gunblade, but, to his dismay, he hadn't equipped it. Damn. He wasn't even sure if it was what he'd seen that was pissing him off so much at the moment or Laguna's total denial of what had just happened.
Good Lord…
"Um, Squall and I were just coming over to surprise you, Laguna," Rinoa piped up nervously. "We remembered you extending that kind invitation for us to stay over. So we thought now would be a...good time...to come. Gee, the weather sure is nice, isn't it?"
Squall glared at Laguna, secretly enjoying seeing the man cower under his fury. He had just been warming up to the bastard and now he had to spring this on him. For Hyne's sake, it was Ellone. His Sis. The one person he truly cared for and connected with while he was at that stupid orphanage. The girl he'd waited for in agony. All because of…
And besides, it was gross beyond belief. So gross that just looking at Laguna right now made Squall want to bend over and gag. Laguna was twice her age, for crying out loud. And she called him Uncle Laguna. Like, seriously. What the hell?
"What the hell are you doing?" Squall snapped, making Laguna jerk at the obvious accusation. "For Hyne's sake, Laguna. Are you out of your mind? It's like you're trying to give me a reason to kill you."
Laguna laughed nervously then, higher pitched than usual. "Uh, you're talking about...about Elle, right? You...saw that?"
"Yes. I saw it. And I now have to live with that horrific image embedded in my mind. Forever," Squall spat out bitterly. He hoped to God this wasn't actually serious. That what he saw was actually some sort of sick joke. "Thanks."
"Look...I didn't want you to find out like that Squall. Kind of like...how I didn't want you to find out about me being your dad before I told you," Laguna muttered quickly. "I know what it probably looks like, but believe it or not, I'm not doing this so you can send me to an early grave. I mean, we only just got together recently. I was planning on tellin' you soon, I swear."
"Asshole..." Squall blurted, barely even comprehending anything Laguna was saying. Maybe he'd been too easy on him after all. He was about to tell Laguna just how much he hated him when Rinoa spoke up.
"Maybe we should head on inside so we can talk about this somewhere more relaxing," Rinoa suggested, placing a comforting hand on Squall's arm. "Please," she pleaded to Squall, and Squall could feel her eyes boring into his from the side.
Squall scoffed as he felt tempted to tear his arm free from her touch, but he thought better of doing so. Just calm down, he told himself. I'm sure Laguna doesn't mean to hurt you, even if it feels like it. Even if it always feels like it You're letting your emotions blind you from seeing things clearly. These things happen. He doesn't mean anything by it. He's not trying to piss you off.
And yet, it was as though Squall was, deep down, hoping for any reason at all to hate the man as he had before. Like he was looking for any excuse to confirm that Laguna was indeed nothing more than a moron. Someone who existed just for the sake of making Squall's blood boil to the brink of him losing his sanity. It was almost comforting, in a way, to hold onto that hatred. To blame this overly optimistic man for making him who he was.
Squall could feel Laguna's eyes on him as well, certain that they were filled with that disgusting hope that he often saw in them.
"Fine," Squall spat out and he could practically hear Rinoa cheering on the inside, as he saw her smile at him encouragingly. He reluctantly looked up at Laguna and saw that he also looked relieved.
As they began to walk into the palace, Squall saw Laguna limp his way inside, his right hand clutching his right leg. It made him remember the brief discussion he and Rinoa had about it, just minutes ago. It was something Squall had seen Laguna do at least a few times in their past encounters. Except this time, it took all Squall had to resist just pushing the man over and feeling triumph in watching him fall to the floor, helpless.
"Let's just go to the living room," Laguna suggested, after they entered the building and briefly greeted Kiros and Ward. Laguna's friends always looked happy to see Squall, and this time they looked practically overjoyed.
Squall and Rinoa followed Laguna who limped pathetically ahead of them. Rinoa took Squall's hand squeezing it. "Squall, just relax," she whispered to him. "You can do this."
Squall blinked away a sudden onslaught of tears as he nodded reluctantly. He was suddenly reliving those bitter days in that cursed orphanage all over again. Remembering how it had felt when he'd stand on that balcony talking to his beloved Sis, someone who he looked up to and admired. Someone who he missed deeply and whose return he awaited with longing every day. And it felt like that was being taken away from him. Like she was being taken away from him.
But Squall also hated getting emotional and he wanted to not flip out and make a scene. Especially since Laguna was the damn president and word might get out somehow that Squall had raged at him. So Squall bit his tongue for now and tried to practice something Rinoa had told him he should before. Patience.
They finally got to Laguna's living room, which Squall had never seen before. Mostly because he'd always refused Laguna's invitations to hang out with him in the past. The room was nothing out of the ordinary, compared to most of the palace. There was a large couch that could seat three people, a small table in front of it. There was a flat-screen TV sitting on a stand against the opposite wall. There was also a bar area to the side along with a small kitchen with a refrigerator and freezer. Squall noted the paintings and photographs on the walls, but he didn't care to look at them at that particular moment. He reluctantly moved to take a seat on the couch with Rinoa sitting next to him.
"You guys want somethin' to drink?" Laguna said, as they saw him walk over to the refrigerator, opening it. "I got some wine and some soda. Maybe water?"
"Water's fine, Laguna," Rinoa said.
Squall pursed his lips, not exactly willing to be so forgiving as to so much as ask for a drink from Laguna just yet.
Laguna walked over to them and handed Rinoa a glass of ice water which she gratefully accepted. Sensing that Laguna had approached him as well, Squall looked up from beneath his bangs to see a glass of water extended towards him. He waited a few seconds, not liking that he was feeling pressured to accept the glass from Laguna. But he finally grudgingly relented and snatched the glass from Laguna's hand, placing it on the table in front of him.
You can't make me drink from it, though, Squall thought stubbornly.
"You don't know how happy I am that you decided to take me up on that offer, Squall" Laguna said, as he moved to pull a chair near them, so he could face them both. Squall saw that the man was still limping slightly and he winced a little as he sat down. "I was actually about to go and watch a movie by myself, so it's so nice that I don't have to do that now. Kiros and Ward don't like watchin' movies with me. They say I talk too much," Laguna added as though he had to explain himself.
Rinoa cleared her throat then. "Weren't you in a movie once, Laguna? I think Selphie told me about it. The Sorceress's Knight, was it? That's so cool. Maybe you could have been a big star if you didn't become the president."
"No way, Rinoa," Laguna said, shaking his head. "Did you even see that movie? Not that I want you to. Ever. My acting was baaaad. Like way bad. Like a stone wall could express more emotion than me. Which is kinda weird, I guess, since I'm the emotional type. Oh well."
Squall had to suppress the urge to shake some sense into Rinoa, wishing that she didn't feel the need to bring up Laguna's past right now. He hated reliving those dreams he had to begin with. So he turned his head towards the wall to his right, hoping to drown out the conversation at least momentarily. His eyes eventually darted to one of the larger photos hanging on the wall. It was of Laguna, Kiros, and Ward from back in their Galbadian soldier days. The three of them were posing with their weapons in it.
Squall didn't have any photos of his friends in his room at Balamb Garden. All he had were a few photos of himself and Rinoa, mostly because Rinoa liked them so much. The longer that Squall looked at the photo on Laguna's wall, the more he felt an urge to run over to it and smash it to bits. He tore his eyes away from the wall, afraid that he'd be tempted to look at other photos as well.
"I heard there was a scene where you fight a Ruby Dragon," Rinoa said. "God, I hate those things. Squall actually nursed some of the horrible burns I got from one once. I was crying like a baby."
"I totally get how you feel. And it's even worse when you're not expecting one at all," Laguna said, scrunching his face up. "Anyway, the movie's story is so dumb. Like a little kid could have written it. And the woman who played the sorceress...she thought they could have cast someone better to play my part. She said I just didn't look the type. Not super manly or whatever. Let's just say she was very right..." Laguna's eyes suddenly grew wistful, as though he was reliving the past. "Raine and I used to watch movies like that, actually. Just stupid stuff. It was nice seeing her let loose, you know?"
It was utterly bizarre to hear Laguna mention Raine after Squall saw him kiss Ellone. Despite the normality of their surroundings and the forced chat between Rinoa and Laguna, Squall felt suffocated. It just didn't sit well with him. To be perfectly honest, seeing Laguna suddenly look as calm and content as he did irritated him. And almost unsettled him. It was as though the man had quickly accepted that he had just slaughtered something that Squall had held quite dear to him.
"I just don't understand," Squall spoke up, surprising Laguna and Rinoa who turned to look at him. "What are you doing with Elle? I mean, I thought you saw her like a daughter. I...I don't get it." Squall couldn't help but feel perplexed, like he was in some other dimension. He had to suppress the urge to pinch himself.
Laguna visibly tensed at the subject change. He then smiled at Squall a bit shakily. "I did see her like she was my daughter. You know I did. But apparently Elle didn't feel the same way. She was the one who told me how she felt. You're not the only one shocked by this, Squall. Honestly, when she...when she told me, I freaked out and got mad at her. Just told her to leave."
"I can't believe she didn't tell me," Squall said bitterly, avoiding eye contact with Laguna. It hurt that Ellone would keep something like this from him, even though he was sure it was because Laguna knew that it would anger him if he found out. "It's not like you two could just hide this from me forever, so why try? It pisses me off."
"I'm sorry, Squall. I tried coming up with ways to break it to you over and over again, but I kept backing out right when I was going to. You know how I am."
"Yes, I know," Squall ground out. "I know very well indeed."
Laguna's tendency to mull over things in his head for seemingly forever was one of the things Squall found aggravating about the man. He still felt annoyance for being the one to find out about Laguna being his father before the man even got the chance to tell him.
Rinoa placed a hand on Squall's shoulder then, squeezing it. Squall saw her smile reassuringly at him as she often did. Her attempts to calm him down were considerate and all, but he still felt as though he were on a merry go round, growing increasingly more dizzy as the conversation progressed.
"But...she's my Sis," Squall said, blushing at his open display of affection for Ellone. He couldn't help it, though. When Squall grew to really care for a person, he felt the need to fight for them at all costs.
"Squall, I know how you feel about her," Laguna said. "She's told me so many times that you loved her like crazy when you were a kid. And I know why you're mad at me, too. You feel like...like I'm being some kind of jerk or something, right? 'Cause of how much she means to you and everything. And you're not my biggest fan anyway, so seeing me with her kinda sucks." Laguna heaved a sigh then. "Look, I'm not trying to screw things up. I don't like seeing you mad 'cause of me, you know? It just...it just happened, okay? It just happened."
Rinoa nodded at this, and looked to Squall as though she were encouraging him to be understanding as well.
Squall placed his face in his hands, hating himself for letting Laguna know that this was getting to him. But goddammit it was so hard to suppress his feelings. It was Ellone, for Hyne's sake. And Laguna. And Laguna and Ellone kissing. And what if they weren't just kissing? What if they were doing...doing other…
Ugh…
It wasn't like he wanted to ever see Laguna being intimate with another woman anyway. Especially now that he knew he was his father. It was just weird. And it wasn't just any woman, but...
"Okay. It just happened," Squall said edgily, mostly to himself. "I get it. I know you're not trying to be a dick. You're just...an unbelievable...I don't even know. It's like you were sent from the heavens to show me that people like this actually exist. What's wrong with you?"
"Look," Laguna said, and his voice rasped in such a way, that Squall couldn't help but look up, curious. "I know I'm not like Elle. Or Rinoa," And Laguna shot Rinoa a kind smile before looking back at Squall. "I'm not someone you look up to in any way. I know you think I'm a moron," And the way that Laguna said the word made Squall wonder if someone had told him what he thought of him. He felt a little guilt wash over him for this. "I see how you look at me, Squall. Like you're...you know, embarrassed. That's why it means so much to me that you're trying to forgive me," Laguna said, his eyes shining with emotion. "You have no idea...how much I need it. How much I want it."
Rinoa was looking at the two of them with interest, clearly looking appreciative of how things weren't as heated as they were just minutes ago. Squall knew how eager Rinoa was for him to build any relationship with another human being, no matter who it was. She enjoyed seeing him let down his walls and to especially forgive people when he wasn't exactly the most forgiving person.
"Okay..." Squall said, as he felt emotion flood him yet again. His resolve weakened as he realized that he may just be fighting a losing battle. Somehow hearing Laguna expose himself like this made him crumble ever so slightly inside. Made some of his hatred give way to...was it compassion? Shame? He couldn't help but feel as though he'd been kicking a puppy or something. And as mean as Squall could be at times, he didn't like to think of himself as a puppy kicker.
Even if that puppy was Laguna.
"I...understand," Squall said through the lump in his throat. "About Elle." He would try to understand anyway. That was the most he could offer. To attempt to let go of something that he would most likely eventually not be bothered by anyway. He had simply been overwhelmed by shock, he assured himself.
Laguna smiled at Squall then, clearly feeling immense relief due to his response. His eyes brightened so much it was like he'd been turned "on" again. "Awesome," he said. "Thanks, Squall."
Squall nodded as he relaxed a little. He suddenly remembered that he would be staying the night at the palace. He wondered where he and Rinoa would be sleeping. He sincerely hoped they wouldn't be sharing a room with Laguna, as this possibility had crossed his mind in the past. Then again, that shouldn't be a worry as there were more than enough rooms in the palace, most likely. Squall normally would be worrying about being badgered by Laguna the entire time he was there, but it was like he'd grown numb to that. Accepted it. Like he just didn't even care anymore.
"Do you have any movies, Laguna?" Rinoa asked, her voice much lighter now.
Laguna perked up at this, standing up and walking over to the TV stand. Apparently his cramp had finally subsided. "You bet I do," he said, as he leaned down and opened the cabinet. He pulled out a stack of DVDs, dumping them beside him on the floor. "What are you guys in the mood for? Something funny? Serious? Scary? Probably no killing, I bet."
"Not for now," Squall said, his mouth twitching slightly.
Laguna froze for a second, then looked up at Squall, meeting his eyes. He then laughed a little, realizing he was joking.
Yes, Squall was still not feeling too great about what he'd just discovered, and he might even...though he hoped for his sake he wouldn't...have nightmares about it. But he also realized that maybe he was a far more forgiving person than he ever would have expected. The old him wouldn't have been like this. He would have simply stormed back to the Garden and probably tore a bunch of grats to shreds, all the while crying on the inside at how horrifically cruel his life was.
But Squall decided that, instead, he was going to try to move past this. To not let it get to him. To maybe even...be okay with it.
So, as Laguna popped in some silly comedy movie, Squall sat on the couch beside Rinoa, suddenly eternally grateful that Laguna had suggested she join him. He felt his tension ebb away, just feeling her lean against him, even resting her head against his shoulder. Squall watched the characters on the screen behave outlandishly, clearly intending to make him laugh. Laguna and Rinoa chuckled occasionally at it, while Squall had to suppress eye rolls because he didn't get the humor. It was a ridiculous movie, absolutely suited to Laguna's taste, Squall would have imagined. The man seemed the type to like seeing outrageous characters make a fool of themselves onscreen.
But eventually, as Squall found himself increasingly immersed by the movie, he felt almost charmed by the characters on the screen. Watching something so whimsical and practically surreal helped him to escape the harsh reality that was often his life even if just for a little while.
And slowly, the corner of his mouth quirked ever so slightly upward.