Closet

Degrassi- Beckogen/Icky

Based off of 13C promo.

I was fine with keeping it a secret, with holding it all in until she made the first move. Now, this didn't seem like an option, considering Jenna was holding me in a closet, forcing it out of me, cause I had church in the morning and needed to sleep tonight. I needed to get out of my closet, and if that included the metaphorical one too, I guess it couldn't wait any longer.

"Do you like her, Becs?"

"Of course I like her," I replied, heading for the door.

Jenna blocked it with her arm, "But, do you want to kiss her?"

"That's none of your business."

"Babe, Bec, I see it in your eyes, you like her. I haven't her that long, but I see the way you two look at each other. You should go for it."

"I don't feel like I want to spend my days in Hell with her."

"Then you won't. 'The heart wants what the heart wants'," she quoted before adding, "and The Thirteenth Apostle Becky isn't going to Hell."

"Jenna, I'm scared, okay? I'm scared of my dad, my brother, reparative therapy, and all the things I went through to be with Adam. I don't want to have to experience it all again, and most of all, I don't want Imogen to experience his wrath."

"Then it's time to do something Apostle Becky could never carry out, and that's a little something called the skill of rebellion."

She was going to make me do this, and I don't know why. I feel weird when I'm around Imogen, it's good but it's almost like something else is present. I've seen the way she smiles at me, and I've seen her grabbing glimpses of me while I was changing after Gym class, but that shouldn't mean anything. Somehow though, I feel like I hold myself back from doing the same things, and it scares the living shit out of me.

She and I got off to a bad start, to say the least. I mean, her and Adam were in Whisperhug together before he passed, and we never really talked much. Then she got this impromptu crush on him, nothing real, probably just getting herself over Fiona. But he was my boyfriend, and I was going to be gone all summer, and he was going to be left home alone with his "camp bestie" so I took charge and told her to get away from him.

But now I love her, and what do I do?

Apparently, I tell Jenna so I can get out of the closet, in more ways than one.

Wendy run away with me,

I know I sound crazy,

don't you see what you do to me?

I want to be your lost boy,

your last chance, a better reality.

Becky Baker is her own sort of beautiful, but I wasn't planning on admitting it to her. Clare and I made a deal, though, that she'd tell Drew when I told Becs. I didn't want to, but I wanted what was best for Clare.

So, when Jenna told me it was now or never, reminding me that we were all going to graduate soon, I decided I would ask her to prom. I was going to ask her platonically, since neither of us have boyfriends or girlfriends, and then, at the end of the night, as the final dance reaches its climax, I'll make my move. What that move is, I don't know, but it will be good, because I never put out less than perfect.

Wendy, we can get away,

I promise if you're with me,

say the word and we'll find a way.

I could be your lost boy,

your last chance,

your everything better plan,

somewhere in Neverland.

She is so incredible. It's three in the morning and we have school in the morning, but she's here and so innocently cuddled up to me, sleeping and breathing heavily. I try to go back to sleep, and hope that her dad isn't going to walk in on us, because he'd kill me and make her life a living hell. I'd rather suffer it all when her and I finally give him the grand reveal, than have him shit on us before we're even together.

All I want is for her to love me back. She and I didn't ever see eye to eye but that's what makes us who we are, and what makes us fit the way we do. It would be a shame to lose her over this, but I have to take my chances. I can't keep letting my thoughts get the best of me, when really, I should be telling her how beautiful she is. She's already been through a lot this year, and this could either be a fresh start, or an addition to the bad landscape she's already been thrown into. I can't even imagine what would happen if my brother got arrested in the same year my boyfriend died.

I can hope that she wants a fresh start, because I know that's what I can give her. I can't get her brother out of jail or bring Adam back, but I can try my hardest to relieve the pain, to forget the way somebody wakes up; slowly, then all at once.

A/N: So this is one of my first fanfictions posted (I had a wattpad), and I hope that all of you all like it so far. This intro is really short, and I will most likely post every week or two, and it'll probably be around ya'll's midnight in Canada and Western States. I also started writing this before Jaque came into the picture, so to hell with her :)

The song used is Somewhere In Neverland by All Time Low

'The heart wants what the heart wants' is quoted from Emily Dickenson

"slowly, then all at once." is quoted from John Green, The Fault In Our Stars