One of her earliest memories are of this house. Dad standing on the porch and making barbecue, mom putting make up on by her vanity mirror in their bedroom, Jeremy following her around. She remembers how annoyed she was, because he was so little, so clumsy, and he was breaking all of the leaves. How she wishes for that little boy back now, a brother who followed her around and who came to his big sister because she had all of the answers and knew all of the cartoons, not the brother who wants to kill her.
She also remembers the last time she's been in this house as a human. She made Stefan drive her here, so the two of them could have a romantic weekend, away from everything and everyone. Of course, that was a little too much to wish for, their weekend ended in disaster. But that doesn't mean they did not have any of the beautiful memories. Her teasing him, him picking her up and placing her on a kitchen counter, kissing her passionately and her kissing him back, pulling her fingers through his hair, sharing her childhood memories with him as they stood on the dock, feeling his arms around her and his breath on her skin, how they made love afterwards, in such a gentle way, and finally, him cooking dinner for her before all of the drama started.
She looks at Damon and instantly feels guilty for thinking about Stefan. She's with Damon now, he should be invading her thoughts, not Stefan, not memories she shared with her ex boyfriend. But somehow, Stefan implanted himself in this house as well as in her mind, and soon enough, she can feel him all over her. There's a tight clutching feeling inside of her chest, and she wonders why, since her heart doesn't beat any longer.
She needs to get out of here. She grabs the blanket from the couch, and she's not sure why. Maybe it's a habit. She knows it's always chilly by the lake in this time of the year, so she grabbed it out of habit, without giving it a second thought, since she's a vampire now, she can't feel coldness anymore.
She steps outside, and indeed, it is chilly. She can feel the wind blowing hard, carrying the leaves as it goes, messing up her hair - she simply can't feel the effects of it anymore. She knows it's there, it's always been there and it always will be, and she remembers how it felt, but she can't feel it anymore, and it's strange. It's like a constant reminder something is different, wrong, that somehow things have changed and she jumped out of her safe zone into this wild, unpredictable world, and she's scared of it.
Which is when she asks herself, is she really thinking about the wind, or is she thinking about him?
She sets the blanket on the fence of the dock, and she sits by it.
You never do realize how much you need blankets until you don't need them anymore. How they're your faithful companion for such a long time, and then something else comes, and you put them away. How warm they can make you feel. Safe. Protected.
She looks down at the blanket. She doesn't need it anymore, but she wants it. Because it's familiar. There's something about it that makes her feel.. human. That makes her remember everything she was and who she used to be. She never liked coldness, but now she misses it. She misses the goosebumps and the feeling of hot cocoa in your throat after you come inside, and wrapping the blanket around yourself as your crack open your favorite book.
She remembers how they talked about the future. It is all very ironic now, considering all they have now is past.
"This is a future memory," the wind carries the sound of his voice, and all of a sudden, she can feel his arms around her and.. and the warmth is back. The feeling of being human, inhaling air, feeling cold, chocolate. "It's where your boyfriend told you that he loves you," his voice is more distant with every spoken word, and she has no idea why does she feels like flying into the air and following the trail of his voice. "I love you," and the world disappears.
She can hear footsteps behind her, leaves cracking, before Damon sits next to her.
Words are coming out of his mouth. She replies. He's trying to make her feel better, but there's nothing that could make her feel better now. Her brother wants to kill her, she has no idea are her feelings for him real or a product of the sire bond, and the only thing she wants to do is to wrap a blanket around her with no questions asked.
"The last time I was here I was completely in love with Stefan," she says out loud so she doesn't have to feel guilty for keeping these thoughts for herself. "Now it's barely a memory," she says as she remembers his distant voice in the wind and how she wants to turn into a bird and follow it around the world, wherever it goes. "Is that the sire bond?" she asks, slightly mad at the thought all of this drew a wedge between her and Stefan, but she doesn't show it. She doesn't want to hurt Damon. But what if none of this is real, what if all these feelings are the product of her imagination? What if none of her feelings are real, and what if her true feelings are buried deep inside of her? What if this is not her, what if she's hidden deep inside of herself, still loving Stefan, wanting Stefan, needing Stefan? There's a stampede inside of her, running wild, because she's angry this supernatural force could be responsible for memories of Stefan being taken away from her, slightly pushed out of her mind, one by one, day by day. Even worse, what if this is real, but at one point, it stops existing. What if what she feels for Damon now turns into a memory overshadowed by her feelings for Stefan? What if in years from now, she needs Stefan, and he's not there?
Is future memory stronger than the present?
But there is pain in Damon's eyes. She can't let that happen, she needs to make him happy. "Or it's just I'm so happy to be here with you?" she thinks this will make the situation better, but it doesn't. Damon is still not.. happy.
He gets up and says there's one more thing they need to try, and walks away. When she's sure he's in the house, she reaches for the blanket and wraps it around herself.
She wonders does it still have his scent, but she's too afraid to find out because she does not want to experience new wave of memories.
She tries to remember the feeling of being warm, and somehow, she succeeds.
She is warm.
There's something so familiar about this.
So safe.
So loved.
So protected.
So human.
Maybe one day..
Maybe one day she experiences it again.
After all, history does have a tendency to repeat itself.
I have a lot of feelings about the lake house and I officially declare that blanket as Stelena blanket and I really do not care what anyone has to say.
Maybe one day, we revisit the lake house, in a proper way.
Hope all of you are doing fine, and that all of you were brought back to life after Stefan ruined our hearts with that look on his face.