Drip.. drip.. drip..
Those were the only sound that registers in my mind while tears continue rolling off my cheeks. It has been months since I last cried and now I wonder what triggered it again. Was it my family, who never gave a fuck about what I do even if I do things just to fucking get their attention? Or maybe it's my friends, who made me feel like there are so many things that I'm missing out in my life? And lastly, maybe it was him, he who made me feel special, made me feel loved, made me realize what an amazing girl I am. He was my only refuge in times like this and I needed him so badly that I can't function without hearing a single word or even a sigh from him. Where is he? Oh, right, he left me.
I heard a knock on my bathroom door.
"love, can I come in?"
I started seeing dark spots in my vision and I'm fairly sure that I stopped breathing right then and there. My mind started reeling with possibilities that someone might have called him and informed him of my current predicament or maybe he had a change of heart and realized how pitiful I am. But, my mind lingered a little on the idea that he's back for good.
I turned off the shower just now realizing how freezing cold the water is now that my senses came rushing back to reality. I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body not caring about what a dripping mess I am. I took the chance to glance at the mirror and I can't even recognize the girl staring back at me. She was paler, thinner and has dark shadows under her dead, brown eyes.
Who was she? She was far off than the girl she used to be. The girl who was carefree, guileless, strong, amazing, and who loves unconditionally. I think I shudder, not from the chill, but from the coldness I feel in my heart.
The knocking got a little persistent now, grew a little louder too. Why was he here? What does he want? I thought he said it was over between us, that he had to leave. I accepted his reasons and let him go without a fight. I understood that things weren't meant to be this happy. So, why was he here? Shouldn't he have boarded the plane this morning? I now grasped the truth that I wasn't given the real answers, that I avoided them with so much disdain because I was so afraid of letting my walls crumble around me.
The knocking subsided. There was a shock of pure silence. Stillness surrounds me and my unconsciousness screams at me.. Open the fucking door and let him in you asswipe! What felt like minutes of silence, was disrupted with another loud banging on the door.
"love, are you alright? Is everything okay in there? Please open the door. Please let me in. I need to explain everything. I know you wouldn't let me in without a fight, but please just here me out."
He didn't know how much those words cut through me like razor blades.
"I love you, baby. I have loved you since the day you smothered my favorite shirt with ice cream because you wanted to get back at me for laughing at your expense. I will still love you even if you make the worst breakfast I have ever had. Believe me that I have no plans of hurting you in any way. It breaks me that you feel this way."
I wanted to believe him so much, but I just can't, not that easily. Not after all the lies that I have to endure coming out of his mouth. Not after letting me believe that he would stay for the long run.
"why?" I whispered into thin air. I was breathing hard, not knowing, and not understanding why he's back. I know I'm being stubborn but I just can't face him yet.
No. I have to do this. I just have to. Getting the courage from my words, I walked towards the door, keeping my head downcast. I turned the knob, opened it, and there he was. I stared at his bare feet then to his denim clad legs to his white v-neck shirt. I stopped there deciphering whether this is real. I know he was talking, saying something, but my mind cannot register a thing. I took the brave fate and looked at his face. His disheveled brown locks that are sticking at the ends because he kept on running his hands through it, his defined jaw that I longed to touch, puffy pink lips that used to make me see stars, his slightly crooked nose, bushy brows, long fluttery lashes. Then I stared at his eyes, gasping because there was so much hurt and indescribable pain that swims in its depth. There were unshed tears. I knew I was the reason for this. I was the one who brought pain to his glinting green eyes.
He stopped talking. I was gasping for much needed air. He was wiping something off my face and that was when I realized that tears were rolling down against my cheek. He wrapped his arms around me, embracing me like I was something fragile, protecting me from anything that might hurt me.
"shhh. Love, everything will be alright. I'm here now. I'm not leaving you anymore. I now realized that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me and I thank all the Gods in heaven that they have led me to you. I don't know what I did right in my past to deserve someone like you, but I'm thankful for it."
He continued comforting me like this for what feels like hours until I eventually stopped gasping and blubbering unintelligent words and looked up to this amazing man's face. I now have the courage to let this happen. To accept him and the fact that someone can still be with me. That someone can accept all of me and still worship the ground I'm walking even with all my flaws. I know I love this man. I want to be with him as long as he'll have me. Somehow, I feel fixed.
"I love you too."
~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~**.**~
A/N so there. hope you like it! comments and suggestions are highly appreciated! :) xxoo