A/n: I don't own Saiyuki…but the fic is mine^^ Isn't it quite obvious who the narrator is? I'm just doing this because I felt like writing it, not cos I love to kill the sexy characters in Saiyuki…don't take this fic seriously—it's—just—a—fic. I should warn you about the shounen-ai in this fic though…a little GojyoXHakkai.
Alone: Version 1
So… the smile has faded finally. I was disillusioned by the current events that were happening right before by eyes, and had a good reason to frown.
My world was torn apart—again—just when I had finished mending the broken pieces. Two people whom I considered friends—dead; one is away to grief over his tragic loss, but his limiter, glinting dully, is splitting. If only…if only Sanzo was here to put it all right…
I grasped the bloody hole in my best friend's stomach tightly, and sent the last of my energy down to my arms, hands, fingers, until the familiar bright glow emitted to heal the wounded. He never even stirred. It had been about five long minutes since he passed to the other world…passed to the other world without me. He said he'd go there with me. He promised. He…promised.
"No…you can't. Gojyo! Don't leave me…please…you're the only one I have left…don't leave me! You promised…"
"I'm sorry," his tears mingled with the blood. "I'm sorry…"
The healing continued, till I could take it no longer. I had failed. Failed to complete the mission, failed to protect the ones I love…
His hand became weak in mine. He gave me one last smile before those crimson eyes were masked with the emotionless veneer. How could he have smiled at a situation like this? How could you, Gojyo? When the wound in your stomach was burning, and my heart was sinking, how could you have smiled?
…Thank you, for you gave me that one scrap of hope my heart needed to go on. I appreciate that…and I love you.
It came almost instantly—a sharp wail pierced through the tense atmosphere before I could even register what I was doing. I cried out again, louder this time, as though that would help the ice from terrorizing my soul. I felt weak, useless, vulnerable…the things I shouldn't have felt then.
Then I knew, I was alone. I should have known it would have come to this. I should have known I would be thrown back to where I'd started from.
I kissed the blue band in my hands, wishing it was its owner. I ran my shaking fingers along its silken material, wishing it was his hair.
"Don't leave me…"
The dark past was creeping up on me, but my dim future had no room for that. I was caught between the two—the sorrowful present.
I suddenly realized this must have been how Goku must have felt—unable to control your feelings, pushing away the grievous sight before you only to be wishing you were never alive to witness it happen…gone insane through the immense anguish your heart could barely take…it's no wonder his limiter broke.
The demon in me registered nothing except the warm blood on its clawed hands; heard nothing save the cries of its victims; felt nothing but the pressure of a counter attack…it had no human feelings, felt no grief, no heart-breaking—just what I wanted to be now.
"I'm so sorry…Gojyo, Sanzo, Goku…I can't…"
And I tore off all three limiters.
To release myself.
To hear nothing, to feel nothing, save the painful stretching of skin and growing of talons…
I'm so sorry.