Author Note: Okay just for clarification this story is basically centered around Teddy's life at Hogwarts starting from his third year (honestly I'm not going to waste adding those first two in this story when I can just write one shots for it) and I'm making slight changes, for example instead of Victoire being two years under Teddy she's the same age. So some changes like that might occur throughout this story but not enough for it to be a full blown AU also I'm gonna be doing something interesting with the lycanthropy aspect of Hp.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plot and one oc bye

02 May 2013

You told Harry that you hoped I'd understand. At one point I actually thought I had, you know? Sixteen years later… nothing. At all. Not even when I spent countless days staring at that dumb mirror. Hours upon hours of silence and shattered hope. I needed guidance, a message, something that tethers me to my own purpose in this messed up world. Not some blank display of my heart's 'desire'.

The dark lord is gone and I'm sure you're proud to have fought against him not just for my sake, but for everyone else as well. I'm kind of proud too. It's just so hard to be. Harry's great you know, so was Gran, I couldn't argue at all. And the Weasleys… well, words could only insult the amount of gratitude I have. Despite all the family, the friends, and the love, that's surrounded me basically my entire life, I've never felt more alone. I've never felt so scared. You and fear were great friends, I heard.

Victoire was right. We shouldn't be dealing with this. We're only kids, we're too young. Pitiful shame you hadn't the chance to meet her. She's brilliant. In fact, if it wasn't for her I don't think I'd be writing this right now. And if it wasn't for him, then I definitely wouldn't even be here and I'm still trying to decide whether that's a good or bad thing.

He wants power. Like how Voldemorte wanted to kill Harry and purge the wizarding world of all its toxic blood. Except this time, it's not Voldemort and he does want power, but it's mine he seeks. Ironic really, Fenrir gave me this power in the first place, with the help of your genes, I guess. Why would he take it back? That's the answer I'm searching for but sometimes I feel like my time is limited twice as much as the average teen-wizard. Each day I spend without a plan, without any new information, is a day closer to my own death it feels like. That's not what I'm afraid of, though. What terrifies me most is that during this hell of a journey everyone I love will be taken away right before my eyes. Harry's experienced a lot of pain, but the suffering I've been dealt is one you're more familiar with.

First year is when I discovered the mirror and of course I confronted Harry about it because he'd never told me. Hardly gave me any clues, actually. Turns out he found it during his first year too. Said he didn't tell me because he knew I'd go looking after it. I remember rolling my eyes at the time, but now I'm finally able to understand how true that is. Of course if you tell a mindless eleven year old orphan about some magic mirror that would show him his dead parents, well, he'd be a fool not to go looking for it. But maybe the reality is that holding onto a façade that only triggers pain is what makes you the foolish one. Still, I continued to sit there, watching both of you. It gave me a special comfort, I think. It really felt as if you were there with me. Up until my skin touched a surface colder than what I knew I should've felt deep inside me.

At Hogwarts there was me, Victoire, and Zacharias Fenwick; an inseparable trio. We still are. We always will be. I've known Victoire since a baby, but that was because she was a Weasley. Zacharias sat with me on the train. When we were all sorted into Gryffindor things just sort of clicked together and before we knew it we'd made a pact that we'd always be friends. Sounds like rubbish, though it was anything but.

There was something about Zacharias that threw me off that year. He never really opened up a lot and I didn't necessarily mind that until I figured out that we could of been emotionally identical. He wasn't an orphan but he might as well have been. He lived with his mum, but there was space; the distance between them was ridiculously infinite. He could hardly remember his father, who left right before his sixth birthday. Not the way you left mum, though. One morning his dad went out for a walk and he was gone like that. Did I mention they were both muggles? Well, they are. Even with the death eaters gone, pure blood prejudice was still rejuvenate. I suspect it will remain so. Like I was saying, months passed by and Mr. Fenwick was pronounced dead. Ever since then, the Fenwick household transitioned through a rough change. Apparently, it was always quiet and according to Zacharias, the life that had once shot through all those doors and windows had gradually faded until the death was properly formalized. That was when his home had become completely lifeless. It wasn't even a home anymore, just a pathetic representation of one. The two didn't talk or play as much as they used to. Instead Mrs. Fenwick grieved endlessly. To this day, her grief remains and it's stronger than you could possibly imagine. Zacharias told me he could still feel him. I suppose it's why he avoided the mirror like a howler from Molly Weasley. It would only serve him the painful desires he wasn't strong enough to accept. He would catch me in there a few times when Victoire ordered him to fetch me for dinner or whatever. He'd talk to me but his eyes would latch onto the walls or that dirt stone pavement. Anywhere except the glass that stood before I did.

At least he had a good five years with his parents. I barely had two weeks with mine and I can't remember a thing.

Zacharias and I caused loads of trouble in our second year. Victoire too, she wouldn't admit it but when she wasn't silently scolding our behavior she was almost having more fun than we were. Those two were constantly at each other's throats- except when one of them got hurt or severely injured. The one time it actually mattered. Victoire was admitted to the hospital wing after she'd fainted from Merlin-knows-what. Fortunately, it was only a case of poor nutrition and she recovered quicker than we all expected. That was the week when it occurred to me; Zacharias really loved her. What kind of love? At that time I wasn't so sure. I mean I was only twelve, but love was definitely there and it was reciprocated.

Ever since third year full moons were much harder on me. Fenrir had come back and I was there to witness it. Zacharias and I had snuck out after curfew, the Marauder's Map really came in handy, I'll tell you that much. Anyway, a dumb idea led to another which led us stumbling around the forbidden forest. Since that night I haven't been able to sleep like I could before. I used to get night terrors.

I visited the mirror once more after that night, telling myself it was going to be the last time. That only lasted until fifth year.

Already knowing you won't ever read this is something I've come to accept after jotting down the very first sentence, but it's nice to pretend that you will. Like you're still listening even when you're not here. And if you were, wouldn't it just be all in my head? I do hope we get the chance to meet each other rather soon.

Sending you love from 12 Grimmauld Place,

Teddy Remus Lupin