Chapter 1

2002 - Gil Grissom sat in his office mentally kicking himself. Being a man who did not make many mistakes he was sure this one topped the list of the few he had made.

Gil had made the biggest mistake of his life and he knew it, he just did not know what to do about it.

Gil had let her slip through his fingers he just was not sure how he could be so stupid.

SHE was not a suspect in a crime he was investigating SHE was the woman he wanted to be his. SHE was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen - SHE was Sara Sidle.

Gil first met Sara 4 years ago in a forensics class he was teaching. Sara walked into the class, hair up in a ponytail, looked at him and gave him a shy smile and Gil was in love.

Never in his life had Gil felt this way about a woman. Oh Gil had lady acquaintances but there was no romantic interest in any of them. Friendships, yes, but love - no and to him sex was something that had to wait until there was love.

Deep inside his heart Gil prayed Sara would someday be his one and his alone. This piece of heaven never left Gil's mind, Sara occupied every thought, every beat of his heart.

Gil was a CSI and supervisor of the night shift in Las Vegas, Sara was also a CSI but not in Las Vegas.

Then two years ago, through an unfortunate event Gil got the chance he was looking for. Gil had just lost one of his people and was given the go ahead to hire anyone he wanted to fill the vacancy.

So Gil made a call to Sara's supervisor and then to Sara and asked if she would join his team. Now Sara was here and Gil's heart skipped a beat every time he saw her. Sara's voice was pure music to his ears, her smile warmed him.

Gil would see Sara flirt with the other men she worked and suddenly he wondered what could he possibly be thinking, how could Sara to care for him. After all he was her supervisor and 15 years her senior, not that that fact mattered to him but did it to her?

Was there even a remote possibility that a man of his age had what it took to capture and keep her interest? They had few things in common and if he were being perfectly honest with himself, he was not sure he had what it took to satisfy her.

Maybe he should just ask her out to dinner, talk to her, and tell her how he felt.

Well now there was no need to, Gil kicking himself in the backside for putting it off for too long. Gil just found out a man had entered Sara's life, maybe it was for the best.

Gil still fanaticized about Sara - about how her kiss would taste - about the feel of her skin and how she would feel laying under him as he made love to her.

Gil wondered if he could still be this near to Sara and not want to reach for her, pull her in his arms and tell her that he was the right one for her. Gil knew he needed Sara on his team, she was a good CSI. Gil knew he would just have to find a way to control his feelings.

"Unless you want to day dream the shift away" Warwick Brown said, interrupting Gil's thoughts, "I think we have some bad guys to catch".

Gil stood and started to hand out assignments, he wanted to keep Sara with him as much as possible but he also did not want anyone, especially Sara, to suspect anything.

He put Sara with Warwick, let Catherine go solo and he and Nick took the last one. "You OK boss?" Nick asked, as they walked out. "Yes," Gil replied, "Just something on my mind I have to work out."

After shift Sara walked by his office and stopped at the door, "Night Grissom," she said. Gil looked up at her "Night Sara," he replied, "You're off tomorrow you know."

"Yes, but you have my number if you need me" Sara said, giving him that sweet smile.

"Wouldn't want to interrupt any plans," Gil said, "I hear you are dating someone now."

"Well," Sara said, "sort of, we go out but just not sure where things will go."

Grissom nodded and then looked down at his book. "If only you knew how badly I need you," Gil thought to himself.

Sara left and got into her car. "Why didn't you just tell him that it's him you want to be with," Sara wondered out loud. She liked Hank well enough but she could not get into the relationship the way she should. Sara was not even sure why she was dating him. Hank was cute and good company but there was a connection missing that Sara thought should be there.

The next night after the movie Hank drove Sara home, walked her to her door. Sara gave him a peck on the cheek, "Goodnight." She started to pull away but Hank would not let her go, he tried to return Sara's kiss with more passion than she wanted.

Sara pulled away, "People are watching," she said. "Good, then let me in and we can get on with this," Hank said. "I've told you I'm not ready," Sara told Hank. "Look, we've been seeing each other for well over a month now, when are you going to be ready to let me sleep with you?" Hank asked.

Sara just told him not now. Hank mumbled something under his breath and started to turn away. "Are you still picking me up for the concert next week?" Sara asked. "I don't know" Hank said, with a hint on anger in his voice. "Oh, I get it, I'll not let you sleep with me so you get mad and decide to change plans," Sara said.

"Look I told you I love you, what more do you want, a ring? Is that the only way you'll go to bed with a man?" Hank demanded to know. "I have sex with a man when I feel the time is right and the man is right," Sara said, "And if that is not alright with you then maybe you should not come back again." "Don't get so uptight, I'll see you next week," Hank said, as he stormed off to his car and slammed the door.

Sara went into her apartment, more upset than ever. Sara's cell phone rang, quickly she picked up, the caller ID said "GRISSOM."

"Now if he wanted what Hank wanted," Sara thought to herself.

"Sara here," she said.

"Hope you are not busy," Grissom said, "but a body has been found in the park and I need some help, everyone else is busy on their own cases and I don't think this one can wait."

"I'll be there in just a few," Sara told him.

Gil hung up and said to himself, "Man, you are one heck of a liar." Gil knew Sara was out with Hank and the only reason everyone else was busy was because Gil fixed it that way so he could be alone with Sara.