The Legend of the Self Insertion-Ranma Style
The Legend of the Self Insertion was originally written as a Love Hina fanfiction by Leiksan. However, it was such an important story, that it has become a holy quest to ensure that a version of it exists in every fandom on the site. So, if you know of a fandom, where this story does not exist, make a version of it for that story. And don't just copy and paste, that's lazy! Write your own unique version.
As the automatic doors of the airport opened, I stepped out, allowing the breeze to caress my incredibly sexy face. As girls fawned over how awesome and fantastic I am, I took off my hip sunglasses, allowing my deep, blue eyes to sparkle in the sun. Did I mention that I'm only 17, but I've mastered every single martial art in existence? Damn, I'm awesome! And now I'm here in Japan! Fuck yeah! I'm gonna go have an adventure!!!
As I walked through the streets of Nerima, I said to myself, "Wow, this is boring. I know! I'll go meddle in the lives of the people living in that house!" And so I did. I walked up to the door of the Tendo Dojo and pounded on it, shouting "Let me in you Japanese Douche-bags!" For some reason, no one answered, so I just kicked down the door and barged in like an arrogant asshole.
No one was in the living room, but I could hear them eating in the kitchen! "Perfect!" I said, "They'll be so thrilled to see me interrupting their dinner!"
I busted into the room and shouted, "I'M SLB, MOTHER FUCKERS!!!" and then I flipped over their dinner table, destroying their family meal.
I pulled out a guitar to start a rock solo, but before I could, Soun Tendo pulled out a shotgun and blew out my kneecaps. "SHITBALLS!!! FUCKING WHORE!!! WHY!?!"
"Because you inserted yourself into the fanfiction, you fucktard!" Kasumi shouted as she took out a knife and sliced off my ball sack.
The entire family left, as I sat on the ground, slowly bleeding to death. At that moment, David Hasselhof appeared before my eyes.
"Maybe you should've been less of an asshole…" he said to me.
"Maybe you should cram a samurai sword up your asshole!!!" I shouted.
"Not a bad idea…" he replied, walking away.
And then, Ranma walked back into the room.
"Yeah, self-inserts don't survive here long dude…" Ranma told me.
"I figured that out myself!" I replied.
Then a little black pig crawled out of his pants and sat in front of me.
"That's disgusting!" I shouted. "This makes no sense!"
"Pull yourself together you disgusting piece of shit!" the pig shouted. "You have to realize that you don't belong in this anime, and no one gives a fuck about you! You need to atone for wasting everyone's time with this crappy self-insertion fic!"
"How do I do that?" I asked.
"Believe in Jesus!" it shouted at me, slapping me across the face.
"Fine bitch!" I shouted. Suddenly, Jesus appeared out of nowhere.
"My father damn it!" he shouted. "Let me guess, you wrote yourself into a crappy fanfiction…"
"Does this happen often?" I asked.
"You have no idea." Jesus said, healing me.
"Wow! Thanks Jesus!" I said.
"Go fuck yourself!" he said, flying way to take care of the next crappy self-insertion.
Turning to Ranma and the pig, I said, "Today, I realized that no one gives a fuck about me or my problems, and I should stay the hell out of my shitty fanfictions. From now on, it's just crossovers and Ranma/Ryoga slash"
"Damn it you're thick!" the pig shouted, biting me where my balls were before Kasumi cut them off.
"Well, at least now you know…" Ranma added, "And knowing is half the battle."
"What's the other half?" I asked
"Getting the fuck back to your own country!" he yelled
"Or killing yourself…" the pig added.
"Fine! I'm going!" I said, returning to the airport to go back home.
"You sure you don't want to kill yourself?" Ranma asked as I left.
And so I went home, knowing that I'd made the world a better place… by not being there…
The End