The smell of semen and sweat invades my nostrils as I enter my bedroom.

I feel the rage boiling over, blinding me.

I throw down my backpack and leave the room, storming off down the hallway throwing open each door along my path. I find what I'm searching for standing half naked in the bathroom in a skimpy silk robe, her hair tangled from the events that have taken place shortly before my arrival.

"You sick fuck!"

She doesn't even glance up at me, her eyes focused on the blonde reflection smirking back at her.

"Really mom? In my bed! You've gone too far this time…" I shout, feeling my body quiver with rage.

I look upon her in utter disgust.

"You make me sick."

I want an answer, a reaction, some sort of reconciliation for the offence.

I want her to care about my feelings, care what her eldest daughter thinks of her.

I want normalcy in a sea of insanity.

"You're just jealous you haven't got a nice cock to fuck like I do."

My mother grins, turning to look upon my shocked face with a giggle of satisfaction.

"You envy me Haley, you wish you could get as much dick as I do, wish the men stared at you in lust, wish you were bold like me, sexy"

She taunts, her eyes fluttering shut as her body sways, she has to clutch the sink to steady herself.

"You are pathetic. Look at yourself, what are you fucked up on now? Cocaine again?" I ask, grabbing her arm forcefully when she looks away from my gaze.

"Don't disrespect me, you owe me your attention after cumming all over my bed." I snap and suddenly a slender hand has snaked itself around my windpipe, gripping tightly enough that I choke out. I wrap my hands around hers, latched onto my throat and thrash until I am finally able to push her off of me. She crumbles to the porcelain tiles below us, a trickle of blood coming from her forehead, she must have hit the tub on the way back down to earth.

I feel no remorse.

"You're washing my bedding."

I state coldly, before storming downstairs and out the front door desperate to get far away from this shit hole.

12 months later

I look over at my mother from the passenger seat of our old Ford Taurus.

Her hair is pulled up in a neatly curled ponytail a think layer of hairsprayed bangs falling into her lashes. The look is a mix of 50's housewife and 80's rockstar.

She's wearing a floral print maxi skirt with a loose white tank top, she looks good, like summer.

I haven't seen her in anything but sweatpants and baggy t-shirts in so long I forgot how beautiful she is when she's clean.

This is the woman I use to admire when I was a little girl, soft and feminine.

The purple bags are gone from beneath her eyes and replaced with crowsfeet the only sign of age and stress that remain under her powder foundation.

"I'm excited." I confess, looking out the window at the passing Victorian homes, all blurs of green and tan.

"I've always wanted to move out west, you know how much I hate the cold of winter." My mom replies with a smile, I can tell she is genuinely happy. I haven't seen her happy in so long…

"I'm going to miss the snow, and pine trees" I frown causing her face to scrunch up in disgust.

"Not me." She declares with the shake of her head, slowing down the car as we park behind an orange and white moving truck.

"Home sweet home, I told you I'd find us a house one day." My mom brags lightly, I allow her to be proud of herself for now, she's earned it.

"It's bigger in person, a little over the top for two people…how can we afford this?" I ask, shutting the car door and turning back to face her.

She walks around the car to join me at the curb.

"It's been reduced due to the economy, the housing market is getting desperate, nobodies buying right now." My mom explains, but I sense there is something she is keeping from me. I know when she's lying to me, drug addicts are not known for their honesty.

"I have a surprise for you…I've met someone in rehab, he's a therapist actually, he's helped me a lot this year. He's the one that inspired me to break my old habits." My mom comes clean and I feel my heart twist in pain.

"I thought your children inspired you-"

"Now don't get all emotional on me Haley, of course you and your sister, after I lost her I knew I had to get myself together, Joel just made the road to recovery more enjoyable. Here, I'd like you to meet the man who changed my life." My mom smiles, tugging on my arm and dragging me towards a man emerging from a sleek black Audi.

"Joel! I'd like you to finally meet my daughter, Haley." This Joel guy looks pretty average as I take in his appearance.

Receding hairline.

Salt and pepper hair.

A California tan.

Bright blue eyes behind a pair of modern spectacles..

He looks intelligent, like a man with a masters degree should, but a little boring, too normal to be my moms newest lover considering she prefers men in their 20's who ride motorcycles and shoot up heroine.

"It's great to finally meet you, your mother talks about you often, she loves you very much." Joel smiles, extending a hand.

I take it being polite, thankful my mom is finally dating a man her age.

"It's nice to meet you too." I reply, letting go of his hand as we both turn to face my mother desperate to break the awkwardness.

"Joel bought us this home, he will be living with us." My mom grins nervously, sensing I will not react well to this new piece of information. My eyes widen in surprise, "Isn't it a bit soon?" I state, feeling as if this is all some sick joke. "We've known each other for a whole year." My mother frowns, "I know you've just met him, but we are madly in love and plan on getting married soon-"

"Married? Wow-."

I feel my chest collapsing in on me and suddenly it's hard to breathe.

"I need some air."

"But we're already outside." I hear my mother's voice, confused.

I walk into the house, and am relieved by the sudden chill in the air that greets my hot skin. I let out a deep breathe and walk up the stairs.

"Is this your bedroom set?" A mover asks me, as he and another man hold up my black dresser from Ikea. I nod, "Where would you like us to put it?" He asks, sweat dripping from his brow. I walk down the hall, letting my instinct guide me until I reach a large bedroom, away from the others. "In here." I gesture, moving so they can pass by me freely.

It feels even colder in my new bedroom than the rest of the house and I am thankful for this. I flop down on my bare mattress lying on the wooden floor and close my eyes for a moment trying to escape my racing thoughts.

I hear footsteps and open my eyes to see the movers setting down one last box before closing my door behind them giving me privacy.

I don't feel any desire to unpack my things at the moment, the energy having been knocked out of me with my mother's surprise.

I feel like I'm overreacting, I mean I should be more positive about this.

"It could be worse." I whisper out loud, curling up on my side and resting my head on my right arm.

At least she's not on drugs, at least he's not a thug, at least we have a house, at least my room is far away from theirs, so I won't hear them fucking.

I shiver in disgust at the thought. I close my eyes again, just for a moment, just to relax.

I feel as if someone is hovering over me, watching me. My eyes snap open and I am met with a pile of cardboard boxes. I clutch my hands over my arms for warmth as a shiver goes down my spine. The cold air is no longer refreshing as my body temperature adjusts. I force my eyes closed again, too lazy to find a blanket and wanting nothing more than to escape my reality for a few more minutes.