CHAPTER 1

Captain of the 1th Division, Captain Kyoraku was accompanying me into the Seireitei. This, of course, doubled my excitement caused by being here again after all this time. I'd been staying away from this place for a very, very long time. I'd denied staying here that time even though I was a Shinigami myself. But I had reasonable and probable causes for doing this kind of thing. I mean, at least they were reasonable for me.

Whatever, this was past now. And, I realized dryly, the 13 Divisions had changed so much when I was not around. According to what Captain Kyoraku told me, there were only 4 captains left I knew. But I remember seeing 3 captains going with my own eyes before leaving here. So, it was normal for others to change, too. Being in 13 Divisions meant you could face death any time.

"You're a lot quieter than before Yuki, what is in your mind?" I was startled by Captain Kyoraku's voice and broke away from my thoughts.

"Oh, do you think so, Captain? But I think you're right, I must have changed. I was away for a long time and time changes everyone," I replied smiling.

"You're more thougthful, more cautious, you laugh less, your hair's longer. But you're still beautiful," said Captain Kyoraku while laughing. This made me laugh too, Captain Kyoraku was the most cheerful and womanizer captain of all 13 Divisions, I guess this haven't changed.

"Thanks, Captain. And you're handsome as always." He burst into laughing and I smiled with satisfaction. After this, Captain Kyoraku got serious and I fell silent again.

"I wish you hadn't gone, Yuki. Maybe if you had stayed, you could have gone back to your old cheerful self. We would have helped. And, you were missed a lot here, you know." His smile was genuine and my heart sank a little in my chest. I tried to smile too, in return.

"I had to go, Captain Kyoraku. There were far too many memories and pain here for me to face with. If I had stayed, I may have turned out worse."

"Oh, well, there's nothing we can do about the past now. You've come back as a Lieutenant again, just like you used to be." We stopped at the 1st Divison Headquarters' Main Hall doors. I took a deep breath.

"But everything is not like it used to be, is it?" I murmured under my breath and Lieutenant of Captain Kyoraku, Nanao , opened the doors for us.

At first, I couldn't see what was inside as my eyes had to get used to the lighting. But after a while, I was able to see the Captains lined in their familiar places and Captain Commander Yamamoto. As usual, Captain Commander Yamamoto was at the end of the room and in the middle, and 7 captains was lined on his right, 6 captains was lined on his left. Well, the right side had 6 captains before Captain Kyoraku took his place with his Lieutenant Nanao . All of them were staring at me.

I gulped.

"Welcome back, Co-Lieutenant Suzuki. It's a pleasure to see you again." His voice boomed in the room. If my eyes hadn't met with Captain Commander Yamamoto, I could have run away without looking back. His voice had always terrified me.

"Th- Thank you, Captain Commander Yamamoto. I'm very grateful to you for accepting me into Seireitei again in my old position."

"Not exactly your old position Lieutenant Suzuki. Your division has changed." To show my acceptance and to hide my face, I jumped to the opportunity and bowed my head. "Very well, now meet the new 13 Divisions members." I bowed again before walking obediently in front of Captain Ukitake's Division, the 13th Division. He had a wide smile on his face.

I studied Captain Ukitake from head to toe. His face was paler than I remembered but this was all the change I could see. His gaze was cheerful as usual. Even his white hair was the same length as I remembered.

"Captain Ukitake. You look healthy." I smiled at him.

"I'm glad you're back Yuki."

Rukia was standing right behind him. She hadn't changed too. She was still a head shorter than me but she had her hair shortened. But I could read the warmth in her eyes.

"It's been a long time, Yuki." She smiled lightly. I stopped myself from laughing and sticking my tongue at her. She was even more formal than before.

"Well, I'm here now." I smiled at her in the same manner, then walked to the 12th Division Captain.

"Captain Kurotsuchi," I bowed my head after briefly looking in his direction. He always had this scary vibe around him.

"Lieutenant Suzuki." Captain Kurotsuchi's voice made it clear that he was not happy to be here either. I'm sure he had 'experiments' to make. Then I walked in front of his Lieutenant, Nemu.

"Nemu," I smiled at her and she smiled warmly in return.

"Yuki."

Now it was 11th Division's turn.

I had to literally bend my head backwards to look at this man's face. In addition to his abnormally long structure, he was very big too. He had bells in his spiky black hair that chimed with his every move. He had a black eye patch in one eye, and a scar that started on his forehead and came down to his chin on his open eye. But this wasn't the thing that surprised me the most. It was the pink haired pretty little girl hanging on his one of his shoulders. While one looked offensive and ready to fight it out anywhere, anytime, the other looked like she belonged to some doll house but their comfort around each other was an evidence of their friendship.

"You look confused," said the man, smiling a little.

"No, I…"

"My name's Zaraki Kenpachi. I'm the Captain of the 11th Division. And this is my Lieutenant, Yachiru Kusajishi." I could hear an offensive tone even in his casual tone. I tried to smile.

"I'm Yuki Suzuki. Nice to meet you, Captain Zaraki, Lieutenant Kusajishi."

"Nooo, you can call me Yachiru! I liked you. You're pretty! Right, Ken-chan?" said Yachiru in a high-pitched voice. Wait, did she say Ken-chan? I looked at Captain Zaraki's face to see him angry but he didn't look uncomfortable in the least.

"Yeah, she is," he agreed in an indifferent voice and Yachiru started talking again.

"If you want to fight Ken-chan, we'll be very happy!" I tried to hide my bewilderment at these two and shook my head to show my consent, then passed to the 10th Division.

The moment I raised my head to see the Captain's face, I forgot how to breath for a moment. In front of me was standing a boy taller than me (well, this wasn't surprising actually since I could be considered as a short girl which I curse so much). He had white, spiky hair and big eyes as green as an emerald. He was one of the godly handsome boys who you would hit your head on a pole while watching him walking on the street.

"My name is Toshiro Hitsugaya. Your new captain," said the boy in a rude tone without even looking my way. It was like he didn't even bother to bend his head to look. This definitely broke the spell and I glared at his nonchalant face with rage. Why was he being so rude to me and looking down on me without even looking down- alright, this sounded weird but he was doing just that! He didn't even know- what?

Did he say 'your new captain'?

Oh, dammit. I knew I shouldn't have come back. 13 Divisions had already changed and my new captain was a grumpy but handsome boy who looked as young as me on contrary to other captains. And if his personality was as bad as this, my days here would turn into hell. And I really should stop mentally cut myself off in the middle of a sentence.

"I'm Yuki Suzuki. I hope we get along, Captain Hitsugaya," I replied in a steady voice before bowing and passed to 9th Division without giving him a second glance.

"Kensei Muguruma. Glad to meet you," said the tall man with white hair (again?). But he was taller than Captain Hitsugaya and his eyes were smaller. He had one piercing on his one brow and three on his ear. But, then again, he wasn't nearly as hostile towards me as my 'Captain'.

"Yuki Suzuki. The pleasure is mine, Captain Muguruma." Standing right beside him was a short girl with green hair.

"My name is Mashiro. But I didn't like you. You're beautiful." I didn't know what to do or say for a minute. She was very honest, apperantly. I had to get used to all these different personalities. And why in the world everyone was saying I'm beautiful? I could accept pretty, it would be a nice compliment but beautiful? I really didn't think I was beautiful.

I didn't know how to respond to this girl and just said my name.

"Yuki Suzuki." She shook her shoulders and I walked to meet the 8th Division's Captain.

And I found Hisagi standing in front of me.

My mouth fell open. Literally.

His black hair was still short and spiky, his face was the same, even his tattoo was the same.

"Don't forget to shut that mouth close, Suzuki," he laughed.

"You… You've become a Captain?!"

"Apparently, yes. Though I didn't expect you to be surprised this much," he said and winked. Well, let's look on the bright side, this would make the number of captains I knew 5. I couldn't help but stick my tongue out to his boastful face briefly before I passed to his Lieutenant. Well, the sight in front of me stunned me to the degree that my mouth nearly dropped open for the second time around.

"Heeey! I'm Rangiku Matsumoto! It's sooo nice to meet you! Hope we'll be very good friends!" said Lieutenant Matsumoto while laughing. She had long, silky orangey red hair, big, gray eyes and full and seductive lips I had always coveted when I saw. She was so beautiful… "Please take care of my old Captain."

"I'm Yuki Suzuki," I said smiling to her warm and friendly tone. So she was in the 10th Division in the past. I wondered if she could get along with Captain Hitsugaya.

Then I started greetings on the other line. The 7th Division's Captain looked at me indifferently.

"Captain Komamura." Seems like he took his mask off. I knew there was a fox/dog under the mask that used to hide his face so I wasn't so surprised.

"Suzuki," he replied formally. We were never close anyway. Captain Komamura was always formal with everyone.

"Iba Tetsuzaemon," said a large man standing beside Captain Komamura. He wasn't as nearly big as his captain but he was almost twice the size of me. He had a thin mustache, small sun glasses and a serious looking face.

"Yuki Suzuki. Nice to meet you." Then I passed to the 6th Division.

I studied the indifferent but familiar face with a small smile in my lips. His always observing eyes were now on me.

"Captain Kuchiki," I bowed my head with respect. He indistinctly smiled.

"Yuki." Then I walked to stand in front of Abarai and grinned widely upon meeting his eyes. He did the same. His red hair was tied to its usual place, he still had his tribal tattoos on his face and he had the same white bandana wrapped around his head.

"I wouldn't think you could come back, Yuki."

"Life isn't the same without beating you, Abarai." We grinned even wider to each other and I moved on.

"It's Shinji Hirako, the 5th Division's Captain," said a man who had short yellow hair.

"Yuki Suzuki," I said merely because I didn't think I could use my title yet. Captain Hirako was standing alone with no Lieutenant so I just bowed my head to him and passed to the next division. I didn't want to disrespect a probably dead Lieutenant's memories.

"I'm the 4th Division's Captain Genshiro Okikiba," said an old man with a soft looking glance at my way. He looked as old as Captain Commander Yamamoto. I bowed my head in return.

"It's Yuki Suzuki." Then I walked toward Isane, who was standing beside him. She had a sad face. I grasped the situation right away. Captain Unohana was dead and Captain Okikiba was her new captain. I felt sorry for her, she had always loved her old captain.

"Isane."

"Yuki." I smiled gently and she smiled sadly in return. I gave her one last look of sympathy and kept going. Now I was standing in front of the 3rd Division's captain.

"My name is Rojuro Otoribashi. Nice to meet you," he smiled gently and I smiled too.

"Yuki Suzuki. That pleasure is mine, Captain." Then I moved on to his Lieutenant. I didn't know him, either.

"I'm Kira Izuru," he said smiling formally. I bowed my head in return while keeping the smile on my face.

"And I'm Yuki Suzuki." I moved on after that.

Now there was a girl in front of me, as short as me. Her hair was in two braids and she had wrapped them in white bandage, probably to prevent them from scattering. There were rings fitted at the end of both braids. Well, she was the 2nd Division's Captain after all, the Stealth Ops. You wouldn't expect a messy hair from an assassin, right?

"Sui Feng, the Captain of the 2nd Division," she said with a serious tone. I replied her with the same seriousness.

"Yuki Suzuki, Captain."

"Omeada Marechiyo. Nice to meet you," said her Lieutenant with the same seriousness right after I bowed. I lifted my head and looked at him. He was the exact contrast to his petite captain with his big and tall body. I remained serious.

"Yuki Suzuki. That pleasure is mine, Marechiyo Lieutenant. Then it was the 1st Division's turn. I relaxed a bit and smiled at Captain Kyoraku.

"Captain Kyoraku, Lieutenant Nanao." I bowed and they smiled at me warmly.

"Welcome home Yuki," said Captain Kyoraku. I took a deep breath and turned to face Captain Commander Yamamoto.

"I wish you a succesful duty, Co-Lieutenant Suzuki. You may be excused. This meeting is over."

All the 13 Divisions left the room silently. I did the same and I found Captain Hitsugaya waiting for me outside.

"Captain."

"Suzuki. Do you know where you're staying?" he asked in a cold voice. I was beginning to think this coldness was a part of his personality after all.

"I kno-" I stopped myself from continuing. What was it that I knew, really? I only knew the inside of the 5th Division's Barracks. When I remembered that place and my life there I shuddered and dropped my head like I was observing the floor. "I don't know," I murmured, not trusting my voice.

It was because of this place. Soul Society. All the memories I denied while I was away was attacking me with all their might now.

"Are you alright?" asked Captain Hitsugaya in a kinder manner. But still, I could feel the cold seeping from his words.

"Yes, yes." I said feeling more controlled. Even though Captain Hitsugaya noticed, he didn't make any comments. Actually, he didn't even say a word. He just started walking and I followed him silently. After a while, we got to the barracks and he stopped in front of a barrack flat. He glanced at me, opened the door and entered the flat. I kept following him.

It wasn't a big flat. There were a kitchen right next to the door and a living room on the opposite side of the kitchen. They looked completely in order and clean. On the farther parts of the flat were two doors located opposite to each other, just like kitchen and living room. Captain Hitsugaya stopped in front of the one which was on the side of the living room.

"This is your room." Then he walked to the other door and grabbed the handle. "And this is mine."

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. What did he say? My room?!

"Wait, what?! Are we staying in the same flat?"

"Yes." Captain Hitsugaya looked bored and he was still holding the door's handle. I think he wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible and get into his room. Well, luckily for the both of us, I didn't care what he wanted to do.

"But, but, but… it wasn't like this…"

"When you were here? But it is now. After all the losses we had in that Aizen incident, Captain Commander Yamamoto decided it was the best for us Captains and Lieutenants to stay together." He stopped and looked cautiously at my face. "I think you'd better lie down, you look like you're about to faint," he said in an indifferent voice and entered his room without giving me a second glance.

I stayed there for a while, trying to calm down. My blood was frozen in my veins with hatred and fear. I hadn't heard of 'him' for a long time. His effect on me was still the same even after all this time.

I took several deep breaths and tried to get rid of 'his' memories. After feeling a little more better, I proceeded to my room with shaking legs. When I got inside, I closed the door slowly and gazed into the room.

The room was spacious and bright. There was a double bed right in the middle, a nightstand on both sides, a door I believed to be the door of the bathroom (thank god for seperate bathrooms, or in this case, Captain Commander Yamamoto) and a big window on the wall opposite to the door. I neared to the bed to lie down but noticed a piece of paper on it. I reached out to take the note and started reading:

Why are you putting so much distance between us? If you want to kill me, you have to get near first. Or are you afraid because your will to kill me would be defeated by your love when you see me? If this is the case, it's okay. Nor the distance neither the time wore my feelings out for you. When it is you and me, distance means nothing. Watch… when I do this, don't you feel like I'm by your side again?

Yours forever,

Aizen

I screamed. My head was spinning and I felt like throwing up. My body was as cold as ice and my energy to stand was leaving my legs. I kneeled down and tried to stop the world that was spinning around me.

"Suzuki! what's wrong?" Captain Hitsugaya entered the room hastily. All I could do was to look his way. I was sobbing at the degree that I could not speak even if I wanted to. Captain Hitsugaya first looked around the room with alarmed eyes and when he made sure we were alone, he kneeled next to me. "Are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened?" he asked promptly but there was no way I could answer. I was struck dumb, it was like I wasn't even in my body, I couldn't move or speak. There was only my sobs and chilling fear invading my mind. There was nowhere to hide even in my mind.

Then he saw the crumpled paper in my clutched hands and took it almost gently. After he read what was written inside, he lifted his head and looked at me with eyes that was widened with shock. "What the hell does this mean?"

"So he knows you're here," said Captain Commander Yamamoto. Captain Hitsugaya had carried me to his barracks earlier and showed him the note. After reading it for a couple times, Captain Commander Yamamoto had called for Captain Kyoraku, Captain Kuchiki and Captain Ukitake and now they were here, standing around me while I'm sitting. They've been holding my shoulders since they managed to stop my sobs.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Captain Hitsugaya. Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku exchanged glances. I hugged myself even tighter. After a few minutes, Captain Ukitake started telling my story to Captain Hitsugaya and Captain Kyoraku pulled my head into his arms, probably to prevent me from hearing but it didn't really matter whether I was hearing or not. My mind was the hell itself, adorned with memories everywhere.

"You know Aizen used to be the Captain of the 5th Division. Yuki was his Lieutenant. They worked together for a long time and at last, their alignment turned into love. They were suited for one another in every subject. They were both brave, good willed, hopeful of future. But then Yuki found his plans of destroying Soul Society. At first, she didn't want to believe and she went to confront Aizen instead of directly reporting to the Captian Commander Yamamoto because of this. Aizen didn't deny his plans like Yuki was hoping and he even tried to convince her to join him. Of course, Yuki couldn't, wouldn't do something like that, so she refused him and tried to talk him out of that idea. In order to do that, she threatened him with exposure. Aizen got angry. There was a fight between them and Aizen won both because Yuki couldn't bring herself to hurt him and he finally revealed his vicious and savage nature. Nobody knew him to be that powerful. He injured Yuki and locked her into one of the vacant houses near the exit of the Seireitei. He fooled all of us by saying she was sick, so she was resting at home. We didn't even suspect. Aizen held her back in that hut for a week and asked her if she wanted to join him everyday. Yuki refused him everytime. Aizen had two options left. He either had to kill her or convince her to join him. But he loved her far too much to kill her, well, if you could call that love, so he tortured her everyday to convince her to join him."

I quivered violently while remembering and Captain Kyoraku kneeled next to me, hugged me tighter while whispering in a light, relaxing voice: "Hush… It's over now. You're with us." I felt Captain Kuchiki's hand on my head. There was a silence in the room while Captain Ukitake waited for me to calm down. I glanced at Captain Commander Yamamoto. He was still studying the note.

"Then Yuki escaped there at the seventh day and came to us. She was in a very bad condition. After she explained everything, she passed out. We found Aizen's plans right in the place she told us. When Aizen understood he got found out, he notified his followers and Soul Society got engulfed in chaos that night."

"That night… is it 'that night'?" asked Captain Hitsugaya, shocked.

"Yes. Aizen understood what happened when he couldn't find Yuki in the house. He realized she was the one who betrayed him. But there was no time to find her, we were closing in on him, he had to flee. He hadn't even had the time to execute his plans. He woved that he would come and take Yuki one day and that day would be the end of us all."

"This is why Yuki was gone all this time," intervened Captain Kyoraku. "Although we would protect her, she couldn't stay. There were too much blood and pain for her here."

"Aizen knows Suzuki is here. This means he has a spy. Again," said Captain Kuchiki. His facial features was indifferent as usual but there were sparks of rage in his eyes.

"Aizen," murmured Captain Hitsugaya and balled his hands into fists with anger. "First Suzuki, and then Hinamori. That scumbag doesn't deserve to live." I could hear the momentary softness in his cold voice when he was mentioning the name 'Hinamori'. I faintly wondered who she was.

"I'm sorry, Yuki. I shouldn't have asked for you to come. You were away from all this mess but I…" Captain Kyoraku broke off. He was feeling guilty for what happened.

"It's okay, Captain. I'm the one who decided to come back after all. I could have stayed away, but I was tired of running. I thought he would forget about me after all this time. I was just being hopeful."

When we were going back to the 10th Division Barracks, we both were silent, lost in our own thoughts. Captain Hitsugaya hadn't met my eyes, even once. But he had insisted that I was far too weak and shaken up to use Shunpo, or even walk. Even though I hated to admit, I was. So he was carrying me. After all I the reality hit me, I was having a hard time even keeping my eyes open now.

Even after all the efforts I had made to keep myself from crying until I was alone in my room, I started to cry on the way. I knew I was crying to Captain Hitsugaya's Shihakusho and ruining it but it only made me want to cry even more. Captain Hitsugaya didn't say anything even when he realized I was crying. I thought he held me tighter to himself but I wasn't sure and it was not so possible after all. I wasn't aware of my surroundings enough to feel anything.

When we got home, I was so tired that I gave up trying to keep my eyes open. Yes, sleeping would be nice. You would forget everything when you slept. Sleeping was all I needed to get myself together and keep fighting. I placed my head on the cavity between Captain Hitsugaya's neck and shoulder without even noticing what I was doing and fell asleep wrapped in his warmth. I didn't even notice while he put me in my bed or when he left me.