...
it was a cold, rainy night in nyc, tom(htdw) and nick(misterlies) were huddled together underneath a bus stop, because they had a hard day, waiting to be picked up by baths.. as always, baths was running late so tom and nick decided to make a track together. they thought the cold and rain under a bus stop was the purrfect environment and bountiful natural sounds to sample. as they were finishing the track, baths finally pulled up in his krusty toyota yaris. he was dressed all in leather bdsm wear bc he just got back from a grinder hookup.
tom: baths, wtf were u doing we asked u to pick us up an hour ago
baths: i was just getting a ⅔ lb monster thick burger from Hardees/ Carls Jr. it. was soooooooOooOoOo huggggeeee.
nick: *eyeroll* cmon lets just go we're late for the basher
baths: well get ur asses in the car! i can see both of ur rock hard nips
nick and tom just stood there pondering if they should actually get in the car with baths
nick: actually i think i'll just walk, how about you tom
tom was caught off guard with this question and frantically looked back and forth between nick and baths
nick raises his eyebrows at tom for taking so long to make a decision bc the choice is clear
tom blurts "baths" and then quickly covers his mouth and glances at nick before looking away
after a moment of silence…
nick: okay fine whatever
nick eyes toms butt as he gracefully frolics to the passenger seat of baths krusty yaris, moving his ball gag from the passenger seat so tom could sit, and off they went to the basher
after the lights of the car vanish from nick's sight, he whips out his iphone 4S and taps away at the screen until he is in a FaceTime chat with ojay(zebrakatz).
ojay:. ICU nick! whats up? why are you outside under the rain?
nick: awe you're so sensitive ojay, i just got ditched by tom over baths, like what an idiot. he knows he's nasty
ojay: damn that sucks. sex sellz and that's what baths does best u no?
nick: yeah i guess, i just don't know how to tell tom about my feelings. but anyways, you're going to that basher TNGHT too right? can u pick me up on the way there?
ojay: yeah foshofosho, khalif(le1f) just finished getting rdy we'll b there soon
nick: do you need my location?
ojay: no i can find u on findmyfriends
nick: okay c u l8r
*beep*
nick walks in to a 7eleven to get a pack of peach swisher sweets and a orange fanta slurpee. he walks out and lights a menthol american spirit and goes on twitter to delete some tweets.
seconds later he sees mike(perfumegenius) and arpad coming down the street. nick does a double take bc mike is wearing a #39 jersey with no pants and pink glitter high heels and is in the arms of arpad miklos.
nick drops his cigarettes and lets out a "fuck" and bends down to pick up his cigarette
mike: did someone say they wanted to fuck?
nick jumps from shock and drops his cigarette again.
nick in an irritated tone: no, i just dropped my cigarette no big deal
mike: oh okay just making sure *wink*. hey so what do you think about my date to the party?
nick: it's a basher, idk just keep him away from baths
mike: lol nick u r soooo funnyyyy. *wink*
nick: yeah, thanks.
mike: so what are you doing out here all by your lonesome. do you need a lift? my bb can literally lift u all the way there if u know what i mean *wink*
nick: uhhh, no thank you i already asked ojay to get me. but thanks for the offer i guess
mike: mmkay whatever makes u happy *wink*. GiddyUp arpad! Faster! Put Ur Back N 2 It!
as mike and arpad leave the 7 eleven, ojay and khalif pull up in their mercedes e350 bumping hey ladies.
as nick gets in the car, ojay turns around and asks nick: you want some champagne and cocaine?
nick: i'll have some champagne i just turned 21, but i'll consider the cocaine for later thanks though. I got some swisher sweets do u guys want to match on a blunt
khalif: naw its k we got that ish on deck
khalif opens up the glove box and blunts start rolling out onto the floor. he picks up 3 and hands one to ojay and nick. they all light up and within a matter of minutes, the car is fully hotboxed.
nick: hey ojay, can you speed up a little we're going to be late
ojay: yah i can make this bitch purr
ojay steps on the gas and they speed away
out of nowhere mike and arpad appear in the middle of the road and khalif screams: HOLD UP W8 WTF DAMN SON, SWERVE
ojay: OH SHIT I LST CNTRL
nick: oh fuck
*daTHUNK*
they get out of the car and see that mike and arpad somehow managed to end up in a 69 position
nick: ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck, what do we do?
mike: did someone say they wanted to fu—
and mike died before he could finish his sentence
ojay: oh gawd, oh lawrd, oh no
khalif: okay everyone just stfu, we need to get to this basher to turn the fuck up with ron rash okay so everyone just calm the fuck down and take some bumps. here's what we're going to do…
nick, ojay, and khalif stuff the bodies into the trunk of the car and ride away from the scene. nick, who is in shock of what just happened, asks ojay for the coke and does a couple bumps. they finally arrive at the basher and nick immediately gets out of the car to look for tom. he spots tom all the way across the ball room near the drinks with baths and he rushes his way through the crowd. just as nick is about to reach tom, lady gaga pops out in front of him wearing a dildo and strap on dress.
lady gaga: niiickkk! omg can i take a pic with u?
nick: i only do front facing selfies
lady gaga: but i only have a blackberry!
nick agrees to take the picture because he knows that if he refuses, lady gaga would try and slap'n'smack him with her dildo dress. after the pic is taken, nick looks back at the bar and tom and baths are no where to be seen. nick see's asap rocky makes his way over to him to ask if he's seen tom.
nick: hey rocky, have you seen tom anywhere?
asap rocky: blah blah blah fashion blah blah blah alexander wang blah blah blah ASAP blah blah blah versace blah blah blah i'm not gay blah blah blah
nick: yeah okay thanks
nick goes to the bathroom to get away from everything and to cool down
as he enters, he hears slamming against the stalls, he hears tom scream and nick sprints towards the stalls and starts kicking all the doors in until he finds tom on top of baths giggling.
nick: TOM, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? Why are you doing this?
tom: nick! some privacy please? and since when did you care about what, or WHO i did?
nick: i don't care who you're with, it's just that you're with baths of all people
baths: what is that supposed to mean?
nick: have you listened to your album?
baths: what?
nick: nothing, cmon tom lets go
tom: nick, uv been acting really weird lately i'm really beginning 2 worry about u
nick: there's nothing wrong with me tom, but there is something wrong with whats going on between you and baths
tom: again, can you stop being nosy and just leave me alone?
nick: fine, but don't come running back to me when you realize you were wrong. i know you, this isn't going to make you happy
tom: what will make me happy is if you leave
nick: okay, whatever
as nick leaves the bathroom, he hears the slamming startup again and runs away to the balcony. nick lights a cigarette, whips out his 4S, and begins deleting more tweets. he comes across a mention from tom, and breaks down in tears. as he's crying on the balcony, justin beiber walks onto the balcony and nick hurriedly wipes away his tears and collects himself.
nick: oh hey justin
justin: nick, is something the matter
nick: no it's nothing really
justin: nick, you don't have to lie to me, i'm here to listen
nick: really? justin you're so sweet
justin: i know, now tell me what's wrong
nick: well, first off, i would like to say that obsidian is trash. but um i worry about tom because he's close to me and seeing him with baths just really makes me sick because i know his dirty little secret and he told me if i ever told anyone this he would sell me on the deep web black-market to a russian leather daddy (rssndad4indieelectronicartists). but your justin bieber so its fine.
and the second after nick told this to justin bieber, justin bieber bursts into flames and shot into the heavens.
end ch 1
...