This is a depressive one-shot. I was having a bad day when I wrote it.
I am open to writing companion pieces for it - let me know what you think.
Summary: Sometimes, it's the person you least expect. "It became too hard. I fell off the pedestal everyone put me on." Angst, dark themes. Self harm/suicide. One shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Rock, and unfortunately am not affiliated with any of the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
I would say enjoy, but that would be weird.
Misunderstood
Sometimes, it's the person you least expect. "It became too hard. I fell off the pedestal everyone put me on." Angst, dark themes. Cutting/suicide. Character death. One shot.
Sometimes, its not always the person who has the worst home life.
It's not always the person who is abused by their boyfriend or girlfriend.
It's not always the person who is bullied by others.
Sometimes, it's the person who is misunderstood.
They always expected so much of her. One small event triggered a chain reaction, that lead to consequences.
Consequences nobody expected.
It all changed, July 2008.
She was betrayed by her best friend.
"The ultimate betrayal. Or at least that is what is seems to me. When one of the most important people in your life, your best friend since kindergarten, takes you friendship, and stabs it. Stabs it a million times. Not in the back, but front on, with a blunt fork. It kills you. Especially when she changes beyond belief, and suddenly you don't have anyone anymore. And nobody understands."
She died inside
"In movies, its always something drastic. They were abused when they were younger. Somebody close to them had died. Their home life sucked. They were raped. But what about an action that seems small to the outsider, but changes one's life forever? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Thanks Newton. My home life was fine. My parents were together, and loved me. But, I didn't have many strong friendships after her. I found it difficult to trust. I cracked under pressure, and expectations. And nobody understands."
She knew that she didn't fit.
"I figured out the main problem. I was a misfit. I guess it was unavoidable, especially when I only ever really had a tight friendship with someone who turned out to not really care about me at all. Sure, I knew others, but really we were only acquaintances. They didn't know me. But when I really reflect on my life, and the expectations others have of me, I guess nobody really knows me. And nobody understands."
So she didn't try to fit.
She wanted to start over.
"Sometimes, life is too hard. Too hard to continue, to hard to try anymore. It's easier to give up, especially when no one understands enough to miss the real you anyway. I just think it's easier this way. If only someone was close enough to see the differences, to put together the pieces of the puzzle and realise that I am not happy. But I can't talk to anyone. Because nobody understands."
She wanted somebody to notice the changes
"Why do people only notice the distinct changes? Its not always a major change. The small things matter. What about the small signs that you missed? The sudden change in style, wearing over sized clothes. The sudden dark makeup, that emphasized the black smudges underneath my eyes, the sign that I was hardly sleeping anymore. The tear stains. The letters T, W, L, O, H, and A always etched onto my forearm. The way my water bottle would cloud up when you shook it. The mad rushes to the bathroom all the time. Drugs? No way. I'm not that stupid. I know you'll eventually figure it out, so I may as well tell you. Did you know that drinking salt water can induce vomiting? Sticking two fingers down my throat never worked. So I carried it with me always, just in case. Does that surprise you? I couldn't tell anyone. Because nobody understands."
She wanted to know if anyone would miss her
"Do you care? Now I'm gone? Have you noticed now that it's done? I'm sorry that it has come to this, but I've had enough. Enough of everything. And something needs to change. Somebody needs to understand. I was truly, and utterly alone."
She wanted to die, slowly. To see how long it took for them to find her.
"How long did it take for you to find me? Work it out. I did the cuts at exactly 7:30pm on Thursday night. Did you find me before Saturday? Somehow I doubt it. Nobody noticed me before, why would you suddenly have an urge to check on me? Did school ring when I didn't show on Friday? Did work ring when I didn't show on Saturday?"
She did the cuts on her arms. Some shallow, some slightly deeper. Spelling out what she needed desperately.
"I must say, cutting doesn't really help at all. The pain gets your mind off it, temporarily. But watching the blood, drip slowly down my arm and onto the floor makes me sick. However, I am quite pleased with the results."
The four letters etched on her bloody forearm.
L
O
V
E
She loved a boy.
"It became too hard. I fell off the pedestal everyone put me on."
And she never knew, that he loved her too.
"I'm sorry, I can't help but be bitter.
Mum, Dad. I love you. I'm sorry it came to this. Your only daughter, and second born leaving the earth before you could. I wish you didn't have to do this, but I couldn't hold the weight of the world any longer. I wish you could've been more open, and easy to talk to. I wish you could've accepted me as I was, and not for the picture perfect image. I wish it didn't come to this, but I was left no alternative. You just didn't understand.
Jason. I love you. You were the best big brother in the world. But you had one fatal flaw. You didn't protect your baby sister when she needed protection the most. You weren't there for me Jase. I knocked at your door, even though you asked me to go away. You eventually stopped answering. I stopped knocking.You just didn't understand.
Caitlyn. I love you. You are my confidant, the only one I could trust. I wish I didn't have to do this to you, but I didn't have a choice. 'They' always say you have a choice. 'They' were obviously never in a choice less situation. I was dying anyway, believe me. I wish you noticed. I wish you didn't expect the same of me as the others. Maybe this could've been different. You just didn't understand.
Shane. I'm so sorry. And I wish it could've been different. You're the only one who saw me beyond the expectations that were placed upon me. But you still didn't understand. Maybe you will now. I love you. I always loved you. You were my everything. You were the reason I held on a little longer. You don't even know that you smashed what was left of me into a million pieces. But just know that I would've seen your face in my mind before finally leaving this earth. You just didn't understand."
"This is my goodbye."
Love, Mitchie
Michelle Francesca Torres
"Do you understand now?"
TWLOHA
To
Write
Love
On
Her
Arms
Sometimes, nobody understands.
Hope you understood all that. Let me know if you didn't understand anything..
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peace.
amay
*UPDATE* This story was nominated in the Indie Camp Rock Awards! More details are on my profile, but to vote for me, go to
http : / / spreadsheets6 . google . com / viewform ? formkey = dHloc0x EY1 R5Y1 NLZj JoU1 RTa Vpt Q0E 6MQ (remove spaces).
Thank you so much, I love you all!