Authors Note: Actually made this a while ago but never uploaded so I figured 'why not?' Wrote this back when I watched the show a lot. I have no idea if it's in character now though. Worth a shot!
~Natty.
How You Read These Drabbles.
~HIMYM~
Laser Tag.
Ted sighed, holding his forehead in both embarrassment and the ridiculous idea of how this could possibly matter to anyone, but then again, this was Barney we were talking about here…
"Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave the premises. You are causing a scene..."
"No way! This is bull!" Barney argued to the manager "I shot her first! I won! Me! Barney did! Not that fake-tit blond with bucked teeth!"
The girl in question covered her mouth, outraged by what was just said, she threw a left hook that knocked him to the ground. She stomped away, but not before smiling down at him. "And by the way, they're real." She stormed past Ted, handing him a small card with a sincere smile. "I'm sorry you had the misfortune of meeting him."
"Yeah…" Ted nodded "So am I sometimes…"
"Call me sometime."
The image froze and now showed the two kid's on the couch. The boy asked. "So was that girl mom?"
"What? Of course not! You should have seen her teeth! They were HUGE!"
Dumped.
"I don't see what the big deal is! Why are you so worked up about this?"
Barney paced the living room in front of Ted on the couch, steamed and infuriated. "You don't understand, do you? You just don't get what big deal is!"
"No…" Ted admitted "I don't."
"Ted… you broke up…with a PORN STAR!"
Hanging Chad.
"What kind of idiot can't read a stinking sign?!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't know it was a sign, alright!" Ted responded to Robin's response. Somehow they had started talking about the first time they met while waiting for Lily and Marshall to 'finish up' upstairs... He finally thought of a good come back. "Besides, your sign was terrible! How was I supposed to just know you wanted me to kiss you?"
"Kiss me."
And he did.
Legendary.
Barney thought about what approach he should take, and then, when he got it, he snapped his fingers. He figured two times the charm and performed the superman pose, smiling. The lamp hid the bottom half of his fully nude body and he prepared himself as the door opened. The naked man HAD to work for him. It was too genius not to!
But when he saw who had entered the apartment, he screamed and covered himself with a pillow. "Mitch?!"
There, in the doorway, stood the naked man himself, completely void of all clothing as well.
"Hey man." Mitch greeted him, smiling, not the least bit concerned at the fact that they were two, adult, straight, men, standing naked in a room together.
"What are you doing here?! Where's Leslie?!" Barney cried, a harsh blush forming on his face. Searching left and right for his date, more worried about her coming in and seeing them naked together in her house.
"Oh, she ran off when she saw me coming down the hall." Mitch said, picking up a finger sandwich from the coffee table next to them.
"Why are you here?!"
"Oh I wanted to see if the Naked Man worked both ways." He shrugged and Barney's eyes went wide as he was backed further into the room.
"No! No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Unexpected.
"….And THAT kids, is how I met your mother….Marshall!"
"WHAT?!"
Damn.
Lily and Marshall giggled as they finally came down the stairs. They figured they'd had their 'fun' and kept Ted and Robin waiting long enough, but as they got to the bottom step, the couple froze in their tracks. Lily tried to shush her boyfriend but was too late and she gave an exasperated sigh as their friends on the floor froze in their actions.
"WOO! Nice going Ted!"
Haaaaave you met Ted?
"Barney no!" Ted cried but it was too late, his friend had already run across the street to get the girl to talk to him. He sighed, narrowing his eyes as he gave in, but, then they opened wide when an oncoming car started speeding down the street, right towards Barney.
VIP.
"Whatever!" Barney screamed at his friends but they couldn't hear him through the blaring music of the club. "I'm going to the VIP section, and do you know why?!" He asked and they just blinked. "Because I am very important, and I suit up!" The music stopped and everything went silent without him knowing. "I AM A V.I-PENIS!"
Surprise.
"Barney, I'm pregnant…a-and I think it's yours…" Robin told him.
There was a dull thud as Barney fainted.
Smurf Penis.
Barney scowled, trying desperately to restore his honor in any way he could in a dignified and sophisticated manner…. "Shut up! It's not funny!"
Robin couldn't control herself as tears fell from her eyes, the laughing fit being too forceful to endure. She bit her lip, looking at what was under the sheet. "I-I'm sorry…" She snorted "It's just…I didn't expect it to be so small! I mean…THAT tiny thing was inside of me last night and I didn't even giggle? How hammered was I?"
"You giggled….a lot…"He admitted, bottom lip quivering.
"…Are you crying?"
"I'm feeling!"
Joke.
"Ted! Ted! Right here! Look at me!" Barney said as he used his fingers to focus Ted's eyes to look straight at his. "What's wrong? That was hilarious!"
"That WASN'T funny Barney!" Ted scolded him, pacing in place and running his hands through his hair in a panic.
"What's your deal, man?"
"What's my deal…? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! Do you even understand how I felt? Did you ever stop to think how we ALL felt when we were told that you passed away?! Do you even care?!"
"But Ted-"
"NO BARNEY, Just leave me alone right now! I'm done!" Ted huffed off.
Robin put a hand on Barney's shoulder as their friend stormed out and Marshall frowned.
"OW!" Barney scowled at Lily from the sudden smack to the back of the head. "What was that for?!" He asked but she just cried and ran out the door.
Marshall gave his friend a solemn look before going after his girlfriend.
Barney looked down as Robin continued to rub circles on his back. He looked up at her. "Aren't you going to storm out too?"
"Nope." She said simply.
"Why not? If what Ted said is true, then you didn't think my prank was funny either."
"You're right. I didn't."
"Then why are you staying with me?"
"Here's how I see it…" Robin slapped him on the back, making him flinch. "You pissed Ted off a hell of a lot, and you made Lily cry. Marshall is only following his girlfriend and I'm the only one you have left." She grinned.
Barney pulled away from her almost demonic looking smile and ran out the door "Sweet Jesus in all holy heaven, what have I done?! TED! …TED!" He screamed as he ran after his friends.
Robin continued to smile, shaking her head. "Moron…"
Kind of Suspected.
"And THAT kids, is how I met your mother…Barney!"
There was a dull thud as the young boy fainted.
Yes.
Robin was literally jumping in her seat in front of the table in the bar "No way! That is NOT true! …Ted?"
Ted took a swig of his drink and answered. "I'm sorry…but I'm going to have to go with Marshall on this one."
"Yes!" The larger man in question fist pumped in the air.
"Lily…?" Robin looked at her with hope and she frowned.
Lily gave a modest smile and a shrug.
Robin put her face in her hands, mumbling to herself. "I can't believe this…"
Just then Barney came up to the table and sat down. The news reporter jumped at her chance. "Barney! What would you call a woman that sleeps with a guy just because he's naked?"
Barney answered truthfully. "A slut."
"HA!" Marshall pointed and Robin's head slammed against the table in frustration.