The Three Leg Rule, a harry potter fanfic

Title: The Three Leg Rule
Author: drcjsnider
Recipient: hpffthequibbler
Pairing: Ron/Hermione
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Graphic sex between consenting adults (18+ years old)
Word Count: 2662
Summary: Two years after the defeat of Voldemort, Ron and Hermione are left alone at Burrow. Unfortunately, some unexpected magic interferes with their plans.
A/N: I wrote this for the live journal community - sexybrilliance - ficexchange. Thanks to Kazfeist for betaing this.

Ron had pushed Hermione up against the door of the Burrow. His hands were roaming her sides and bum, while his lips suckled at her neck.

Hermione had wrapped one of her legs around his thigh, tangled her fingers in his hair, and was moaning in a manner that was making Ron's cock twitch in anticipation.

Unfortunately this was the point at which their activities typically came to an end. Although they had been dating almost two years and been intimate for the last nine months, their opportunities to shag were severely limited. Since returning from their quest for Horcruxes, both Ron and Hermione had moved in with their respective parents. Said parents, moreover, had established "Rules of Household Behavior" that they expected to be followed. The top rules on the lists, moreover, did not allow the couple the privacy necessary to have sex as often as they desired.

The young pair instead made do with lots of make-out sessions and a few quick shags in less than ideal locations - Harry's flat, the workroom of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, and in the ladies' restroom at the Ministry of Magic. Ron was determined that tonight would be different. His entire family had gone to France to celebrate Victoire's first birthday. Ron hadn't been able to attend because of Auror training, but that also meant that he and Hermione had the Burrow completely to themselves. They would be able to make love, spend the night locked in each other's arms, and wake up together. Ron was so excited by the idea that he didn't respond immediately when Hermione began to push on his chest.

"We need to stop," she panted heavily.

"No," Ron murmured back, his face buried in her neck and his hands working their way up her back to fumble with her bra.

"Ron!" Hermione squirmed in annoyance, not wanting to get all hot and bothered, especially when she'd just end up spending the night frustrated.

Just then her bra clasp released and Ron's hands moved from her back to massage her breasts. She heard him groan something that sounded suspiciously like 'victory'.

Hermione lowered her leg from Ron's thigh, placed it behind his left knee, and gave him a push that landed him on his ass. She smirked a bit at the surprised look on his face.

"Bloody hell! I taught you that move so you could protect yourself from other blokes, not to use on me." Ron told her in a mildly outraged tone.

"Well, you are the only bloke currently groping me," she informed him with a broad grin. "I'm going home since I have no desire to let you feel me up on the doorstep of your parents' house where anyone could walk out and see us."

"Well, if that is all you are worried about, have no fear, because no one is home right now."

"How do you know?" Hermione asked, looking around for evidence that the Burrow was indeed empty.

"Let's just say I know a very happy young witch in France, who is probably opening presents, eating cake, and being spoiled rotten by her grandparents, aunt, and uncles right now."

The look of confusion vanished from Hermione's face and she leaned down to offer a hand to Ron. "Happy Birthday, Victoire! How long will they be gone?"

"Until Sunday afternoon," he smiled, rising to his feet.

Hermione grabbed his t-shirt with one hand, while her other hand reached around her back to open the front door to the Burrow. Backing into the living room, she pulled Ron behind her. "Then what are we doing wasting time out on the stoop?" she grinned wickedly.

They stumbled across the threshold, Ron kissing Hermione hungrily. He paused briefly to kick the door shut and then began to maneuver his girlfriend backwards toward the couch. When Hermione's knees hit the cushion, she sat down abruptly, propped one foot against the coffee table, and crooked her finger at Ron to join her. Barely stifling a low moan, Ron moved to place his knee on the sofa, figuring it would be easier to move into a prone snogging position from that arrangement, but he could not lift his right foot from the floor. "Bloody hell!" he exclaimed.

"What's the problem, Ronald?" Hermione asked, sounding a bit exasperated.

"I can't raise my blasted foot off the floor!"

"What?" Taking her foot off the coffee table, Hermione sat up.

"I said, I can't …" suddenly Ron's foot lifted off the floor.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "If you aren't interested in snogging just tell me," she teased. "You don't have to make up silly excuses."

Ron growled playfully, "I'll show you interested." He then fairly leaped on Hermione and pressed her back against the couch, as he rained kisses over her face and down her neck.

Hermione shivered and went to wrap her leg around Ron's torso, but now she couldn't pick up her right foot. What in the world was going on? "Ron, stop" she squealed, when she felt him unbuttoning her blouse and moving his mouth down toward her breasts.

"No need, luv. I told you, everyone's gone for the weekend."

"It's not that, you giant prat. Now I can't pick my foot up off the floor!"

Lifting his head from the swell of her breast, Ron asked, "Are you sure?"

Hermione tried again, but her foot was still firmly stuck. "I'm sure."

Looking confused, Ron sat up. Immediately, Hermione's right foot lifted off the floor.

"What the fuck?" Ron exclaimed.

Hermione's brow furrowed as she stomped on the ground several times with her right foot.

"Is it a hex?" Ron asked. He wouldn't put it past one of his fellow recruits or even trainer Savage to play such a prank on him.

Frowning, Hermione shook her head. "Unlikely, since it is affecting both of us. It's probably a ward."

"Never had a ward like that on the Burrow before," Ron told her.

"Well, your mum never left you home alone before did she?"

Ron blushed. "Do you think she deliberately… that is, she wanted to make sure we couldn't…"

"The woman raised six sons. I suspect she had a few tricks up her sleeve," Hermione replied, looking thoughtful.

"Can you break it?"

"Depends on what it is."

Ron grinned happily. If there was one think he'd learned to enjoy with Hermione, it was hands-on-research. "Experiment time!" he exclaimed, grabbling Hermione by the waist and pulling her into his arms. When she opened her lips to protest, he covered her mouth with his and ran his tongue roughly against hers. Far from becoming upset, the brown-haired witch sank into his embrace and sighed deeply. As she ran her fingers along the skin between his shirt and jeans, Ron seemed to suddenly remember that he'd conquered her bra earlier and pushed open her blouse so he could squeeze her breasts and nipples.

When Hermione broke the kiss to nibble on Ron's neck, he fought to bring his breathing under control. During their passionate snog he'd tried to lift his feet, but could only get one up at a time. "Hold on luv," he said, gently disengaging himself from the passionate girl in his arms. He tried lifting his feet again, but still could only raise one while the other remained stuck to the floor. "I don't think this ward has anything to do with snogging."

Cocking an eyebrow, placing one hand on Ron's thigh, and leaning forward enticingly, Hermione asked, "Are you sure you've done enough research?"

Ron gave her a big lopsided grin. Merlin, he felt lucky to be with someone as wonderful as her. Still if this night was going to end with shagging, they needed to conquer the ward sooner rather than later. Raising one foot in the air, he told Hermione, "Now you try."

She shook her head. "I can't move either of them."

He put his foot down. "Try again."

"I can only lift one."

"And now I can't lift either of mine," he replied, looking a bit confused. "It must be some kind of ward that only allows one foot off the floor at a time."

Both of Hermione's eyes widened. "It's the three legged rule."

"What?"

"The three legged rule. It was an old dormitory rule at Muggle colleges back in the 1950s. Girls could only have visitors of the opposite sex in their rooms if three out of their four legs remained in contact with the floor at all times."

"What was that supposed to accomplish?" Ron asked, clearly bemused about why Hermione decided to give him a Muggle history lesson now.

"It is nearly impossible to have sex when only one leg out of four can leave the floor."

"Bloody hell!" Ron groused. "Can you break it?"

"Possibly, but it would be obvious to your Mum when she returned."

Throwing his head back against the couch, muttering under his breath, and sticking out his bottom lip, Ron went into full pout mode.

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek to stop from giggling. Her red-head boyfriend could be so adorable when he was being thwarted. Grabbing his arm and pressing herself up against him, she whispered in his ear, "I said nearly impossible. Surely two reasonably intelligent and desperate people can come up with a way around this ward."

Ron sat up quickly and gave Hermione what might have been a leer, if it hadn't been accompanied by a very hopeful look of anticipation. "How about up against the wall?"

"You are a good eight inches taller than me. Unless you are amazingly doubled jointed in unusual places, I think us having sex while standing against a wall, with three out of four of our feet remaining on the ground is a physical impossibility."

"Yea," Ron said absentmindedly. Hermione giggled as she watched him begin to mull over the possibilities with an unusual look of concentration on his face. "What about? Or… or… yea, that would be bloody amazing. We could even..."

"Stop," Hermione grinned, squeezing his thigh. "You are going to hurt yourself." She grabbed his hand and stood up. "Follow me," she ordered, leading him up the stairs to Percy's old room.

Ron raised an eyebrow. He wasn't about to protest, but he found Hermione's choice of location to be surprising. "Um… any particular kink you want to tell me about, luv?"

She smiled at him. "How long have I been visiting your family?"

"Almost a decade and a half."

"And during how many of those visits did I search for the perfect place to study?'

"Nearly all of them, I suspect," Ron replied, still completely confused over exactly what she was getting at.

"Well, during my searches, I discovered that Percy's desk was the largest and most stable in the Burrow."

Ron blinked. He then shifted his weight. Finally, he broke into a broad grin. "Desk sex? Blimey, Hermione, that has been a fantasy of mine ever since Hogwarts. But, can we do it while keeping three feet on the floor?"

"We can if we live out one of my fantasies," she informed him. Grabbing his hands and placing them on her hips, she turned around quickly so that his chest was pressed against her back. She then slowly bent over and grasped the edge of the desk, wiggling her bum against his crotch.

"Oh, fuck," she heard him murmur, as he exhaled. His hips then involuntarily bucked into her rear, causing him to grip her waist tighter.

"Feeling inspired yet, Weasley?" Hermione teased, turning her head to look up at his face. She arched her bum up a bit to make more contact with his growing erection.

Instead of responding verbally, Ron leaned over and grabbed a hold of her curls pulling her neck back so he could kiss her lips roughly. Before Hermione could slip her tongue into his mouth, however, Ron had released her hair and began to plant hot kisses along the back of her neck as his hands fumbled with the button and zip of her trousers.

Closing her eyes and gripping the desk tighter, Hermione felt Ron tug her trousers down. He then lifted up one of her feet freeing if from her pants, before doing the same to the other leg. Rather than immediately rising, Ron's hands began to travel slowly up the sides of her legs, while his lips and tongue lapped at the back of her knees and up her thighs. Hermione gave a startled gasp as Ron's teeth nipped at her bum through her knickers.

Ron smiled at Hermione's surprise; he loved bringing out the side of her that she kept hidden from the rest of the world. It was passionate, exciting, and sexy. Straightening up slightly, he ran one of his hands over her belly while the other slipped beneath the elastic of her knickers and began to stroke her slit. She moaned quietly and moved restlessly against his fingers.

Tightening his grip on her belly, Ron slipped two fingers into Hermione's increasingly wet cunt. He began to push them in and out of her in time to the gyrations she was making with her hips. "Oh Merlin, Ron," she gasped. "That feels so good."

Ron moved his hand up from Hermione's waist to massage her breast, while his other fingers continued to fuck her. As her moans grew louder, he rubbed his still clothed erection against her bum. "Damn, luv. This is so hot," he growled.

Throwing her head back and twisting down on his fingers, Hermione's body wanted more, it wanted Ron inside her. "Please," she whispered. "Please, Ron."

Her words were all the encouragement he needed. He removed his fingers from her and pulled off her knickers. He then unzipped his trousers and let them fall with this briefs to the ground. Grasping her hips once more, he rubbed his erection against her hot, wet, center. "Fuck, Hermione," he groaned, completely turned on at how wanton, yet vulnerable she appeared stretched out in front of him. Using his knee, he spread her legs further apart before guiding his cock into her heat.

Hermione bit her lip as Ron eased himself into her. She felt so turned on and somewhat deviant in the position they had assumed. However, she quickly lost the ability to think as Ron filled her completely. Still gripping the desk, she pushed back until her bum was pressed tightly against his hips. They stood motionless in that position for several seconds each enjoying the sensations their coupling created.

All at once, Ron inhaled a shuddering breath and began to move. Holding her hips still with his hands, he moved in and out of her at a quickening pace. The friction of each thrust made Hermione desperate to grind against him. As she began to press back with each of his drives forward, they both became increasingly vocal with their passion.

"Oh, fuck."

"Gods, Ron."

"Love you. Love you, so much."

"Yes, baby. Yes."

"Mine."

And then they were both coming. Hermione trembling beneath him, as Ron collapsed most of his weight on her back, straining to catch his breath.

When Ron slipped out of her, Hermione muscles protested as she tried to stand straight. "Merlin, Ron," she said taking a deep breath, before stretching her arms above her head. "That was amazing."

Grabbing her around the waist, he pulled her to him and kissed her soundly. "You're amazing. I especially love your brilliant ideas of how to get around my Mum's wards."

Wrapping her arms around Ron waist and giggling, Hermione gazed into his lively blue eyes. "Now we just have to figure out a way to spend the night cuddling and sleeping next to each other despite the three leg rule," she informed him a bit bossily.

"Shouldn't be too hard," he teased back. "At least, it shouldn't be too hard for one reasonably intelligent witch and one desperate wizard."

The End