Based on a true story. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent, some names are purely coincidental, and some names are purely intentional. Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to this, like the characters or their situations. I mean, I guess a couple characters are my invention, but I'm not really attached to them. And then there's the whole found-Booey-in-a-dumpster thing.
The Case of the Mutilated Monkey Meat
The mug landed harshly on the desk on Ghost Chimp, M.D., coffee sloshing over the rim onto some X-rays.
"Ook!" he reprimanded his nurse.
"That's the last cup of coffee I get you," she snapped back. "I'm a nurse, not a personal secretary. I've got more important things to do than get you coffee all the time."
Ghost Chimp, M.D. lowered his head until he was glowering at her from under his fedora.
"And take off that hat! I swear, ever since you died and your brain infused with a chimp, you've been acting more like a private investigator than a doctor."
"Ook?"
"Mirror on the front or not."
"Ook."
Her shoulders slumped as she sighed and sat down in the chair across his desk from him.
"I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm just frustrated. I became a nurse to help people, but no one comes to your clinic anymore. I guess people don't want to go to a chimpanzee doctor who can't even keep himself alive." She shrugged and finally met his eyes. "It's bad for business."
"Ook ock?" he asked, sifting through his X-rays.
"Only from hospitals where you have your privileges. No one darkens your -- please take your foot out of your mouth while I'm talking to you -- darkens your door nowadays. The phones don't even ring for clinic business. Doctor, ghost, chimp, detective . . . it's too many hats."
"Oock, ook ook."
"They don't wear hats. It's more of a bandana thing. And you're not a ninja."
"Ooo-ack!" he cried, and struck a kung-fu pose.
His nurse took his hand. "Look, I enjoyed working for you, but I need to go on to other places. I'm putting in my notice."
The ringing of the phone startled them for a moment, long enough for Ghost Chimp, M.D. to grab it first.
"Oook ook?"
"Ghost Chimp, M.D.?" asked a woman's voice in a horrible Harley-Quinn accent.
"Ook. Ook?"
"My name's Polly. Mista Ghost Chimp, M.D., I really need yua'help."
"Ook ook ack ook?"
His nurse shook her head. The sudden excitement he exhibited told her just what kind of phone call this was. She rolled her eyes and let out a short expulsion of air. "I'll go," she mouthed as the woman on the phone explained her situation.
"My precious Louie was found in a dumpsta last night. The police are all ova the map on this case, and they cain't undastand a thing Louie tells 'em. They won't lemme in to see 'im and they won't tell me anything that's goin' on. Gee, Mista Ghost Chimp, M.D., yu'a the only one who can help 'im."
Ghost Chimp, M.D. barely looked up when he heard the door shut. A crime needed to be solved, and he was just the chimp for the job. Apparently.
"Ook eek oook ock."
"I can come by right now."
"Ook."
He hung up the phone and took a swig of his coffee. He forced himself to swallow it, and then poured the rest on the carpet.
"Ook?" he asked the ether, wondering if this Polly could make a decent cup of coffee.