Sometimes even the strongest crumble.
At the Iron Gates
Notes: This is a one shot that one day I felt like writing. I hadn't written in anything in forever and just one day I felt like writing something. I kind of pissed myself off because I made Haruka kind of…. Um… pathetic is the right word I guess. But I love angst and I love emotion. So I apologize if it bothers you too that she's extremely out of character. This is my first Sailor Moon fanfic, but not the first fanfic I ever written, so I'm a bit nervous, so if your mean, be very gentle, you might hurt my feelings. LoL. Also another warning, I can't spell for shit, so deal with it.
Sailor Moon doesn't belong to me. Never had. Never will. It belongs to that artist, that goddess.. :bows down: we are not worthy….
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Your hands were cold. I remember that, funny how I can't recall what I had for breakfast for this morning but my mind still can't let the bitter chill of your touch escape my mind. No matter how far I try to push back the feeling of all warmth leaving your body, leaving you a cold empty shell it only springs forth with more fury, more pain then the last time.
It seems IM not permitted a moments peace, and when I do forget It only eats away at me and another part of me dies, because honestly how could I ever forget you.
Long, beautiful fingers belonging to a goddess hold on to my own, holding on with all the strength you had remaining in your body and wasted it on me.
But you were always the selfless one weren't you? A gentle touch to comfort me, until you slipped away into the after life and leaving me alone here.
To comfort me god dam nit, while you lay here surrounded in your own blood, a wound to your middle, breathing labored. Yet all you care about is if I'm ok?
We had such a small amount of time together, I find myself asking every now and then how could someone like me be blessed to have those short five years when you could of given them to someone that was worthy of you. But no.
You turned your loving eyes on me and made my heart beat twice as fast every time and I never took the time to thank god it was me that you looked at that day and never did look away until your eyes closed one last time. Looking at me. Yes.
I was the very last thing you looked at when you died wasn't I?
My knuckles turn white, gripping the bars of the iron gate to the cemetery. You are buried beyond these gates.
I struggle to breath, my shoulders shake. My throat aches. I try to control myself, I try not to break down. The tough exterior I give to the world is easily broken by the harsh reality that you are dead.
You're never coming back.
'Don't let go of my hand.' Your voice so gentle, so loving , gripping my hand, not allowing me to let go. It's such a simple request. Don't let go of your hand, but you see. The problem was that I never planned on letting it go. Ever. Once limp, no soul to allow the body to live, in my hands I never wanted to let go. Your beautiful delicate fingers are no longer holding my own. I was alone then. My eyes looked to your own, they were closed and you looked so peaceful.
'Just let me-' my voice was trembling, my throat hurt from the sob I was holding back. I couldn't get the words out, as I struggled for a shaky breath. 'Baby.. Just let me get somebody. You have to let go.' My voice cracked on the last words, sounding so defeated. In reality I didn't want you to let go. Never.
You let out a labored breath, your grip weakening. 'Please..' you whispered, struggling with ever syllable. 'Ju-Just do-don't let g-go.' Your image was becoming blurry, I could barely see your beautiful face through my tears. I could only nod, because If I opened my mouth, I know what would come out. An angry scream, an anguish filled cry. But that would come later.
That would come after you were gone.
'I won't' I had never sounded so pathetic, so week.
Only you could bring me to my knees in such defeat. Do you remember that time you told me it was over? Sick of my childish behavior.
My knees had hit the floor at the words, and I wrapped my arms around your middle. My head resting against your flat stomach and begged.
I begged.
Nobody had ever captivated me the way you had. I had never wanted anybody the way I had wanted you.
I had never loved anybody the way I loved you.
Come to think of it, I don't think I had loved anybody until I met you.
'Thank you.' your words, your final words, were barely a whisper when they left your lips. Your fragile grip going limp and your labored breathing had ceased.
At that moment I could swear my heart stopped beating, you had closed your eyes saving me the painful task of closing them for you. To see the warm vibrant glow of your eyes turn glassy and cold. It would of turned me inside out.
Once my body returned to form, my breathing was labored, rabid. My mouth open, my eyes brimming with tears when the scream came. Ripping through my body like a knife it came soaring out of my open mouth that for a moment I didn't even realize that it had come from me.
My eyes squeezed shut , my body trembled as the sobs came from me. For a long time I had been so empty and finally you had come to me. So wonderful, so perfect. Nobody had ever had such a impact on my life like you had and you were just taken from me in a split second I couldn't even register.
Now I was screaming and crying here surrounded by rubble, acting like a child. My fist hit the floor, but the pain didn't even register as the pain in my chest felt like it was going to too rip me in two. Later I would find out my hand was broken, but in that moment I felt like I was going to die.
'Please.' I begged. It was hoarse, almost suffocated by the tears. 'Please.'
I was begging again.
'Please.'
My body doubled over, my knee's couldn't support me anymore, my forehead resting against your own. Oh how we had done that do many times before.
You who guided me, kept me strong.
Without you I was so weak!
A pair of hands gripped my shoulders, attempting to pull me to my feet. It was such a blur, I couldn't even remember if I fought it or not.
I just remember reaching for your hand.
My grip would have been painful had you been able to feel it.
But you couldn't.
The thought brings me to my knees in front of this iron gate. I relive that painful day everyday when I come here. An autumn wind whips at my hair, and my grip around the bars loosen.
I can't go in.
I am never able to go in.
I'm not strong enough.
It's only you that can make this weak my love.
Only you.
The grip I had on your hand loosens as I'm pulled from your form. The building is unstable I hear barely a whisper in the back of my mind.
But, your hands were cold. I only remember that.
More Notes Because I don't know how to Shut up: I know… I know people have written the ever so famous 'Michiru dies… Haruka breaks down.. Yadda… yadda..but come on, I just wanted to try it out. All the cool kids are doing it! Yeah well… anyways. Haruka is this extremely strong character, and she's been alone, we all know it. But her weekness is also confessing. So she had Michiru, she does. It's going to be hard for her. No Suicide. Ok? Haruka LIVES! It still bothers me how pathetic I made her…. But I guess everyone has a breaking point huh? Note to self… no more pathetic Haruka stories.. If I write another one.. Sexy Haruka story :winks: Nao In Short shorts in Shin…. :P