[Inspired by Pastrymisha's post there : post/65070079843/cas-has-been-gone-two-weeks-texti ng-him ] [not necessarily following it, idk, just liked the "i love you" thing then couldn't sleep the night after so i just wrote.]

First try at writting Destiel, and I must say it's very difficult for me, because of the complexity of their relationship. These two fuckers.

Dean rushes in Cas' direction. Cas is only there because he asked. Because he couldn't tell him to get to the bunker.

"I always come when you ask" he once said, and it's true. No matter the circumstances, one more time, he came as soon as Dean asked.

Cas has texted him. Three words. I love you.

And Dean has never needed to see him so bad.

All these years, there has been something about Castiel. A feeling. An emotion. A bond.

Only now it makes sense.

I love you, he said, and everything fell in place.

But they can't do what they want, they can't be happy. They could never be.

Nothing is ever simple for Dean Winchester. Love isn't something beautiful. It's harsh, and dangerous, and it never ends well.

Yet, in that very moment, Dean doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to think. He just needs Cas.

To touch him, to feel him. Just once.

There. He's there. He's real. He's well.

Dean hides his face into Cas' neck, arms strongly wrapped around his now so fragile frame.

He cries.

Cas is alive. He's well.

.

After a minute, or an hour, Dean pulls back just slightly, pressing their foreheads together, both hands cupping Cas's face.

Cas is silent. He's always patient. His eyes are closed softly. His hands are resting on Dean's shoulders. Dean tries his hardest to breath evenly.

"Cas…" he starts, but where does he begin, when no word in the world can apply to them ?

"I know." Cas just says, voice almost a breath. But this is not enough. Cas always knows. He always accepts. This is not enough.

"No." he blurts out, choking on the simple word.

No, you don't know. I don't want this. I want you to come home. I wish things were different. I wish Sam was well. I need you. Are you alright ? I'm scared. I miss you. Don't leave me. I'm sorry. You shouldn't love me…

The words rush and bump each other into Dean's mouth, but never pass his lips. Cas slowly shakes his head, hands gripping tighter on Dean's shoulders.

"I know." he says.